Leather And Lace Part 17

"So you had to quit?" Kris tentatively asked after a long stretch of silence.

Granny sat her now empty coffee cup down. "They moved me up to one of the floors thinking that it was the sight of all the blood that was causing the flashbacks. That worked for about a year and a half, but gradually other things like people crying out or screaming in pain brought the memories back, so yeah, I finally just had to quit."

"But you seemed to be okay helping Raven. I mean you didn't freeze or panic then." Kris pushed her empty plate and cup away from in front of her and propped her elbows on the table.

"I guess enough time had pa.s.sed. Or maybe seeing someone hurt that I care about was enough to override the memories." She shrugged her shoulders. "But don't let the Doc fool you, anybody could've done the same things I did."

"I know I couldn't and I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit." Kris covered Granny's hand that was resting on the table with hers and squeezed. "I know that I'm very grateful that you were there." She released the slightly embarra.s.sed woman's hand and leaned back.

"Thanks but...Kris what's wrong?" Granny changed gears in mid-sentence when the young woman's face paled considerably.

"I'm...not sure, but I think I should get back upstairs." Kris pushed her chair back and stood. "I'm getting a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach."

"You think something's happened to Raven?" The older woman asked as they headed for the elevator.

"No, at least not physically. It's hard to explain but more like she's upset." She leaned over to press the up b.u.t.ton.

A while after the duo had left, Raven felt like she was being watched and opened her eyes to see a nurse standing at the foot of her bed. "Is there something you want?" She asked after several seconds of silence from the nurse. Raven felt her senses p.r.i.c.kle, not in danger but in familiarity. It was dark in the room since Kris had turned the overhead light out when she left and the sun was once again blocked out by a cloudy sky, so she couldn't make out the features of the woman's face.

Lisa knew she should have gone to her supervisor right away and reported her relationship to the patient but she wanted to confront her sister before she lost her nerve. "Actually yes, there is something I want." When Lisa returned to the unit she found out that the man she thought was there to guard her sister had left because there was no more danger to the patient. Lisa was confused about exactly who or what her sister was since Raven was obviously not under arrest or considered one of the 'bad guys', but someone important that was worthy of being protected.

"I want you to explain to me how you've survived all these years without the guilt eating you up inside? How can you live knowing you're responsible for an innocent's death and then try to push the blame onto someone else's shoulders?"

Raven wracked her fuzzy brain thinking back to all her missions trying to figure out just exactly whom the nurse was talking about.

"When I was younger I use to wonder what happened to you. What made you leave." Lisa stepped closer and clutched the end of the bed. "Then when I got older, Philip explained it to me."

"Lisa." Raven closed her eyes; she had been so lucky to avoid any direct contact with her family and possible volatile situations. "So has Philip perfected his story over the years or is he still telling the same one?" She wasn't angry or defensive, just curious.

"You're still denying that you're responsible for Derek's death?" Lisa stared at her sister, her eyes filled with hostility and disbelief.

"No." Raven firmly replied. "I never denied it and I will always feel responsible for his death." She sighed in frustration. "I just deny the story Philip tells. That's not the way it happened."

This was different. Lisa had been told that her sister said that it had been Philip who was responsible. "Then why didn't you tell mom the truth? And the police?"

"I did, Lisa, mother wouldn't believe me. She said that I was lying and that Philip told her he wasn't even home. And at the time, the Police didn't believe me either." Raven reached for the cup of water Kris left next to the bed.

"What do you mean 'at the time', did they change their minds? And why weren't we told?" Lisa wasn't ready to believe her sister. Why should her mom and brother lie to her for all these years? "And just what is your version of the story?"

"Look, Lisa, I don't think now is the best time to get into this. I'm very tired and starting to hurt. And emotionally I don't think I can go through telling it right now." She paused to take another swallow of water and to study her sister. Lisa had grown up to look a lot like their mom. Hazel eyes and a short cute stubby nose and light brownish, blonde hair that she kept cut just above her collar. Raven guessed her height to be about five seven or eight and she was still just as skinny as a post.

"You mean you need time to make something up?" Lisa accused.

"If you've already made your mind up that I'm lying, why bother to ask?" Raven's hackles rose; she was angry and frustrated at being put on the defensive.

Kris entered the room with Granny following, to see a silent battle raging between the two women. "Is there a problem?" She looked from the nurse to Raven waiting for someone to break the standoff. If it hadn't been for the foreboding in her gut, she would have thought that her companion was giving the nurse a hard time.

