King Arthur's Socks and Other Village Plays Part 32

LANCELOT. (_gloomily_) h.e.l.l! That's too true.

GUENEVERE. Try something else.

LANCELOT. No--I can't read. (_Guenevere bends to her darning_.) Shall I go?

GUENEVERE. No.

LANCELOT. Do you enjoy seeing me suffer?

GUENEVERE. Does talking to me make you suffer?

LANCELOT. Yes.

GUENEVERE. I'm sorry.

LANCELOT. Then let me go.

GUENEVERE. No. Sit there and talk to me, like a rational human being.

LANCELOT. I'm not a rational human being. I'm a fool. A crazy fool.

GUENEVERE. (_smiling at him_) I like crazy fools.

LANCELOT. (_desperately, rising as he speaks_) I am going to be married.

GUENEVERE. (_in a mocking simulation of surprise_) What, again?

LANCELOT. Yes--again--and as soon as possible--to Vivien.

GUENEVERE. I congratulate you.

LANCELOT. I _love_ her.

GUENEVERE. Naturally.

LANCELOT. _She_ loves _me_.

GUENEVERE. I trust so.

LANCELOT. Then _why_ should I be at this moment aching to kiss _you_?

Tell me that?

GUENEVERE. (_looking at him calmly_) It does seem strange.

LANCELOT. It is absolutely insane! It's preposterous! It's contradictory!

GUENEVERE. Are you quite sure it's all true?

LANCELOT. Yes! I'm sure that I never would commit the rashness of matrimony again without being in love. Very much in love. And I'm equally sure that I would not stand here and tell you what a fool I am about you, if _that_ weren't true. Do you think I _want_ to be this way? It's too ridiculous--I didn't want to tell you. I wanted to go.

You made me stay. Well, now you know what a blithering lunatic I am.

GUENEVERE. (_quietly_) It _is_ lunacy, isn't it?

LANCELOT. Is it?

GUENEVERE. Sheer lunacy. In love with one woman, and wanting to kiss another. Disgraceful, in fact.

LANCELOT. I know what you think! You think I'm paying you an extremely caddish compliment--or else--

GUENEVERE. (_earnestly, as she rises_) No, I don't think that at all, Lancelot. I believe you when you say that about me. And I don't imagine for one moment that you're not really in love with Vivien. I know you are. I could pretend to myself that you weren't--just as you've tried to pretend to yourself sometimes, that I'm not really in love with Arthur. But you know I am--don't you?

LANCELOT. Yes. ...

GUENEVERE. Well, Lancelot, there are--two lunatics here. (_He stares at her_.) It's almost funny. I don't know why I'm telling you. But--

LANCELOT. You--!

GUENEVERE. Yes. I want to kiss you, too.

LANCELOT. But this won't do. As long as there was only one of us--

GUENEVERE. There's been two all along, Lancelot. I've more self-control than you--that's all. But I broke down tonight. I knew I oughtn't to tell you--now. But I knew I would.

LANCELOT. You, too!

_They have unconsciously circled about to the opposite side of the room_.

GUENEVERE. Oh, well, Lance, I fancy we aren't the only ones. It's a common human failing, no doubt. Lots of people must feel this way.

LANCELOT. What do they do about it?

GUENEVERE. Well, it all depends on what kind of people they are. Some of them go ahead and kiss. Others think of the consequences.

LANCELOT. Well, let's think of the consequences, then. What are they? I forget.

GUENEVERE. I don't. I'm keeping them very clearly in mind. In the first place--

LANCELOT. Yes?

GUENEVERE. What was it? Yes--in the first place, we would be sorry. And in the second place--

LANCELOT. In the second place--

GUENEVERE. In the second place--I forget what's in the second place.

But in the third place we mustn't. Isn't that enough?

LANCELOT. Yes. I know we mustn't. But--I feel that we are going to.

GUENEVERE. Please don't say that.