Let Me: Let Me Fall Part 13

"Stay away from my girl?" he teased.

"Are you delusional? I'll never be your girl."

I tried to get him to back off by throwing my shoulder into him but he gripped my hip then and leaned in to tug on my earlobe with his teeth. He whispered, "Hat Trick Henley. Remember him?"

I turned quickly and pushed him back with both hands. "What, Chase, are you threatening me? I have to get with you or else you'll tell everyone about your sick friend? His hat trick? Three young girls he practically raped?"

He furrowed his brow and touched his index finger to his chin, lost in deep thought-a real f.u.c.king s.a.d.i.s.tic philosopher. "Three girls? Greg never mentioned that. He only spoke fondly of you, Harris. The hat trick was the three ways he had you."

I was momentarily confused and then I froze. Chase reached down and thrust his hand up, hard and swift, cupping me roughly between my legs before releasing his hand. "I have to say, Harris, at first I didn't think you had it in you. But I actually can picture you, bent over begging, taking it in that sweet a.s.s. I've beaten off to that image every night this week."

I reached up to smack his face but he was faster and stronger. He grabbed my wrist, pressed his face in close and crushed his lips against mine. He pushed me back a few seconds later, turned and sauntered out the double doors, even having the nerve to whistle a tune-not a care in the world. I wiped the back of my hand roughly across my mouth as I attempted to catch my breath.

When I looked up, I saw someone standing at the other end of the otherwise deserted hallway. Great. He was making his way towards me now. Double great. Could this day get any worse, I thought, when I was finally able to make out Will Clarke approaching.

"What's up, Carolyn?" he asked cautiously.

I just shook my head and looked down. I couldn't face him. Chase had succeeded-I was now wracked with shame.

"Are you all right? I was far away but from way back there it looked like you were kissing Chase Sterling." He c.o.c.ked his head to the side, legitimately puzzled, and said, "But I can't believe you'd do that. Is he bothering you?"

"I can handle it and I was not kissing him, ok?" I snapped, frustrated. "All I need is for Drew to hear that."

"I'm not saying anything to Drew. He's got enough s.h.i.t to deal with."

I looked up to the ceiling, shaking my head, fighting back tears. "It's all me, right? I'm the evil b.i.t.c.h who broke up with him."

He gently took my shoulders. "No one thinks that, Carolyn. I don't think that. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you-he's miserable without you. But it's not just you, it's his dad...all the pressure...all of it."

"His dad should be happy," I said, confused. "Drew got in."

Will shook his head. "Mr. Oliver's an a.s.shole but there's no telling Drew that. Drew got in but his dad hasn't stopped reminding him that he didn't get in on his own merit. That he didn't really earn it. Calls had to be made," he said in a ridiculously stern voice, mimicking Drew's father, "favors had to be called in."

"I feel terrible, Will. He won't even talk to me."

"He can't right now. He's too hurt, too angry." Drew tipped his head, gesturing in the direction Chase had gone. "If you need my help with anything, Carolyn, please ask. Just because you're not with Drew anymore doesn't mean that I'm not your friend."

I lowered my head and nodded. He was too good. Again I wanted to break down and spill everything. Scream to someone: Please help me! Instead I said, "I'm fine, Will, really."

I was so not fine.

"Hey," he greeted me shyly as I opened my door. Jeremy looked at me with a mixture of reverence, intimacy and still, a faint hint of uncertainty. I looked at him with longing.

When I was alone with Jeremy I could almost believe it would all be okay. That Chase and his threats didn't exist. I could forget for a while, imagine that it was just us and that everything would be fine.

I looked back to the kitchen where my mom was cooking and called out, "Mom, Jeremy's here. We're going to study."

I took his hand and led him upstairs to my room.

"So how was your Monday? I didn't see you all day."

My stomach quivered as my mind drifted back to school, feeling degraded and abused at the hands of Chase. Feeling powerless when he grabbed at my crotch and then laughed in my face. Feeling just like I did as a fourteen year old girl without a voice.

I wanted to tell Jeremy it was quite possibly one of the worst days of my life, but I didn't. I tucked it all away and willed myself to be in this moment with him, a person who made me feel so very safe and happy.

Pretending felt better than my reality.

"My Monday is getting better and better," I said as I pulled him down onto my bed with me.

"Hey, what's the rush?" he whispered, brushing my hair back from my face.

"I just missed you today."

