Light in the Shadows Part 25

Epilogue.

Six years later -Clay- "I'll have her back there by six-thirty! Stop freaking out and let us do some shopping. And don't call again!" Rachel barked into the phone before hanging up. I rubbed the raised skin on the underside of my wrist, the scab over my newly inked tattoo was driving me crazy. I couldn't help but smile at the tiny symbol that looked like an off kilter upside down U, emblazoned on my skin. It was identical in size and location to the one adorning Maggie's arm. I loved what the rune stood for. I remembered when Maggie explained the meaning to me over dinner all those years ago.

Healing and endurance. And most of all courage. I finally felt, after all this time, that I was mastering these qualities. So I had taken the plunge and marked my body with a permanent reminder of the love I shared with the woman who had saved me in every way possible.

I was pacing around the living room, rubbing my tattoo when I stubbed my toe on a box that sat strategically in the middle of the floor.

"G.o.d d.a.m.n it all to f.u.c.king h.e.l.l!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. The place was a disaster. Maggie and I had just moved into our new apartment last weekend and we were in the middle of moving chaos. Boxes were everywhere, being systematically unpacked in stages.

So far we had a semi-functional kitchen. Our bed was a mattress on the floor. But none of that mattered because we were here. Together. Finally.

It was almost six years to the day that I flew back to Florida after leaving Virginia and readmitted myself into the Grayson Center, using a big chunk of the money from Lisa's life insurance policy that Ruby had given me.

I had wondered in those first few days if I had made the right decision. I had missed Maggie so much I was tempted to check myself out again and head back to her. But then I would remember that I was doing this for myself. For the future we wanted to have. And I would suck it up and make it through the day.

They say that the third time's a charm and my third go around in a facility proved that old saying to be true. I was focused and on task. I worked my treatment plan and dealt with my demons, despite the fact that there were days I wanted to forget about all of it. It helped that Maggie and I talked several times a week. She'd tell me about college; her cla.s.ses, her new friends, the c.r.a.ppy dorms. I'd tell her about group and art therapy.

She flew down during fall break and when I was released into a transitional group home for mental health patients before Christmas, she came to Florida and we spent the holidays together. She stayed in a hotel of course, but made sure that Christmas was special.

Ruby had also continued to be a constant and rea.s.suring presence. And her move to Key West went a long way in invigorating her and giving her a new lease on life.

She still grieved for Lisa. We both did. But she was learning to move on as best she could. And really that was the only thing any of us could do.

After moving into the group home, I had enrolled in the local community college and took some art and psychology cla.s.ses. After working my a.s.s off, I was accepted into the University of Miami. I wouldn't live on campus and for the first year I opted to take my cla.s.ses online.

It took me almost five and a half years to get my Bachelor's Degree. That may seem like a long time to get a four year degree but the fact that I had done it all made the time seem insignificant.

I graduated in May with a BS in psychology and a minor in art. I had decided to apply my pa.s.sion with the thing that had saved my life in so many ways and now I was enrolled for my Masters in art therapy at George Washington University.

Before leaving Florida, I had attempted to make amends with my parents. Years had pa.s.sed and I stopped hearing from them all together. They didn't know where I was, so I couldn't expect any of the obligatory birthday and Christmas cards. But I strongly doubted they would have even bothered.

When they had cut me out of their life, I knew it was a quick and decisive severing. I saw my parents on TV now and then. My father eventually won the state senate seat and was now the congressman for Florida's twenty-third district.

They seemed plastic, almost robotic during their public appearances. My mother's flat, emotionless face most likely a result of Botox. My dad's lack of personality even more noticeable. It was amazing that a man as devoid of life as my father had been able to sway people to vote for him. It's amazing what a stupid amount of money will buy you, I guess.

So I had stupidly made the trek to Palm Beach to see if my parents were ready to bury the hatchet. To put the past behind us.

All I had gotten was a door slammed in my face and a stern warning to never darken their doorstep again. I remember pulling out of the driveway, waiting for the emotional paralysis. I antic.i.p.ated some heavy-duty fallout from being rejected, once again, by the people who had given me life, for whatever that was worth.

But nothing had come. Instead of being devastated, I had called Maggie and then later Ruby. Getting from them all of the love and support I could ever need. And I knew, without any doubt that I would never desire or need that from my parents. They had no place in the world I was building for myself.

After that, I had thrown myself into my plans for the future. Maggie and I had decided instantly that we would look for an apartment together. Maggie had gotten a job with Fairfax County Schools as a middle school English teacher. We were both as happy as we could be without being with each other. But we were finally at a point where that could change.

I was in a good place, though I continued to have my setbacks. Moments when I wasn't sure I could put one foot in front of the other. My fear and paranoia about being abandoned, about ruining everything, continued to plague me at times. But I no longer allowed it to rule me either.

My therapist in Florida told me I may always have them. But every day I felt myself approaching a semblance of nirvana. And that was what got me out of bed every single morning. I got in contact with a reputable therapist outside of Washington D.C. and began my weekly appointments soon after arriving in Virginia. I took my medication every day without fail. These small elements of control were hugely important to me. And even though every day was a test, a struggle, I was happy to fight because I had learned to be proud of the person I was. Demons and all.

