Kuzu to Kinka no Qualidea Vol 1 Chapter 5.2

Haruma-1

There’s an expression that goes like this: give and take.

Giving and taking is a fundamental part of baseball. Throwing and catching are performed in equal measure. You throw the ball so that it’s easier for the other person to catch and you pay attention to their movements. The implication is that practice makes you aware of those things, I believe.

And so, going by that criterion, Chigusa Yuu was the worst kind of pitcher imaginable.

Her pitching form wasn’t bad. She didn’t throw like a girl, and she twisted her shoulders and hips properly. The speed of her pitch was sufficient for a girl. Plus, it was nice how she threw the ball so confidently, just like a real pitch.

It was just that her control was abysmal.

“Hyaa!”

With that unfocused cry, she sent the rock flying off-kilter. While we’re at it, my conversation with Chigusa went flying off-kilter as well.

Despite being well aware that it’s wrong to break a freaking window, Chigusa had, for some inexplicable reason, hurled a rock at the house next door.

“…Ahh!”

As I stood stunned at this unforeseen action, Chigusa only smacked her head lightly. “Whoops-a-daisy,” she giggled, before once again searching for a hand-sized rock.

No more of that. Fl.u.s.tered, I grabbed Chigusa by the shoulders and pinned her to the spot. There were many things I wanted to say, but it was all so much for me that the most I could do was breathe heavily.

If she was literally throwing stones, did that make her a foot soldier or something? In days gone by, stones were considered light weaponry. Even in modern j.a.pan, their destructive power hadn’t changed, d.a.m.n it.

As I mentally berated her, I finally caught my breath. When I inhaled deeply, the sweet and subtle mixture of perfume and shampoo tickled my nostrils. I looked down at Chigusa in my arms and noticed her moaning and groaning as she struggled against me. My right hand, which had snaked around her body from behind, was on her slender, stiffened hips, while my left hand was stretched across her uniform, on the protruding part of her chest. As soon as I became aware of that fact, my palm belatedly began to feel something.

…Sure is soft, I thought, although for some reason the cloth of her uniform was stiff and hard to touch. One of the world’s mysteries!

Not that this was going to lead to a mystery hunt for Super Hitoshi-kun in bed (1).

“Ahh, er, my bad…”

I promptly jumped away from Chigusa. My voice came out feebler than I thought it would, and it seemed that Chigusa did not hear it. Thanks to the traces of elasticity my palm had felt, I couldn’t bring myself to look Chigusa in the eyes.

Hang on a minute, why was this chick so thin…? And why was she so soft despite being a rake…? Is it true that girls are soft even when they’re skinny? Please tell me, Gyaruko-chan (2)!

But, well, she was soft all over, and it wasn’t like she had a particular sweet spot. Actually, my fingertips had felt the cloth of her uniform as well as something faintly elastic. When it came to size, Chigusa’s chibusa were nothing to write home about. What a misnomer! I had no doubt that if Chigusa did have huge t.i.ts, the boys in her cla.s.s would call her ‘Chibusa’ as a dare.

When that thought occurred to me, I figured it might be a good thing that hers were small instead. It’s a status symbol! A status symbol, I say! The Nativity of John the Baptist! Yes! Johannes!

I was a shy and all-too-pure boy who fought to preserve the peace by thinking as many inane thoughts as I could. Speaking as the innocent and pure boy in the cla.s.s, just touching a girl was bound to cause a reaction in all sorts of places!

On the other hand, you could say Chigusa was also pure from a certain perspective. Pure evil, that is!

All of a sudden, Akutagawa’s h.e.l.l Screen came to mind. The story was about an artist who was unable to choose the means that would lead him towards his ultimate purpose, and in the end he was beyond saving. In The Spider’s Thread, on the other hand, the Buddha might have toyed with Kandata in the name of salvation, but Chigusa Yuu, who unblinkingly took actions that would turn this world into a living h.e.l.l, would receive a get-out-of-jail free card from that cheap-a.s.s Buddha.

“Haruma-san,” she rebuked me with a single utterance.

Her voice was quiet like the night-time frost and her smile was warm like sunlight beaming through foliage, but nevertheless her entire manner screamed her dissatisfaction at me.

