Letters of Abelard and Heloise Part 7

ELOISA to ABELARD

BY MR POPE.

In these deep solitudes and awful cells.

Where heav'nly-pensive Contemplation dwells, And ever-musing Melancholy reigns; What means this tumult in a Vestal's veins?

Why rove my thoughts beyond this last retreat?

Why feels my heart its long-forgotten beat?

Yet, yet I love!----From _Abelard_ it came, And _Eloisa_ yet must kiss the name.

Dear fatal name! rest ever onreveal'd, Nor pa.s.s those lips in holy silence seas'd: Hide it, my heart, within that close disguise, Where mix'd with G.o.d's, his lov'd idea lyes; Oh write it not, my hand--the name appears Already written--wash it out, my tears!

In vain lost _Eloisa_ weeps and prays, Her heart still dictates, and her hand obeys.

Relentless walls! whose darksome round contains Repentant sighs, and voluntary pains: Ye rugged rocks! which holy knees have worn; Ye grotes and caverns s.h.a.gg'd with horrid thorn!

Shrines! where their vigils pale-ey'd virgins keep, And pitying saints, whose statues learn to weep!

Tho' cold like you unmov'd and silent grown, I have not yet forgot myself to stone.

Heav'n claims me all in vain, while he has part, Still rebel Nature holds out half my heart; Nor pray'rs nor fasts its stubborn pulse restrain, Nor tears, for ages taught to flow in vain.

Soon as thy Letters, trembling, I unclose, That well-known name awakens all my woes.

Oh name for ever sad! for ever dear!

Still breath'd in sighs, still utter'd with a tear.

I tremble too where'er my own I find, Some dire misfortune follows close behind.

Line after line my gushing eyes o'erflow, Led through a sad variety of woe: Now warm in love, now with'ring in thy bloom, Lost in a convent's solitary gloom!

There stern religion quench'd th' unwilling flame.

There died the best of pa.s.sions, love and same.

Yet write, oh write me all, that I may join Griefs to thy griefs, and echo sighs to thine.

Nor foes nor fortune take this pow'r away; And is my _Abelard_ less kind than they?

Tears still are mine, and those I need not spare, Love but demands what else were shed in pray'r; No happier talk these faded eyes pursue; To read and weep is all they now can do.

Then share thy pain, allow that sad relief; Ah, more than share it! give me all thy grief.

Heav'n first taught letters for some wretch's aid, Some banish'd lover, or some captive maid; They live they speak, they breathe what love inspires, Warm from the soul, and faithful to its fires, The virgin's wish without her fears impart, Excuse the blush, and pour out all the heart, Speed the soft intercourse from soul to soul, And waft a sigh from Indus to the Pole.

Thou know'st how guiltless first I met thy flame, When Love approach'd me under Friendship's name; My fancy form'd thee of angelic kind, Some emanations of th' all-beauteous Mind.

Those smiling eyes, attemp'ring every ray, Shone sweetly lambent with celestial day.

Guiltless I gaz'd; Heav'n listen'd while you sung; And truths divine came mended from that tongue, From lip like those what precepts fail'd to move?

Too soon they taught me 'twas no sin to love: Back through the paths of pleasing sense I ran, Nor wish'd an angel whom I lov'd a man.

Dim and remote the joys of saints I see, Nor envy them that heav'n I lose for thee.

How oft', when prest to marriage, have I said, Curse on all laws but those which Love has made!

Love, free as air, at sight of human ties, Spreads his light wings, and in a moment flies.

Let wealth, let honour, wait the wedded dame, August her deed, and sacred be her fame; Before true pa.s.sion all those views remove, Fame, wealth, and honour! what are you to love?

The jealous G.o.d, when we profane his fires, Those restless pa.s.sions in revenge inspires, And bids them make mistaken mortals groan, Who seek in love for ought but love alone.

Should at my feet the world's great master fall, Himself, his throne, his world, I'd scorn 'em all; Not _Ceasar's_ empress would I deign to prove; No, make me mistress to the man I love; If there be yet another name more free, More fond, than Mistress, make me that to thee!

Oh happy state! when souls each other draw.

When love is liberty, and nature law, All then is full possessing and possess'd, No craving void left akeing in the breast?

Ev'n thought meets thought, ere from the lips it part, And each warm wish springs mutual from the heart.

This sure is bliss, (if bliss on earth there be,) And once the lot of _Abelard_ and me.

Alas, how chang'd! what sudden horrors rise!

A naked lover bound and bleeding lyes!

Where, where was _Eloisa_? her voice, her hand, Her poinard, had oppos'd the dire command.

Barbarian, stay! that b.l.o.o.d.y stroke restrain; The crime was common, common be the pain.

I can no more; by shame, by rage, suppress'd, Let tears and burning blushes speak the rest.

