Light And Sirens Part 3

I bit my lip, unsure of how to verbalize what I was thinking and feeling. "I'm not really sure, I mean, I guess everything just seems too good right now, you know? Like, I've wanted this with you for so long that I can't believe you feel the same way. We went from avoiding physical contact to hugging, kissing, and cuddling in the blink of an eye. It just seems weird sometimes," I caught myself and corrected with, "In a good way of course, I mean I love it, it's just unreal at times."

She was quiet for a little while, obviously thinking about what I had said before she kicked me out of her life. I started to freak a little before she finally spoke again.

"I think I understand what you're saying. We were good friends for several years after quite a bit of time being voices on a radio or telephone. We were work buddies, at least sort of, before we became friends and that grew to a close friendship. Now, we're taking things into a different s.p.a.ce, into a different operating procedure. I still can't believe that I'm lucky enough to get to hold you and kiss you. I wish I could hold your hand forever, just to have that connection with you. What can I do to help?"

What a woman! Instead of complaining or thinking I wasn't into her after all, she understood how I felt and wanted to make it better for me. I think I died and went to heaven at that moment.

"I guess just be patient with me, like you have been, and I'll do my best to get over it quickly. I do love how it feels to hold you even though it scares me too. I just wish I could get rid of my doubts and hang ups."

She reached up and pulled my head down so she could kiss me. She started nice and gently, slowly introducing her tongue and seeking entrance into my mouth. After gentling her way inside, she caressed my mouth, seeking out my tongue and dancing with it before releasing the kiss. I was breathless and my heart was racing, I leaned down and initiated a kiss of my own and we continued like that until it started to cool off outside. I noticed her starting to shiver and suggested that we go inside so she could warm up. She took my hand and led me inside to the hallway, raised her eyebrow then inclined her head towards her bedroom. I wanted to go there, whatever deities there are knew I wanted to go there, but I just couldn't move my feet in that direction yet.

She smiled and headed into the living room with me instead, guiding me towards the couch. "You know, I could still have my way with you in here, it would just be less comfortable than my bed."

She flashed a grin at me, but her eyes had gotten darker, and I wondered if I was turning into a tease at the ripe old age of thirty-two. She sat on the sofa, relaxing back into the cushions and held her arms out to me. I sat and relaxed into her, letting her hold and rea.s.sure me that things were going to be fine. I still had flashbacks of my time with Karen and a time when I believed her words too. It was getting easier to remind myself that this wasn't Karen, but Caity, and she had done nothing to earn mistrust. Eventually, I headed home, even though Caity said I could stay over with no pressure. I had to work the next day and didn't think I'd get any sleep lying in bed next to her all night.

I wasn't in the station house more than ten minutes when the house siren started going off and dispatch came across the speaker system.

"Station 2-4, Station 2-4, a house fire at 287 Viceroy Drive, two sides and roof involved. Station 2-4, a house fire at 287 Viceroy Drive, two sides and roof involved. Time of dispatch 0635." s.h.i.t, the whole station sent out at change of shift for a full on house fire. Not a good way to start my day, but of course, I doubt it was the way whomever lived at that address wanted to start theirs either.

We all headed for the trucks, stepping into our turnout gear before climbing in and responding. The captain was in the station, and he put the whole house out responding before he switched to channel five to take command of the scene. County monitors all the channels, so it doesn't matter which one we use, we can get through to them. By switching to the channel they designated we could all communicate without stepping on other radio traffic.

I was riding as crew chief of my rig, and I was partnered with Pauli, so she drove. One other rig was with us, Spike and Tony were in it. Spike would take medical command, working hand in hand with fire command, i.e. Captain Williams. She would have Tony set up a medical station for firefighters to come rehab after their allotted time working. Each firefighter only works until their air tank alarm sounds, then they have to leave to recharge the tank and get checked out by medics. We take their blood pressure, pulse, check their breathing and respiration counts and make them hydrate and cool off before letting them retrieve their refilled tanks and return to the scene. We would all help with this until or unless we had a patient to transport.

Our third crew was already out on a call and they would most likely respond to our scene when they cleared their call. Another station would move a rig closer to our border to cover calls if needed until the fire scene was announced as under control. It is all one delicate and well-orchestrated ballet with cooperation between the different services and stations. We called in to announce our arrival on scene, and I went to Spike to find out where we were setting up the rehab station.