Maggie had found us an apartment in Arlington. She was thirty minutes from work and I was a short distance from school. But most importantly we were together.

There was a knock at the door and I hobbled over to open it. "What the h.e.l.l is wrong with you?" Daniel asked, walking past me with a large, flat object in his hands.

"I think I broke my f.u.c.king toe. That's my f.u.c.king problem," I growled, unleashing my inner sailor with the f-bombs flying out of my mouth. Daniel rolled his eyes.

"Well, here you go. I had to wade through Sat.u.r.day traffic. You owe me, man," Daniel said, handing me the thing he had to wade through traffic for.

"I appreciate it. Now help me hang it and stop your b.i.t.c.hing," I rooted through a few boxes until I found my hammer and some nails. Daniel held the picture up in the proper spot above the couch. When were finished, we stood back and took in my handy work.

Daniel shook his head. "You really need to get the whole p.u.s.s.y thing in check. Rachel will be driving me crazy to up my game, thanks to you. One of these days I will seriously kick your a.s.s," Daniel grumbled. I caught him rubbing the shiny band on his left ring finger and knew he was all talk. He would do anything in the world for his wife and she was way past asking him to "up his game." They already had everything that they wanted.

Daniel and Rachel lived only fifteen minutes from us in Alexandria. Daniel was in medical school at Georgetown and Rachel worked with a catering company in Reston. They had been married for two years now and Rachel was expecting their first child.

If there was such a thing as happily ever after, those two had found it.

And I was determined to have mine.

"Thanks, Daniel. I'm sure we'll call you later," I promised.

"Sure thing. I'm happy to help. We still on for raquetball tomorrow?" he asked before leaving.

"I don't know," I answered and Daniel snorted.

"I guess it all depends on how far into the night the celebrations go, huh?" he pouted his lips in a sad attempt at a seductive face and I shoved him out the door.

"Whatever, man. Later." I closed the door and turned around. There was no way Maggie would miss the new picture. I just hoped she had the response to it that I wanted.

I went about cleaning the apartment as best I could. I worked on a few more boxes, putting things away. I located the rest of my tools and put the bed frame together. Two hours and lots of cursing later, I finally had our mattress off the floor.

The bed looked really inviting and I realized how tired I was. But there was still too much to do before Maggie got home.

At five-thirty, I put in an order with our favorite Chinese place and got in the shower. I dressed in jeans and the b.u.t.ton down shirt Maggie had gotten me for my birthday.

She came bursting through the apartment door, arms loaded down with bags. She and Rachel had made a serious dent in their credit cards. "Did you buy an entire store?" I joked, coming out from the kitchen.

I looked behind her to the picture that she had yet to notice. She was too intent on showing me her purchases. "I found these awesome boots that will look killer with my jean skirt! Check them out!" She pulled out a set of knee high boots that looked exactly like the other pair she had sitting in the closet. Though I didn't dare tell her that.

"They're great, baby," I said, leaning in to kiss her soft lips. Maggie dropped the bags and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Mmm. You taste amazing," she moaned into my mouth and I forgot momentarily about my big plans for the night.

Before we could get too carried away, there was a knock at the door. "Who the h.e.l.l is that?" Maggie griped.

I laughed into her downturned mouth. "Food. I ordered from China Chef. Figured your day of consumerism would make you hungry," I said. Maggie rubbed her belly.

"Good thinking. I'm just going to put the bags back in the bedroom," Maggie replied grabbing her purchases. She still hadn't noticed our new wall hanging and I didn't say anything. It was important that she saw it on her own time.

I gave the delivery guy money and took our dinner into the kitchen. Maggie's shriek from back in the bedroom made me grin. "You put the bed together!" she yelled as she came flying down the hall and leaping into my arms.

"You are so going to get lucky in that thing later," she promised running her hands up my shirt. I pulled her hands away. As much as I wanted to go in the direction she was heading, I had other plans for her this evening.

"Come and eat your dinner, my little nympho," I told her, getting our plates out of the cabinet. Maggie grumbled but the smell of Chinese food ended any further complaining. We ate our dinner together, laughing, talking and simply enjoying being with each other.

"I'll clean up; you go into the living room and get comfortable. I'll even watch a chick flick if you want," I said, smiling. I knew what was coming and my stomach flipped over with my nerves.

"Thanks, baby. I love you," Maggie said as she kissed me again. I started piling the dishes into the sink, waiting not so patiently, for her to call out to me, asking me about the new picture above the couch.

By the time I was finished, I realized Maggie was strangely quiet. I went into the living room to find her staring at the matted and framed canvas.

"What is this?" she whispered, her eyes never straying from the new artwork. "Did you paint it?" she asked, looking at me over her shoulder.

I nodded, letting her take the time to absorb what I was trying to tell her through my picture. It was a silhouette of the two of us, darkened in shadow but with a brilliant, bright light behind us revealing the intricate details of our faces bowed in close together. b.u.t.terflies rose in flight around us and it vibrated with the love I felt for the girl standing before it.

