Kapitoil_ A Novel Part 4

Except I believed it would work right away, and now I am afraid I have already trashed my one opportunity here and I will never come up with an idea that works and I will be a nonent.i.ty in finance my whole life.

On the subway after work I do not feel like immediately returning home, so I transfer trains and ride uptown until I reach Central Park. It is already dark at 6:00 p.m. and getting colder. I enter the park and walk without knowing where I am directed, and find a bench on a wide pedestrian road underneath leaves that blend red and orange and yellow.

A female walks by pushing a stroller with a baby inside. She is Middle Eastern, possibly Iranian, and looks like my mother when she was younger, with the same nose I also have, thin with a small angle in the middle, which some people might evaluate as ugly on a female but I think is elegant on the correct face. I stand up, but she is already beyond me, so I walk behind her and to the side to observe her features.

She turns her head and looks back at me, then accelerates the stroller.

"Miss, please do not run away," I say as I also accelerate. "I notice that you look very similar-"

"Leave me alone," she says, and she turns the stroller to where other people are. I stop following her and turn back.

In my apartment, I retrieve from my top desk drawer a small photograph of my mother. I am approximately seven years old and sitting on her lap. Her eyes are bright holes against her dark burqa as she laughs.

It is my solitary photograph of her, and I wish I had additional ones, but by the time we knew we should take more, her body had lost much ma.s.s and her skin was gray and her hair was voided in part.i.tions and the corners of her forehead angled in because she had no muscles. But she never complained about her health. The only subject she complained about was one time when I heard her crying on the telephone and telling my aunt that she would not get to see Zahira grow up. In some ways that is better, since Zahira was not old enough to 100% understand what was happening, but in most ways it was not, because now she says she has few memories of her, and memories are the only way for someone who is dead to continue approximately living.

And although I am glad I possess this photograph, it also frustrates me, because I have no idea now what happened before it to make her laugh, or what happened after, and it captures an infinitely small moment out of her entire life, and although I have other memories of her, they are slowly being deleted, e.g., when I was young and had difficulty falling asleep she used to sing Beatles songs in English to me. I can remember with accuracy the sound of her cream of the cream voice, and if she had been born in the U.S., I predict she would have been a musician.

But I do not remember what her preferred song was that she frequently sang ultimately, just before she kissed my forehead. I have played nearly every song of theirs for years to launch my memory, but I am never certain which one it is. My father would not remember, and even if he did, we do not discuss her.

green-light = permit a project to continuehighly privileged information = private dataplay on words = create a secondary or tertiary meaning via original usage of language

JOURNAL DATE RECORDED: OCTOBER 22.

On Thursday Kapitoil predicts that prices will drop 15 cents, so I short a contract for 5,000 barrels. Before I make the transaction, I review Kapitoil's prediction and the data that support it, in case I can decipher why it has been erroneous. But I do not detect any glitches: It is using the most recent newspaper articles in the U.S. from this morning and should be accurate.

The prices drop at first, as the program predicted, but then they fluctuate during the day, and by the end of open outcry it is up 17 cents and we again lose money.

Mr. Ray emails me: One more chance tomorrow, or we'll have to kill it.

I strike my desk hard, and Rebecca looks at me. "I am having a technical issue," I say.

Several minutes later, Jefferson disconnects his telephone. "Scored two tickets, mezzanine, game three of the World Series," he says. "Check the weather for the 26th."

Dan clicks on his computer. "d.a.m.n. 70% chance of rain."

Jefferson says, "Don't be so pessimistic, baby. That's your problem. October weather goes through volatile ch-ch-ch-changes," and he sings this last word as he intentionally stutters.

And then I have a positive short circuit about why my program is malfunctioning, or instead why it functions at first and then stops: because it is processing articles written the previous night and published in the morning. But by the afternoon it is obsolete news, which is why Kapitoil performs poorly then. The Internet is a constant source of data, like a s.p.a.cious bin the entire world is depositing trash inside, and my program is calibrated so precisely that it must process the most recent data: the trash on top top. The trash underneath is less valuable.

The solitary way to profit with it, I hypothesize, is to make transactions and run Kapitoil every hour, although this poses great risk for major losses.

"Karim, check us out on TV Tuesday night," Jefferson says.

I am frustrated that he is interrupting me when I am in the middle of an important thought, so I say, "I will, if you are not obstructed by the people sitting in front of you." He does not understand this is a reference to his height, and resumes working.

I shoot Mr. Ray my idea. He agrees it is high risk, but green-lights me to try this new hourly strategy tomorrow.