Canst thou forget that sad, that solemn day, When victims at yon altar's foot we lay?

Canst thou forget what tears that moment fell, When, warm in youth, I bade the world farewell?

As, with cold lips I kiss'd the sacred veil, The shrines all trembled, and the lamps grew pale: Heav'n scarces believ'd the conquest it survey'd, And saints with wonder heard the vows I made.

Yet then, to those dread altars as I drew, Not on the Cross my eyes were fix'd, but you: Not grace, or zeal, love only was my call, And if I lose thy love, I lose my all.

Come! with thy looks, thy words, relieve my woe; Those still at least are left thee to bestow.

Still on that breast enamour'd let me lye, Still drink delicious poison from thy eye, Pant on thy lip, and to thy heart be press'd; Give all thou canst----and let me dream the rest, Ah, no! instruct me other joys to prize, With other beauties charm my partial eyes.

Full in my view set all the bright abode, And make my soul quit _Abelard_ for G.o.d.

Ah! think at least thy flock deserves thy care, Plants of thy hand, and children of thy pray'r.

From the false world in early youth they fled, By thee to mountains, wilds, and deserts led.

You rais'd these hallow'd walls; the desart smil'd, And Paradise was open'd in the wild.

No weeping orphan saw his father's stores Our shines irradiate, or emblaze the floors: No silver saints, by dying misers given, Here brib'd the rage of ill-requited Heav'n: But such plain roofs as piety could raise, And only vocal with the maker's praise.

In these lone walls (their days eternal bound) These moss-grown domes with spiry turrets crown'd, Where awful arches make a noon-day night, And the dim windows shed a solemn light; Thy eyes diffus'd a reconciling ray, And gleams of glory brighten'd all the day, But now no face divine contentment wears, 'Tis all blank sadness, or continual tears.

See how the force of others' pray'rs I try, (Oh pious fraud of am'rous charity!) But why should I on others' prayers depend?

Come thou, my Father, Brother, Husband, Friend!

Ah, let thy Handmaid, Sister, Daughter, move, And all those tender Names in one, thy Love!

The darksome pines, that o'er yon rocks reclin'd Wave high, and murmur to the hollow wind, The wand'ring streams that shine between the hills, The grotes that echo to the tinkling rills, The dying gales that pant upon the trees, The lakes that quiver to the curling breeze; No more these scenes my meditation aid, Or lull to rest the visionary maid.

But o'er the twilight groves, and dusky caves, Long founding aisles, and intermingled graves, Black Melancholy sits, and round her throws A death like silence, and a dread repose: Her gloomy presence saddens all the scene.

Shades ev'ry flow'r, and darkens ev'ry green, Deepens the murmur of the falling floods, And breathes a browner horror on the woods,

Yet here for ever, ever must I stay; Sad proof how well a lover can obey!

Death, only death, can break the lasting chain; And here, ev'n then, shall my cold dust remain;

Here all its frailties, all its flames resign, And wait, till 'tis no sin to mix with thine.

Ah, wretch! believ'd the spouse of G.o.d in vain, Confess'd within the slave of love and man.

a.s.sist me, Heav'n! But whence, arose that pray'r?

Sprung it from piety, or from despair?

Ev'n here, where frozen Chast.i.ty retires, Love finds an altar for forbidden fires.

I ought to grieve, but cannot what I ought; I mourn the lover, not lament the fault; I view my crime, but kindle at the view, Repent old pleasures, and solicit new; Now turn'd to Heav'n, I weep my past offence, Now think of thee, and curse my innocence.

Of all Affliction taught a lover yet, 'Tis sure the hardest science to forget!

How shall I lose the sin, yet, keep the sense.

And love th' offender, yet detest th' offence?

How the dear object from the crime remove, Or how distinguish penitence from love?

Unequal talk! a pa.s.sion to resign, For hearts so touched, so pierc'd, so lost as mine.

Ere such a soul regains its peaceful slate.

How often must it love, how often hate!

How often hope, despair, resent, regret.

Conceal, disdain--do all things but forget!

But let Heav'n seize it, all at once 'tis fir'd, Not touched but rapt; not waken'd but inspir'd!

Oh come! oh teach me nature to subdue.

Renounce my love, my life, myself--and you.

Fill my fond heart with G.o.d alone, for he Alone can rival, can succeed to thee.

How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot?

The world forgetting, by the world forgot: Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd; Labour and rest, that equal periods keep, 'Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep; Desires compos'd, affections ever even; Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to heav'n.

Grace shines around her with serenest beams, And whisp'ring angels prompt her golden dreams, For her the house prepares the bridal ring, For her white virgins _hymeneals_ sing, For her th' unfading rose of Eden blooms, And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes; To sounds of heavenly harps she dies away, And melts in visions of eternal day.