Let Me: Let Me Fall Part 31

"Let me guess, you have one just like it at home?"

I gestured towards a volunteer and told him to pack it up as I made a note of the highest bid on the sheet so I could cover the cost.

"Yeah, this one is special to me."

She took my hand. Her skin felt papery thin, just as my grandmother's once had, and her eyes held me with their intensity. "I'm guessing they're all very special to you, so I thank you. We'll treasure this."

As they walked off hand in hand, my woman came to take my hand. "I was going to interrupt but that looked intense. I remember them. That was the older couple I was telling you about. She was the one going toe to toe with Beth Peterman over your paintings, especially the one of me practically bare-a.s.sed. It was pretty intense. I was rooting so hard for her."

"You were?"

"Of course. I couldn't afford it myself and that just about killed me. I just remember feeling desperate that night. We weren't together anymore but I...I wanted something of ours. Maybe it was more that I wanted some piece of you. But they were all so far out of my price range. I'd been watching the two of them walk around the gallery hand in hand that night. They'd obviously been together for a long time and still seemed to be so in love. Anyway, if I couldn't have it, I wanted them to have it...to keep us safe, you know?"

"I get it. And I'd be a little creeped out by Beth having a naked picture of you on her wall. Or worse, that Mr. Peterman would be able to ogle your fine a.s.s on a daily basis."

"You noticed that she's not here, right?" When I shook my head and shrugged, Carolyn teased, "Sure you didn't. Anyway, the gossip gals in my mother's group said she's gone and Mr. Peterman has found himself a new young honey. I feel bad for her. I hope Beth picks more wisely next time."

"Are you done selling? Maybe you shouldn't be on your feet so much."

Another eye roll. I got one every time I said or did something that Carolyn saw as overprotective. "I'm fine. This little fella is like the size of a kidney bean right now."

"Little fella? Do you know something I don't?"

"No, and we're not finding out, ok? I want to be surprised. I'll be shocked if it's a girl, though. I just keep imagining a little boy that looks like you."

Just like me.

Since we moved into our house, Carolyn has been going back and forth to her parents' place to clear out odds and ends. A few days ago she came home with some photos and a small box of keepsakes. I came across her laughing on our couch, flipping through a notebook. She made a half-hearted effort to hide it when I came into the room so I had to wrestle it from her, copping a feel in the process.

"Do not read that!" she shrieked. But she was laughing so hard that I knew whatever this was, it wasn't something seriously private.

My eyes went wide looking at the bubbly script that was clearly the work of a child. "Mrs. Carolyn Rivers?"

"No!" she cried as she tried to grab the notebook that I was now holding up and out of her reach.

"Who's Rory Rivers and Jared Rivers?"

She was laughing so hard she had tears streaming down her cheeks. "Our children," she blurted out, covering her face in embarra.s.sment.

"You named our kids? In sixth grade?"

"Fifth grade."

I couldn't contain my smile or my pride. So she really was into me way back then. I read over the names again: Mr. and Mrs. Jeremy Rivers. That's what we were. And we were going to be naming our baby soon. "I'm not a fan of Rory, sounds like what you'd name a big Irish Setter. Jared isn't half bad, though. Jared Rivers."

"It's after Jared Leto."

"The guy who wears eyeliner? Are you serious? Not happening. Now I don't feel so great about you crushing on me back then."

"Why not?"

"I was in the same category as a guy who likes to dress up like a chick?"

"Naw, back then he was a hottie...the brooding type."

"Whatever. Jared's off the table."

Carolyn was holding a small battered looking piece of notepaper in her hands then and she wasn't laughing anymore.

She turned the paper over to me. "Remember this?"

The paper had a cl.u.s.ter of tiny bluebirds in the upper left hand corner. It was the notepaper my grandmother kept in their kitchen. The handwriting was mine. I felt my features harden as I took in the barely legible scrawl. At the same time I felt Carolyn's arm snake around my waist.

"You can't imagine what that note meant to me at the time."

It was simple. It just read: I'm sorry, with only my first name written underneath.

"I remember that I wanted to write more to you. I wanted to tell you that I'd never do that again and that I felt really badly about what I'd done. But I knew how babyish my writing looked and I knew that if I wrote more, I'd definitely misspell something and look even more stu-"

"Don't say that word-ever." Carolyn cut me off and then rested her head on my chest, wrapping her arms around me again, covering me in her warmth. "I remember feeling special that day. Even though everything crashed and burned for you that morning, I remember feeling something deep in my heart. I just wanted to believe that you saw me as someone special. That note was everything...I knew you cared about me, Jeremy."

After a quiet minute, I mustered up the courage to ask a question that had been bothering me since long before Carolyn told me we were expecting. "Are you worried at all?"

"About what?"

"That our baby will be like me in that way."

Carolyn turned and sat on my lap straddling me, running her fingers through my hair. "I'm kind of betting on it."

I felt tears stinging my eyes as I fought to hold them in. "Really? How can you say that?"

"Baby," she cooed. "We both carry a strong genetic predisposition. You, your dad, my brother...My mom thinks my grandfather's brother may have struggled with it too." She leaned down to kiss my forehead and then each cheek gently before she went on. "But I look at it another way. I mean, who on earth could raise a child with a learning disability better than you and me? I teach reading disabled children, for heaven's sake. And you? You're a role model. Your life is a testament to the idea that with hard work you can achieve anything if you set your mind to it." She lifted my chin so that she had my full attention before she announced with conviction, "We got this."

Carolyn always had faith in me, even when I had no faith in myself. I had to trust in us. I had to trust that we would be in this together, that we'd have each other to lean on...forever.

That next day, inspired by Carolyn, I popped into a jewelry store near my current jobsite in Greenwich. It was an upscale place but not too formal or stuffy. Turns out the place was perfect; the shopkeeper knew exactly what I wanted, even though I was struggling to describe my vision in words.

I held the silver chain in my hands, thinking of the day I would place the necklace around my wife's neck. It would be the day we brought our first child into this world.

The chain held three, small, round hammered silver pendants. Each one was engraved with the words I'd used to describe this perfect woman, my Carolyn, over the years: The End...for now.

Thank you for choosing to spend a few precious hours with me. I hope you got lost in the Let Me series-connected with the characters, fell in love right along with them, wept when they fell, and rallied for them when they got it right and earned their happily ever after.

Please share your thoughts by leaving a review and feel free to get in touch-I truly enjoy hearing from my readers.

www.LilyFoster.com.

Let Me Be the One.

Book One: Darcy and Tom's story.

Let Me Love You.

Book Two: Rene and Caleb's story.

Let Me Go.

Book Three: Kasia and Dylan's story.

Let Me Heal Your Heart.

Book Four: Anna and Declan's story.