I receive an email from Rebecca at 5:45 p.m.: Interested in seeing the movie "Three Kings" tonight? (Short notice, I know, but I figure you're busy next week trying to spot Jefferson on TV in vain--the camera only adds ten pounds, not ten inches.)

I know it is customary in the U.S. for a female to invite a man to socialize, but it still makes me uncomfortable. Although of course I I would not have the confidence to invite would not have the confidence to invite her her to socialize, so in some ways I am relieved. But then I have another source of confusion: I am uncertain if this is a romantic date or if it is just two friends partnering for a movie. to socialize, so in some ways I am relieved. But then I have another source of confusion: I am uncertain if this is a romantic date or if it is just two friends partnering for a movie.

I reply that I would like to see the movie, which I have seen advertis.e.m.e.nts for although I do not know what it is about. She responds immediately that a theater nearby is playing it directly after work. I was hoping her writing would suggest whether she believes it is a date or friends partnering, but nothing in her email is a strong indicator, or possibly my skill at reading English is not advanced enough to a.n.a.lyze her words.

A few minutes after Jefferson and Dan leave, Rebecca asks if I want to go now. We get in the elevator, and it is similar to the time we went to coffee together and did not speak. She touches the material of her white shirt sleeve and gray pants as we descend.

"I've read really good things about this movie," she says finally.

"I have not."

"You heard it was bad?"

"No," I say. "I have not read anything about it."

She laughs, although when she laughs after I make a conversational error (she explains the error to me) it does not make me feel humiliated as it does when Dan laughs, and it becomes slightly easier to converse as we walk to the movie theater.

She tells the vendor we want two tickets, and I take out my credit card. She pushes it away.

"How about I'll get the tickets and you can get the popcorn and soda?" she says, and she pays before I have the opportunity to reject the idea.

The popcorn and soda is less than 50% of the ticket price, and I offer to pay Rebecca some money to compensate. "You can get me back another time," she says.

The movie is entertaining and intriguing. At four points during it I rotate my eyes to observe Rebecca. The monitor is mirrored on her gla.s.ses and behind them her eyes are very wide. Although I am a more experienced programmer, I am certain her ideas on the movie are more complex than mine.

But halfway through I worry that Rebecca invited me because it is about the Gulf War in Iraq and she thinks of me as merely a Middle Easterner, and so I do not try to discuss it with her when we exit the theater. The only person I see movies with is Zahira, and typically she launches her a.n.a.lysis of the movie immediately, so it is strange to be with someone else and for us both to be silent as we transition from the world of the movie to the real world outside.

"You feel like grabbing a bite?" she says as we exit into the cold air, and I say yes. We stop in a street near an Afghani restaurant, and I am afraid Rebecca again thinks I exclusively enjoy Middle Eastern things. "This place okay?" she asks.

Then I relax because she is pointing at a bar named Flannigan's.

It is the first American bar I have entered, and it is more casual than the hotel bars I have been to in Doha. We sit in a cushioned area, and a waitress with her brown hair tied up but some parts descending gives us menus. "Something to drink?" she asks.

"You want to split a-just two waters for now, please," Rebecca says.

The waitress leaves. "I have had alcohol, if that is why you did not want to order it. I do not want any now, but if you want to drink some, you should," I say.

"I don't really want to. It's sort of a reflex."

"Why?"

"You go out socially, you usually end up drinking," she says. "It makes things flow easier."

"If things do not flow easily without alcohol, why do you go out socially at all?"

"I don't know." She examines the reverse side of the menu. "Maybe I shouldn't."

We're mute for a few moments while we decide what to order. I crave the stir-fried vegetable dish, but it costs $12.95, and I already spent nearly that amount on the popcorn and soda.

The waitress asks Rebecca what she would like. "You go first, Karim," she says.

I order a veggie burger, which is still nutritious and halal and costs $7.95, and a c.o.ke. "Anything else?" the waitress asks.

"No," I say. "You may book it."

Rebecca looks at me. "I'll have the same," she says. I ask if she's a vegetarian. "No, but I should eat healthier," she says, and I hypothesize she was prepared to order a meat dish but converted her order when I asked for the veggie burger, because she again was afraid to offend my religious beliefs.

"What kind of stuff have you been doing in New York?" Rebecca asks when our food arrives.

"I have gone to the Museum of Modern Art. I have explored Central Park and many neighborhoods."

"Do you know other people here?"

"My family's friends in Qatar provided me with the contact data of several people here," I say. Then I add ASAP, "I apologize for not asking you before. How was your trip to see your brother David?"

