Just The Way You Are Part 7

Alli opened her mouth, then closed it, looking down at Phoebe as if seeking some guidance. A minute later her gaze returned to Tessa. "Sam and I are separated, did he tell you that?"

"Yes," Tessa said carefully, not sure she wanted to talk about Sam right now.

"I'm sure you weren't surprised."

"Actually, I was. I didn't think you'd ever let him go. You worked so hard to get him in the first place."

Alli looked at her in amazement. "Me not let him go? You're the one with the steel grip on him."

"I haven't seen Sam in years."

"And that only makes you more interesting, more desirable. You're the one who got away, the one he should have had if only he hadn't made that one stupid mistake."

Tessa felt her temper flare. It had been a h.e.l.lish forty-eight hours, and the last thing she needed was this conversation. "For G.o.d's sake, Alli, you got Sam. You won. What more do you want from me?"

"I don't want anything from you," Alli said. "I gave up counting on your support years ago."

Tessa stared at her in disbelief. "Why are you mad at me? I'm the one who should be angry, not you. Why don't you just get over yourself?"

"That's right. I forgot. You're perfect, and I haven't done anything right my whole life."

"You do cause an amazing amount of trouble."

"I made some mistakes," Alli admitted. Her voice remained low, controlled, but Tessa heard the pain and anger there. "Sleeping with Sam was a big one," Alli added, shocking Tessa with the unexpected honesty. "I saw my chance, and I took it. I was young and stupid and reckless and I wanted him. At the time, it didn't really appear that you cared one way or the other."

Tessa joined her at the foot of the bed, her voice a sharp whisper. "I did care about Sam. I loved him."

"So did I," Alli said.

"Then why are you divorcing him?"

"Because he's still in love with you. Don't you know that?" Alli said in a rush of words that burst from her lips like a dam that had broken. "Oh, G.o.d, why did I say that?"

Alli walked away from Tessa to look out the small window. She barely took in the dark, dirty alley below, the trashbins, the laundry trucks. Her mind was repeating over and over again the words that she had never meant to say out loud.

"You're wrong," Tessa said from behind her.

Alli slowly turned around. "I'm not wrong."

"Sam doesn't love me. He couldn't. Why are you saying this? What game are you playing now?"

"I'm not playing a game."

"You always have something up your sleeve, Alli. I've been tricked too many times to believe anything you say."

"Then ask Sam. You trust him, don't you?"

"I did once," Tessa said pointedly.

Alli studied her sister's face, noting the lines of strain etched across Tessa's forehead, the shadows under her eyes, the remnants of berry lipstick on her lips. Tessa was still beautiful, of course, but she looked tired. She looked older.

Funny, but Tessa had never really aged in Alli's mind. Not even occasional unexpected glimpses of her sister on a magazine cover had prepared her for this woman, a woman who almost seemed as human and as confused as the rest of them.

"I don't understand you," Tessa said with a quizzical shake of her head. "I didn't come here to get into any of this. I came here for Grams. And I'm sure the last thing she needs is to hear us arguing about Sam when she's the one who should have our attention."

"She's had my attention the last nine years. Where have you been?"

"You know where I've been. And I've treated Grams to some of the most spectacular vacations of her life. So don't act like I've neglected her, while you've been some sort of a saint. Just because you were too scared to leave home-"

"Scared? To leave home? Are you kidding?" Alli asked, waving her hand in the air. "Leaving home would have been a cakewalk. No. You want to talk about scared? How about having a baby when you're eighteen years old? How about trying to take care of a child when you barely know how to take care of yourself? How about marrying a man who's in love with your sister and trying to make a life with him? What have you done besides fluff your hair and say cheese?"

"You know nothing about my life. And if you were so scared to have a baby, maybe you should have used birth control," Tessa said pointedly. "But that was part of the plan, wasn't it? Seduce Sam and have his baby so he'd have to marry you. You couldn't have gotten him any other way except by being flat on your back."

"How dare you-"

"How dare you?"

"What on earth is going on in here?" William demanded, stepping between them like a referee. He looked from Alli to Tessa, then back at Alli again. "Well?"

"I'm sorry," Alli mumbled, suddenly reminded of where they were and what they were doing. She'd been so caught up in their fight she hadn't even heard him enter the room. But dammit, why did William have to look at her like it was all her fault?

"I'm sorry, too," Tessa said quickly.

"I should hope so," William said reprovingly. "Your grandmother doesn't need you squabbling like children. You're her family, her support system. Don't make me wish I hadn't called you both down here."

"I really am sorry," Alli said again, feeling more guilty by the minute. "It won't happen again, I promise."

"Good." William walked over to the bed and glanced down at Phoebe. After a moment, he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "How's my sweet girl?" he whispered.

"Grams woke up for a few minutes," Tessa said. "She couldn't speak though."

"We called the nurse in," Alli added. "She said it was a good sign that Grams was awake, but that it might take some time before she is fully recovered."

"Could she speak? Could she move her hands? She wasn't paralyzed, was she?" he asked, standing up straight, his long strides taking him quickly to Alli's side.

"I don't know," Alli said, wishing she had the words to rea.s.sure him, but she had nothing.

William looked from Alli to Tessa, then back to Phoebe. "She can't be paralyzed," he muttered. "She just can't be." His voice grew rough with emotion. "Her mother had a stroke, you know."

Alli vaguely remembered hearing something about it, but her great-grandmother had died years ago, and she'd never even known her.

