Light And Sirens Part 5

"d.a.m.n, Donny, I never thought I'd see the day! You of all people involved with a crewmate's relative? She who preaches against firehouse romance? Who is it? Who do I have to swap out for you?"

I filled him in on me and Caity, then he agreed to move Pauli to Spike's list and he gave me someone else instead. I thanked him and got up to leave. Before I could reach the door, he called out to me quietly.

"Donny, it really is good to see you involved and happy again. I knew something was different lately but you were so quiet I was afraid to ask. You deserve this, don't forget that, okay? You're one of my best medics but you have to have a life outside of the house too. Now, get outta here and let me do some work!"

The Cap winked at me and grinned as I headed out the door. I grabbed my gear from the lounge where I had left it and headed for the parking lot. I drove home whistling, happy that my day had ended decently after all.

A couple of days after my meeting with the captain, I was sitting at the desk in the medic office, working on the evaluations. I had been given Gina as a partner, a newcomer to the station. She had only been transferred in a week before I was promoted. She did have a good background; three years as an EMT for a neighboring county's 911 system, she aced her firefighter training, and was in the top five percent in her paramedic training. So far she had good reports from Spike, the only other medic she had ride time with other than myself. We were on duty today on a twenty-four hour rotation.

As I looked over her file and made some notes, my cell rang. I grabbed it from the desk and looked at the number before answering it.

"Hey, baby, how's your shift going?" asked Caity when I greeted her.

"Well, we had a couple of minor fender benders, nothing too serious. One good chest pain call for Gina to work on. How about you?" I put down my pen and notepad, totally focused on listening to Caity's voice and picturing her at home on the patio.

"I'm good, just missing you. I just wanted to hear your voice for a few minutes. How much longer before you get off shift?"

I checked my watch and sighed. "Another five hours to go. At least I'm off the next three days. What are we doing tonight?"

I was planning on going to her place after my shift ended. I would be off work around eighteen hundred hours and I couldn't wait to shed my uniform and be a civilian for a few days.

"I figured you would be tired and want an early night so I picked up some groceries. We can have dinner here and a quiet night if you don't mind."

"Mind? It sounds heavenly. I'm sick of this uniform, I'm sick of klaxons, bunks, and feeling like I live in a dorm!" I admit it, I went a bit overboard, but I don't normally work twenty-fours anymore. As a senior medic, I had rotated to mostly day shifts a couple of years ago, and I liked it that way.

Caity chuckled, the sound warming my soul, "Goofball! You know you live for that stuff! Well, maybe not the dorm living, that does suck. Are you sure you won't mind sharing s.p.a.ce with me tonight?"

"Mind? It is the thing keeping me sane right now. All I really need is-"

The Klaxon sounded and our tones rang out as we were dispatched on another call.

"I hear it, go do some good, sweetie, I'll be here when you get off shift. Love you!"

"Love you too, bye."

I quickly put my phone in my holster and retied my unlaced boots, before heading to the rig. The call was a possible pediatric drowning victim, no adult on scene. I met with Gina as we both got to the rig, and I climbed in to crew chief the call. I hate going out on pediatric calls, most EMS responders do, but I really hate it when I'm with a probie. The dilemma is, do you let them drive while wound too tightly or do you trust them in the back with a delicate call?

Thankfully, Gina grew up about a mile from the station so I felt safe having her drive us. At least, she wouldn't get us lost and she had more EMS experience than most probies.

"Medic two two three from county." The radio crackled to life and I grabbed the microphone.

"County, medic two two three, go ahead."

"Medic two two three, you have an eight-year-old male with a shallow pulse and no breathing. Two adults now on scene, no parents, one adult performing rescue breathing. ETA to scene?"

"County, medic two two three copies, eight-year-old not breathing, aid being given. ETA two minutes."

At least I could get a game plan now that we had an idea of what we were dealing with on scene.

"Gina, grab a board, the litter, and O2. I'll get the peds bag and drop a tube after a.s.sessment. I'll also have the monitor but we'll have to see what the scene is like before we use it."

"Affirmative. Children's hospital or the trauma center?"

"I'll make the call once I a.s.sess, but I'm leaning towards a trauma center depending on down time and mechanism."

What I meant was, I don't have a f.u.c.king clue, stop talking, and let me think! I absolutely did not want this kind of call right now, but the call volume G.o.ds are tricksters, and they tinker with things we wished they would leave alone. If the kid had been pushed or injured before he or she went under water, then the trauma center was the best place. Same if the patient had been down, without oxygen for any length of time. However, if the patient was generally healthy and had simply been submerged without other trauma, I might decide on Children's as they would have the best pediatricians around to deal with kid emergencies.

"County, medic two two three, arriving on scene."