"Meet my sister Lisa. Seems she works here. Small world, huh?" Raven never took her eyes off her sister.

"I'd have to be an idiot to think that this was a happy occasion." Kris mumbled to herself. "Lisa, I'm Kris." She moved over beside the nurse and wrapped her fingers around the young woman's upper arm. "Let's talk." Kris proceeded to drag the rather surprised woman out the doorway, through the unit and out into the hallway beyond. "Is there somewhere private we can go?"

"I'm not going anywhere with you." She tried to jerk her arm free. "Let me go." She demanded when she found her arm still in a firm grip.

"You have two choices. One, you can listen to what I have to say. Or two, I can tell Raven's boss, that would be Colonel Albright, that I found you trying to harm the patient and that you must be involved with the guy that tried to kill her." Kris smiled the smile she was learning from the Captain, the intimidating one. "You choose."

"You...you can't do that, it's not true."

"Yes, I know it's not but I would do it in a second. Then you can spend the day being interrogated by them, then come back here and try to explain it to your boss. I'm guessing that you should have told them that you are related to the patient and shouldn't be treating her. So there's always the question of why you kept that a secret."

"Why are you doing this?" Lisa was scared and she knew that Kris knew it.

Kris lowered her voice when several people pa.s.sed by them. "Because you upset and hurt someone I care about. So, which is it?"

Lisa pointed towards a small supply room. "In here."

Kris was precise and to the point. She told Lisa the same story Raven had told her about the day Derek died and the events leading up to it. She did her best to keep her emotions locked away, she just wanted to give Lisa the facts, she didn't want her to think she was trying to influence her in any way. Kris took a deep shaky breath when she finished; trying to calm the misery she felt at having to go through that horror again.

Lisa's legs had refused to hold her and she collapsed onto a small stool half way through the story. "What about what happened after? And where did Raven go?" She asked in a monotone after Kris had finished. "How did she start working for the CIA?"

Kris put a stop to the questions she knew she shouldn't answer. "Those questions you'll need to ask your sister." Kris was leaning with her shoulder against the door and her arms wrapped around her slightly queasy stomach.

Lisa stood and faced Kris; she tried to project a confidence she really didn't feel. "Why should I believe you? I don't know you and I certainly don't know my sister anymore. But I do know my mother and brother, and while Philip can be an imbecile from time to time and mother is set in her ways and beliefs, they've got no reason to lie to me."

Kris could tell that Lisa did, at least to some degree, believe her. Especially since it sounded like the young nurse was trying to convince herself as much as Kris that she should believe what she had always been told. Kris decided that she would try to throw a little more doubt Lisa's way. "Why would I lie? Why would Raven? What would she gain? Why would we make up this story on the off chance of running into you?" She saw the warring emotions cross the young woman's face and pushed off the wall with her arms spread out to her sides in a placating gesture.

Lisa opened her mouth to answer. "But..." She closed it when she realized she didn't have one.

Kris moved in for the kill, so-to-speak. "Who was your mother's favorite, Philip or Raven? Who did your mother believe if there was a conflict between them, your brother or your sister? You need to think back to before Raven left. How did your mother act towards her? Lovingly...indifferent...with hostility?" Kris let her arms fall to her sides. "You might want to talk with John Logan, he might be able to shed some light on this for you if you still don't believe me. He was a police officer at the time and knew Raven. He'll be around this afternoon, they work together now." Kris turned her back on Lisa and opened the door. She hesitated before leaving and looked back. "At least you had the support of your family when Derek died, Raven had their anger and bitterness. She had to grow up knowing her mother, who should love her no matter what, resented her simply because she looked like her father. And even with all those things going against her, she still turned out to be a good person. It would be a shame for you to miss out on getting to know her because of old fears and lies." Kris exited the room and closed the door softly behind her, leaving Lisa alone with her struggling emotions.

Raven was sleeping by the time Kris came back. "Any luck, dear?" Granny asked quietly.

Kris shrugged; she was suddenly very tired herself. "Hopefully. We'll have to wait and see." She sat down in the chair beside the older woman after checking on the bed's occupant. "Do you know what happened between her and her family?"

"I know that they are estranged because they felt that she was responsible for her little brother's death, which is ridiculous. Any fool could tell she loved him by the expressions on her face when she talks about him."

None of them saw Lisa any more that day. Kris had hoped the young nurse would have made a decision by the end of her shift, but in reality she knew it would take some time. Kris didn't get a chance to ask John if he had talked to Lisa. She had reluctantly gone home to shower after Raven and Granny had told her she was beginning to get ripe.