"Phoebe didn't want to end up like this, trapped in her body," William said. "She used to say she'd rather be shot in the head than have her spirit suffocated inch by inch, second by second."

"Oh, G.o.d!" Tessa cried. "That's not going to happen to Grams, is it?"

Tessa looked like she was about to throw up. She also seemed to be seeking rea.s.surance from Alli when just minutes before they'd been at each other's throats. But despite everything, Alli knew she had one thing in common with her sister, a deep and abiding love for their grandmother.

"Of course that's not going to happen," Alli said forcefully. "Grams will be back on her feet in a few days. You can't give up on her, Tessa. She never gave up on us. No matter what we did."

"She's really sick, Alli. This isn't just a cold. And you heard what William said. Grams must be so scared."

"Then we'll just have to rea.s.sure her. Grams is strong. She'll make it. She has to make it." Alli looked over at Phoebe and sent a silent prayer her way.

"Allison is right," William said, renewed strength in his voice. "Thank you for reminding me. Sometimes the fear takes hold, and it's difficult to make it disappear."

"You've known Grams a long time, haven't you?" Tessa asked him.

"Since we were seventeen. I met her at a party. I thought she was the prettiest girl in Philadelphia. She was wearing one of those floaty dresses that swirled around her legs when she danced. And she had this laugh, this incredible laugh that made everyone stop what they were doing so they could see what she was doing." He smiled at the memory. "We became friends that night, the best of friends. But a few months later her parents arranged a marriage for her with the son of their new business partner. His name was John MacGuire."

"Grandpa," Alli said softly. "But Grams never said the marriage was arranged."

"Oh, but it was, to solidify a business arrangement. John's parents had cash that Phoebe's parents desperately needed. John's parents wanted their son to have a wife, stability, a family. Phoebe's parents wanted the same thing for their child."

"But Grams loved Grandpa," Tessa said.

"She may have come to love him," William conceded. "But I can never forget how she looked the night she told me that she would have to marry to save her parents' business."

"I don't understand," Alli said in confusion. "Why didn't Grams tell us any of this?"

"It happened a long time ago."

A confused silence fell between them.

"Did Grams know that you loved her, too?" Alli asked.

"I was never in the running. I came from a poor family. That party I mentioned earlier, when I saw your grandmother for the first time, I was a waiter, not even a guest."

"I can't believe that Grams would have married for money," Tessa interjected.

"She didn't marry John for his money. She married him because it was what her parents wanted her to do. It was a different world then."

"You didn't answer my question," Alli said. "Did Grams know that you loved her then?"

William tried to shrug off her question, obviously uncomfortable at the turn of events. "She never asked. I never said."

"But all these years..."

"I worked hard to make something of myself, to be someone Phoebe would be proud to know. I married twice, tried to find the happiness that she seemed to show me every time we spoke or exchanged a letter. But I couldn't forget her. And ever since John died, I've hoped that she might find her way back to me."

"Maybe she will," Tessa said. "Maybe that first love will win out."

Alli's stomach turned over at Tessa's words. She didn't want to think about first loves outlasting all others. Not that she didn't want Phoebe to be happy now, but Alli didn't want to believe that Grams had spent the better part of her life mooning over the absent William.

"I've always hoped that it would. But perhaps I've left it too late," William said heavily, moving next to Phoebe so he could stroke her forehead.

"I have to go," Tessa said abruptly. "I'll be back later."

"Don't rush," William said. "Your grandmother will probably sleep for hours. In fact, if you want to wait until tomorrow, that's fine. You must be tired from all the traveling."

Tessa picked up her purse from the floor. "I am tired." She opened her purse and pulled out a pen and jotted down a number on the pad beside the bed. "This is my cell phone. I'll keep it on. Call me if you need me, and I'll come back." She paused, her hands clenched tightly around her purse strap, as she stared at her grandmother. "'Night, Grams. Sleep well."

Alli's eyes narrowed as Tessa practically ran from the room. She wondered where her sister was going in such a hurry. And the deep, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach told her she probably didn't want to know.

Chapter 7.

*"What do you have for homework?" Sam asked as Megan finished her gla.s.s of milk, leaving an uneven white ring around her mouth. He leaned over and wiped her lips with his napkin.

"Well?"

"Daddy, it's summer school."

"I forgot. So you don't have homework?"

"Well, a little math, but we don't have to do it if we don't want to."

"You don't?" he asked in disbelief, for Megan was the queen of procrastination. "Why don't you get it and we'll do it together?"

"First we should have some ice cream."

"How about we have ice cream after we do your homework?"

"Before," Megan said stubbornly.

He recognized that fiery light. Sometimes Megan looked just like her mother. G.o.d help him! "Homework," he said calmly.

"Mommy doesn't make me do homework until after dessert. I want Mommy."

"She's at the hospital, you know that."

"Mommy loves me more than you do," Megan said.

He stared at her in amazement. Was this just a ploy for ice cream? Or did she really believe that he loved her less?

"That's not true. I love you very much."

"Then how come you don't live here anymore?" she asked, her eyes watering. "I don't like that you're gone," she said with a sob.

He pulled her out of her chair and onto his lap, giving her a tight squeeze, wishing he had something to say that would make her feel better. "I love you, Megan, more than anyone in the whole wide world. Wherever I live, wherever you live, that won't change. Not even when you grow up and you fall in love with some other guy. I'll still love you the most. You have to believe that."

She put her hands on his face, the way she loved to do, making sure she had his complete attention. "Can I have ice cream now?"

He laughed. "You're a bad little girl."