“I get it already. I get it. Wait here a bit.”

As I held Chigusa with my hands to restrain her, I cast a glance at the school building.

When I noticed that the lights were on inside part of the staffroom, I figured that someone was still there. Which meant that the alarm system was not yet in place. However much we shook the gates, the security firm wouldn’t hear a word. Or at least, that was how it should be…

“Okay…”

I put my hand on the gate and hoisted myself over it, holding a pose just like what you saw on the jacket of one of Ozaki’s alb.u.ms. Scaling this height was no big deal for an average high school boy.

The problem was the girl.

“Here, gimme your hand,” I heard myself call out to her. My hand closed tightly around her tiny palm with its slender, pliant fingers and faint pink nails that sparkled in the streetlights.

Once we were over the school gates, I shoved my hands into my pockets in a diligent attempt to feign ignorance. Unfortunately, a definite heat still remained in my hand; try as I might, I could not cool it down.

As I mumbled a response to Chigusa, I started power-walking towards the school building. Just then, the front entrance of the building lit up. I could see someone striding towards us from the door. Maybe we had been spotted scaling the walls, or maybe we had caused too much of a racket—well, either way, it was natural for someone to come looking if they saw a suspicious shadow this late at night.

“Hey, looks like we got busted. What now?”

As I turned to Chigusa, ready to scram any moment now, she slipped behind my back and started talking about something that sounded completely irrelevant.

“Haruma-san. Are you aware of the stratagem known as tsurin.o.buse?”

“Huh? Ohh, it’s, uh… whaddaya call it? A decoy strategy. The Shimazu clan used it a lot or something.”

My memory was vague, but that was probably about right. Wait, hang on, why was Johannes suddenly quizzing me about the Sengoku period…? Also, why was she tugging on my back so much…?

“You’re well-informed. That is indeed correct. It is a high-level tactic that involves withdrawing the main forces and using the rear to stop the enemy by fighting to the death. Don’t you believe that now is a good time for tsurin.o.buse to make an appearance?”

“Yep.” Then I paused. “Wait, you just described ditching someone.”

Ditching and tsurin.o.buse were two sides of the same coin: The Daimyo of the Satsuma province, a member of the Shimazu family, used these tactics in the Kyushu Campaign. It’s easy to get confused so paying attention is a must. Not that I reckon it’ll be on the exam at all.

“…You really are well-informed.”

From the way she spoke she sounded impressed, but her expression was clearly one of disappointment. Um? Just what was she planning to make me do?

As much as I wanted to grill her about it, time had already run out.

The person coming out of the school building had already reached us.

“Wh-What is this racket…?”

The owner of the trembling voice was none other than my homeroom teacher Kuriu-sensei.

“Oh, ‘scuse me.” I gulped. “Good evening.”

“…O-Oh my… Kusaoka… kun?”

The teacher blinked furiously, looking utterly perplexed. Weeeell, there was kind of a pause before she called out my name, but it wasn’t like she forgot who I was, right? Right?

“What are you doing here at this hour?” said Kuriu-sensei. She put her hands on her hips and pouted. “We can’t have you walking around at night. And you’re with a girl too.” She had noticed Chigusa hiding behind me. “Didn’t I tell you at homeroom about all those disappearances? Young girls in particular have been disappearing around these parts.”

For once, the gentle, calm, pleasant and carefree Kuriu-sensei from the cla.s.sroom seemed genuinely affronted. The prime offender in this case was Chigusa, who was using me as a lightning rod. I had done nothing wrong; in fact, I was the victim here.

That was exactly why I needed to take a firm stance at this point. I would boldly tune out my teacher’s reprimands. Mwahaha! When people are convinced that they are victims who stand on the side of justice, they become haughtier than usual and lash out at everything they come into contact with. If they ever get called out instead, they gain the right to derail the conversation!

“Er, well, calling them disappearances is an exaggeration.” I blinked. “Ohh, does that urban legend or whatever have some credibility?”

“You mean the Random Crossroad? Yes, that rumour has been going around.” Kuriu-sensei sighed tersely and put a hand on her cheek. “I wonder just who is spreading it. It’s a terrible nuisance.”

