Long Tall Texans: Justin Part 14

"I don't need pity." She put her face in her hands with a tiny shudder. "It's never going to work, Abby. He can't leave the past alone. I don't know what to do. I can't live like this anymore."

The tears slid past her hands and Abby bent, hugging her, saying all the right things, while she wanted nothing more than to go downstairs and hit Justin in the knee with a stick.

"What are you going to do?" Abby asked when the tears diminished and Shelby was wiping her red-rimmed green eyes with a tissue.

"I'm going to cut my losses, of course," Shelby said wearily. "I'm going to Houston tomorrow. I have a cousin there who'll let me stay with her until I can figure out where I'm going. I'll phone her later. I just need a little time to think. I can't do it here."

"What about your job?" Abby persisted, grasping at straws to keep Shelby from doing something stupid.

"Tammy and Mr. Holman are getting along very well," Shelby said. "As a matter of fact, I think they're very likely going to get married in the not-too-distant future. Tammy will take care of everything. I'll phone her tonight, too."

"You can't walk out on Justin like this, without trying to talk to him," Abby said softly, choosing her words. "I don't know what's gone wrong, but I do know how Justin feels about you. Shelby, you didn't see him that night Calhoun took you home from the square dance. But he was heartbroken that he'd made you cry. He cares deeply about you."

"He has a wonderful way of expressing affection," Shelby said. "First he tells me that we'll live separate lives, then he brings that...that man here!"

"I think he got the idea that you weren't carrying a torch for dear Tom." Abby chuckled.

"Tom and my father were two of a kind, both out to increase their already substantial fortunes," Shelby said. She stared down at the crumpled wet tissue. "But what hurts the most is that my father funded Justin and Calhoun's feedlot, and I didn't know it until Justin told me tonight." She sighed. "No wonder he wouldn't believe what I said about Dad trying to break us up. My father surely fixed things for me. Justin will never believe me again."

"He might listen if he knew about the baby."

"He's not going to," Shelby said doggedly. "It's my baby, not his. He can go to h.e.l.l."

Abby's breath sighed out. Shelby looked bad, and talking wasn't going to solve anything. "Let's not discuss this now. You need to get some sleep and give this more thought when you're not so tired. Why don't you go to bed? I'll play hostess for you. I'll tell Justin you've got an upset stomach or a headache."

"He's the only headache I've got," Shelby said wearily.

Abby stood up, about to leave, when the door opened and Justin came in. He looked odd. Drawn and quiet and frankly puzzled.

"There's a woman here. A Miss Lester," he added. "She says she works with you."

"She's our paralegal," Shelby said dully. She wouldn't look at him. "What does she want?"

"She's coming up the staircase now. You can ask her." He shifted uncomfortably. "How long has she worked with you?"

"Several weeks," Shelby said. She looked up as Tammy came sheepishly into the room, looking bright-eyed and radiant. "Hi," she said with a smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't wait until tomorrow to show you my ring. Look!" She extended her left hand, where a huge diamond sparkled. "He gave it to me tonight."

Shelby laughed and got to her feet unsteadily to hug the younger woman. "I'm so happy for you. I had a feeling this was coming the other night, when the two of you went into his office and there was such silence!"

Tammy grinned. "Yes. Well, we seem to have started a good deal of gossip in town, outlined as we were against the window shade." She flushed. "Neither of us were thinking about being observed. But since we're engaged, it will be all right."

Justin had gone white. Abby saw his face and frowned but Shelby hadn't noticed. She was still talking to Tammy.

"Where's the boss?" she asked.

"Outside in the car, waiting impatiently. We're on our way to his parents' house to break the news. He wouldn't come in because of the party, but I just had to tell you! Isn't it great?" Tammy laughed.

"It certainly is. Congratulations!"

"Thank you. I'd better run." She hugged Shelby again. "See you bright and early tomorrow, okay?"

Shelby wanted to tell her that she wasn't going to be there Monday, but she couldn't, in front of Justin. Her plans to leave had to be kept secret.

"Yes," she agreed. "See you tomorrow. Tell the boss how happy I am for him, too," she added with a laugh.

"Okay. And I'm sorry for interrupting," Tammy added with a shy glance at Justin and Abby. "But I couldn't help it! Good night."

She left. Shelby sat down heavily. "Thank goodness," she told Abby with a breathless laugh. "Now the office can get back to normal again. It's been incredible working there for the past few weeks."

"She looks like you," Justin said curtly.

"Yes, she does," Abby agreed. She looked at Justin. Suddenly she knew that Justin had seen Barry Holman and Tammy in that window shade, silhouetted, and he'd thought it was Shelby. Maybe if she got out, they could talk about it and settle their differences.

"I'd better get back downstairs. Sure you're okay now?" she asked Shelby.

