Kore wa Zombie desu ka? Vol 2 Chapter 2.3

VOLUME 2

Chapter 2: Part 3

July tenth. It was Monday, and this week we were getting our tests back.

At five in the morning, I woke up before everyone else as usual, and snuck into school. The cla.s.srooms were locked, so I found a place where I wouldn’t be disturbed and slept for another three hours, and when eight rolled around I headed for my cla.s.sroom, and collapsed into my own seat.

As always, the first person who came in was the male honors student. Even though we were the only two in the room, he was a quiet type and didn’t try to talk to me.

Next was the student council president girl. You could guess she was the student council president just by her black-rimmed gla.s.ses and her hairstyle that seemed taken right from Doraemon’s Shizuka-chan. (1)

… Although, she actually wasn’t the student council president.

Everyone filed into the cla.s.sroom in the same order as they always did. I guess this is what you called as a lifestyle choice.

And as always, the cla.s.sroom began to buzz with conversation. But, that had nothing to do with me. No matter what the people around me were talking about, I didn’t really care. I just slept there like a cat.

But, was there really a point if I just slept away my school years?

Eight o’clock. It was this time every day when, like clockwork, Orito called out to me. Called out “Aikawaaa~~~,” like that. Even if I was sleeping happily.

However, something different happened today.

“Aikawa… Ayumu, right?”

Today, there was someone who called out to me before Orito.

It was a girl, with a commanding air about her that reminded me of Sera. If Sera let down her hair, she would probably feel like this. I really couldn’t remember having such a pretty girl like this in our cla.s.s.

“Ah, yeah I am…”

“I’m sure you’ve already heard. This is the item in question. Let the record show that I delivered it.”

The girl spoke rapidly as she placed a gla.s.ses case on my desk.

And then, she hurriedly took out her cell phone, and brushing up her long hair with her hands, she spun and turned her back to me. She probably got an incoming call. Before I could say anything more, she took the phone call without paying me any more attention.

“It’s me. I see… and so what?”

So these gla.s.ses were the things that Dai-sensei asked me to keep for her? I see, that girl did have a rather masou shoujo-ish appearance. How she had spoken arrogantly, and how busily she was talking on her phone were also very masou shoujo-like.

“Don’t bother me if it’s something so trivial! You idiot!”

Piling on the insults in a tone that really reminded me of Sera, the girl hung up the phone, and with a “Please excuse me,” quickly left the room.

I opened the gla.s.ses case, and saw a black-rimmed pair of gla.s.ses inside. They were a rather out-of-fashion style of gla.s.ses.

That girl had seemed really busy, and perhaps also because she seemed so annoyed, I hadn’t asked her anything.

How long should I hold on to this?

What exactly was this?

That girl had already left… all that remained was this pair of black-rimmed gla.s.ses and the gla.s.ses case they came in.

Wondering what kind of magical item this could be, I let my curiosity take hold of me and put them on. I saw the world go transparent.

When I looked at people, I saw through their clothes and could see their underwear. If I concentrated, I could also see through their underwear and see their na-

Were these ero gla.s.ses or something?!

Feeling almost as if my head would explode, I instantly took the gla.s.ses off. Why in the world was Dai-sensei asking me to hold onto something like this?

If Haruna found out… well, she would definitely kick me.

As Dai-sensei had said, it would be best if I kept this a secret from Haruna.

… I decided to try them out just a bit longer, and put them on again.

And then, a gla.s.sy-eyed Orito intruded into my field of view, and I almost coughed out a mouth full of spit. But instead, sweat erupted from my forehead.

… After all, I didn’t want to see Orito naked.

“Aikawa~~,” he called, his voice almost a purring whine. “Don’t tell me you plan to add that girl right now to your harem too?”

His eyebrows twitched and he sent me a glare.

“Harem? Do you mean Haruna and them? Sadly, it’s not like that. If only they were a bit more affectionate, it might be a harem, but…”

I put the black-rimmed gla.s.ses back in their case, and put the case in my bag.

“Just living with bishoujo like that is enough to be considered a harem! It’s a state of supreme bliss! Complete paradise! Nirvana! Yes, a paradise of nirvana! Rather, a galaxy of paradise!”

“Let me also just say that if you show any guilt here, then there will be no excuse and you’ll be made into a Zeong.” (2)

“Legs are just for show!”

“No, they’re necessary for humans. You might also lose your fingers, and in the worst case, you’ll be left as only a head.”

