Like Hell I’m Gonna Get Captured! Chapter 2

When I enter through the school gates, there is a hill.
Well, I don’t really understand, but there’s a hill leading up to the buildings.
It’s probably so that the slope of the hill would make the buildings more prominent. Also, from this school gate onwards, including the small hill in front of it, everything is private property. Isn’t it too big?

After a five minute climb through the sakura trees lining the side of the road, at last I arrive at the buildings.
Their sheer size is nothing to laugh at. I mean, people could get lost here. In fact, that should be something expected.

After getting checked-in, scholarship students head towards Gymnasium 1.
By the way, there are three gymnasiums. Looking at the pamphlet, the school campus includes a baseball field, two soccer fields, three gymnasiums, an indoor swimming pool, six tennis courts, and something like a track field. It seems quite difficult to memorize such a complete campus.

The entrance ceremony, which was delayed, now begins.
After some good words from the Board Chairman, the freshman representative gives his speech, and the ceremony ends with a welcome speech from the student body president.

I had thought the board chairman’s speech would be lengthy, but it was surprisingly upfront. In summary: the school harbors many talented individuals. For those who bear dreams, to realize them, for those who do not, to find one; and for academics, for club activities, for love, for anything, leave nothing undone, and make use of every opportunity and resource — was what I understood. Although I had prepared myself for the inevitable sleepiness which accompanies long speeches, I was pleasantly betrayed by feelings of antic.i.p.ation due to his good words.

After that was the freshman representative’s greetings. Well, there was nothing special about it so I have nothing to say.
If I’m forced to say something, he was a guy with gla.s.ses who had the same surname as the chairman. Those gla.s.ses were the so called Kichiku Gla.s.ses thing, no mistake. He had that sort of face. I’m probably being prejudiced…

The student body president was an earth-shattering beauty.
She had bright brown hair and two large eyes, but what attracted my eyes more than anything were her two ferocious b.r.e.a.s.t.s. At any rate, they bounced up and down with a *yusa yusa* when she walked on the stage. What the heck did she eat to get them so big. Her shoulders must be extremely stiff, so I don’t know if I’d want them myself. I’m curious as to how she was raised.

Afterwards, all the new students head to homeroom. It seem our guardians will be explaining something.

It appears that I am in cla.s.s 3. The cla.s.s with no one refreshing, cla.s.s 3 (Reference to episode 35). Nevermind, I said some needless things.

Entering the cla.s.sroom. I see our seating chart posted on the blackboard.
My side is next to the wall separating the room from the hallway, three seats back. I had hoped for a window seat if at all possible. Well, seating order is based on enrollment order, so there is no helping it.
I hope we switch seats soon and I get placed in a window seat.

Sitting next to my seat is an energetic girl with short hair.
I notice her smiling and waving her hand at me out of the corner of my eye. She’s cute, I guess?
I smile back in return and sit down. If possible it’s best to be on good terms with your neighbor. If you can’t get on good terms, well, you can cry yourself to sleep. Easy.

Sitting in my seat, I look around at my surroundings and notice something strange.
This cla.s.s, somehow, has a ton of beautiful women and handsome men.
There are still normal-looking kids of course, but, all the 10/10 from our grade, no, from the entire school, are in this cla.s.s.

There’s a well-rounded girl in the cla.s.s who has large b.r.e.a.s.t.s which give off a gently impression. Because she’s wearing clothes, I can’t really tell their size, but I’d give it a solid F.

There’s a cute girl with a short stature whose cat-like eyes give off a strong impression.

My neighbor’s are the same. The one with the short hair and large eyes. The one whose smile was like the sun.

Then there’s this guy who looks really cool with gla.s.ses, but has a s.a.d.i.s.tic face. Wait, isn’t he the freshman representative!?

There’s a guy with sun-tanned, cocoa skin who’s part of the cool group. I feel like he does outdoor sports like soccer, but I can’t say for sure.
Although his head is shaved, the phrase, “A warrior surrounded by a silent atmosphere” suits him. In all likelihood, he’s in the baseball club.

And then, Brown-hair-piercing. No matter how I look at him, he resembles a delinquent, and he also has that ill-tempered look in his eye that’s like a dangerous blade.

By the way, those are all the beauties, and Ikemens, who stand out from the crowd. If I include the above average students, the list I gave you just now would multiply many times, since nearly all of the students in this cla.s.s of 40 are above average.
Already, I feel a sense of danger from this cla.s.s.

The cla.s.s members sit down at their seats whenever they feel like it. Everyone is seated by the time the lecturer in charge stands behind his podium.
This, is good. It’s normal. It’s super normal. This normalness should be continued! The teacher seems to be a big fan of normalness, at least.

“Uh… My name is Yamanaka Shikanosuke. Everyone, congratulations on your matriculation. Let’s work together for our first year.”

Correction. His name is definitely not normal. Though, his voice definitely feels normal.

“Although my name is Yamanaka Shikanosuke, I’m not a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t. I also hope that I will never experience such misfortune, so I hope you all will look after me.”

(Note: His name has the character for “Deer” in it.

According to Estelion in the comments, ‘The whole 8 sufferings and 7 hardships thing, and the whole m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t thing refers to the fact that he shares the same name with a Sengoku samurai with the same name. The guy in question,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yamanaka_Yukimori
is quite famous for praying to the moon for ‘8 sufferings and 7 hardships’ and in popular culture there are tongue-in-cheek jokes about him being a ma.s.sive m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t. In fact, a female version of him in Oda n.o.buna no Yabou is exactly a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t, so…’)

“Someone was messing with you if you got that kind of name. Well, there are also idiots who would give themselves names like that.”