"I missed you too," he said as he ran the back of his hand across my jaw and then leaned in to kiss me. I melted into his kisses. He felt so good and kissed me in a way that made my entire body spark with need.

He laid his body over mine and through his thin warm-up pants I could feel him growing long and hard. I rolled my hips, needing him closer, needing friction. "Carolyn," Jeremy moaned softly, "you feel....d.a.m.n, you feel so good."

I licked and nipped his lower lip as I lifted my hips up again to grind against him, which elicited another rumbling groan from his chest. I was sliding my hand down between us then, desperate to touch him, when I realized we weren't alone.

"Hi, Jeremy! I didn't know you were coming for din-" Thomas stopped chirping abruptly as he took in the scene. His eyes darted from me to Jeremy, back and forth. Jeremy jumped up off my bed and I sat up, cheeks flushed-busted. Thomas's faced morphed from horrified to confused to...happy. "Is Jeremy your boyfriend?"

I looked over to Jeremy, who was now sitting upright on my bed, a pillow pressed over his lap. I suppressed a laugh. "Um, yeah, are you my boyfriend?" I asked.

He looked at me and then to Thomas, grinning. "Yep, I'm her boyfriend."

Something felt off. I parked my bike in my usual spot and cut the engine, but sat there for a minute before I got off. I felt unsettled. When I walked into school that Wednesday morning, the feeling intensified.

"What's up, stranger?"

I hugged Vanessa. "What's up with you?"

She clung to me an extra moment and I squeezed her back before looking down at her. She didn't look right. She looked uneasy. "What's going on, Vanessa? Is that a.s.shole bothering you again?"

She blew out a tired breath. "Same s.h.i.t, different day." When I went to speak, she held up her hand to silence me. "I can't leave, so don't ask. Not that I don't appreciate the offer, Jeremy, I do."

"What happened?"

"I walked in from work last night and Bruce was s.h.i.tfaced, nothing new. I went straight to my room and locked the door behind me." She looked up at me and said, "That creepy f.u.c.k was standing over my bed staring at me one night last week, so now I lock my door."

"And you won't leave, Vanessa?" I was p.i.s.sed.

She looked up at the ceiling as she spoke, ignoring me. "They started arguing. I heard my mother comment on the fact that the cable bill was enormous because someone was ordering p.o.r.n every day. Prince Charming retorts that if he could get his d.i.c.k sucked more than once a month then maybe he wouldn't have to order the d.a.m.n p.o.r.n." She let out a laugh as she said, "Yes, I officially live in White Trash Nation." Her look turned serious again. "He slapped her, Jeremy. G.o.d, it was such a loud, cracking sound. I ran out there and my mother's holding her cheek, crying, and he's screaming, 'Look what you made me do, you stupid b.i.t.c.h!' I didn't yell, Jeremy. I didn't hit him, throw anything at him. I just stared at my mother, like, stupidly trying to convey some message to her without words. This is who you want to be with, Mom? This is who you want?"

"What did he do?"

"After a minute, he turned on me. 'Get back in your room,' he's screaming. I started laughing at him, the kind of laughing where you can barely catch your breath. I don't even know why. That p.i.s.sed him off even more. 'What the f.u.c.k are you laughing at, Vanessa?' That made me laugh even harder, Jeremy. I don't know what came over me because usually when he says my name it makes my skin crawl. He raised his hand like he was gonna slap me but then he stopped for some reason. I don't know where it came from but I just stopped laughing and said, 'That's right, motherf.u.c.ker, you don't touch me. And if I find out you hit her again, I'm gonna make sure that you get beaten to within an inch of your life.' He stood there with his mouth hanging open for a minute. Then he just turned to my mother, kissed her, whispered something in her ear and they left together. He went from raging lunatic to loving boyfriend within a minute. And she fell for it. She falls for it...every f.u.c.king time."

"Have you talked to your mother since then?"

"Nope. They slept in. I heard them stumble in together at around three this morning. Two drunken lovebirds, whispering 'I love you, baby' to one another as they crashed into every wall in the apartment on the way to their bedroom. Apparently, it's all good."

"And you feel some duty to stay there be-"

"Because if I wasn't there last night he would have done more than slap her once, Jeremy. That's why." She looked up to me pleading. "I love you for caring, but in this case, you can't swoop in and make everything right, ok? Sometimes I just need you here...just to listen."