The house was burning well, now three sides and the roof were fully involved. That meant no one would be climbing the ladder to the roof to ventilate, the roof would already be considered a lost cause. I was relieved, venting a roof was dangerous due to the chance of roof collapse, and I always worried when our brothers and sisters were up top. The engine and trucks were running hose lines and opening two hydrants. The ladder was also setting up and extending the support legs out so they could deploy the bucket for additional water to be put on the fire from above. The captain really wanted to keep this from spreading to adjacent houses and one way to do that was water from the top to prevent too many sparks from spreading.

I had only vaguely realized that Caitlyn was the dispatcher for this call. Somehow, hearing her voice made me less tense, but I would ponder that later, now was time to focus on laying out gear and supplies to have them ready if needed. We received two EMTs to give additional help on the scene from a neighboring district. They were basic life support, no ability to use needles or give medications other than a very select few. However, it gave us the manpower we would need, especially if anyone needed transport to the ER.

All the lines were in place, the crackling and roar of the fire started to meet with the hiss of water rushing from the high-pressure hoses that needed two people to control them. The smell of smoke was heavy in the air, the radio crackled continuously as we heard firefighters getting directions and acknowledging their officers. We were now on channel three if we needed to reach fire command or if the captain needed to reach us. That way we wouldn't interfere with the firefighters' communications. Our radios were set to scan so we could hear all the traffic, but our channel would supersede any other if we were called.

We started getting the first flow of firefighters who had changed out with the relief crews to rehab and refill tanks. We were directing them to sit in our triage area, the EMTs and medics started taking BPs and other vitals, the battalion support group had arrived and were pushing water and sports drinks on the tired and sooty firefighters while they rested. No one was at risk so we released them in plenty of time to relieve their brethren. The smoke kept shifting in our direction, and we were all starting to look almost as sooty as the outer ring of personnel working the trucks. I grabbed some of the sterile water and rinsed my face off before offering the bottle to the rest of the crew to use.

We worked for hours before the scene was under control. Thankfully, only one firefighter had to be relieved from service and the EMT crew took him in to receive treatment for smoke inhalation before they returned to their own area. The operation was starting to be downsized after close to six hours on scene. I sat on the back step of Spike's rig during a quiet time while Tony and Pauli took care of a few guys needing a little extra time at rehab to calm down their blood pressure before returning to work. Spike looked down on me from her position sitting on the floor of the rig with her feet on the step I was sitting on. Both doors to the rig were open for easy access to supplies if needed, and it gave her a place to hang out where she could still hear the radio over the racket.

"How's it going? Are things under control yet?" I asked Spike since I hadn't been listening to all the traffic. After a while I got sick of it and turned off the scanner function on my radio.

"Yeah, sounds like it. They are inside now, hitting hot spots and looking for flare ups. How are you holding up? You've been running around for quite a while and you look like you caught some smoke too."

"I'm good. I've been hydrating with sports drinks. I'm just in need of a shower and clean uniform. I guess we'll be heading out soon, huh?" I really didn't care when we left, we still had hours to go on shift so here was as good a place as any to spend it. I did really want a shower but with my luck I'd be in the middle of it and get tapped out again. I take fast showers but it sucks when you're all soapy and have to rinse, dry and stuff yourself into a uniform as you run out the door. I usually toss on shorts and a T-shirt and wear my turnout pants if that happens. It isn't the most comfortable thing but it is faster than getting my uniform pants and boots on.

We were sitting there just shooting the s.h.i.t and trading stories when we heard a loud crash and the radio burst to life. There were voices yelling directions, shouting things we couldn't make out and our channel opened up, calling for medics and two backboards. With a quick look at Spike, I grabbed them and our partners and headed towards the command center.

Spike radioed for back up since it sounded like we were both going to leave the scene shortly and there had to be another crew on scene for the remaining fire crews working. Tony had grabbed the trauma bag. Pauli had the big splint kit. I had the backboards and gear for them, and Spike was carrying her multipurpose bag with full IV setups, small splints, basic meds, and some other random supplies. We got to the command post and waited for more information on what had happened. Luckily, we all had our turnout gear on, and we actually wore our helmets for a change.