“I-If there’s that much risk involved, then all the better!”

“… You’re quite something, you know.”

It became time for homeroom, and Orito took his seat. We would hear the results of our exams today, so I was a bit excited.

It’s been long since I’ve taken cla.s.ses seriously and completely beaten Orito when we compare test scores during break time. I’ll have to remember to thank Haruna and Yuu properly later.

And then, it was lunch break. Opening up Haruna’s bento box, I was surprised. I was used to being surprised by her bento boxes, but today I was especially surprised.

… It looked normal. What, you ask? Well, the food that was in the bento box just looked really normal.

Hot dog wieners? Meatb.a.l.l.s? Hey hey, this is way too normal. I’ll have to remember to compliment her when I get back home. And to think she would even put in healthy, wholesome things like cherry tomatoes and lettuce… she can do quite well when she sets her mind to it, can’t she?

There was also mackerel cooked in miso, hashed beef, and corn soup… nevermind, I withdraw my previous comment.

I was so blinded by the normal appearance of the bento box that my senses had been fooled for a second.

Because of the corn soup and the hashed beef, all the other food was completely soaked through.

… What exactly was the mackerel really cooked in?!

Well, I mean, I wasn’t aware that lunch was going to be only soup, so the messed-up mackerel probably happened because I had accidentally tipped the bento box to the side, but she never told me what the menu was.

She had even finally put in white rice this time… but it was soaked now. Separate the soup into a different container, dammit.

“Ahh, that lunch today is pretty magnificent too.”

I wasn’t the one who had said that. It was the spiky-haired guy who had a smile on his face that was so wide it was almost disgusting… indeed, I wasn’t the only one who looked forward to Haruna’s exquisite lunches.

“Tell Haruna-chan for me. I want to eat hamburger.”

As if she would actually take your suggestion seriously. She wouldn’t even take mine seriously.

“Go to the convenience market. They have j.a.panese-style hamburger bentos for five hundred yen.”

“Aikawa, I’m not you. I can’t be satisfied off convenience market lunches alone.”

Oh hoh. He said that fully knowing how crazy I was for convenience markets, didn’t he? Well, you might have the upper hand, but I’ll take you up on that challenge.

“Set your teeth. I’ll show you how far humans can go.”

“Ah, right. Aikawa, I have something I want to give you.”

You too? First Dai-sensei… am I a warehouse or something?

Orito handed me a plastic bag that was hanging from one of his hands. From its size and shape, it looked like a book.

I began to take a look inside the bag, when..

“Are you an idiot?! Aikawa! Don’t open that here! You’d die.”

Orito desperately tried to stop me… so this was something I couldn’t look at in public? I would die if I did that?

“That’s something that’s really, really good. But seriously, keep it a secret from Haruna, alright?”

Why exactly did Haruna’s name come up there? And then, a deep suspicion began to well up within me.

Masou shoujo could manipulate the memories of humans. So maybe Dai-sensei was manipulating Orito and trying to hand this to me through him?

… Yeah, right. If that were the case, then what was up with the ero gla.s.ses before? At that point, I concluded that the chances of that happening were pretty low.

Although, the thought of Dai-sensei giving me ero gla.s.ses like that was also pretty strange.

“Hahahaha! What the h.e.l.l is up with that disgusting-looking bento?”

I almost tumbled out of my chair at that sudden voice. I was so shaken that my body snapped sideways and my head crashed into the window.

“Y-You! … Why are you here?!”

I was seriously surprised. There was a boy… no, a girl… right there. Another vampire ninja, Mael Strom.

When she wore our school’s uniform like that, she really did look like a girl. And now that I look at her, she did have a good set of b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Putting her hands on her hips like that, she looked quite imposing.

“Why, you ask…”

“Hey, Tomonori. What’s up?”

Orito looked up at Mael with a set of chopsticks in his mouth. Tomonori? What? That was a guy’s name.

“I told you, it’s not Tomonori! It’s Yuki! Yuki!”

“Orito, you know her?”

“What are you saying, Aikawa? She’s the hope of the track and field team. She’s in the cla.s.s next door… you’ve seen her during gym cla.s.s, right? You seriously don’t know?”

Well, certainly, our cla.s.s had gym cla.s.s with the cla.s.s next door, but they separated the boys and the girls, you know? And during gym, I have to deal with being directly under the sun. Orito probably spent all gym cla.s.s staring at the girls.

“So, Tomonori. What’s wrong?”

“I told you not to call me that!”