"Two two three, copy eleven oh six." County gives us the time to record on our reports, but I wasn't even paying attention, I'd call up later and get the time records.

I grabbed my gear and headed for the backyard, a small boy in swim trunks was waving me over, still holding the telephone. I jogged over and went past him to the pool deck. I saw a woman herding three other kids away towards the sliding gla.s.s doors of the house. A man was giving rescue breathing to the patient, who was positioned about two yards from the in-ground pool. The area around the child was dry, so I would be able to use the monitor.

I announced my presence and dropped to my knees on the other side of the patient. I took in the pale skin, not quite blue nail beds and lips, and I saw no obvious signs of trauma. I pulled gear out as I spoke to the man, "Sir, do you know what happened here?"

"I live next door, but I heard the kids yelling and playing. Then I heard a difference in the yelling. Something sounded wrong so I came over to check. That's when I saw him. He was floating face down in the water. I got him out and started CPR and got one of the kids to call 911."

"Sir, please stop CPR for a moment." After a quick pulse and breathing check, I slid an endotracheal tube down his airway, secured it in place, and tested the tube for positive placement. I had good lung inflation on both sides, so I pa.s.sed the bag valve mask to Gina, who had arrived with her gear while I tubed the patient. Gina hooked up the oxygen and started bagging. I slapped the AED pads on the child and turned on the monitor. The larger pads allowed me to monitor the heart rhythm and allow me to shock the heart if needed, without having to charge paddles and risk poor placement.

"Everyone stand clear. V-Fib, I'm shocking."

The small child's body jumped slightly with the electrical shock and we all watched the monitor, praying it would change.

"There! We have a rhythm!" Gina almost shouted as she resumed ventilation.

His color was getting better with the additional oxygen supply but his heart rhythm was a bit bradycardiac. That meant he had been under for a little while, and we had to get him into the trauma ER fast.

"Yeah, but it's a bit slow. Let's roll." I said as I started to move the board closer to the patient.

She nodded and used one hand to stuff gear into the bag next to her while using the other to ventilate the patient. I had gotten all the information from the man that I could. He agreed to stay to deal with the police, who had just arrived on scene. Gina and I moved the boy onto the board and onto the litter. We didn't bother strapping him to the board, but I wanted it there in case he arrested and I needed to do compressions.

We loaded him in and Gina took off for the hospital running lights and sirens the whole way. I started a line and drew bloods for the ER, pushed some Atropine in, and then contacted medical command. The boy's heart rate started to increase slowly, but I had to keep bagging him as I worked. We got to the ER and we went in fast with him. The ER staff directed us to trauma bay one where the staff was standing by.

They kicked into action as we arrived, one nurse grabbed the bloods I had drawn and sent them for stat results with a transport person, another and the doctor helped us move the boy onto the gurney, and a resident grabbed the Ambu bag and started breathing for the boy. Gina and I stepped back and rolled our litter out into the hall. We stood by and watched the ballet of the trauma team as they worked on our small patient.

"C'mon, c'mon, breathe. Breathe!"

As if responding to the doctor's order, the resident reported increased effort in bagging. That meant the kid was trying to get some air on his own. We waited, wanting to see the outcome of this one. Kid calls seem to matter more than most. I did make a show of stripping and cleaning the litter in the hallway, but I don't think we fooled anyone. We heard a whoop of joy and a nurse came over and told us the patient's heart rate had picked up and he was breathing on his own. They were giving him a good chance of recovery, depending on the next twenty-four hours and how much water might have gotten into his lungs. Further tests would be done, but at least, for now, this went down as a save.

I gave Gina a high-five and grinned at her. She grinned back and we must have looked like fools, standing there, next to our partially remade litter. We tossed our gear back on the litter and went outside to the ambulance entrance to finish cleaning up the rig. I called in to the station to let them know our status and that we would be out of service for a few more minutes while we cleaned up.

Finally, a bit weary from the adrenalin rush and fade, we climbed in the rig and headed back to base. I called in to county to get our times for the call and was dumbfounded at the results.

"Gina, did you realize we were on scene for three minutes? We did all that in three minutes?" I was in shock, I knew we had moved fast, but that was d.a.m.n fast considering he was monitored, tubed, bagged, and shocked before we moved him.

Gina looked over, slightly in awe, "Are you sure? That seemed longer to me."

"I guess it was one of those moments where time slows down while we work. You did a great job out there, Gina. Keep up the good work, Probie!"

I grinned at her again and she laughed.

"I'm still a probie after all of that? Fine, I guess I can deal, but if I make three more saves this month, I'm off probie status, right?" She grinned right back, taking the teasing and giving it to me as well. She might do okay here.

CHAPTER 6.

"CAITY, ARE YOU ready yet? We have to get going if we're going to help set up!"