The captain came over to brief us that two guys were trapped inside. Part of the roof had come down when a wall shifted. The fire had looked like it was coming under control but had actually gotten inside a couple of walls and buckled them, triggering the shift. They had radio contact with one and he was injured, and the other was under more rubble and his buddy couldn't get to him. He did report hearing the man-down alarm close by, so at least there was a basic location. Crews were already shoring up the walls and moving rubble in an effort to reach the downed men. When the captain gave us the names of the guys trapped, Tony went pale.

"s.h.i.t! What the h.e.l.l? How did he end up in there? He's not even a pipe guy!" He continued to grumble and stress out. One of the guys trapped had been his roommate until last year when he got married and bought a small house with his new wife.

The other guy was fairly new to the house but seemed nice enough. I didn't really know him, but I did know Tony's former roommate, Scott. s.h.i.t! Days like this suck! f.u.c.k it, we still had a job to do, and I tried to pull it together and help Tony do the same thing.

Pauli was waiting next to the engine closest to the house, just staring at it as if that would get things done faster. She, of course, also knew both guys and looked like she was working pretty hard to keep from raging also. We would have to debrief later in the day. It was standard when one of our own was injured in the line of duty like this. Captain Williams was a stickler about that stuff. Since he was running the scene, it would happen.

Finally the crews were able to move the debris and find the two trapped men. It took a little more time to free them from the rubble. We waited as close to the scene as we were permitted until things were a bit more secure. After a few more minutes, Tony grabbed the trauma bag and headed towards to house.

"Tony! Stop! You can't go in yet!"

He ignored me and kept moving towards the perimeter. I understood the urge, we all did, but we were supposed to follow our training and command protocols, not run off half-c.o.c.ked like some punk kid.

"d.a.m.n it, Tony! Get back here! That's an order!" I caught up to him only to find myself shoved to the ground.

"I'm going in, Donny!" He growled and kept moving.

Now that p.i.s.sed me off mightily. I got up and ran after him again and tackled him just before he reached the fire zone perimeter. All past that point were supposed to put on self contained breathing apparatus, which we just refer to as SCBA, before going any further into the smoke. Another guy from the station helped me get him up and away from the perimeter while Spike caught up to us and looked ready to read Tony the riot act. I think she would have too if we hadn't gotten word that they had cleared the rubble and were bringing out both guys in Stokes baskets.

We all grabbed our gear and got ready to evaluate the patients. They were essentially back boarded for us by the baskets so all we did was secure their heads and necks with collars and head blocks and hustle towards the rigs with the guys. Spike rode in the back with the unconscious Scott, while I rode with the less injured man, Ryan, to the hospital. Lucky for me, and him, Ryan was okay from the looks of things. His gear took the brunt of the collapse. He had been pinned down and couldn't move to get to Scott. He had a possible dislocated shoulder, but his pulses were good and his gear, plus the basket, kept him as secure as anything I could rig up so I left him as I found him and simply monitored him, gave him oxygen, and called it in to the ER.

We pulled up on the ramp of the ER and found two sets of teams waiting for us. One set took Scott, the other, Ryan, and whisked them away as we gave report, jogging alongside. I have to say it was good to see the care that we received when hurt on the job. Once we were finished giving report, Spike and I met by gear storage to talk about what had happened and how to handle Tony.

Spike was his direct supervisor, but I had done a lot of his ride time so she wanted some input from me. The truth was, I hadn't thought of him as the type to lose it at a scene like that, even though it was a close friend. That is just part of the job, our friends get hurt doing what we do. We can rage and cry all we want after the incident is over. Until then we owe it to our family of co-workers to keep going as strong as possible to care for them and get everyone else out safely.

"Donny, you know he has to answer for this. He could have gotten himself and others killed today. Not to mention he struck one of his probationary supervisors. We can't let that kind of thing go."

"Yeah I know. I also know that he felt a lot of stress on the scene. I don't think he meant to push me that hard. I don't think he was thinking at all." I sighed, knowing I had just proven Spike's point for her.

We headed out to the rigs where our partners were cleaning and replacing gear. I helped Pauli get things squared away so we could head back to base. Spike took her time cleaning up the back of her rig with Tony. I don't know if she even spoke to him or just let him stew in his head. I did notice them going back inside, to check on Scott I a.s.sumed, as we headed back to station. I put us on radio as available and headed to base. That was when I realized what I had noticed earlier. Caity had been the original dispatcher but she wasn't on the air anymore. Wondering if her shift was over, I looked at the dashboard clock and determined she should still be there.

