Losing Control Part 11

"Yeah?"

"I know this might sound a bit weird," he said. "But it's Sat.u.r.day and my brother and I have a sort of ritual. Would you mind being a part of it and spending the day with us?"

"Thorne-"

"Look, I know my brother can be a bit annoying at times but that's just the hormones talking. He's actually a very nice person to hang out with, I a.s.sure you."

"That's not...Thorne..."

"Elena. It would mean a lot to me."

If he only knew how much I wanted to do it, despite my better judgment. "Sure, what the h.e.l.l."

THORNE.

"So what kind of movies do you watch?" that was Lane.

Unbelievable.

Not only had my brother not freaked out or teased me about Elena staying the night, he actually seemed like he was having a good time talking to her over brunch, which we were having at one of my favorite places for a change. In every way, he looked different. He was more alert, less irritated, and he wasn't constantly asleep. He was even picking up his books to study once in a while. By any sense of the word, that was progress. I think he may have given Elena more reason to be friendly than I might have. To be honest, I was freaking out just a little. I felt like this was a big deal, but I was supposed to make light of it and that was never easy. At first when there had been too much silence at the table, I had been worried Elena was getting bored but ten minutes in, even she looked like she was enjoying it.

"I watch pretty much everything," Elena said. "But I love sci-fi and superhero movies."

Lane looked at her, a little surprised. "Yeah?"

"Oh...did you watch the new Avengers movie?"

"It was awesome, right?" Lane said. "Any Marvel movie is pretty much a favorite of mine."

"I love the CGI. So good it just pulls you right into that world, doesn't it?"

"True."

"What kind of movies do you watch, Thorne?" Elena asked.

"He doesn't watch movies," Lane replied for me. "He's an incredibly boring guy who works and sleeps and then works some more."

"That's not true," I said. "I watch movies all the time."

"Oh yeah?" Lane said. "What was the last one you watched?"

I tried to remember. "I don't know that one with the G.o.ds...Loki and Thor with the Ice giants or whatever."

"Frost Giants Thorne," Lane said. "And that was the first Thor movie and it was released some four years ago." He turned to Elena. "You see what I mean?"

Elena grinned. "I'm sure he's busy," she said.

The c.o.c.kiness in her voice was a treat. I had never seen her that way. It showed an uninhibited side of her that I had never before seen and it gave me a nudge in the pants. I smiled and tried to ignore it. "So where are we going next?" Lane said, setting his plate aside and going back to the phone that barely ever left his hands.

"I don't know," I said. "Maybe we could go see a movie?"

My phone rang before I could hear their response and I picked it up. It was Cyndi. Strange, her calling me in the day time. I answered.

"Hi, Thorne."

"Hi."

"Am I disturbing you?"

"Of course not. Tell me what's going on."

"Thorne...there's something...something I need to talk to you about. It's kind of important. I don't think I can talk about this on the phone so I need to see you."

"Give me a couple of hours and I'll call you back, okay?"

"Thorne. I really appreciate it."

"No problem."

I placed the phone aside and interrupted a conversation Elena and Lane were in the middle of. They didn't look pleased. "So, what should we watch?"

ELENA.

Everything changed after that one evening and that entire day with Thorne and his brother. Well, at least everything inside me, changed. The rest of the world and the people in it, Penny and even my coworkers were entirely unaware of it.

But then there was Thorne.

Despite the constant warnings, and frequent arguments from the sane side of my brain, I constantly felt as though Thorne was taking this whole thing just as seriously as I was. At first I thought I probably sounded like one of those people who make up entire love affairs inside their heads and act like it's actually happening, but all my doubts were confirmed the day he offered me a ride back home in the limo. Stanton was driving and I was tired, everyone had already left and I was used to working late most days so it was just us. Accepting a ride didn't seem that much of big thing.

That was until I stepped inside.

At first we smiled a lot and we were polite, but I could feel the tension inside that cramped place like it was some actual thing that surrounded us. I felt feverish, and the feelings of immense desire that I had felt after drinking too much at the club came rushing back, even though this time I was completely sober. I tried to concentrate on other things, not on the way his hair sat a bit wavy on his head; not on the way he had knotted that tie; and certainly not on the way his shirt seemed to flatter the contours of his chest.

Certainly not that.

And since I was making a show of concentrating on something else, I happened to drop some paperwork and then I managed to spill the drink he offered me while trying to recover the fallen file. "It's okay," Thorne said, and started picking the things up. "Let me." His voice hit my ears like the last nail in the proverbial coffin. The fragrance of him that had always mesmerized me was now so close within reach it was unbearable.

"Thanks," was the only word I could muster when the papers had been picked up and set aside. Afterward, he just looked at me. And this time, it wasn't some friendly, casual glance. It was the same deep gaze he had watched me with several times before. The kind of look that made me forget about everything else and think only about him.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, as if I didn't know the answer.

His eyes were piercing through my skin by now. Suddenly, it was not inside my head anymore, it wasn't just some fantasy I can enjoy, but it was real and it was happening and it was happening right now...the fear and the excitement were both trying to get me to do things, and I couldn't decide which side to pick. Without warning, I felt him coming closer, his hands touching my arm, and just when I know he was about to kiss me my instincts make me back off.