Now all that was left was to keep sidestepping the issue even more naturally and I would be in the clear!

“Aren’t they basically just running away from home or slipping out at night? Are they investigating it properly?”

These things happen when you’re young. They’ll go to Tokyo and make it big, save up their dough and that kind of thing. That said, buying cows is kind of a joke (3)… Oh, wait a minute, we’re already in Tokyo, aren’t we? I wonder where young Tokyoites go to make it big…

As those thoughts went through my head, a flash of fear pa.s.sed through Kuriu-sensei’s eyes.

“That could be it, maybe… That’s what the police seem to think, although the investigations themselves haven’t really been getting anywhere. They’ve been receiving information regularly, but, well, you know…”

“Sounds like a problem,” I chimed in like a fresh-faced corporate slave.

Now then, time to be off! was all I could think as I made to head for the hills, but then Kuriu-sensei suddenly realised I was there.

“…So then, why did you come to school at this hour?” she asked me accusingly.

“Ah, well, you see…”

In the end, I couldn’t pull the wool over her eyes, huh…? As I found myself losing track of all the excuses I could be using about now, Chigusa poked her head out from behind me.

“Please wait. Haruma-san may well be a bad person with a seedy face who takes a young and helpless girl out late at night, but I believe that is absolutely no reason to convict him without trial. Let us first hear him out in a warm place before taking such action!”

That’s right! If I’m gonna get judged sooner or later, it might as well be in a warm court of justice! Better yet, just skip straight to the plea bargaining! Not that this was the time to buddy up with Chigusa.

“…Chigusa, shut up. You’re not helping.”

“Why is that? I thought it was the perfect plan to be summoned inside the school without hurting anybody.”

“Okay. I can see from what you just said that I don’t count as a person. All right, just leave it to me. Okay? Please, be a good girl,” I whispered to Chigusa secretively, prompting her to pout peevishly.

“If you say so,” she said, backing down.

What a relief. I didn’t want to get screwed around any further.

Kuriu-sensei had been watching our exchange with hawk-like eyes, but as it turned out, I had a trump card to use against the teacher.

“Amane-chan, er, I mean, my sister asked me to do something for her…”

“Kusaoka-sensei?” Kuriu-sensei paused for a while to think. “I see.”

She gave a little nod in acceptance and pointed towards the school building.

“Let’s go inside for now, all right?”

“Ah, yes. Excuse me.”

Chigusa and I walked towards the school building, following the teacher’s pace.

As we went along, Chigusa scampered up to me like a tame puppy. “My plan was a perfect success! We should keep making arrangements like this from now on,” she whispered into my ear with an affable smile. “If you keep this up, my points will acc.u.mulate and multiply like whoosh! You will become a wealthy man who will put the Enten market to shame, Haruma-san.”

“We didn’t have a plan or an arrangement, and also that sounds like a scam (4)…”

What was this chick saying…?

Yet somehow or other, beyond all explanation, the Johannes points seemed to keep climbing forever and ever. Amen. Wasn’t the grant criterion ridiculous? And come to think of it, I never heard how the Johannes points were supposed to be used. I’m too scared to ask.

At this point, I wondered if I ought to start thinking about opening my Frequent Flyer Harumileage Program. However, all of Chigusa’s actions had a negative a.s.sessment, so I wasn’t able to acc.u.mulate any miles…

What I did acc.u.mulate was stress and fatigue.

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES

(1) Hitoshi-kun is the mascot of the j.a.panese doc.u.mentary series Sekai Fushigi Hakken (trans. “Discovery of the World’s Mysteries”). Every week, a Super Hitoshi-kun doll can be spotted somewhere onscreen, sort of like a Where’s Wally game.

(2) A reference to the manga Oshiete! Gyaruko-chan, which follows the adventures of a stereotypical gyaru (i.e. girly girl).

(3) He’s quoting the lyrics of Ora Tokyo sa Igu da (trans. “I’ll Go to Tokyo”). The song is set around a young cow breeder living in the countryside, who longs about moving to Tokyo and to make it big.

(4) Enten (lit. “divine yen”) was the virtual currency used by the fraud businessman Nami Kazutsugi, who managed to scam $1.4 billion from his 37,000 or so investors.