Love And Miss Communication Part 29

"It is professional-looking," Evie said. "And very diverse."

"Thank you. I'm doing this all for Wyatt. Now I have another mouth to feed. With Ma Nature's Milk, of course."

"Anton's wife is in charge of PR," Evie's aunt added nonchalantly. "We're going with a strictly social media campaign."

"Wait, wait, wait. Anton-you're married? Your wife doesn't mind your, um, friendship with Susan?"

"Not a bit," he said.

"Rain's my best friend. She loves that I keep Anton off her back," Susan said with a wink, reaching into Evie's cupboards. "Do you have spelt? I need to feed Wyatt."

Evie must have looked incredulous because Susan sat down and put a hand on her knee.

"Evie, honey, there is no one set path. Life is much better with complication. Trust me," Susan said, br.i.m.m.i.n.g with conviction. Her words echoed what Jack had said on the phone months earlier.

What a crock.

She only wished Edward was with her at that very moment to exchange an intimate eye roll. She'd tell him later, once they were tucked cozily into their shared bed after an ordered-in dinner and an Antiques Roadshow marathon.

The bulbous, fleshy b.o.o.b of an unfamiliar Asian woman was the first thing Evie and Edward saw when they returned hand in hand to her apartment late the following afternoon, light-headed from a day of choosing wines for the reception. Susan, Anton, and Wyatt were supposed to have relocated to the Holiday Inn on Fifty-Seventh Street by now.

"I'm Angela," the topless woman said from her perch on Evie's beloved sectional. At her feet were three babies, including Wyatt, chewing on various of Evie's treasured objects-an expensive cashmere throw, the cover of an out-of-print Chanel coffee-table book, and most catastrophic of all, her new fuzzy slippers.

The dining room table, where she had her spread out her books and sketches from design cla.s.s, was now covered with enough electronic equipment to service a Kinkos.

Around the table sat several other strangers. Susan and Anton were nowhere to be seen.

"Hi," Evie said tentatively, when no one in the room offered any explanation for their presence.

"Are you here for the shoot?" a bald man sitting at the table asked her. He had a pack of cigarettes poking out of his breast pocket. Evie would kill him if she found out he had smoked in her apartment.

"The shoot?" Evie asked.

"Yeah, for Nature's Best Milk."

"It's called Ma Nature's Milk," a gaunt woman with blue hair, also seated at Evie's table, corrected and returned to crocheting.

"Okay, everyone, sorry about that. We're back," Susan announced, entering the apartment. "Oh good, Evie, Edward, you're both here. You can give us input." Anton followed behind Susan, carrying a camera with a ten-inch lens.

"Aunt Susan, what the h.e.l.l is going on here?" Evie demanded, gesturing toward the naked woman on her couch.

"Don't worry about a thing, Evie. Everyone will clear out in just a few minutes. Anton left our PowerPoint presentation for the investors at home, so we had to quickly scramble to put something together here. I hope you don't mind. We just need to shoot a few pictures, and then your apartment will be back to normal."

"How did you get all these people here on such short notice?"

"Craigslist."

Of course.

"Susan," Edward spoke up. "Evie is really stressed about the wedding. She has school projects to do. I think you've got to find another place to work."

"We're almost done. I promise," Susan said. "By the way, I'd love your input on our model, since you are the breast expert. Do you think her chest will photograph well?"

"Evie," Edward said, pulling his fiancee back out the door. "I have to go. Like right now." He looked dangerously close to hyperventilating.

"I know, I know. But I need to stay until these people clear out. Our response cards are here. My dress is hanging in the closet. I can't leave with these crazies milling about."

"Five minutes tops, Evie. I promise," Susan said, completely unoffended.

"Angela," she directed. "It's go time. Let's use Wyatt in this shot. Put him to your breast and hold the apple with your other hand. And don't forget to smile."

"Okay everybody," Anton called out. He lifted the camera to his face. "SAAAAYYYY FACEBOOK!"

"That's it," Edward said, wrapping his arms around Evie. "I'm quitting the Internet too."

"I don't think you'll be alone after this."

"Forget the response cards, Evie. I just want to leave this apartment, take you to my place, kiss you, and celebrate how normal we are. Can you live with that?"

"Forever."

Acknowledgments.

It takes a village to write and publish a book and I am deeply indebted to the many people who helped make Love and Miss Communication a reality.

The team at William Morrow couldn't have been better. Thank you to my brilliant and quick-witted editor, Lucia Macro, for responding so enthusiastically to the novel and embracing Evie wholeheartedly. Major grat.i.tude is owed to the marketing team, specifically Jennifer Hart and Molly Birckhead, and to my publicist, Katie Steinberg, for helping this book reach so many diverse readers. Sh.e.l.ly Perron did an excellent and precise job of copyediting, no doubt a tireless task. Jeanie Lee was a wonderful production editor. Julia Gang, who designed the cover, totally nailed it on the first try and for that I am so grateful. Nicole Fischer, you were so on top of everything, I really appreciate it. Finally, thank you to Liate Stehlik, the publisher at William Morrow, for taking a chance on this first-time novelist. I'm so proud to be a part of the William Morrow family.

My agent, Linda Chester, who has more publishing experience in her thumb than I do in my entire body, did an amazing job bringing this book to market. Thank you for supporting my efforts, believing so strongly in the importance of good books, and encouraging my career so pa.s.sionately.

Tanya Farrell of Wunderkind PR did an amazing job of spreading the word about this book and organizing so many special appearances for me.

Anika Steitfeld Luskin: Where do I start? Only you know how helpful you were to me. You not only made Love and Miss Communication a much better book, you also made my life so much richer through your friendship.

I had many early readers, and in particular I want to thank Jennifer Belle, Sara Houghteling, and Cristina Alger, all extremely talented authors, for their invaluable comments. A special shout-out to another Houghteling, Charlotte, who is just the most optimistic and encouraging human on earth. I am also indebted to Dr. Jaime Knopman and Dr. Lynn Friedman, who kindly took time from their busy schedules to educate me about breast cancer fertility issues.

My husband, William, is my rock and my best friend. I feel like the luckiest person on earth to have him by my side. With equal parts encouragement and coddling, he nursed this endeavor and pushed me to keep on going. And of course I want to thank my beautiful children Charlie, Lila, and Sam. You may have interrupted me at least a thousand times while I was trying to write, but it was worth it every time just to see your faces. I love you infinitely. My parents, Sh.e.l.ley and Jerry Folk, are pretty much a child's dream come true. They provided me with everything I needed and more to succeed, and they continue to sustain me with boundless love. In particular my mom, to whom this book is dedicated, listened to me talk about this book ad nauseam for the past few years and truly is my biggest fan. To all my extended family-my loving in-laws, Marilyn and Larry Friedland; the Folks; the Meyers; the Rabinovicis; and the Friedlands-it feels amazing to be surrounded by so much love every day. You guys are the best. To my friends, too numerous to name (lucky me!), you make me smile and laugh every day and truly enrich my life. Finally, Jason, if you were here today, I know just how proud you would be.

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About the author.

Meet Elyssa Friedland About the book.

A Note from the Author Reading Group Guide.

About the author.

Meet Elyssa Friedland.

Photograph by PhotoOp.

ELYSSA FRIEDLAND attended Yale University, where she served as managing editor of the Yale Daily News. She is a graduate of Columbia Law School and subsequently worked as an a.s.sociate at a major firm. Prior to law school, Elyssa wrote for several publications, including Modern Bride, New York magazine, Columbia Journalism Review, CBS Market.w.a.tch.com, Yale Alumni Magazine, and Your Prom. She grew up in New Jersey and currently lives in New York City with her husband and three young children. Visit her at www.elyssafriedland.com.

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About the book.

A Note from the Author.