"I'm fine," Shelby a.s.sured her. "Thanks, Abby."

"I'll make your excuses."

Justin watched her go, searching for the right words to undo the damage he'd done. Shelby looked so wounded, so fragile. He could have shot himself for that frailty. He'd caused it by jumping to conclusions, by not listening to her. He hadn't trusted her, and now he wondered if he could ever repair the damage.

"Shelby..." he began slowly.

"I don't feel well," she said without preamble. "I'd like to lie down."

"You've lost weight," he remarked.

"Have I really?" She laughed, and it had a hollow sound. "Please go away, Justin. I don't have a single thing to say to you. I don't even want to have to look at you after what you did to me. Inviting that man here...!"

"I had to know!"

She looked up at him as she got to her feet. Her eyes blazed angrily. "I told you the truth. You wouldn't listen. You never have. You prefer your own interpretation, so go ahead and enjoy it. I don't care what you think anymore."

He stiffened. His pride was going to take a few knocks before this was over, and he knew he deserved it, after the way he'd treated her.

"Why did your father break us up?"

"He wanted me to marry Tom," she said, turning away from him. "He didn't want a poor son-in-law. On the other hand, he didn't like to make enemies, not in a small community, so he let me be the scapegoat. You played right into his hands when you went into business for yourself. That gave him leverage, and he used it."

"Then why did he lend me the money?" he asked curtly. "For G.o.d's sake, it was that loan that eventually caused his downfall. It took me years to pay it back, but it wasn't in time to do him any good."

She stared at the bed, with her back to Justin. "It was a long time ago. You may find the past comforting, but I don't. I had great hopes for the present until you decided to start evening old scores. Now I just feel tired and I want to go to bed."

He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't come. He didn't know what to say. "I...saw you. At least, I thought it was you. In the window of your office when I came to pick you up the night I got home from Wyoming," he confessed hesitantly.

She turned. Her eyes widened. "You thought you saw me kissing him?"

His broad shoulders lifted and fell. "You and Tammy have similar profiles, and you'd never told me there was anyone in the office with you."

Her chin lifted. "Thank you," she choked huskily, "for your sterling opinion of my character and morals. Thank you for believing that I could never betray you with another man."

His cheeks went ruddy. "You'd betrayed me once!" he shot at her. "You left me for another man."

"I never did," she said firmly. "Never! My father threatened to ruin you and made me say what I did. He promised to save you, but I never realized that he did it with his own money."

"You dated Tom Wheelor," he added.

"No; it broke my father's heart that I refused to marry Tom," she said with a cold laugh. "Life without you was the purest h.e.l.l I ever knew. I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen. You still won't listen." Tears clouded her eyes. "Well, I'm tired of talking to you, Justin. You're too bitter and too much in love with the past to ever give up your grudges. I can't live like this anymore. You've hurt me more than you'll ever know, even though I have to admit that my own cowardice helped things along. But what I did, I did to protect you, because I loved you too much to let you lose everything. All I ever wanted was you. But you only ever wanted me one way, and now that you've-how did you put it?-satisfied your desire for me, even that's gone, isn't it?"

His teeth ground together on a wave of pain. "Oh, G.o.d, Shelby," he whispered huskily.

"Well, don't lose any sleep over it, Justin. Maybe we were doomed from the beginning. Without trust, we don't have anything." She brushed the loose strands of hair away from her face. "I thought there was a chance for us, before you went to Wyoming. But if you still can't trust me, then we don't even have a common ground to build on. I'm so tired, Justin," she said then, sitting on the edge of her bed. "I'm so tired of fighting. I just want to go to sleep."

He ran his hand through his thick black hair, watching her. "Of course," he said quietly. "Tomorrow we'll talk."

She wasn't going to be here tomorrow, but she wasn't about to tell him that. "Yes. Tomorrow."

He wanted to hold her. To talk to her. To confess that his coldness had been out of jealousy, because he didn't think such a lovely woman could ever really love him. He'd never thought it, and his own uncertainty about his attraction for a woman like Shelby was the biggest part of the problem. But she did look worn, and it would be cruel to make her evening any harder than he already had.

"Get some rest. If you need me, just sing out."

"You're the last person on earth I need, Justin," she said quietly.

He drew in a slow breath. "My G.o.d, I know that. I always was." His black eyes slid over her hungrily. "It never seemed to make any difference, though. I couldn't stop wanting you. I never will."

He went out the door without looking back, and Shelby lay down on the coverlet and cried for all the happy years she'd never have with him, for the child she was carrying that he didn't even know about. She cried for all of them, and fell asleep in her evening gown, lying on top of the covers.

Justin found her that way the next morning. He didn't wake her. She looked so fragile, with her black hair haloed around her sleeping face. She was pale and he felt the guilt all the way to his soul. He'd hurt her. She was the most precious thing in his world, and he'd done nothing but hurt her.