I shrugged it off, figuring she had been relocated to a different section of the call center and leaned my head back against the seat. I closed my eyes and just let the motion of the rig lull me into a daydream zone. When I heard the back-up beeps start, I knew we were back at the station and grabbed the mike to put us in station with county. I got an acknowledgment and grabbed my stuff as I headed into the bay. Pauli and I ditched our gear and headed to the bunks to clean up.

We were in the shower stalls when I heard Pauli quietly asking me a question.

"What is going to happen to Tony? I know he lost it today but Scott has been like a brother to him. Is he going to get suspended?"

Great, these were questions I not only shouldn't answer, but also couldn't answer. "I really don't know. Spike asked me for input about my time riding with him, but that was it. She didn't say what was going to happen next. I figure she's going to talk to the captain before they decide on a course of action. I'm sure they'll be fair, but he did cross some major lines."

She agreed quietly and we got ready to hit the streets again if needed. I headed downstairs and went to the lounge to hang out and rest until we got tapped or got word on the guys taken in. Those not still needed at the fire scene were already congregating at the hospital, but we had to remain in our patrol zone.

I was just closing my eyes when my cell phone buzzed insistently in its holster on my belt. Groaning slightly, I reached for it without opening my eyes and answered it. It was Spike with an update from the hospital. Scott was going to be fine. He had taken a b.u.mp and would be in the hospital overnight, but they deemed it a mild concussion and he would make a full recovery. Ryan did have a dislocated shoulder, which the doctor manipulated into place, and he too would be in overnight. Ryan would have to go through some rehabilitation before he could go back on full duty. I thanked her and hung up, a little more relaxed, and dozed off for a while.

CHAPTER 4.

TONES, I HEARD tones, but I wasn't at work, was I? I struggled to wake up and figure things out. This was strange though, if tones were dropping, why wasn't I waking up? I always get up quickly for a call.

Suddenly, I sat upright, remembering the fire call from earlier in the day. After work I had gone home to take a nap before going to the hospital. I was lying on my couch, in the twilight hours of early summer. I realized that I wasn't hearing station tones, it was my cell phone ringing. I grabbed the phone from the coffee table and answered it just before it went into voicemail.

It was Caity, I had forgotten to call her after work, and she wanted to know if I was still coming over. d.a.m.n it! I totally forgot about our plans. I explained about my plans being derailed by my nap, and asked if she minded if I went to the hospital first. Since she was part of the "family," she understood my need to check in there. Those guys weren't part of my close group, but they were part of my station house, and therefore, my brothers.

"I have a better idea, Chloe, why don't you come over here, and I'll take you to the hospital? That way, you don't have to worry about driving later when you're upset or tired, but you'll have your car here if you need it."

Well, she did have a point, I was beat. After I heard about the guys being all right, we had been tapped four more times without stopping. It certainly had been a long shift, and I could use a good dose of my best friend right about now.

"Yeah, that sounds great, Caity. Thanks. I appreciate you understanding too. See you in fifteen?" She gave me an affirmative and I went to get myself together.

The hospital waiting area for the fourth floor was still full of firefighters and their families. The guys were doing better, but we all wanted to see that for ourselves. I paid my respects to Scott's wife, and Ryan's parents, talked to the captain, and then saw Spike by herself in a corner. Caity walked over to her and gave her a quick hug. She said something to Spike that made her give a halfhearted smile.

I walked over to the two of them and nudged Spike's shoulder. "Hey, how long ya been here, Spike? Have you gotten any sleep since we left work?"

"Negative, I've been here since then. I mostly came to keep an eye on Tony. I'm not thrilled with the way he acted, but I haven't really talked to him yet. I'm just waiting for the Cap to give me a few minutes out of the crowd, then I'm outta here, and headed for dreamland."

"Where is Tony? I don't see him anywhere."

"Coffee run for the families. He's been on his best behavior here, but I'm still worried. I'm hoping the Cap has some ideas on how we should handle things. I can't have my partner going off half-c.o.c.ked, causing more patients, and losing rescue crews at scenes."

