Knight: Over The Edge Part 3

"It's nothing," he replies.

Luke's lying to me. However, before anything more can be said, panic hits me pulsing throughout my body. The room begins to get hazy. I haven't had panic attacks like this since I lived with my mother. I take slow, deep breaths to calm myself. One brief moment I think to myself, "Will I ever stop having panic attacks?" Ugly sobs erupt out of me, paralyzing me.

"I'm here," Luke whispers softly as he moves beside me. As he rubs circles around my back in a soothing manner. I continue ugly sobbing. He pulls me into his arms holding me close. "You need Cole with you, helping you through this. He's the only one who can really help you."

Why he would bring up Cole right now? Does he really think Cole would help me? I want to tell Luke how wrong he is about Cole, but I still can't find my voice. The deep hiccup sounding cries are the only sound in the room.

"I was seventeen. I had been dating a girl for about a year." Luke begins quietly "Towards the end we fought a lot, and she broke up with me. I found out six weeks after she lost a baby." He takes a deep breath right next to my ear, his heart hammering against my back. I remain quiet waiting for him to finish. "She never planned to tell me. I couldn't forgive her. She was planning on aborting it right before she miscarried," the tears pour from my eyes for Luke, his pain is evident in his voice.

Silence overtakes us.

"Think about telling him for me please. He deserves to know."

"I'm sorry."

I manage to croak out through sobs. I am not sure what I am sorry for the fact Luke went through what he did, or that I can't tell Cole. The emptiness right now is unreal. I now have not only lost Cole, but I lost a part of us. It doesn't matter I didn't know before the miscarriage. All that matters is that our baby is gone. My hands travel to my stomach and cross over in a protective gesture, but there is nothing left there to protect. The sobs take over my body once again.

"We are going to get you through this. I figured you would want very few people to know. I already talked to my mom who has agreed to let you stay at the house until you are recovered enough to go back to school."

Luke is speaking softly, but his words penetrate me clearly. I nuzzle into Luke's chest as he continues to hold me, I am seeking comfort from him when all I really want is Cole.

Rocco returns to the room coming in the door and pausing, as he takes in my sobbing form, I see him sigh.

"Call him."

I shake my head. That is something I can't do. I can't call him. He no longer wants me. I have to move on without him.

"Why do you hide this side of yourself from everyone Luke?" I ask through my tears.

"It's not time for me to grow up yet." He shrugs "but my friend needed me."

I give him a shaky smile "Thank you. You're a great friend" he pulls me in tight for a hug again. Then he lets me go.

As he settles back into the chair beside my bed "you need to rest as much as you can Kat" he tells me turning to the TV where some sports program is on.

I lay back in my hospital bed. My eyes close. My thoughts a convoluted mess. There is no doubt this is it. This is my breaking point. I lost Cole, I lost our baby, I am not meant to have the happily ever after you see in movies. This is my punishment for turning my back on Cole. I think about the horrible text Cole sent me right after I arrived in California and anger rises in me. He is to blame too. He could have met me half way, but his answer was to go out and get his d.i.c.k sucked. f.u.c.k him. I don't need him, and these next four years I am going to prove it to him and myself.

The next morning, I wake to a nurse placing a blood pressure cuff on my arm. She asks me how I am doing and tells me I should be breaking out of the joint as soon as the doctor sees me. I will be glad to get out of here. I bolt upright in the bed and yell out a "f.u.c.k" startling Luke awake. He looks so cute all disoriented from sleep, yet alarmed by me shouting, "What the h.e.l.l? Are you okay?" he asks me.

"I just realized I have a big sorority thing tomorrow."

"Not happening Ali can tell them the same thing I told her. You're at my parents recovering from the flu," he shrugs while rubbing his face trying to wake himself up, I a.s.sume.

"Oh! Thank you for looking out for me."

It's not long before the doctor comes in. I am given the okay to go with a list of instructions to help me heal properly. I was told not to have s.e.x for at least four weeks. I thought to myself yes, because I am so s.e.xually active these days. I am dressed, sitting in a wheelchair. Luke has gone to pull his truck around and wait out front for me. When the nurse brings me to a stop in the front of the truck, Luke helps me up into it. I can't believe how sweet this guy is being to me. I don't deserve it. It takes about twenty minutes for us to pull into an upper middle cla.s.s neighborhood. He pulls to a stop in front of a brown brick two story home.

"This is home," he says looking at me as he turns the engine off.

"It's nice on the outside" I can't help envying Liam and Luke growing up in a normal family.

"Come on, my mom is dying to play nurse to you," he tells me with a small chuckle.

He walks me up to the house and opens the door nudging me to go inside by placing his hand on my back. I can't help my nervousness.

"Luke is that you?"

A soft melodic voice calls from somewhere in the house. I glimpse up in time to see a beautiful blonde woman coming toward us.