I nodded my head as I ran my hand through her hair and then kissed her forehead. "All right, Vanessa. You know the offer always stands, though."

She had her hands on my chest, fisted in my shirt as she nodded against me. I heard her take in a deep breath then, trying to shake it all off. She stepped back and punched my arm. "You just want me there to cook and clean for your lazy a.s.s."

"That wouldn't suck," I teased.

Frank and Vince approached then. After being interrogated about why I'd been missing in action lately, we agreed to meet at lunch.

I'd been making it to the cafeteria no more than once a week the past month. Carolyn was never there and I really didn't like spending time around Drew or anyone else in that crew lately. Watching Erica and Samantha comfort Drew was sickening. And even if Drew didn't know exactly what was going on between me and Carolyn, I felt his animosity. I'm not into kicking a guy when he's down but if he asked, he was going to hear the truth.

I understood Carolyn's point, I did, but I was not keeping us a secret for much longer. She didn't want to rub Drew's nose in it, especially now, when he seemed to be walking around dog-faced and hurt. I was tempted to tell Carolyn that his pain was bulls.h.i.t-that he'd f.u.c.ked around behind her back so he didn't deserve her concern. I held back, though. Just didn't seem like my story to tell.

Tonight I was alone. Carolyn said she couldn't get together because she had something to do with Thomas. We had pretty much spent every afternoon together the past few weeks so I wouldn't have thought anything of it, except for her voice. There was something off.

I just could not shake the feeling that something was very wrong.

"Hi, Carolyn."

There was no menacing edge to the voice but there was still no mistaking it was Chase.

I was sitting in my Calculus cla.s.sroom preparing for the test I had next period. I had lunch this period but no, I hadn't stepped foot into the cafeteria since my run in with Erica and Samantha on Monday. And no, Kerri had not reached out to me since then.

When he approached, I'd been looking absently at the same section of my notes for probably ten or fifteen minutes. Lately, my ability to concentrate was lacking.

"What do you want, Chase?"

"I want to start over. I want to apologize for the way I acted last week."

"You've suddenly developed a conscience? That's rich," I mocked.

He pulled a chair over and sat directly in front of me. "Carolyn," he said, in his version of a sincere voice, "you may not be my biggest fan but I really do like you as a person. I always have. All that Greg Henley bulls.h.i.t aside, I think you're a good girl. I'd never hold that against you."

A good girl? I cringed at those words and at hearing that b.a.s.t.a.r.d's name.

"Now that you're not with Drew, I really hoped that you'd give me a chance. I think I went about everything all wrong, though, and I really do want to apologize."

"You think you went about it all wrong? You think?" I was shaking with rage and also a good measure of fear. Chase was intimidating, even when he was trying to act all sensitive male.

"I did and I'll make that up to you. I want to take you to prom, Carolyn."

Did this arrogant a.s.s think he was bestowing some sort of gift upon me right now? My face must have conveyed the horror and disgust I was feeling because his face turned from expectant to offended as the seconds ticked by with no verbal response from me.

"Did you hear me? I just asked you to be my date for the senior prom."

I clasped my shaking hands together in my lap. I wanted to appear calm and self-a.s.sured even though I felt anything but. "I'm not going to the prom with you, Chase."

"Let me guess, you're hoping that loser, Jeremy, is going to ask you?" He laughed cruelly in response to the way I flinched. "Yeah, I see the way you look at him. Guess you want a chance to ride him just like every other girl in this school." He leaned his face in close. "Is that it, Harris? Got some bad boy fantasies you want to play out?" When I didn't answer, he asked, "Or do you actually like him? Have you fallen for your special-ed charity case?" he mocked. A smile overtook his face. "I get it. You feel bad for the poor b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Can't read, can't write and you feel sympathetic towards a guy who you know is probably going to be fixing cars or flipping burgers making minimum wage for the rest of his life." He took my chin in his hand then, forcing me to look at him dead on. His voice took on its normal, hard edge. "But that's slumming, Harris. You don't want to slum. And you don't want to be the back-up when he's already nailing that white trash s.l.u.t on the side, do you?" Now he was back to his commiserating friend-voice. "Yeah, I hate to break it to you but he's been f.u.c.king Vanessa steady since last year. Still is to this day." I shook my head and he said in response, "You hear a lot of guys' personal s.h.i.t in the weight room, Harris."