"Good. Except he's a little homesick," she says. "And sort of lonely."

I look down at my veggie burger for a few moments. "My sister Zahira is fortunate to live at home while attending university."

"Though it doesn't leave much room for growth," she says. "But I guess it's different over there. Do you talk to her much?"

"No. The time difference is difficult. But when I am there, we talk constantly."

"She must miss you, then."

"Yes," I say. Suddenly the bar feels very dark and cold even though we are next to a heated pipe, and I wish the rock music was muted. "I think so." Then I ask Rebecca about her neighborhood called Fort Greene in Brooklyn, and we discuss that for a while and other parts of New York. But we have frequent interims of non-conversation, and although it is mute, I can feel the slight vibration of my voice recorder powering on and off in my pocket for only a few seconds, e.g.:

REBECCA: [voice recorder powers on] "Do you go to the movies a lot back home?"

KARIM: "Sometimes. But most of the movies that come to Qatar involve car accidents and explosions, which I do not like to observe. So I do not go frequently." [voice recorder powers off]

Then it remains off for another 30 seconds while we eat until I ask Rebecca a question. It would be enjoyable if the voice recorder remained on the entire duration, but that's difficult with someone you still do not know well. Or if it remained off the entire duration but neither person experienced discomfort.

Near the end of the meal I become anxious about when the bill arrives. I want to tell Rebecca that I am not wealthy, as she thinks I am, but if I do that she may believe I am innovating an excuse not to pay for the meal, and I do think it is my duty to pay. When the waitress comes, she points to my plate. "Are you still working on that?" she asks. I say no, although I am.

Rebecca is finished, and she takes out a cigarette and asks, "You mind if I..."

I say I do not mind, but I wish she did not, both because of the odor and because it is unhealthy for both of us, but people do not like being told their choices are unhealthy, especially if they already know it. It also surprises me that she is worried about drinking alcohol around me but still smokes.

Then I tell Rebecca I must excuse myself briefly. On the way to the restroom I locate our waitress. "Miss, may I pay by credit card now for the meal so you do not have to bring the check to our table?" I ask. She takes my card and swipes it. I add, "Please withhold from my friend this highly privileged information," and I give her a 30% gratuity to certify that she follows my request.

I return to the table and pretend to dry my hands on my pants. "I have positive news," I say to Rebecca. "When I was at the front of the bar, I learned we were automatically entered into a lottery, and we were the winners, so therefore our meal is free."

"You sure?" she asks.

"Yes. You will see. The waitress will not present us with a check."

The waitress arrives in a minute to retrieve our plates. "Thanks a lot, guys. Have a nice night," she says.

"Thank you, Karim," Rebecca says.

"You do not have to thank me. It was a random accident that we won."

"Thanks, anyway," she says. "Randomly and accidentally."

We walk to the Chambers St. subway station that we can both use, although I am going uptown and she is going to Brooklyn. My entrance is across the street from hers. She stands at the top of the stairs.

"This was fun. We both work a little too hard. You especially," she says. "Let's see if we can't do it more often."

"I would enjoy that," I say. "But let us see if we can do it more often."

She looks confused. "That's what I said."

"You said, 'Let us see if we can't can't do it more often.'" do it more often.'"

She says, "That's an idiom. It means 'Let's see if we can can do whatever.'" do whatever.'"

"Why would you employ the negative when the intention is a positive?" I ask.

"Maybe to make it seem like you're not fully invested in it?" she says. "Not that I don't care. I don't know what I'm saying, I'm rambling." We pause for several seconds. "Well," she says, then puts out her hand, "have a good night," and she shakes my hand hard like we are at a business meeting and quickly descends the steps.

I enter my subway, and by then she is reading a book on a bench at a distant end of the station. Her forehead is very concentrated most of the time with a small compression in it and sometimes she smiles to herself at what she is reading and once she even laughs quietly to herself, which I have never done while reading, but that is because I read financial books, which are humorless. She does not notice me, and I keep observing her until her train arrives, and through the window I see the back of her head and the subway light mirroring the top of her hair like a silver crown until she disappears into the tunnel, and then I listen again on my voice recorder to her saying "Well...have a good night" multiple times to decipher it, because frequently it is not the words themselves that matter but the way they are said.

are you still working on that = are you still continuing to eat a mealgrab a bite = get something to eathomesick = missing home so much as if it were an illnessinvested in = care aboutkill it = terminate serviceslet's see if we can't do = let's see if we can do