Loose Ends Part 17

"Mia?"

"Huh?"

"I know you're hurting."

I didn't say anything.

"You know I'm here for you, girlfriend. I love you like a sister. This whole situation is tearing me up too."

"I know."

"Don't beat yourself up too much; you're human. You bleed red like the rest of us. You had a moment of weakness."

No response from me.

"Do you still love Christian?"

"Yes."

"Is it over with you and Brice?"

"Yes."

"Okay, we'll get through this together, girlfriend."

At first Brice called me constantly, but I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. We'd hurt too many people. It was over before it started. I told him to work things out with Kree, because that's what I wanted to do with Christian. For now, he accepted that. He had enough problems of his own at home to deal with.

Christian . . . Sometimes, I'd sleep with one of his shirts to smell him next to me. It comforted me. I hadn't heard from him or seen him since the night he left me. He was always unavailable at his job. I got the message loud and clear. The one time that Sharon had managed to get me out of the house, Christian came by to retrieve some more of his clothes.

I heard, through the grapevine, that Christian was sharing an apartment with one of his employees, Michael. Mama saw him whenever he dropped by to take Lyric out. She said he didn't look good at all; he had lost a lot of weight and had a permanent frown.

Another month had pa.s.sed and I knew it wouldn't be long before Brice dishonored my wishes to leave me alone. I had taken a leave of absence from my teaching job and was sitting around in shorts and a T-shirt. I heard the doorbell ring. I had actually gotten dressed that day. I saw Brice through the peephole. He looked like nothing would make him go away. I didn't want the drama or have the strength to argue, so I opened the door and let him in.

"Brice, what do you want? Please leave me alone." I walked over to the kitchen table.

"Mia, just hear me out. I promise if you'll just talk to me, I won't bother you anymore if you don't want me to."

I stared at him. I guess he took that as his cue to continue.

"I love you, Mia, and that is never going to change. I'm suffering like you are. Kree threw me out of the house, and-"

"What? I'm sorry, Brice. We were so reckless. We didn't think about the consequences of our actions. That's our problem; we just never thought about anything else."

"We could still be together. You and me. It's not too late. We could make it work this time."

"No, no, we can't. My life is in a total shambles. This isn't going to work. We can't go back and reclaim the past. The past is just that-the past. I finally realize that."

"We could make it work, baby, if we tried. We could go away and start over. Make a new life for ourselves . . ."

"No, Brice. It wouldn't work. We could never be happy knowing we'd hurt people in the process."

For once, Brice was quiet and reflective.

"Let's put everything on the table. I might as well tell you. I may be pregnant . . . with your baby," I shouted before I lost my nerve.

"What? Oh, my G.o.d. Baby, are you sure?" Brice was excited as he searched my face for the truth.

"I'm not a hundred percent sure, but if I am, I'm not having it. I can't."

"What? What are you saying? Mia, don't kill my baby. Please don't kill my flesh and blood. Tell me you aren't saying that."

"Brice, I'm sorry, but I've already made up my mind. I've thought long and hard on this. Long and hard. It hasn't been an easy decision, but it's the only way. Anyway, I don't know for sure if I am pregnant."

"Mia, I'm begging you. Don't kill my baby, our baby," he cried as he gently touched my stomach.

I started to cry. "Brice, I can't handle this right now. I'm so close to losing it. So close. I can't handle more drama. Please go. Please."

"Okay. I'm going to go, because I don't want to bring any more pain your way. I've already dealt you enough. I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few weeks myself. Bottom line, everything I've ever said to you was real. I always have and always will love you, Mia. I'll go to my grave loving you." He held my hands in his.

"I love you too, Brice, but sometimes love just isn't enough."

Brice looked at me with sadness and nodded. He stood up and I walked him to the front door. He realized there wasn't much more that he could say. At the door, he hesitated for a moment. He stared at me as if commiting my face to memory. Brice pulled me into a strong embrace, which lasted for a few seconds, and rubbed my back. He kissed me on the cheek and looked at me one last time.