“Um, so what’s up with this ‘Tomonori’ thing?”

“Ahh, it’s this guy’s nickname for me. My name is ‘Yoshida Yuki,’ but the ‘Yu’ in ‘Yuki’ is written with the same kanji as the ‘Tomo’ in ‘Tomodachi,’ so if you interpret it like that you could read my name as Tomonori, right? And also, it’s because I act like a boy.”

“That makes sense.”

I gave a little chuckle, and Mael… or should I call her Tomonori? Well, anyways, Yoshida Yuki was a fake name, right?

“D-Don’t laugh. Umm… Aikawa… Ayumu, right?”

Her face was flushed red like an apple. Maybe I should start calling her apple-chan.

“Yeah.”

“To have a guy like this as my husband…”

Husband?

“… W-What kinds of things do you like to eat?”

“Well, I guess shrimp… and fried chicken?”

“Ah! The fried chicken at that place over there is really good!”

“Oh? So you know that place?”

“Yeah, I know it I know it! It’s even better than Centaur Fried Chicken!” (2)

Where the h.e.l.l is that? Were they frying chicken or horse?

“So, why do you ask?”

“Ahh, umm… well, that is… f-from tomorrow… I-I thought I would make your bento for you.”

She slurred those words out with her face still completely read.

“Tomonori… Aikawa… are you two going out?”

Orito, there’s really no need to cry here…

“W-We aren’t going out! Also, stop calling me Tomonori! I’m a girl!”

“What she said. Also, stop crying. I hate seeing men cry.”

“Then, why is she… bento… Aikawaaa~~”

I already told you that we aren’t going out, so stop crying. And stop being annoying and take your hands off my shirt.

“S-Shut up, you! My dreams… have turned into marriage!”

She swiftly turned her back and made a sour expression. No no no no. I have no idea what you mean.

“Hold on. I still don’t really know what’s going on here…”

“Um, well, to us, what you did back there was…”

“Sera already told me about that. But that was an accident. It didn’t count. You told me that as well, didn’t you?”

“But to our group, you know, what you did was not something to be taken lightly. No matter what the circ.u.mstances were, I’m to blame for not being more careful… so I came here after resolving to do what I have to!”

“Wait, no, that’s strange isn’t it? What about your feelings? What about my feelings?”

“… I can’t go against law. Or rather… I don’t want to go against law. We can worry about feelings later.”

“Well, vampires are-“ “Uwaaah!”

She interrupted me before I could finish. It seemed that saying “vampire ninja” was forbidden.

“Vam-“ “Uwaaah!”

Mael leaned herself in so she could whisper in my ear.

“If you tell people about vampire ninjas, I’ll spread the word that you’ve been running around in that strange cosplay.”

We smiled at each other. It seemed that we had reached an agreement. I cleared my throat.

“You lot sure aren’t flexible, are you?”

“Yeah. And we are proud of that. So… you are my husband.”

“H-Hey Aikawa… what’s Tomonari talking to you about?”

“She’s been giving me a report on Alaskan fur seals.”

Well, this situation was just a mess now.

Husband? Do you really think I could agree to something like that?

She herself didn’t really seem like a bad person, and from what I could gather from talking to her, she wasn’t that unpleasant as a person either. But my original goal had been to live out my school life alone… no no no. Did I really still believe that? I should have already realized that being alone was not a good thing.

She seemed to be a good person, so it might be nice to have her as a friend. Hm? Could it be that she intended to come live at my house too? I tried to ask her that question indirectly, and…

“Se-“ Mael began to say Seraphim’s name, when she glanced at Orito’s face and stopped herself.

“That person is there, so I can’t go there. If you say you want to live with me though… well, you can.”

Because they were enemies, right? Well, the minute they met again, Sera might pin her and hole her down by the arms again.

“I’ll pa.s.s. Having a freeloader suddenly show up would be a nuisance, wouldn’t it? Don’t just invite outsiders over to your house that easily. Also, there’s still one thing on my mind.”

“What is it?”

“What should I call you? Mael?”

“Calling me that in school would be weird, wouldn’t it? You sure are stupid.”

No, I think the weird thing was agreeing to be someone’s wife just from something like that. That was what was stupid.

“Well then… Tomonori?”

“At least call me by my family name!”

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES

(1) Here you go.

(2) A legless mecha, apparently.

(3) A play on words, since the first three syllables of the j.a.panification of the word “centaur” is “kenta,” so this is an obvious reference to a certain other fast food chain.