Kore wa Zombie desu ka? Vol 6 Chapter 2.7

VOLUME 6

Chapter 2: Part 7

Ahh, I guess something like that did happen at some point.

“Your Honor, we would like to present a witness to this event.”

“Okay, then make it a 100% pure witness! No impurities, no additives, never from concentrate, okay?! The witness to beat all witnesses… come on out!”

After Haruna shouted something that felt more appropriate at a mixed martial arts tournament, Yuu stood up from the jury box and came over to me.

We switched spots, myself heading for where the defense lawyer was sitting. They couldn’t find a witness stand, could they? Yuu plopped herself down in the chair that was sitting in the middle of the A/V room and rested her gauntleted hands atop her knees.

Sera stood in front of Yuu.

“Now then, h.e.l.lscythe-dono. Please allow me to confirm that the defendant uttered the following words.”

“Yuu, did you really think I’d let go? Don’t underestimate me. I’m three times as much of a perv as you think! I’m here touching a girl’s slippery, glistening skin, so I’ll never let go!”

“I didn’t fall in, okay? I was just touching your hands and then I just suddenly wanted to hug you close.”

Yuu firmly nodded.

“And what did you answer in response to those words?”

Pervert.

“Hey, wait a sec. I didn’t really mean that… it was more like a joke or something…”

“You’re saying you lied?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“The prosecution presents this evidence to the jury, that the defendant is a pathological liar.”

“I see. Nice trick there. I don’t think he could’ve gotten out of that one no matter how he answered you.”

Anderson-kun, who was in the jury, seemed quite impressed with Sera.

“Sera-san is absolutely right!”

Orito, also seemingly a juror, crossed his arms arrogantly and shouted that out.

“Hey hey! Wait just a sec! Objection! Objeeeection!”

My “lawyer” Tomonori waved her hands frantically, trying to raise an objection.

“What’s up with you now, Tomonori…?”

Tomonori was raising such a fuss that Orito seemed a bit annoyed with her.

“Anyways, you can cross-examine the witness now.”

Haruna spoke in a pretty uninterested tone. Tomonori seemed to be waiting for this moment, and energetically hopped up to the witness stand.

“Eucliwood-san. Has Aikawa done anything bad to you?”

He has not done anything bad.

Tomonori seemed quite pleased with herself at that answer, but Sera quickly raised a slender hand in theair.

“Objection. The defense’s question is vague, and it is difficult for us to understand exactly what she is talking about.”

“Well, ‘kay, I guess that’s a good objection. The defense will rephrase the question to be more specific!”

“Ehh, but I just want to show everyone that Aikawa’s a good guy and what happened this time was just a fluke.”

As expected of an idiot, Tomonori got completely fl.u.s.tered as she searched for the right words.

“Okay, continue then. Also, break the defendant’s skull.”

I get the feeling that the judge had just decided to hand down sentencing, but everyone ignored her.

“Umm… uhh…”

Tomonori didn’t seem to know what to say. She was an idiot after all, so she wasn’t good with words. But then…

“Are you saying that… Aikawa-kun did what he did deliberately?”

Hiramatsu, the girl with the ponytail in the jury box, asked Yuu that question with a serious look in her eyes.

Ayumu has always given me courage. He would not do such a thing on purpose.

Tomonori nodded fervently in agreement.

Looks like the tides of war were turning my favor. Good, good…

“So, Aikawa. Why exactly did you say something like that?”

Anderson-kun asked that question not at Yuu, but at me directly.

“Well, how should I put it… wasn’t it a cool thing to say?”

It was an embarra.s.sing joke I made back there, I admit. I’m sorry about that.

“Gross! Almost as gross as looking down at what you think is a shoelace and finding a centipede there instead! So gross!”

Mihara gave me a dirty look while her perfectly made-up face trembled, her long brown hair swinging behind her.

“Uwah, this guy is seriously lame!”

Even Orito was making fun of me…

“Indeed. Certainly, he may have given h.e.l.lscythe-dono courage, but the prosecution also strongly a.s.serts that his disgusting nature was on full display when he said that. The prosecution has no more questions.”

Sera puffed out her chest, seemingly sure of her victory.

Was this the end for me?

“Aikawa is a good guy! Why won’t any of you believe me?!”

“Stop being so irritating.”

“Just look at this next piece of evidence! I’ll be the witness myself!”

I could almost fool myself into believing that Tomonori seemed like a lawyer at that moment. That’s how much pa.s.sion was flowing through her body right then.

But seriously, just give me a bit of a break here… is what I wished for in my head, but I knew my wishes would fall on deaf ears.

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES