Losing Control Part 17

ELENA.

Seeing another young couple on the floor of the club was downright enticing. I'm not sure what that said about my own feelings for this lifestyle, but at this point I was beyond caring. I felt Thorne, standing next to me; his hand was holding mine and I felt this strange connection to him. My palms started sweating when the male started walking around the female on the X. Thorne gave my hand a gentle squeeze and there was warmth in his being there. It was wrong, watching a display like that but because we were both a part of this big secret, it was a thrill I couldn't even begin to understand.

"Come with me," Thorne whispered in my ear.

I heard the words on his mouth and every syllable that forms on his lips was inviting me, literally calling out. Before I knew it, he was leading me towards the back-rooms, guiding me, and when we finally found one that was empty, his hands shoved my body against the wall, rough enough to be noticeable but not enough to hurt. His mouth closed over mine almost instantly and his hands were still holding my shoulders in a firm grip. This kiss felt different than any other kisses I'd enjoyed with him. He was getting more demanding with every encounter, bolder than before.

"You liked it," he said, his voice hoa.r.s.e, as his eyes burned through me. "You liked watching them, didn't you?"

He kissed me again without waiting for an answer.

"Yes," I responded, when he broke off. "I liked it."

"You wanted that to be us?" he said and though he sounded confident I could also see the urgent expectancy in his tone.

I lowered my head, because I was still a little embarra.s.sed. He lifted my chin up with his finger, bringing it closer to his face. "Don't think," he said. "Stop thinking. Just tell me what you feel. Did you want that to be us?"

After a pause, I finally admitted it.

"Yes," I said. "I wanted that to be us."

The sentence hadn't even finished when I felt Thorne's grip on my shoulders again and he turned me around until I was standing with my face against the wall of the back-room. His hand reached beyond my dress and inside my thong and I couldn't help moaning with pleasure.

"Thorne..."

"You're wet Elena," he breathed down my neck. "You're so f.u.c.king wet, you know that?"

His hands were not the only thing making me pumped full of desire. It was also his voice and the way he was saying those words, even the way he said my name. There was something extremely gratifying about hearing it all in his deep, husky voice.

"You're so f.u.c.king hot," he said.

His hand continued making me pumped full of desire, until the combination of all this made me so unbearably hot, I was having trouble holding myself back. The whole idea of doing this here, in one of the back rooms, knowing what people outside were doing, all of it was just...

"Thorne!"

That should have been his clue to keep going, but instead he stopped.

Turned me around so I was facing him again.

"You still want to know what it means to be a sub?" he asked.

The dynamics of the world had changed. Everything had changed. We were not the same couple anymore. We were not the same people.

"Yes," I replied, with conviction. "I want to know."

"I can show you," he said. "But you have to make a commitment."

I was so hot for him I really didn't care what commitment he was even talking about.

"Okay," I said dismissively, but his fingers were lifting my face towards his.

"Being a sub means your body is mine," he said. "It means you can't do anything unless you have my permission. It means if I say you can't come, you can't come until I say you can. Do you understand that?"

"Yes," I said. "I understand."

He kissed me again.

"Good," he said. "Then we have a deal."

ELENA.

Thorne was all I could think about.

I remembered the things I saw the couple doing, while I was at work and I remembered everything that happened between us. According to the acommitment' we were supposed to stay silent about everything to the people at work and we weren't going to talk about it with anyone else. So the entire week at work, I watched him come and go and acting like he didn't even know me, when we had just had a raunchy quickie the previous night. I watched him talking to other people, and acting professionally when he had just sent me the dirtiest text. The fact that I was the only one who knew that side of him, the only one who was in possession of that secret, was exciting. The worst and the best was when we greeted each other in the hallways or in the elevator, surrounded by other people and had to act casual.

Apart from the dirty texts, Thorne always sent me one text every night, which was nothing but one single word: GOODNIGHT. And I was supposed to reply with the same word. No Emojis, not even a picture message. No questions or answers. And I was supposed to wait until I got his next direction. The weekends couldn't come fast enough for me. I sometimes laughed at the hilarity of this situation, when I was thinking about this over lunch break with my two office besties who had no clue what was going on, but every time I saw Thorne, it all felt real. Especially when he texted me at night. Our secret. Our beautiful, delicious secret. And then, finally, Friday arrives, and not a moment too soon. My heart was doing the whole cheerleading b.u.t.terflies routine and I couldn't believe how anxious I was. I didn't even think it was possible to feel that way about someone anymore.