The doctor came by on rounds early in the evening and had a few of the tubes and monitors taken out of and off of his patient. "You feel up to drinking some chicken broth for dinner tonight?"

Raven glared at him like he was crazy. "No, but I could go for a burrito or two." She happily informed him.

"Very funny, Captain. You are on a strictly liquid diet at least until tomorrow. Then we'll see about something a little more solid. I don't care how fast you heal." He went through this tough act of hers each time he treated her. At least with the guys, he could always blame their tough act on male ego. He wondered if she thought she had to 'out tough' the men. Although sometimes he wondered if it wasn't the men trying to 'out tough' her.

"You could put it in a blender." Raven suggested hopefully. She hated liquid diets and she detested broth of any kind. Although she had to admit the ice cream wasn't a hardship and neither was the Jell-O as long as it had those cute little bubbles in it. Not that she would admit that even under the worst torture.

"Ew." Kris scrunched up her face. "Burritos and blenders don't mix, Taz. Pardon the pun."

"Do I hear snickering, Doc?" Raven tried to keep the threatening tone in her voice, which wasn't easy, since the blonde was laughing at her own joke.

"Me? No, of course not. No way I'd laugh at you, Captain." He peaked out from behind the chart he was pretending to study, trying desperately to keep the grin from forming on his face. "I'm just going to go and...do something." He slowly backed towards the door and freedom. "I'm sure there's something, somewhere around here that I'm needed for." He finished in a hurry as he turned and escaped. He could hear the laughter coming from the two women and smiled himself. "Sometimes life is good."

Chapter Eighteen:.

When Lisa returned to ICU, she explained to Emma about her relationship to the patient and was able to avoid Raven and Kris for the rest of her shift. After she was finished for the day she hung around waiting until she could talk with the ex-policeman. After their discussion, Lisa was more confused about some things, less about others. John had told her another story, one about a young determined girl that meticulously gathered evidence against the gang that she had known as her older brother's friends.

Lisa sat down on the sofa in her small apartment. She had moved out of her mother's house after she had graduated and started a full-time job. She found a small one bedroom on First Hill that was a short bus ride, or on pleasant days, a moderate walk from work. She buried her face in her hands and sighed. 'It seems that my sister's story had facts to back it up. She also seems to have not only his respect but that of most of the people she works with and the grat.i.tude of the ones she's helped.' It was a total about-face from the way Lisa was use to thinking of her. Thinking back to some of the questions that Kris asked her with adult eyes made some memories take on a new meaning.

Each day Lisa sat and waited on her big sister to come home from school. And everyday her best friend would come in and spend time until dinner playing with her. On this day Raven, as she still called her even though their mother had started calling her Frances, came home with her clothes all dirty and torn. Lisa hid behind the chair when their mother starting yelling at her playmate. 'It's bad enough that you look like him. Do you have to act like him too?' Lisa watched as their mother grabbed Raven's arm and dragged her down the hallway towards their room. 'You must think I have money to throw away, I know he did. Get out of those things and wash them. I'll have to see if they can be mended.'

Lisa leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. Another memory floated into her consciousness that she hadn't thought about since right after Raven had disappeared.

She had a bad dream, storms sometimes scared her and she woke up crying. Raven had gotten out of her bed and joined Lisa in hers. Her big sister always sung her back to sleep after she had a nightmare. Except this night their mother got home from work earlier than usual. The angry look on her face scared Lisa worse than the dream and storm combined and she started crying again. 'You're scaring her.' Raven had come to her defense. Lisa stared in shock as their mother slapped Raven hard enough to knock her to the floor. 'Don't you talk back to me, young lady. And don't you ever sing or whistle or even hum in this house again. You sound just like him and I won't stand for it.'

Lisa smiled at the memory of her big sister taking care of her. She had exchanged the positive memories for the lies that she had been told by Philip and the anger and resentment of her mother. She wondered if Raven still sang. "I'll have to ask her." She now knew that she would approach her sister asking to become part of her life again.

The 'him' in her memories was their father. Lisa had never made the connection before. She didn't remember him since she was just a baby when he left them. "Now I think I know why mother didn't believe her. But why would Philip lie? Was he scared? But if Raven's story is completely true, he didn't hurt Derek, the others did." Lisa sat forward with her elbows resting on her knees. "I guess I could ask him, but if he's lied all this time he won't change his story now. Probably won't do any good to talk to mother either." She laughed dejectedly. "Probably? Who am I kidding." Lisa shook her head. "Not only am I talking to myself, I'm answering, too."