I was waiting for Caity so we could go to a barbeque at the park. Some of the people from the station were having a little get together and I had offered an extra table and some chairs. These events took place a couple of times throughout spring and summer, but this was the first time since Karen left that I was bringing a date. So yeah, I admit to being a little nervous.

"Hang on, I'm coming, just had to finish wrapping up the coleslaw and the watermelon. Can you carry the melon plate and I'll get the slaw?"

I went into the kitchen, grabbed the platter of sliced watermelon, and resisted swiping a piece. We got into the truck and headed towards the park. It was a wonderful day, perfect weather with a clear sky and a slight breeze. Spring had faded into early summer and it was more than welcome.

The first person I saw when we got to the park was Tony. He had been back on the job for a couple of weeks, but he still didn't seem quite himself yet. He was very quiet and seemed to prefer spending his downtime alone or working out. I wasn't sure yet what was going on with him, but I was very glad to see him out to socialize with us again.

"Hey, Tony! Ya wanna come give us a hand here? We have that long table for the food plus some chairs and stuff in the back."

He came over and waited for me to drop the tailgate.

"Hi, Caity. Hey, Donny. So what do you have in that cooler? Some of your coleslaw?" he asked hopefully.

I laughed. "Not exactly, it is slaw but we followed Caity's recipe this time. It's close to mine though, I think you'll like it. If you don't, that leaves more for me!" I gave him a nudge and he headed off to the pavilion that was a.s.signed to our group. After getting the table set up, he came back for the cooler.

We carried the chairs and the rest of our supplies over and started arranging things. Some of the guys were getting the big grills set up with charcoal and wood chunks for the chicken, corn, and burgers that would go on later. Someone set up a portable CD player and got the music going, while some of the wives and girlfriends sat around keeping an eye on the kids and helping with food preparation. It felt great to spend time with my family again.

Caity came over to me and asked me softly, "How open are you willing to be about us right now? Have you told anyone that we're dating? I wanted to ask sooner, but it slipped my mind."

I looked over at her and grinned. I hadn't told anyone yet but I figured that this was as good a time as any to announce it. I grabbed her hand and pulled her close to me. I moved my head closer to hers and said, "I'm very ready to divulge our little secret. Trust me?"

She smiled and nodded, then looked a little surprised when I hopped up on the bench of one of the picnic tables.

"Hey! Everybody! I have an announcement!" I waited for the noise level to drop a bit before I continued. "Some of you know that I've been a little easier to work with lately." The expected chuckles and jeers happened then quieted. "I just wanted to let you all know at once, I'm finally dating someone who is likely to understand this knuckle headed bunch I call family! Caity and I started dating recently, so be nice to her, she deserves it for putting up with me!"

I jumped off the bench to the laughter and cheers of my firehouse family and stood next to Caity. I took her hand and smiled, "How was that? Think they know we're dating now?"

"You are absolutely insane," laughed Caity.

It felt amazingly good to be able to spend the day with my firefighter family and Caity, merging the two most important things in my life. People congratulated us and warned Caity throughout the day, teasing me at the same time. All would have been perfect if not for that niggling self-doubt and fear in the back of my head. I kept thinking back to why I wasn't meant to be in a relationship. It all came about during my time with Karen.

We dated for several months after our first night together. Eventually, I suggested that she and I move in together and she agreed enthusiastically. I thought things were perfect. I was enjoying my work as a medic, steadily gaining knowledge and experience, and she seemed to enjoy her work in nursing. Things seemed great for the first couple of years.

I remember coming home one night after a twenty-four-hour shift to find Karen waiting for me with a romantic dinner laid out, soft music, candles, and an envelope propped up on the table by my plate. I smiled, leaned in towards her and gave her a kiss h.e.l.lo before reaching for the envelope. As I opened it, I felt her excitement and I couldn't wait to read the card.

Inside the envelope was a card with a picture of a baby and a puppy on the front. Inside, the card was blank other than the handwritten words, "I love you. Can I have your baby?" To say I was in shock was an understatement. I hadn't thought about kids yet. We hadn't talked about kids, and I didn't know what to say. I looked up to see a warm glow in her eyes and a hopeful smile on her face.

"So, what do you think, honey? Let's have a baby! I'll carry it so it won't interfere with your medic career!" Karen's eyes sparkled and danced with joy and excitement. I think she never considered that kids might not be something I was ready for just yet.

"Um, it is really sweet of you, but we haven't talked about this at all Karen. I don't know if I'm ready for kids yet."

I stalled, not knowing how to handle this situation. The truth was I was afraid of starting a family at that point. I couldn't work a set schedule and do the work that I love. I didn't have regular hours and my job was dangerous. I wanted to enjoy my life as it was, share time with Karen, see my friends, party when I wanted, and sleep when I wanted. I wanted kids, but not for a few more years. Maybe after I made supervisor status or something.