"I can't," I said lamely and my legs were shaking, the tremors felt like they might be reaching my entire body if I didn't get out of the limo.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Thorne said. "But I was under the impression that you liked me."

How could I tell him he doesn't even know what he's talking about! How could I explain how much I really wanted him! How I have been thinking about him!

"I do like you," I said. "I just...I don't think..."

"If you need more time, I understand. Or if you're not completely over Nick-"

"That's not it Thorne," I said, a little annoyed that he thinks that. "I'm over him."

At this he went quiet. He didn't say anything but there was anger in his gaze. We said nothing throughout the ride. I couldn't wait to get out. When finally the apartment building arrived we went our separate ways. I started crying my heart out the minute he was gone.

What was wrong with me?

This was supposed to be a good thing.

He was a nice guy!

Every guy is nice when you're starting out. Nick was nice too, my brain argued.

I didn't like my brain very much that moment but it was making a whole lot of sense, I had to agree.

I was scared.

I worked with this guy. h.e.l.l, I work for this guy. This wasn't something I was supposed to do. I didn't like the pressure. I just wanted something that was easier, something that didn't require me thinking about the pros and cons all the time.

Yes, that was probably why I couldn't go through with it. But another part of me can't forget the heat that I felt inside that closed limo. Or the way it felt being close to Thorne inside his home and outside just hanging out that day. The way it felt just to be with him. The things we talked about, usual, trivial stuff normal people talk about but it all felt important somehow. Like every word, every gesture was a world on its own.

THORNE.

It was the closest I had come to actually liking someone, the closest I had come to opening myself up to someone in years. I thought that part of me was over, that every relationship I would be in after that debacle that is my love life, I would be more careful about throwing my heart out there. But I couldn't help that she made me feel this way, or that I kept picturing us having some kind of a future together. But things weren't going to just happen because I pictured them to be a certain way, that wasn't how life worked. I should have known she wasn't ready to do this with me. Now I'd led myself into an awkward situation with someone I worked with and I didn't even know how I was going to remedy that. I think I should stop thinking about her, stop getting excited every time she takes my name or comes close to me. I need to resist the urge to kiss her and make her want me even more.

I need to stop.

ELENA.

After that episode, we didn't run into each other for a while.

And I know that wasn't a coincidence.

I tried to ignore Thorne and he had successfully been doing the same. But of course you can't really ignore someone you are working with. I didn't know what to do anymore. The one or two times I saw him now it was always awkward, always tense, always just incredibly odd and I was getting sick and tired of trying to keep up the act. I didn't think I could do it any longer. But I still had time left in my employment and I didn't want to mess it up because of a mistake. I'd already invested a lot of time into this and I didn't want to be the person who kept giving up on things because she hit some glitch.

One day, I got the chance to make the awkwardness go away. Thorne was in his office and everyone else had already left. The only reason I stuck around was because I wanted to talk to him. I even had to make up some excuse in front of Alex and Tristan, because they were definitely the nosy ones of the whole group. Once I was certain everyone had left and I could see that Thorne had no intentions of going home either, I gathered my courage. I tried not to think about my already quaking knees so much, and I entered his office.

"Elena," he said, looking up from his work. "Is everything okay?"

The concern on his face was real, not just something you do for someone you've had an embarra.s.sing encounter with.

"Yes, everything's fine," I said, closing the door behind me. "I just needed to talk to you."

Thorne got up and for a minute I felt like maybe he was coming towards me, but then he walked towards the credenza where he kept his liquor and poured bourbon into two gla.s.ses. He brought me one, and instead of handing me the gla.s.s and leaving, he stood there, looking at me, drinking.

"What's on your mind?" The question was a challenge. As though he was aware of the effect he had on me and wanted to rub it in my face.

With him this up close, I could barely speak. My throat was unable to produce words without a tremor but I managed. "Is there something we can do to get rid of the awkwardness between us?" I asked. "I mean, we're grownups. There's no need to get petty over something like that."

His eyes were searing, burning through me. I could smell his skin from this distance and it was driving me insane. He walked a few steps towards me, covering what little distance there was between us. "I'm sure we can think of something," he said, and of course that line meant more than it gave away.

"Look," I said, more forcefully this time. "I can't have a fling with you."

He looked at me strangely. "Who said anything about a fling?" he said. "You think I'm looking for a one-night-stand? You don't think I can get all the s.e.x I want without having to make all this effort?"

"Then what? What do you want?"

He placed the drink gla.s.s he was holding back on the table, and then he took hold of the gla.s.s in my hand and did the same. The way he did it, I didn't have time to complain. He had an odd way of taking control sometimes. "I want you to get to know me," he said. "I want us to be together. I want so much more. I don't know how to explain it. The first time I saw you, I just didn't want to see you go. And it's the same every time I see you. I get this...feeling...inside...and I can't help it."

This wasn't how the conversation was supposed to go! Why is he making this so hard?

"I can't," I said, and I wasn't even sure what I was saying.

"Now you're just trying to make me mad," he said and then I saw a different kind of flicker in his eyes.