Lewis Carroll in Wonderland and at Home Part 12

"Oh, Tiger-lily!" said Alice, addressing herself to one that was waving gracefully about in the wind, "I _wish_ you could talk!"

"We can talk," said the Tiger-lily, "when there's anybody worth talking to" ... At length, as the Tiger-lily went on waving about, she spoke again in a timid voice, almost in a whisper:

"And can _all_ the flowers talk?"

"As well as _you_ can," said the Tiger-lily, "and a great deal louder."

"It isn't manners for us to begin, you know," said the Rose, "and I really was wondering when you'd speak! Said I to myself, 'Her face has got _some_ sense in it though it's not a clever one!' Still you've the right color and that goes a long way."

"I don't care about the color," the Tiger-lily remarked. "If only her petals curled up a little more, she'd be all right."

Alice didn't like being criticised, so she began asking questions:

"Aren't you sometimes frightened at being planted out here with n.o.body to take care of you?"

"There's the tree in the middle," said the Rose. "What else is it good for?"

"But what could it do if any danger came?" Alice asked.

"It could bark," said the Rose.

"It says 'bough-wough'," cried a Daisy. "That's why its branches are called boughs."

"Didn't you know that?" cried another Daisy. And here they all began shouting together.

Lewis Carroll loved this play upon words, and children, strange to say, loved it too, and were quick to see the point of his puns. The _Red Queen_, whom _Alice_ met shortly after this, was a most dictatorial person.

"Where do you come from?" she asked, "and where are you going? Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers all the time."

Alice attended to all these directions, and explained as well as she could that she had lost her way.

"I don't know what you mean by _your_ way," said the Queen. "All the ways about here belong to _me_, but why did you come out here at all?" she added in a kinder tone. "Curtsey while you're thinking what to say. It saves time."

Alice wondered a little at this, but she was too much in awe of the Queen to disbelieve it.

"I'll try it when I go home," she thought to herself, "the next time I'm a little late for dinner."

Evidently some little girls were often late for dinner.

"It's time for you to answer now," the Queen said, looking at her watch; "open your mouth a _little_ wider when you speak and always say 'Your Majesty.'"

"I only wanted to see what your garden was like, your Majesty."

"That's right," said the Queen, patting her on the head, which Alice didn't like at all, "though when you say 'garden,' _I've_ seen gardens compared with which this would be a wilderness."

Alice didn't dare to argue the point, but went on: "And I thought I'd try and find my way to the top of that hill--"

"When you say 'hill,'" the Queen interrupted, "_I_ could show you hills in comparison with which you'd call this a valley."

"No, I shouldn't," said Alice, surprised into contradicting her at last.

"A hill _can't_ be a valley you know. That would be nonsense--"

The _Red Queen_ shook her head.

"You may call it 'nonsense' if you like," she said, "but _I've_ heard nonsense compared with which that would be as sensible as a dictionary!"

Which last remark seemed to settle the matter, for _Alice_ had nothing further to say on the subject.

Nonsense, indeed; and what delightful nonsense it is! Is it any wonder that the little girls for whom Lewis Carroll labored so lovingly should reward him with their laughter?

_Alice_ entered Checker-Board Land in the _Red Queen's_ company; she was apprenticed as a p.a.w.n, with the promise that when she entered the eighth square she would become a queen [she probably was confusing chess with checkers], and the _Red Queen_ explained how she would travel.

"A p.a.w.n goes two squares in its first move, you know, so you'll go very quickly through the third square, by railway, I should think, and you'll find yourself in the fourth square in no time. Well, _that_ square belongs to Tweedledum and Tweedledee, and the fifth is mostly water, the sixth belongs to Humpty Dumpty, ... the seventh square is all forest. However, one of the knights will show you the way, and in the eighth square we shall be queens together, and its all feasting and fun."

The rest of her adventures occurred on those eight squares--sometimes in company with the _Red Queen_ or the _White Queen_ or both. Things went more rapidly than in Wonderland, the people were brisker and smarter. When the _Red Queen_ left her on the border of Checker-Board Land, she gave her this parting advice:

"Speak in French when you can't think of the English for a thing, turn out your toes as you walk, and remember who you are!"

How many little girls have had the same advice from their governesses or their mamma--"Turn out your toes when you walk, and remember who you are!"

This is what made Lewis Carroll so irresistibly funny--the way he had of bringing in the most common everyday expressions in the most uncommon, unexpected places. Only in _Alice's_ case it took her quite a long time to remember who she was, just because the _Red Queen_ told her not to forget.

Children are very queer about that--little girls in particular--at least those that Lewis Carroll knew, and he certainly was acquainted with a great many who did remarkably queer things.

_Alice's_ meeting with the two fat little men named _Tweedledum_ and _Tweedledee_ recalled to her memory the old rhyme:

Tweedledum and Tweedledee Agreed to have a battle; For Tweedledum said Tweedledee Had spoiled his nice new rattle.

Just then flew down a monstrous crow, As black as a tar barrel; Which frightened both the heroes so, They quite forgot their quarrel.

Fierce little men they were, one with _Dum_ embroidered on his collar, the other showing _Dee_ on his. They were not accustomed to good society nor fine grammar. They were exactly alike as they stood motionless before her, their arms about each other.

"I know what you're thinking about," said Tweedledum, "but it isn't so--nohow." [Behold the _beautiful_ grammar.]

"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic."

Now, _Alice_ particularly wanted to know which road to take out of the woods, but somehow or other her polite question was never answered by either of the funny little brothers. They were very sociable and seemed most anxious to keep her with them, so for her entertainment _Tweedledum_ repeated that beautiful and pathetic poem called:

THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER.

The sun was shining on the sea, Shining with all his might; He did his very best to make The billows smooth and bright-- And this was odd, because it was The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily, Because she thought the sun Had got no business to be there After the day was done-- "It's very rude of him," she said, "To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be, The sands were dry as dry, You could not see a cloud, because No cloud was in the sky; No birds were flying overhead-- There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter Were walking close at hand; They wept like anything to see Such quant.i.ties of sand; "If this were only cleared away,"

They said, "it _would_ be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops Swept it for half a year, Do you suppose," the Walrus said, "That they would get it clear?"