"You must be Kat. The boys and Ali have talked about you, but they forgot to mention you were gorgeous,"

I blush at her compliment. No one has ever told me I was gorgeous before.

"Thank you," I tell her quietly "for the compliment, and letting me come here to recover," I am out of my comfort zone here.

"Nonsense dear, my boys consider you a friend, so I was glad to help" she tells me "come, let me show you the room you'll be using. Luke go get her stuff from Ali at the school," his mom tells him, effectively dismissing her son and leading me toward the area of the house she just came from.

"This is our downstairs guest room, I figured it would be easier for you then climbing stairs right now" Warmth envelopes me at this stranger's thoughtfulness. "If you need anything dear, you let me know, right now I want you in that bed" she nudges me toward the bed and moves to grab a remote off the dresser. "You may not sense it, but your body needs the rest right now. Watch some TV or take a nap when Luke comes back, he'll have your bag that Ali got together for you."

She is bustling around the bed. I'm uncomfortable as she fusses over me. I have never had anyone take care of me like this. This is foreign to me. I want to cry again. My mother would never have done this for me. The question crosses my mind would I have been a good mother. I guess that's a stupid thing to worry about now.

"I'll be in the kitchen preparing some lunch; I have a hunch Luke's going to be hungry, and ready for some food by the time he gets back," She looks back, sympathy crossing her face "I'm sure you'll be hungry as well. I'm here if you need me, okay sweetie," then she is out the door pulling it gently behind her.

Crawling into bed, I settle in and glance around the room it's done in beautiful shades of pale yellow with white trim. There is a dresser with a TV directly in front of me, there are two doors on the wall to my left I a.s.sume one is a closet, and the other can only be a private bathroom. There is a big picture window looking out on the backyard where I can just make out a pool. It's a very lovely room, and I am thankful for her hospitality. I have today to rest. Bruce will be here this evening.

I had avoided the calls Bruce made last night and this morning, but I wouldn't be able to avoid him when he was standing in front of me. Bruce and I had a lot to discuss. I just hoped he didn't push me to talk about this with Cole. I still wanted to keep this between us. I catch myself yawning, so I snuggle into the pillows clutching my arms around my mid-section. I quietly cry myself to sleep.

A couple hours later, I wake to find Luke stretched on the bed beside me. He has the television on low. How deep was I sleeping that I did not even realize that Luke had come into the room, much less turned on the television.

"Hey, you're awake," he says, sitting up straight and turning off the TV.

"Yea."

I tell him flopping over flat on my back and stretching my body under the covers. Despite the sleep, I am still overcome with bone weary tiredness. My body feels like it's been through a ringer.

"Your bag" he says while motioning to the dresser. I eye my bag "Ali said she put in plenty of loose comfy clothing for you. Do you need anything else?"

I shake my head. I lay there looking at Luke.

"Thank you for being my friend" I tell him. My eyes dart around the room as I talk I can't quite look him in the eye "I'm not sure what I'd have done without you last night."

"I'm glad you called me. I don't think the blonde with me was happy though," he says smirking.

"Are you kidding me? You had a girl in your bed and left her to come to me?" I ask him slightly laughing.

"She was just an easy lay. You're more important, I don't even remember her name," he says giving me a half smile. "Are you ready for something to eat? Mom says I have to wait for you," I look at Luke and start laughing hard.

"Come on bone head lets go feed you,"

I tell him throwing the covers off and standing up. He bounces off the bed and heads to the door opening it for us.

As we start to come out, he hollers "Mom! Kat's hungry", I smack him in the back of the head. He reaches up and rubs his head.

"What was that for?" he asks. I try giving him a stern look.

"Show your mom some respect."

I say as serious as I can manage because right now he has this cute pout on his face that reminds me of Seth. I miss that little boy.

"Come on meanie."

I follow him into the beautiful, pale blue kitchen. He motions for me to sit down at a small round table that gives me a better look at their backyard.

Laurie comes into the kitchen. "Are you hungry dear, or was that Luke's wishful thinking?"

I laugh at her question.

"No, I'm hungry, but it was his idea to come out to get food."

I tell her smiling. She swats Luke on his shoulder.

"Ow mom!" he whines.

"Grow up you big baby."

His mom and I share a smile over his antics. How can a person not feel better when they are in this environment?

Chapter 4.

Pacing back and forth in the Smith's living room, my stomach rolls with nerves. Luke will be back any moment with Bruce. Terror grips me as I wait for Bruce to arrive. The little girl in me knows that once I am in Bruce's arms I will crumble. My lack of energy is indicative of why bed rest was number one on my discharge instructions. I just couldn't stay in bed. I was too excited that Bruce is arriving.