When Thorne walked in to work on Friday morning he looked the same: crisp white shirt under the power suit, composed, business as usual. He barely even looked in my direction. I didn't know how he could do it. At times, it was impossible to think that he might actually be the guy who made those plans with me, but the confirmation that his planned texts provide cancel every doubt. By lunch the antic.i.p.ation was killing me. Eventually it was time for everyone to go home and I told Tristan and Alex I had some work still left to do and they frowned but left anyway because thankfully they had plans, just like everyone else. But even after most of the office was empty, Thorne's a.s.sistant was still working at her desk. An hour pa.s.sed by and I watched her going into Thorne's office, heels clacking. I could see him through the gla.s.s too, busy working, his attention completely diverted to something on his desk.

A part of me wished that Thorne would give me a glance, and not just the kind of glance that he gives his co-workers. That he should announce to the world what was going on. And another part of me, that seemed to be rearing its head a lot lately, actually wanted this routine, craved this secrecy. It was actually having fun in the waiting, in the knowledge that the added secrecy was only making things better.

Finally, it was time for me to leave.

ELENA.

I found myself alone in the ma.s.sive suite that Thorne had already booked. I took a look around, tried to get comfortable with the surroundings, but I still felt a kind of cold anxiety. So I headed into the shower, and afterwards found my wardrobe for the day already hanging in the closet. It was a nice little designer dress, and there was a set of beautiful heels in my size, right next to the bed. I put those on, dressed up and poured myself a gla.s.s of wine, sat on the couch in the den and turned on the TV. I had barely finished the first gla.s.s when I heard Thorne's footsteps. He was still in his work clothes and the minute I saw his face, I realized again how much I had missed him, how much I had wanted to see more of him. He came towards me and started kissing me right away.

"I thought I was going to explode if I didn't see you another minute!" he said.

His words confirmed what was in his eyes. I was relieved to see he had been waiting and suffering the same way that I had. He took the wine gla.s.s from me and took a sip, then set it aside. He started kissing me and we started making out on the couch, in a rush, as though it was a first time for both of us-and the strange thing was that's exactly what it felt like. "Elena," Thorne said. "I need you. Right now. I don't think I can wait."

Suddenly, the whole Dom/sub thing comes to mind and I didn't know how I was supposed to respond.

"Are we allowed?" I asked "Allowed?" he said, looking perplexed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, the arrangement, Thorne. What does it say about moments like this?"

"Oh Elena," he laughed, and then got a serious look on his face. "It says we f.u.c.k as soon as possible."

ELENA.

I woke up early enough the next day. Even though the clock was showing a little past eight in the morning, there was no sign of Thorne anywhere in the room. There were just those sheets, crumpled into his shape. I got up and headed to the bathroom to freshen myself up. When I came back, there was still no sign of Thorne but I could smell something delicious cooking in the next room. I put on my clothes and headed in the direction of the sounds to find Thorne in the kitchen, setting up two places on the breakfast bar.

"Good morning," he said cheerily and came to kiss me. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did," I replied, going towards the place set for me. "I'm guessing you didn't?"

"I'm just used to waking up early," he said, taking out the orange juice from the refrigerator and placing it in front of us.

"Me too," I admitted "I love being awake in the morning, especially when I don't have work to go to."

He looked at me as though he was surprised. "I know what you mean," he said. "Doesn't it make you feel like you're really on a vacation? If I sleep in too late I just get depressed. Makes me feel like the whole day's gone by too fast."

I looked at the food. "I didn't know you could cook," I said, lifting the fork.

"I can't," he said, grinning and coming to sit with me. "But I can make it look like I did."

I can't help laughing at his smugness. "You think you're so smart, don't you?" I said, coyly.

"That's what I've been told."

We started eating the breakfast and Thorne never stopped talking. He told me about the things bothering him at work. He also told me how he had to make an odd offer to someone, just to make a lawsuit go away. I could tell he felt guilty about it. But I also knew it had to be done.

I loved talking to him.

I loved just hearing his lips form words, and I loved how he became a completely new person with every line that he spoke. I didn't think I had ever been so mesmerized with anyone for this long. And he was doing nothing, just moving his lips and using his vocal chords, but it always felt to me like he was revealing a part of himself in those conversations. I could barely believe this was happening. The past week seemed a dream, something that happened to another conscious version of me. He was not the Thorne Ryker who sat in his office all day yelling commands at people, and shouting over the phone. He was not the guy who barely looked at me twice in five whole days. I truly believed that was the moment I realized the point of that whole exercise. This. What we were having right now, as though we could not get enough of each other. As though we were on some new adventure, instead of a planned weekend together. This didn't seem planned.