"I hear ya, but in his defense, this guy was his roommate and the closest thing to a blood relative he has around here. I mean, I know he was wrong, scene safety and trust are paramount, but he is still a rookie, ya know?"

Spike nodded slowly, as if the weight of her position was weighing heavily on her today. Caity looked on as we talked things over, not speaking, but I could almost hear the wheels turning, and I could see the questions in her eyes. Thankfully, she didn't ask me about it. I hadn't told her about Tony's meltdown at the scene yet. I didn't want her concerned about things that hadn't happened to her sister or me.

We took off after saying our goodbyes, and went out to Caity's car. We were quiet for a moment, and then she asked me softly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes. I could see Tony running for the collapsing building in my head. Again, I saw him shove me away and keep running. Only this time, I didn't stop him and he ran into the building, just as it gave way again. I reminded myself that it hadn't happened that way. I was just seeing what could have happened, but it didn't help. I filled her in on the call and the reaction we all had to hearing the firefighters down call. I finished just as we pulled into her driveway.

"Did you guys get your debrief yet?"

"Not yet, it is scheduled for tomorrow, that way the crews had time to get to the hospital and spend a little time with their families before going back in." I silently added my thanks that I was able to spend my time with her. My brother and his family only lived a couple of towns away, but this wasn't something I could bring to him. We've never been the kind of family that talked about our feelings and fears. I could see that his wife had been working on him about it, but he and I still had not made that leap.

We went inside and I pulled Caity into my arms. She leaned in and gave me soft kiss, then she rested her head on my shoulder as I held her. I just needed that connection, to feel like someone outside the firehouse would care if I had been the one injured in the line of duty. Finally, I pulled away a bit and looked into her eyes. I almost gasped at what I saw reflected there. I could feel her fear as she tightened her grip on me. She looked scared in a way I had never a.s.sociated with her before.

I guided us over to her sliding gla.s.s doors and out onto the patio. We sat down on the glider bench, and I pulled her closer to me. I held her tightly and asked, "What are you thinking, Caity?"

She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, and then she looked at me with a glimmer of moisture in her eyes. I didn't know how to make this better for her, but I was also afraid that she wouldn't want to be with me now that she had seen the danger of it.

"I'm not a novice, Chloe, I know what you and Pauli do is dangerous. It is almost as dangerous as it is n.o.ble and brave. Yes, I was worried about you both. When I realized it was a big scene and you were both involved, I switched from running the major call to several smaller ones. I didn't want to sit and listen to you two there all day."

I nodded. I was right when I thought that she had been the dispatcher before her voice vanished. I waited for her to continue since I had a feeling she wasn't done yet.

"Every day I listen to you guys go out on calls. h.e.l.l, I send you out on those calls. Could you ever forgive me if I was the one that sent you or one of your friends out on the call that got them hurt seriously or worse? I was suddenly afraid to be the voice that directs things from afar."

d.a.m.n, I didn't see that coming! I thought she was afraid we would get hurt, not that we, or more correctly I, would blame her for sending us in harm's way.

"Sweetie, this isn't something you can control. You don't cause the calls; you don't determine the nature or locations of the calls we go on. You guys get a phone call, help scared people stay calm until we get there, and you sound the alarm that sends us where we are needed. You are our lifeline when we need help or equipment on scene. You don't have any control over whose call it is, or what will happen on any given call. I would never blame you for doing your job. Never!"

She buried her head into my neck and didn't speak. I was confused by her behavior. What was I supposed to do next? I really wasn't sure what was going through her head, and she wouldn't look at me. Finally, out of frustration, as well as concern, I pulled back enough so that she had to look at me.

"If you won't talk to me, then we can't fix it, Caitlyn. Please, we're both so new at this relationship stuff. Please don't shut me out. I want to help you. I want to fix it all for you but I don't know how."

She looked scared. I felt my heart beat faster as I looked at her. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to fix this. More importantly, I didn't want to fail her as I had failed Karen.

"Chloe, this isn't about you as much as it is about me. I'm terrified of all of this."

She gestured to include everything, I guess. I wasn't sure exactly, but it was a large gesture and I grew more concerned.