Luke's truck pulls to a stop in the driveway. Both doors swing open. Luke and Bruce step out of the truck a steady flow of conversation is going on between them. Their mouths move as they speak to one another. Luke reaches in the back and grabs Bruce's bag and motions for him to follow him. Bruce appearing at ease and laughing with Luke soothes me. It's important to me that Bruce likes my friends for some reason. As they walk up to the front of the house I notice Rocco parking across the street. I wonder if he has been sitting outside like that all day.

I face the front entry hall as I hear the door swing open. My eyes trained on the doorway. My first glimpse of Bruce in three months fills me with excitement and nervousness all at once. As Bruce enters the room my eyes are glued to the man who has become a father to me. He turns toward me and pauses. I run and throw myself in Bruce's arms as sobs overtake me. Bruce's strong arms hold me tight comforting me in the way only a father can. When my sobs finally subside, I step back to properly greet Bruce and notice the shine in eyes I am not the only one who has been crying.

"I'm so sorry Katarina. Your loss is our family's loss. You shouldn't have been alone," he says to me in his smooth deep voice.

"It wasn't planned," I say quietly, my eyes cut to the floor as shame races through me. This deep guilt consumes me. "It's my fault I lost Cole's baby. I should've known I was pregnant and taken better care of myself."

"Katarina," Bruce's hand lifts my chin up, "Don't! You didn't do anything wrong." his words bring little comfort right now. "I still think you should tell Cole."

"No!" Hesitating for a moment over the harshness behind that one word. "Cole made sure to let me know when I left it was done I don't want him to think I'm using this to get back with him."

Bruce moves us toward the couch, "I don't know what happened between you two, but you and Cole are both acting strange, but for now you need to keep yourself calm."

The last thing I want to do is tell Bruce about the text Cole sent me. h.e.l.l, I wish I could forget it myself. "Let's just say Cole made sure I knew we were done."

"My son's in idiot."

Why can't I just forget about Cole? I was beginning to move on before this happened.

"Bruce" Breathing deeply I hesitate a moment before I can continue "I think I may need to see someone to talk about what happened. I need help... professional help."

"Whatever you need or want I'll make it happen" Bruce and I talk more about finding me a therapist and my feelings on losing the baby.

An hour or so later, Laurie's voice reminds me that we are not alone in the house. This family has been kind enough to give Bruce and I s.p.a.ce to talk without them nearby. This type of family is alien to me. I'm not sure normal will ever make sense to me.

"Dinner's ready" she smiles sweetly at us sitting on the couch.

Luke and his dad are already seated at the beautiful mahogany dining table. We are eating in the formal dining room and I note that the table seats eight comfortably. The room is simple, yet elegant. Conversation flows around the table easy.

"So Luke, what is your major?" Bruce asks lifting a gla.s.s up to take a drink of water.

Luke answers, "Pre Law right now Sir."

"Ah, you want to be a lawyer," Bruce says sizing him up, he is already thinking of how that could be a benefit to the Knights one day. Bruce is always in business mode.

"Our sons plan to join their father's firm," Laurie pipes in cheerfully. Pride is clear in her tone. "What kind of work do you do Bruce?"

"I own Knight Construction. We do any type of construction you might need." Charles shrewdly looks at Bruce as he speaks. "I also have investments in several other businesses. I like to stay busy."

Charles knows who Bruce is and I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. As we finish our meal Charles speaks to Bruce.

"Why don't you join me in the living room for a drink?" Charles asks Bruce. "Katarina, you're welcome to sit with us. Luke help your mother."

I follow Bruce back into the living room. Charles pours each of them a whiskey neat.

"Bruce Knight, I wondered when my son mentioned your name if you were The Bruce Knight," Charles says keeping his face carefully masked of any emotion. "I know exactly who you are."

"Is there a problem? With me? Or my daughter staying in your home this week? "Bruce says lazily almost bored.

"No, just the opposite." He says straitening his tie. The first sign of emotion crossing his face. "I'd be delighted to be of service to the Knight family in any way I can, or even young Katarina while she's out here on the West Coast."

Shock! That one word best describes my reaction. I'm not sure what I expected Luke's dad to say, but Mr. All American dad surprised the h.e.l.l out of me just now. I remain silent as Bruce begins questioning Charles to see just how trustworthy he is.

Bruce spends the first twenty-four hours by my side. Eventually, he begins going off with Charles in the mornings. They are working on forming a business partnership that will benefit them both. I tire easily those first few days, so I'm in and out of bed a lot. I'm pleased Bruce is doing something besides holding my hand. Bruce returns each day at lunch and spends the rest of the day hanging out with me. It's nice having my father here. He makes a great sounding board as I begin to come to some realizations about my life, and the changes I long to make for my future.

By midweek Bruce has worked out an arrangement with Charles that includes taking care of me as long as I'm on the West Coast. This will be the first test of Charles loyalty to Bruce.