"My love for you was always real, baby. I can't force you to have my baby, but know that I want it more than life itself. I can't believe a part of me is growing inside you. It's a testament to our great love." He caressed my cheek and smiled, but his smile never reached his eyes.

With that, Brice turned and walked out the door and my life for the last time. For some reason, I watched him until he drove away and was out of sight.

Later that night, I was in my usual spot on the sofa, feeling sorry for myself, when the doorbell rang. I thought it might be Brice coming back to make me change my mind about the baby. I was surprised to see Kree standing in my doorway. Her appearance shocked me. Kree had a black eye, a bruised face and swollen lips. She was disheveled and crying silently as she pushed her hair out of her face. Without thinking, I hurriedly opened the front door, full of concern.

"Oh, G.o.d! Kree, come in. What happened? Did Brice do this to you?"

"You, that's what happened! Save your sympathy."

I stood back, suddenly fearful of the venom behind her words.

"My marriage-my life-was going well before you came back into the picture. You couldn't leave well enough alone. You had to have my man too."

"Kree, I'm so sorry. It just happened. You have to try to understand; Brice and I had a unique history. We never really had closure after our divorce. And it just happened."

"It just happened and you're sorry," Kree said nonchalantly.

I nodded my head, because words wouldn't come out.

"That's all you have to say? Unbelievable! I came over here for answers. To see what you had to give him that I didn't or couldn't. And all you can say is that you're sorry."

She shook her head in disbelief and pity. "Mia, you are a self-centered, self-righteous, self-absorbed, conniving b.i.t.c.h!" Kree slapped the h.e.l.l out of me. As I screamed out, I fell back a step from the force of her hand. I held my left cheek as she fled from my front door. I closed the door, still holding my stinging cheek, and retreated back to the sofa and my favorite comforter. I was too cried out to even cry. Once again, sleep was my salvation.

Christian I believe that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

-Author Unknown

I believe that our background and circ.u.mstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.-Author Unknown

I avoided Mia like the plague. To me, she was the plague. Unselfishly, I served her my heart on a silver platter, and now my heart was an oozing, raw, open wound. I hadn't seen her since our confrontation. I couldn't. That girl busted my heart wide-open. I'm no punk. I'm a man and supposed to be strong and hard and not cry. But I'm not going to lie: This betrayal has. .h.i.t me hard, because I didn't even see it coming. I was secure in our love, Mia's love for me, but I guess Brice had a tighter pull on her heartstrings.

I've gone through every emotion possible, from hating her, to cursing her, to blaming myself for bringing them back together, to crying in my sleep, to not being able to work or sleep or eat. Yes, Mia has taken me through some major changes, and I despise her for that. As much as I loved my moms and as much as her death affected me, this situation has. .h.i.t me even harder. And every time I see Lyric, I see Mia in her. It's bittersweet because Lyric keeps me sane; she's my one joy.

One night, I parked outside our house for hours, like you see in the movies-you know, lights off, hunched down in my seat, just staring at our dark bedroom window to get a glimpse of Mia. Deep down inside, I also wanted to witness for myself her and Brice together. However, he was a no-show that night. As much as I tried to hate Mia, a part of me still craves to be near her again, but I stay away because I can't trust her and, without trust, I can't be with her.

Brice. I want to kill him! No-good m.u.t.h.af.u.c.ka! In fact, when I first found out about him and Mia, I actually parked in front of his office building early one morning to catch him on his way to work. I was going to put a serious hurting on his sorry a.s.s that he wouldn't soon forget; I was literally seeing red. I sat in my car for quite a while, but, as fate would have it, Brice never came to work that day.

Eventually, my anger subsided, and I realized what a mistake I was about to make. Lyric needs me. I need to set an example for her if her own mother can't. And besides, I wasn't going to give Brice the satisfaction of going upside his head with a baseball bat and going to jail. He's not worth it.

It's been almost two months since I left Mia. I've kept myself busy, working all the time. During my time off, I work out and spend quality time with Lyric. I pick her up at my moms-in-law's and we'll do the father-daughter bonding thing. My mother-in-law is cool; she's not interfering or taking sides in the situation. She did inform me that Lyric spends more time with her than she does with Mia.