"I can't send you out on calls all day wondering when I'm going to hear the phrase 'firefighter down' applied to you. I'll have been the one to send you there; don't you get it? It was okay when we were friends, but it has been tougher since I started developing feelings for you. Now that we're together, I just don't know if I could live with myself if anything happened and you were hurt from one of my dispatches. Pauli and I lost our father on the job. I can't lose the two of you. Especially if I'm the one that sent you in harm's way. My sister and you are the two most important people in my life. How do I deal with that and do my job?"

I didn't know what to say. It never occurred to me that Caity would feel that way about dispatching her sister or me. I knew about her father, of course that would go through her head. I should have thought of it first. I held her and tried to offer comfort as my mind spun, reaching for anything I could say or do to fix this feeling she was having. I was simply out of my experience. How do you convince someone that they are not to blame if something their job does sends someone into a harmful situation? It was especially difficult in our field. I felt guilty whenever I didn't make the save, when I didn't fix the problems, or couldn't prevent an injury to one of my brethren.

"Caity, look at me, please?"

I tilted her chin up so that she was looking at me. I wiped her tears away with my thumbs, took a breath, and tried to help.

"This isn't easy for me. I'm not used to talking about feelings with other people. You know how we are in the job, we shove it away or make a joke, whenever something bad happens, or we lose a patient. I'm not sure this will come out right, so bear with me."

She nodded slightly as her eyes grew curious. A slight tilt of her head indicated she was ready to listen.

"When we go out on a call, no matter who does the dispatch, we are thankful as h.e.l.l to have someone, somewhere, listening in to ensure we are safe. Dispatchers are the safety line. Do you remember that bad wreck a couple of years ago? The one where that young cop got hit?"

It had been a nightmare of a scene. It was a freezing rain and a young officer made a standard traffic stop at dusk. He was run over by a reckless motorist, who ignored the flashing lights of the cruiser, and plowed right into both the officer and the person he had stopped.

She grimaced and nodded. "Yeah, I was on phone center that night, and I took one of the calls from a civilian who stopped to help out. That was a mess. I forgot you were at that one."

"Well, it sucked, but dispatch heard his call for help, sent us and another crew, as well as additional officers to the scene, and kept him talking. He stayed awake and was able to fill us in on what happened. When we got to him, he was starting to go into shock but that dispatcher helped keep him aware long enough for help to get there. He made it through that, he even went back to the job eventually. What I'm saying is, you don't put us in the dangerous spots, the job does it for us. We chose to do those jobs and we... I accept the risks inherent in my profession. I count on the professionalism of my crew, my station, and the others in the system to keep me as safe as they can. I also trust that they will do their jobs and render aid if I should ever need it. That includes you. I feel safer knowing you are there to look out for me and my crew."

Slowly, Caity lifted her head and looked into my eyes. I could tell she was searching for something. Apparently, she found it because she leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss. It spoke of caring, of appreciation, and of understanding. My mind almost melted from the intimacy of the moment. I was starting to feel that fear again, the fear that I as getting in too deep. All I knew, all I felt, was that I wanted this woman in my life, but I was still so d.a.m.n afraid.

"Caity, since we're talking about feelings and stuff..." I trailed off, unsure of how to ask what I needed to ask her. I was afraid that if I asked her, it would show her what an insecure loser I really was in a relationship.

"What is it, Chloe? I'm sorry I had a meltdown about this, please don't be scared off."

I heard the fear in her voice, and I was confused by it. What was she scared of, other than the risk of my job? Dammit all, was I blowing it again?

"I'm not upset or afraid of your reaction to the call, really I'm not. I'm afraid you will decide it isn't what you want. That I'm not what you want. The risks are too high, the hours are too crazy, the clan of the firehouse isn't who you want over for a holiday barbeque. I'm scared, Caity, I'm just scared!"

I was crying. I almost never cry, yet the tears sliding down my face and dripping from my chin to my shirt were real. Now, mind you, I wasn't sobbing or wailing, it was more of that silent crying thing, but she still noticed. She lifted her hand to my face, gently, oh so gently, wiping away my tears, before speaking.

"Chloe, I can promise you this much. I will talk to you when our jobs become too much, the hours suck, or anything else that comes up, okay? I grew up with a firefighter family around me. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not going to run away, Chloe, I'm here, and I'm staying here. I pro-"

I cut her off with a hard, crushing kiss. I could feel our hearts racing; I could feel her tongue tangling with mine, the hardness of her teeth, the softness of her lips. I could feel a shift; something had changed for both of us.