I didn't know what to expect from him and that was why when he just sat there finishing his breakfast bit by bit, drinking his coffee and smiling that beautiful smile, I couldn't help but feel like I wanted this to go on for as long as possible. I wanted this to be real, and not just something inside my head. I suddenly felt like I knew him, his secrets, even the ones he hadn't told me yet. Thorne always surprised me and this was by far his biggest surprise, this personality that he was showing me. The way he was talking about regular, everyday things.

He was baring his life, soul, his true self to me.

And the s.e.x we had last night was wonderful too, pa.s.sionate and sultry and more than just physical need. Only Thorne could make me feel all of this, all at once. He made me feel special, even when he wasn't talking to me, or hearing me talk. That text message, every night, that's what it was, it was confirmation. It was a sign of his devotion, his love. It was a way to communicate that even though we were apart, we were more together than ever before and that the s.p.a.ce mattered as little as any other factor when it came to the two of us.

When we were done eating, I felt the need to look at the view from that high up. One of the living room walls was made entirely of gla.s.s and the view was visible no matter where you were in the room. I went up to it and I felt speechless. Thorne came and put his arm around me and the weight of him felt comfortable and nice.

"I love seeing you happy," he said, kissing my cheek. "I'm glad you're happy with me, Elena."

I turned so that I was facing him. "So," I said. "When were you teaching me more?"

"Teach you?"

"You know," I hesitated in saying the word. "The whole...bondage thing."

Thorne started laughing. "The way you say it," he said. "It sounds like some disease people have to learn about or something so they don't die."

"You know what I mean."

He led me by my hand and took me to the bedroom. He made me sit on the side of the bed and then he knelt in front of me, with my hands in his own and he kissed them one by one.

"What did it feel like when you didn't get to talk to me all week?" he asked.

"I felt...bad, I guess."

"You were disappointed the whole day," he said. "You wanted to see me but you couldn't because I told you not to. Then I sent you that text, every night, and you knew I was aware of everything that was going on. Did you go to bed every night thinking of me?"

I didn't reply but I was certain he could see it on my face. "You did, didn't you?" he said. "You know why? Because you were connected to me. There was a huge distance between us, and we weren't even talking but you were connected. You came here, you accepted the plan and you drove here with Stanton even though we never talked or discussed it again, we never confirmed it, because you trusted me. Because you knew I wanted you just as much as you wanted me. There was never any doubt about that."

He was still looking at me and used one hand away to take a strand of red hair out of my face. "Being a slave isn't about some physical act," he said. "It's about this connection. It's about feeling it even when we're not together. It's about making your whole life about this one person and not letting anything get in the way. Yes, there are some physical acts I prefer but we have our whole lives to figure that part out. I would never do something you're not comfortable with. We don't need to sign some contract or anything. You're mine and you should know that I'm yours."

I couldn't quite explain the feelings I had inside when he said all of this. I wanted to tell him he was right about everything. I wanted to tell him more. That I wanted to be his. There was some kind of power, some magic in his words that I couldn't run away from. All the fear, all the confusion was gone and it had been replaced by sheer l.u.s.t and a different kind of devotion. An understanding.

I think he knew it too because when he kissed me this time there was a new kind of eagerness in him. I couldn't help but kiss him back and he slowly climbed over me so I had to lie back on the bed, and receive his body on top of me. He broke off for a minute to take off his shirt. The sight of him was just amazing. He was all toned muscles and skin that was warm and welcoming. I could smell him now, and it was urging me to take this further. I was still wearing the dress I wore yesterday and his hand reached past it. He helped get rid of my thong. His hands were touching me then, driving me wild and I couldn't keep those moans in any longer. He mouth was on my mouth and his tongue was darting in and out, and bringing me closer and closer to the edge...but instead of taking this further he stopped. His hand came away and his mouth broke off and he was just hovering above me, watching me.

"You want to please me Elena?" he asked and he didn't have to tell me what the answer should be.

"Yes," I managed. "I want to please you."

"I need to hear you say it again," he said.

The need for his touch is so bad I can't really think of anything else.

"I want to please you," I said hoa.r.s.ely and the desire inside me was getting painful.

"Prove it," he said.

He took my hand and brought it towards my flaming body. He pressed my hand on my own heat and I felt the pleasure emanating from my c.l.i.t. "I want you to touch yourself," he said, and saying that, he let go of my hand and used it to spread my legs apart. "Do it for me."

I hesitated for only a second until I felt Thorne's mouth on mine.