"Honey, when did you decide you wanted a baby? Why haven't you said anything?" I had to know. I felt blindsided and was trying to get my feet back under me.

"I've always wanted kids, I thought you knew that. Donny, what's wrong? Don't you want kids? Or is it that you aren't sure you want to stay with me?" Karen looked hurt and that broke my heart. I never meant to hurt her, I was just in shock so I tried to rea.s.sure her.

"Karen, I didn't say I don't want kids, I just didn't expect this tonight. I'm honored that you want to have a baby with me, really. I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet."

I felt like a jerk but I didn't know how to tell her that I just didn't plan on having kids for several years.

"So, we can talk about it? I guess I sprang it on you without any warning, huh?" She gave me a small grin. "I was just so excited after I talked to my doctor. She said I'm in perfect health and a good age to start considering having kids. I'd like to do it. I want to have kids. What do you think?"

What could I think? This was important to her, though I didn't feel ready. It wasn't as if I hated kids or anything. I guess I figured that if she wanted them badly enough, then it was one of the compromises and sacrifice things I needed to do for her. Besides, maybe I'd enjoy it once I got my head wrapped around the idea. After all, I bought the house figuring to fill it with a family one day. I just figured that was a long while away.

"Sure, baby, sure, I was just taken by surprise. We never really talked about it but, yeah, if you really want to have kids, then I guess we should."

Karen leapt up and gave me a hug, a kiss that would melt my socks, and dragged me into the bedroom. We made love all night long, and I figured I must have made the right choice.

The quick version is, we fought about the way to do the conception, but in the end, she agreed with me that it was too weird not to go through a sperm bank. I didn't want to look at the kid and think of some guy I knew. We saved up, picked a company, and eventually a donor. She tracked her cycle and we ordered the insemination package. I followed the instructions to the letter, but month after month, she didn't get pregnant.

I wasn't that upset or concerned and Karen seemed to take it all in stride. What I hadn't realized was that she was devastated and blaming herself for the lack of conception. I simply figured it wasn't the right time and the powers that be were letting us know it. I was blind to her pain, immersed as I was in my own life at the station. About a year later, right around the time I met Caitlyn in person, Karen and I decided to take a break from trying to conceive.

Karen started pulling away from me, not wanting to make love, not spending as much time alone with me. I wasn't too concerned. I knew she was sad, but she loved me and I didn't think about maintaining that bond. I thought that she just needed time to regroup, so I left her to do that on her own. What I should have done, from the start, was let her know that I wasn't ready for kids. I was relieved when she didn't conceive and that contributed to my ignorance of her pain. I knew that I would want time alone to come to terms with things so I a.s.sumed that was what she needed.

I had my head so far up my a.s.s that I couldn't have seen daylight if I tried. Karen needed me to comfort and console her. I went drinking with my friends and didn't make an effort to include her because she was too depressed. I didn't see the depth of her pain, instead, I felt and acted as if I had dodged a bullet. She saw through that and was even more hurt. It was the beginning of the end, but I was too stupid, selfish, and blind to recognize it.

We lasted about another year, and Karen's mood started improving about six months before she broke up with me. I thought she was just coming around and getting out of her funk. The reality was, she was putting her life back together to restart in another place, without me, to try to have a child on her own. I just didn't see it until it was too late.

When she told me about her plans, I knew it was my fault. I had turned away from her instead of talking it out. I have always had a hard time talking about my feelings and being a paramedic didn't help matters. Part of our training is to repress our feelings until after the shift, or at the very least, after the call. If I cried after every tragic thing I saw, I could fill an ocean with tears. I learned to tamp down my feelings and pack them away. This helped me lose Karen. I just wasn't there for her when she needed me to be. The worst part was I really did believe that she would get over things without my help. I understood the term partner so well when applied to my job, yet I didn't apply the same meaning in my private life.

All of this went through my head when I thought about my relationship with Caity. I never wanted to let her down as I had let down Karen. Things with Caity grew slowly and were so much more intense for me. I knew deep down that if I lost her through my own stupidity that I might never recover. This was it for me, I had to get this right, or I would be alone for the rest of my life. And yes, I'm aware that I can be very melodramatic, but it's still the way I felt.

"Open the door, Chloe, before my arms fall off!" Caity said as she waited for me to fumble with the key to my front door.

"I'm working on it," I grumbled as I juggled the bags from the barbeque, Caity's overnight bag, and my keys, while trying to open the door. She had the cooler and refused to set it down while I opened the door.

"There we go, just dump it in the kitchen. I'll take care of it." I dropped the bags from the barbeque with the leftover paper goods, utensils, and various items, before heading to the bedroom to toss in her bag. Finally, I headed back to the kitchen to find her unpacking the cooler.