#SOCIALMEDIAGIVESMEANXIETY.

Many people have asked me why I decided to write a book about a woman who gives up the Internet. They want to know if I gave up the Internet myself and if I think people should live off-line. The answers to those questions are no and no. But I am fascinated, and often overwhelmed, by the way our world is changing due to the prevalence of the web and social media, and writing Love and Miss Communication was my way of trying to make sense of our new reality. I wanted to create a character who is driven to quit the Internet and then manages to live off the grid in a society where that basically seems unthinkable. Imagining how that would change the course of her life was so intriguing that I couldn't wait to find out where it took her-and me.

We all see the way pins, posts, Tweets, hashtags, and "likes" have infiltrated society as we know it. For me there were a couple of specific incidents regarding the Internet that particularly hit home, and by that I mean sent me into something of a nervous spiral abouthow quickly the world around me was evolving.

The first occurred at my college reunion. Instead of "catching up" in the traditional sense, cla.s.smates who barely knew each other in college were joking about shared photos and congratulating each other on major life events. People I couldn't remember ever laying eyes on during college approached me to say, "Your son had the cutest Halloween costume" or "Congrats on the new apartment." I congratulated them in turn on their promotions and asked about their recent vacations. All of this happened because we were Facebook friends, which meant that despite having never been actual friends, we knew a lot about each other (including the results of the Facebook quiz "Which Golden Girl Are You Most Like?"-for better or worse I was Sofia). In a strange way, our cla.s.s was more connected ten years out than we were when we all lived together on campus.

Shortly after the reunion, my husband and I tried to set up a friend of ours with a great woman we both knew very well. We were unable to produce a photo of her (how she managed to escape the Internet's prying eyes we aren't sure), but our friend simply refused to call her without seeing a picture. We realized that the blind dates of our parents' generation were officially over. So were job searches. Employers readily admit to checking out an applicant's online presence before making a decision. We are all on display, and there are few mysteries left. That's partly why my husband and I decided not to find out if our third child was a boy or a girl (we found out with the first two). I wanted to experience a real surprise because it had been so long since any information I sought had been more than the click of a b.u.t.ton away.

How much is appropriate to share on social media? And how much snooping is appropriate? And more importantly, how does all this posting and searching make people feel?

I'm a moderate poster. By that I mean that I put up pictures of my family about two or three times a month. It's actually really nice. When my children celebrate birthdays, I get tons of "likes" and "HBDs" and it makes me feel great-cared for, cheered on, admired. Of course, my posting has also backfired. I have what I consider to be an undesirable birthday from a social media standpoint. It's July 3, and many people are away celebrating the long weekend, hence they lack the time to check in and wish me a great day. I'm left floundering on what should be a joyful day. I'm not even friends with half of my "friends"-so why do I need their electronic well-wishes?

As most of us are realizing, all this posting can definitely take away from "the moment." I find this happening most often when I'm with my children, who are by far my most valuable a.s.set to show off online. We could be having the most glorious day: Picture apple picking when the temperature is a crisp 66 degrees and we've all just busted out our quilted vests for the first time this season. Cuteness abounds. But then I pull out my trusty iPhone and start clicking away. "Smile!" I shout. "Don't make funny faces!" "Move closer to your sister!" "Stand back, I can't see your whole outfit!" I start barking orders at my children like a drill sergeant, all in the name of that elusive thing-a perfect family photo for Instagram, or at least a sixty-plus "hearts" photo.

While I'm a moderate poster, I'm not a moderate checker. I look at Facebook and Instagram at least five or six times a day, scrolling through pictures of friends and acquaintances for long stretches of time, and often when one of my children is clamoring for my attention. It's partly voyeuristic, but mostly it's out of boredom. When exactly did this happen? When did it become unbearable to wait to cross the street without whipping out our phones? Why was the installation of Wi-Fi in the New York subways such a cause for celebration?