He took off her shoes and pulled the quilted coverlet over her, his black eyes adoring on her face. "I'd fight the world for you, little one," he said softly. "What an irony it is that I can't seem to stop hurting you."

She didn't hear him. He reached down and touched her cheek gently, tracing it up to her eyebrows. His dark eyes softened, became tender.

"I love you," he breathed huskily. "Oh, G.o.d, I love you so! Why can't I tell you?" He bent and brushed his mouth with exquisite tenderness over her lips, a light touch that wouldn't awaken her. He stood up again, sighing heavily as he studied her sleeping face. "You said that I didn't trust you. Maybe the truth is more that I don't trust myself. You need someone gentler than I am. Someone less abrasive and set in his ways. I always knew it, but I couldn't find the strength to give you up." He lifted her slender hand in his and savored its softness. He smiled wistfully. "It would serve me right if I lost you. But I don't think I could stay alive if I did."

He put her hand on the coverlet and after one last glance at her sleeping face, he turned and went out of the room. Perhaps later they could talk, and he would tell her all these things when she was awake and listening. If he kept holding back, he stood a very real chance of losing her.

Shelby woke an hour after he left and her mind registered her evening-gown-clad person along with the coverlet that had been put over her. She wondered if she'd done that, or if Maria had covered her. Well, it didn't matter. She had things to do and not much time to do them in.

She tried to phone Tammy, but Tammy must have left for the office. Well, she'd call her from Cousin Carey's house in Houston. She did phone Cousin Carey and ask if she could visit for a day or two, and an invitation was extended with flattering immediacy. She and Carey had known each other since grammar school and were friends as well as relatives. She promised to see her cousin later in the day, hung up and got a reservation on the midday flight out of the Jacobsville airport that was Houston-bound.

She packed a suitcase, taking only what she had to have, and prayed that her morning sickness would hold off until she could get away.

She sneaked downstairs, called a cab and was almost out the door when Maria came into the hall to announce breakfast and found Shelby with a suitcase and a cab waiting.

"Senora!" Maria exclaimed helplessly.

"I'm only going away for a couple of days," Shelby said, faltering. "Abby knows where I'll be. You mustn't tell Justin. Promise me!"

Maria grimaced, but she finally agreed. She watched Shelby climb into the cab and drive away. She'd promised not to tell Justin. She hadn't promised not to call Abby. She picked up the phone and quickly dialed Abby's number.

Justin was on the telephone when Abby came into his office, dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt, her hair uncombed and no makeup on. She closed the door and sat down in the visitor's chair, watching the expressions that crossed her former guardian's face as he abruptly ended the telephone conversation and hung up.

"What's wrong?" he asked, because she looked worried.

"Everything!" she muttered, frowning. "I was half asleep when Maria called. Shelby made her promise not to call you, so she called me instead. I've broken speed records getting here. And now that I have-" she sighed "-I don't know how to say this to you."

He'd stiffened at the mention of Shelby's name. He'd had a premonition about her. He knew how badly he'd hurt her, and she'd mentioned last night that she couldn't take any more.

"She's left me, hasn't she, Abby?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, she has. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"

He lit a cigarette with steady hands while his world collapsed around his ears. He stared at the desk. "I'm going to let her go," he said after a minute. "I've hurt her enough."

Abby's breath stuck in her throat. "Justin!"

He looked up, the pain in his eyes making them even blacker. "You don't know how I've treated her," he said. "I was jealous and scared to death of losing her..." He broke off to run his hand roughly through his hair. "What have I got to offer her? How do I keep her?"

"You might try telling her that you love her," Abby said simply. "That's all she ever wanted."

His jaw clenched. "She wouldn't listen, after last night."

"You saw Barry Holman and Tammy, didn't you?" Abby asked.

He stared at her blankly. "Yes."

"And instead of telling Shelby, and letting her explain, you went off the deep end."

He smiled faintly. "Bingo."

"Oh, Justin." She shook her head. "She's on her way to Houston."

"Maybe she'll find someone there who can give her what she needs," he said, feeling bitter that he'd ruined all his chances.

Abby was getting nowhere and if Justin didn't go after Shelby, things were going to fall apart. She bit her lower lip. She didn't want to steal Shelby's thunder, but Justin was being difficult.

"Justin...how do you feel about babies?" she asked.

He was only half listening, his heart lying like lead in his chest. "I like babies," he said absently.

"Good. Then why don't you go after Shelby and get yours back?"

At first Abby didn't think he'd heard her. His eyes swung around and he stared at her. "I beg your pardon?" he asked.

"I said, Shelby's pregnant. If you really want a baby, you'd better get to the airport before she carries yours off to Houston with her."