Lisa decided to try and save what was left of her sanity, especially since she was meeting her mother for lunch tomorrow, and fix dinner. She thought better on a full stomach and she had skipped lunch that day. She reached for the refrigerator handle and pulled. It refused to open. It was ancient and sometimes stuck much to her annoyance. "Hey, come on, open up." She pulled harder. "Please, I'm hungry." She braced her foot against the counter and yanked. This time the door opened with a pop and she ended up on her b.u.t.t in the middle of the kitchen floor. "Now, that wasn't so hard was it?" Lisa asked the appliance then realized what she was doing and rolled her eyes. "Oh G.o.d, now I'm talking to inanimate objects." She started laughing at herself. "I wonder if I should start looking over my shoulder for the men in the white coats?"

After she had eaten dinner in front of the TV, she had forgotten she had taped two of her favorite shows the other night; she turned her thoughts back to the matter at hand. 'How do I get Philip to admit that he lied and that his 'friends' are the ones to blame? What was the name that John called the leader? It was the same as the little guy in the video game several years ago...the one with the mustache. Fabio...no, uh...Dario...that's not it. Mario, that's it.' Lisa had started to pace. 'I wonder if I can use Mario's name to scare Philip? Okay, so how would I know about him? Gang members are bound to get hurt from time to time and I am a nurse working in a hospital. Maybe he remembers my last name, asks me if I know Philip. Okay, that'll work.'

Pleased with herself for coming up with a plan, Lisa sat down and turned the TV back on. "Wait." She pushed the power b.u.t.ton on the remote, turning the TV off again. "If I'm going to throw this guys name around, maybe I ought to learn a little bit about him. Now how am I going to do that?" She had started talking out loud to herself again. "Gayle's older brother is a cop. What's his name? Oh shoot, he asked me out a couple of times." Gayle was Lisa's friend from college. They had met their junior year and hit it off. Lisa had never gone out with Gayle's brother, she had been too busy with trying to keep up with her cla.s.ses. "Andy's his name. Maybe he can help me out."

Lisa called Gayle to find out how to contact her brother. He worked the day shift so she had called him at home. After explaining what she wanted and some of why she wanted it, he agreed to see if he could dig up some information on the gang member Mario on one condition, that she would have dinner with him tomorrow night. If he was able to get any information for her, she would buy him dinner, if not she would still have dinner with him and he would buy. Lisa had agreed, thinking she would win either way. She remembered that he was a really nice guy and cute too.

She headed for the shower and an early night. The turmoil of the day had left her exhausted and now that she had settled on a plan of action, her chaotic mind had finally wound down.

Sharon wasn't going to stay that night with Kris since Raven was out of immediate danger. Her condition had been downgraded from critical. Really the only danger now was from infection. Dr. Kudirka had never seen anyone heal as quickly as she did and often wondered if it was from stubbornness or her intense hatred of hospitals. He had informed her that tomorrow he would move her to a private room.

"How did the talk go with Lisa?" Raven asked after she had forced down another swallow of the chicken broth she hated. Kris was being very stubborn and wouldn't allow her to have the Jell-O, ice cream or pudding until the entire cup was empty.

"Too early to tell yet, but I think I put some doubts in her mind about what really happened." She stretched and yawned.

"You really should've gone home with Granny. You would sleep better in a bed." As much as Raven enjoyed having her here, she had to try one more time to persuade her companion.

"You just wanted me to leave so you wouldn't have to drink that broth." Kris grinned. "Besides, I told you before that I don't want to sleep in our bed without you. I really don't think I could." She stood and moved to stand beside the bed. "You finished it. Good girl." She praised the older woman like an insecure child. "Here, Taz you can eat your cute green Jell-O now." Kris almost started laughing at the conversation they had earlier. Raven had been so serious when she asked Kris if she knew how they got the little bubbles inside the squares. Kris had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from spewing the swallow of water across the room. 'It's a rather long and arduous process. I'll make you some when you get to come home.' She had promised.

Lisa woke up early and spent the morning cleaning her apartment. She was absolutely dreading her weekly lunch date with her mother. She just hoped that she would be able to keep quiet about seeing Raven and about the memories that had begun to surface. Maybe she could test the waters and just ask a question about their childhood and see how she reacted. After all the time that had pa.s.sed, maybe her mother would have mellowed. Maybe she had started to miss her eldest daughter and even regretted what had happened in the past. With those thoughts, Lisa felt in better spirits when she headed out the door.