Now, I won't pretend that I'm not interested in other people's pictures and posts. They are more than just diversions from my children's petty fighting or the tedium of standing in a long line. I stare at my Instagram feed and think: Why is my ex-boyfriend still dating that not-so-cute girl? Whose children are grasping chess trophies (and when did they start lessons)? Who is on a glamorous vacation? Why wasn't I invited to that party?

So what does all this have to do with Evie Rosen? Evie is, in my estimation, bright and capable with a good head on her shoulders. She's compet.i.tive and driven and looking for love. The problem is that she's doing it in the age of the Internet. There's a virtual yardstick out there, and Evie is constantly checking to see how she measures up. How could she not? Men and women alike are scrutinized with a forensics lens even before a first date. New friends' pasts are unearthed after a first greeting. And everyone is posting pictures showcasing the very best in their lives. For someone like Evie, who is at a crossroads in her life, this pressure becomes unbearable. Who can blame her for checking her e-mail a hundred times a day at the office? She's at a job that can be painfully boring and is living in a world that is changing by the millisecond. She just wants to keep up-that is, until all that keeping up derails her career and Jack's wedding pictures crush her heart.

Unlike Evie, I didn't quit the Internet, though I have given myself long stretches without it. I thought going off social media sites would make me feel isolated. In fact, it had no effect on my relationships. Maybe that's because the connections made through "likes" and Tweets and hashtags cannot replace a good phone conversation or a lengthy catch-up over a meal. What my brief periods of abstinence really did was make me evaluate why I was posting pictures. Most of my close friends see me and my children regularly. So why do I feel the need to broadcast my daughter in her darling ballet leotard, my baby in nothing but a diaper, with his glorious rolls on display, or my older son with, yes, a chess trophy? Call it a desire to share, call it a compulsion of our generation, or call it simply showing off. All are true.

For Evie, the Internet is at times destructive, but it also enables her to connect with her friends while she is tethered to her desk. Her journey reflects the ways in which the Internet can be both the single most unifying force and also the most isolating. Going off-line also leads Evie down paths she never would have stumbled upon otherwise, and has certainly left me wondering where I would be if I fully disconnected.

But I am still posting, so please do be on the lookout for my latest crop of posts and grams. I implore you to like or heart them.

Reading Group Guide.

1. How do you feel about Evie's dismissal from Baker & Smith? Do you think it was justified? How much time do you spend on personal matters during the workday? What do you consider excessive?

2. Evie's previous boyfriend, Jack, says he doesn't believe in marriage, yet she pursues a relationship with him and continues to pine after him long after they break up. Why do we always want what we can't have?

3. Have you ever been tempted to quit the Internet, or at least quit social media? Evie says she knows that what she sees online is not reality, yet it still upsets her. Do you have similar negative reactions to social media?

4. Evie yearns for Bette's approval in her life. Do you think she shares Bette's traditional worldview more than she'd like to admit? Does this shape the choices she makes?

5. Before going on dates with men, Evie uses Google to her advantage. Do you think she should have regrets about her former dating habits, or is it a safe rule of thumb to know your date? Do you believe Evie and Edward would have gotten together if she had, in fact, Googled him?

6. What are the top three dating tips that you would share with Evie from your own personal experience?

7. Evie struggles with being the only single one in her group of close friends. Do you think she handles it well? Do you think it's possible for friends to be close when their situations in life are so different?

8. There is a recurring theme of jealousy and self-absorption throughout the novel. Are there any times that you may have let jealousy, especially fueled by social stalking, get the better of you? Discuss the ways Evie may or may not have evolved by the end of the book.

9. Fran is the ultimate mother-supportive, loving, and not judgmental. Yet Evie seems closer to Bette. Why do you think that is?

10. In marrying Edward, Evie will become a stepmother to Olivia. Do you think she is ready for that role?

11. What do you think about the Steve Jobs quote at the beginning of the novel? Is technology really "nothing"?

12. Do you think Evie was particularly addicted to technology, or is that the way most people are "wired" these days?