My pain has subsided a bit. I think it is a part of me now, like an arm or leg. The pain is familiar now. I relish it.

I was surprised to receive a phone call from Kree yesterday at work. We talked for a few minutes about trivial stuff as if our lives hadn't been turned upside down, inside out. She wanted to know if I could drop by later that evening. Kree wanted to talk and was even going to throw in a home-cooked meal. That sealed the invite. I didn't think her invitation was strange. I agreed and told her I'd be there around seven P.M. I needed to go back to Michael's apartment, a place I was calling home nowadays, to shower and change. I figure Kree needs an ear or two to vent in. After all, we're both in the same boat; we're the victims.

I arrived at her crib around seven twenty. I rang the doorbell, and Kree greeted me at the door looking simply gorgeous. She wore tight-fitting denim pants and a sleeveless red shirt. I don't know how I expected her to look, down and out maybe-but she was just the opposite. We were all wrong about her. Kree was strong and a true survivor. I got the feeling that whatever happens, she'll survive this. No doubt.

Kree's long hair was loose in wavy, spiral curls that frame her lovely face. She welcomed me with a big smile and a hug that lasted a little too long for comfort.

"Hi, Kree. How are you, baby girl?" I gave her a welcoming hug back.

"I'm taking it one day at a time. I have my good and bad days. Keeping busy. I'm teaching a dance cla.s.s at Spelman College's after-school program.

"Good for you."

"What about you? How are you, Christian?" She stood back to really look at me.

"About the same, keeping busy."

She invited me in, and I took a seat on her new-smelling leather sofa.

"New furniture?" I asked.

"Yeah, I totally redecorated in here and in our . . . my bedroom. There were just too many reminders of him."

We were both quiet, lost in our own private thoughts.

Kree asked, "Have you seen him or her lately?"

"No, I have no desire to. They deserve each other. Good riddance."

"I agree. He's moved into an apartment near his office, and life is going on for him. As long as he sends me my checks, I don't care. I decided I deserve so much more for myself! He came over here one night, trying to sweet-talk me and get some. Not!

"I hear his business is taking off. That's good, because he'll be receiving divorce papers soon. I intend to get my fair share. Anyway, tonight we are not going to talk about them. Okay? As far as we are concerned, they don't even exist. All of this was just a real bad dream. Anyhow, I just wanted to see how you were doing. I always liked you, Christian; you seemed real."

"Thank you. I've always liked you too, Kree."

"Do we have a deal?"

"A deal?"

"Yeah, let's enjoy tonight and not mention them."

"You got it, baby girl." I gave her a genuine smile. It kinda felt funny, because I hadn't smiled in a while.

Kree and I enjoyed a delicious meal of baked trout, rice, and a garden salad and drank chardonnay. We laughed and talked and laughed even more, like good friends. It felt nice. Real good. I wasn't thinking about Mia or Brice.

"Christian, I hope you still have room for dessert. I went to the deli around the corner and bought some key lime pie."

"Sounds good. You're spoiling me. I haven't eaten like this in a long time. This was great! Thanks, Kree." I kissed her on the cheek.

"Give me a minute and I'll serve it in the living room."

I retreated to the living room, laid my head back on the sofa and closed my eyes. The radio was playing softly in the background-the Quiet Storm on V-103. I heard Kree moving around in the kitchen.

I must have drifted off for a few minutes. I opened my eyes when I heard Kree softly call out my name. She was standing there stark naked in all her glory. The lady was s.e.xy as h.e.l.l, with a banging body: big b.r.e.a.s.t.s, firm a.s.s, tiny waist. I did a double take and instantly got an erection.

"Kree? Kree, what are you doing? As much as I'd love to, let's not take it there. I think you need to put on some clothes. I can only take so much temptation. Right now, you've got my nature rising. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression-"

"I thought . . . I . . . I'm sorry." She turned and ran down the hallway in tears.

I gave her a few minutes to pull herself together. Then I walked down the hallway to find her bedroom door closed. I could hear her crying. I knocked softly and called out her name.

"Kree? Kree, may I come in?"