On the bottom, in neat script, I had carefully written: And he asked her to share his forever.

While she stared at the picture, I pulled out the small velvet box I had kept in my pocket all day and got down on one knee. When Maggie turned around and saw what I was doing she gasped, her hands flying to her mouth. And then she did the craziest thing. She fell down to her knees in front of me.

"I'm the one who's supposed to be on my knees here. You're ruining the moment," I teased her. She held her hands to my cheeks and gave me one of her earth shattering smiles. It was a smile that could cure cancer. It told me that I was responsible for this perfect slice of happiness in her life.

With tears rolling down her face, I tried to tell her with words that could express everything I felt for her, everything she was to me. But words could never be enough to explain the way she had completely filled me.

"Over six years ago I met a girl who saved me. I didn't realize at the time, mostly because her att.i.tude p.i.s.sed me off, that she would become the most important thing in my life." Maggie playfully punched my shoulder as I wiped the wetness from her cheeks with my thumbs.

"But then I got to know her and when I was drowning, she became my air. In the cold, she became my warmth." I cupped her face in my hands as she quietly sobbed and for once I didn't feel any guilt for her tears. Because these tears were filled with nothing but joy. And those were tears I was glad to give her.

"In the dark, she became my light," I whispered, my voice breaking and my own tears started to make their way down my skin.

"Our road hasn't been an easy one. But good things rarely are. You taught me that the person I am is worth loving, worth fighting for. You gave me strength when I had none. You held me up when I wanted to fall. And now, I want to give you everything. I want to give you the world. Because, Maggie, you've given me mine. And it's you. It will always, forever, be you," I said, the lump in my throat making my voice a harsh whisper.

"Clay," Maggie sobbed and she fell against me, pressing her forehead into my shoulder.

Holding her tight against my body, I whispered in her ear, "Will you marry me, Maggie?" She tilted her face up and her smile was absolutely radiant.

"I think you already know the answer to that," she quipped as I slid the diamond ring on her finger, over top the promise ring I had given her all those years ago. Even in the middle of this intense, emotion filled moment, her sarcasm was ever present. And I loved that about her. I kissed every inch of her face, over and over again. "And just so you know, I already have the world. You're just expanding my universe a little bit," Maggie added, touching the side of my face and I captured her mouth, kissing her with every ounce of love and adoration I felt for her.

And I held her, this girl who had saved me and continued to save me every day. Our path would never be smooth but I hadn't lied when I said good things were never easy. And I was okay with going the hard way. Because as long as she was beside me, as long as we were together, I knew we could face anything.

So together we walked into our future. One that we had mapped out. And that future was nothing but light.

THE END.

Important Resources.

Depression, suicide and cutting are serious issues. Statistics show that 2-3 million people in the Unites States and 13% of 15-16 year olds in the UK cut every year. Self-injurious behaviors is often a way for people to cope with bigger issues.

If you or someone you know is dealing with cutting or depression, it important to talk about, to get help and find a way to stop!

There are so many great resources out there, taking the first step and reaching out is the place to start.

Depression and bi-polar Support Alliance (DBSA).

www.dbsalliance.org Teen Self Injury hotline: 1-800-Don't Cut Teen Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE..

Great resource and information about self-injury:.

www.selfinjury.com.

Acknowledgments.

Thank you to each and every one of my readers who have loved Maggie and Clay from the very start. Without your support, I wouldn't be doing this at all!

Thank you to my amazing husband, who always gave me the motivation to keep writing, even when I became discouraged. You are the b.u.t.ter to my bread, the sprinkles to my ice cream, the ketchup to my fries...okay you get the point. Love you!

Thank you to my gorgeous daughter who can always make me smile. You are who I want to be when I grow up.

To my fantastic editor, Tanya, for working so fast it makes my head spin. Your enthusiasm for my stories is such a huge motivator! Love ya!

To Sarah Hansen at Okay Creations for finding the amazing photograph that graces the cover. You perfectly captured the feel of this story. Your talent is phenomenal!

To Claire, my numero uno beta reader. Your feedback was essential and you gave me confidence when I felt like the whole story sucked. You are amazing. I can't wait to do some ghost hunting with you.

To Kim Box Person, Denise Tung, Kristy Louise and all of the other amazing bloggers who have championed my stories. Your endless pimping and total support have helped me to make a career out of something I had only ever dreamed I could do.

And most importantly, thank you to the beautiful and strong clients I have had the absolute privilege to work with over the years. Your fight and resilience is awe-inspiring and will always remind me to look for the light in the dark.

A.Meredith Walters has been writing since childhood and is also the author of Find You Dark, Cloud Walking and Bad Rep.

Meredith spent over a decade as a counselor for children and teens and saw first-hand the devastation of mental health issues. But she also saw the beautiful resilience, unwavering hope and strength of the human spirit. Because of that, her stories were created.

Meredith would love to hear from her fans! Follow her on Facebook, Goodreads and Twitter (Author AMWalters) or you can email her at [email protected] If you liked this book, please take the time to leave a review on the site where it was purchased. Thank you so much!.

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