I pushed my chair back and stood. He stood and took my shoulders firmly. "So no, Carolyn, you won't be wasting your time with Rivers. And you won't be crawling back to Drew, who also f.u.c.ked around behind your back. You did know that, didn't you?"

"You're a liar."

He chuckled, as if he was explaining something to a simpleton. "Let me break it down for you, sweetness. Did you think he was cool with drawing blue b.a.l.l.s all that time? No, babe. Feeling you up once a week didn't do it for Drew. He got his kicks here and there with Lara and," he dragged his words out for effect, "even hooked up with one of your besties, Erica."

"I already know he's with Erica now."

"Hate to be the one to clue you in, but he cheated on you all along. A certain rowdy party at Samantha's house last fall? I saw them, Drew looking all covert and s.h.i.t, eyes darting every which way to see if anyone noticed him lead her into one of the upstairs bedrooms. Erica giggling as she trailed behind, that stupid s.l.u.t."

I'm sure my face was a shade of ghostly white. Was it true? Drew was too honorable to cheat...wasn't he? And my so-called friends? Lying to me all along? A sick feeling of dread filled my belly when I thought back to how I'd sensed something had been up after that party. My thoughts darted to Jeremy then. What about him? Had Jeremy been with Vanessa? I mean, I'd suspected as much. I couldn't be upset over that, though, I reasoned. I had a boyfriend at the time. But he still obviously felt a connection to her now. What did it mean?

"You h-h-have to go," I stammered weakly as my cla.s.smates started to file into the cla.s.sroom.

"You've got until tomorrow, Carolyn." He raised my chin roughly to his again. "I want an answer."

I sat back down and tried to compose myself as a few cla.s.smates eyed me curiously. I had to hold my shaking hands in my lap again until I managed to regain some control.

I handed in my test with half of it left blank. I texted Jeremy with some pretense about not seeing him today and then I walked out of school, skipping my last two periods. At the time, I would have rated that Wednesday the worst day ever.

Turns out, it wasn't even close.

Thursday before lunch I saw Samantha and Kerri waiting for me by my locker. I stopped a few feet away, paused, and then pushed forward, feeling so very drained. Kerri greeted me uncomfortably, "Hey," and in return, I managed only a feeble, "Hi." I was utterly at a loss for words. I felt weak in their presence and just so, so tired. I was awake most of last night, mulling over everything Chase had laid at my feet.

Kerri smiled at me sympathetically while Samantha averted her gaze, either uncomfortable or annoyed. Hard to tell.

Samantha spoke first. "Look, I don't know why I feel any loyalty towards you anymore, but I do." She c.o.c.ked her head, smirking. "I know you think this thing you and Jeremy have going on is some big secret but it's not."

Kerri reached out and took Samantha's forearm gently. "Carolyn, we've been friends for a long time and we don't want you making some big mistake. Not one of us," she said, looking between her and Samantha, "wants to see you get hurt."

One of us. Her words were clear-I was no longer part of us where they were concerned. And I was okay with that now. After all, if what Chase said was true, they were all in on Drew's deception.

"What's your point, Kerri?" I asked dryly.

Her hurt expression had no effect on me. I was pretty much done here. Samantha piped up. "Our point is that you need to take off your blinders where Jeremy's concerned. I'm sending you a picture. It was taken yesterday, by the way." She turned to Kerri now, who was looking at me sadly but with a faint trace of guilt in her expression. "Let's go, Kerri. This is total bulls.h.i.t. I don't know why I'm even bothering."

They walked away, Samantha tapping into her phone. A moment later I heard the chirp of an incoming text. The picture had a message under it: He's making a fool out of you.

I studied the picture. It was taken very recently, as evidenced by the full sleeve of tattoos that now covered one of Vanessa's arms. She was leaning into Jeremy, her fists clutching the fabric of his shirt. I felt a surge of jealousy as I noted the mere centimeters that separated their bodies. His hands were cradling the sides of her face, fingers woven into her hair, as he laid a kiss on her forehead. The pose wasn't carnal-I mean they weren't lip-locked or groping one another, but it was intimate, so intimate. It was exactly the way he held me, with what I thought was reverence, care and...love.

I made my way to an empty cla.s.sroom to hide away. I stared at the picture, rea.s.suring myself that it meant nothing. It could be easily explained. I shot Jeremy a quick text, knowing he was at lunch: I need to talk to you.

A moment later my phone chirped but it wasn't Jeremy.

Chase: I'd like an answer.