“Let’s leave that trivial nonsense behind us. I’m going to start explaining your schedule now.”

Explaining the schedule…what a splendid change in topic.
Orientation was just a confirmation of your scholastic test results…so there was really no need for any explanation.

“Alright… Let’s do some introductions. Please keep it simple so we can hurry up and finish.”

I suck at self introductions.
What should I tell them? My name and hobby should be fine right?
Or would it be better if I said something funny to get them to laugh?

“Yes thank you. Alright, person in front of him stand up.”

Ah. It’s my turn.
I hate my seat number right now. I didn’t have any time to gather my thoughts.

I stand up and walk to the front of the room, whereupon the room suddenly gets noisy. The guys especially are directing pa.s.sionate gazes at me.
Certainly, I did over do the self improvement and became high-spec, but like h.e.l.l I’m going to let you guys capture me.

“I’m Katagiri Sora. My hobby is cooking. Nice to meet you all.”

I do a light bow and end my self-introduction. However, despite being to complete my self-introduction with no slip-ups…

“Alright, then it’s time to ask Katagiri-san questions.”

Wut? Hey, this Deer! There was no such time until just now!

Then one by one, hands are raised. All because Deer had to go and say unnecessary things.
There’s no avoiding the questions, so I decide to vaguely respond to end this farce. Why is the Deer friggen’ deciding who gets to ask questions. And why is it always the guy with the normal face and nothing unusual about him!

“I heard you’re interested in cooking. What kinds of things do you like to make?”
“I can do some rudimentary home cooking.”
“Can you make sweets?”
“Normal ones.”
“What are your favorite foods and drinks?”
“Coffee.”
“Do you have any other interests?”
“If I had to say, probably reading?”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“I don’t.”
“Then what type of guy do you like?”
“I don’t.”
“Please go out with me!”
“No. (read: f.u.c.k you).”
“Can I call you Nee-sama!?(read: can I enter a lesbian relationship with you).”
“Please call me something else. (read: We will make beautiful children).”

… … This has gone on far too long.
It should be obvious. Please do something.

“Sensei, isn’t this enough?”
“Oh, yeah, that’s good enough.”

Geez, there’s too much depraved people here.
Oh, so the next person is my neighbor who resembles the sun. I wonder what kind of girl she is.

“Umm…Kaburagi Kiho…is my name! I like eating! Um, so, I’d like it if my neighbor Katagiri-san would would make some sweets for me! And I hope we can become good friends!”

… … Make it yourself!
And what kind of introduction was that!? Make it yourself!

Thanks to Kaburagi-san, now the guys are in a uproar saying, “Make me some too!!”
Yeah, no way. Absolutely not. Who would ever make you filthy guys things like food?
Although I’ll make and deliver sweets to cute girls, you b.a.s.t.a.r.ds and everyone like you can go to h.e.l.l.

Afterwards, Deer-sensei manages to reign the cla.s.s in, and we continue the introductions which had been derailed.

By the way, that guy cool guy who I said looked like he played soccer was theZenchuu Scoring King. That guy who I said was like a warrior with the shaved head was apparently j.a.pan’s best pitcher in the Little Senior League.
‘Heaven doesn’t give two gifts,’ is a lie. The proof was right in front of me.

“Hey~hey~, Katagiri-san, I’m Kaburagi Kiho! Please to meet you!~”

The introductions were over. So let’s go home…or not. My neighbor Kaburagi-san came to talk to me.
Gosh. Dat smile when she said “pleased to meet you.” She’s smiling at me. So cuteee. If she smiles when it’s raining, the sun would come out. I have no idea what I just said. Calm down.

“I’m Katagiri Sora. Likewise, it’s a pleasure, Kaburagi-san.”

On the inside, I’m really nervous. I’m not a very eloquent person. It’s frustrating.
I try my best to smile. *Smile* Yeah, it’s impossible for me to smile so brightly like her. It’s embarra.s.sing.

“Please call me Kiho! And I want to call you Sora in return…but is that no good?” (Note: First name sans honorifics is a very intimate way of calling each other.”

AAAAAAA, I CAN’T STAND THIS CUTENESS! How is it possible for something this cute to exist! No Good? Hah! And that slight tilting of the head when she said that!

“Yeah. No problem. Nice to meet you, Kiho.”

Suddenly saying her name like that is embarra.s.sing but whatever. I’ll do anything for this cute creature.

“Eh~hehe. Pleasure to meet you, Sora!”

… … There’s no way I can smile that that.

Afterwards, while heading towards the school entrance, we swap e-mail addresses. I see my mom just then, so we separate.

“Looks like you made a friend already.”

On the way home, my mom tacitly inquires.
Indeed that is the case. I got along with a girl whose smile is like the sun.

“Yeah, just one though.”
“That’s great though. You sure have great communication skills. Even though you’re so restless inside.
“What are you saying mom? Aren’t I calm on the outside?”
“That doesn’t hide the fact you know.”

…….d.a.m.n. There’s no way I can express my love of cute girls on the outside. I can’t if I want to live an orderly life with a proper outward appearance. I’ve already done that my past life.

Well, whatever. I’ve started out strong today. By that I mean that I admired some cute girls.
Ah, that doesn’t mean I’ll let cute girls get surrounded by guys though.
I’ll protect them from the sinister fangs of those guys, and they’ll come to love me while I’m protecting them. My plan is flawless.
Also, since I’ve gotten this body, I have yet to experience the pa.s.sionate embrace from a girl, but love and to love are two different things.

While thinking nonsense like that, I make my way home.