She pushed open the door to the restaurant and headed back towards the kitchen. "Hey, mother?" She called out. "Where are you?"

"In the freezer, dear. Be out in a minute." Cynthia Chandler was 50 years old, but looked slightly older. Her brownish blonde hair that grew to just below her shoulder had turned gray several years ago. She was the same height as her youngest daughter but was thinner and had a pasty look to her skin. Their eyes were the same hazel color, but Cynthia's were dull and almost lifeless.

"If you're too busy, we can have lunch another time." Lisa offered, raising her voice above the loud noises of the kitchen.

"Don't be silly. You know I always save Tuesdays for us to have lunch." It had been this way for the last couple of years. Even when Lisa was still living at home, they had lunch every Tuesday at the restaurant. "Do you think you'll be able to make dinner this week?" Every Thursday she and Philip were supposed to have dinner with her, but for the past several weeks Lisa hadn't been able to make it because of her work schedule.

"I, uh, don't know. I'll have to check with the hospital tomorrow after the shifts are a.s.signed." Lisa knew darn well what her schedule was, but it gave her a way out.

"Well call me when you know something. Let's go sit down and eat." They always ate from the buffet and Lisa didn't mind since the food was always good. She had to give her mother that, she ran a good restaurant and the employees all liked to work for the woman.

Lisa finished her last bite and wiped her mouth. "That was good but I think I ate too much."

"I don't think I've ever seen you go back for thirds before. Don't you cook at that apartment of yours?"

"Yes, mother. But I was cleaning this morning and I didn't eat breakfast." Lisa explained.

"I should get back to work. Don't forget to let me know about Thursday night."

"Wait, I wanted to ask you something." Lisa paused and waited until Cynthia sat back down. "You remember when I was little and sometimes I would have a bad dream?" She was nervous and she wasn't sure how to take her mother's silence but she had started this so she would now have to finish. "I would wake up crying and I remember someone holding me and softly singing me back to sleep. That was Raven wasn't it?"

There was silence for at least a minute before Cynthia replied. "I never want to hear her name again. She doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned." Her voice was low and controlled. "It was a joyous day when she left, just like her father she was. A bad seed."

"But how do you know? What if..."

"I could look at her and tell, that's how I know. No more talk about her or what ifs. Do you understand? She's probably in jail or dead by now anyway and I say good riddance." Cynthia didn't wait for her daughter to answer her. She threw her napkin down on the table and headed towards her office.

"That went well." Lisa sighed as she watched the retreating form of the agitated woman. At least she knew her mother's feeling on the subject hadn't changed. She stood, put on her coat and slung her small backpack over her shoulder. She had gotten in the habit of using one while in school and now used it instead of a purse.

Lisa pa.s.sed the bus stop by, deciding to walk part of the way back to her apartment. There was a bright sun shining instead of the usual December clouds and rain. The wind was calm and the temperature was in the mid-forties, making for a pleasantly mild day. Walking would also help her work off lunch since she ate way too much and she was having dinner with Andy at 7 o'clock that night. She turned onto Madison and started the up hill climb.

Kris paused in her typing every once in awhile just to watch her partner sleep. After moving Raven to a private room that morning, the doctor had changed his orders regarding her pain medication. Kris could tell that the amount of narcotic was drastically reduced since Raven's face was more animated like it would be in a natural sleep instead of one that was drug induced.

Granny had been by that morning and so had John, who had warned them that Hardly had asked to see them in order to apologize for his part in Major Otis' plan. Sharon sent word and promised to stop by after work.

"Afternoon, sleepy head." Kris put down her laptop. "You hungry?" She asked as she moved to the side of the hospital bed.

"Yep." Raven reached up and pulled Kris' head down for a kiss. "I sure miss holding you when I sleep." She placed her palm against the young woman's cheek and caressed it.

"I miss you, too." Kris brought Raven's hand around to her mouth and kissed the backs of her fingers. "But we'll be home before you know it. And the doc said tomorrow you can start on solid food."

"Oh yeah, I can hardly wait. His idea of solid food the first day after a liquid diet includes such delicacies as scrambled eggs and some kinda mush that pa.s.ses for oatmeal around here." Raven said in mock enthusiasm. "I think I'll stick to ice cream."

Kris chuckled. "Speaking of ice cream, I'll go let them know you're awake and ready for lunch." Kris placed Raven's hand back on the bed. "Be right back."