Just The Way You Are Part 36

"No, you should come."

"I'm not family."

"You're a friend, a good friend. Please come."

"Well, I'd like to be here for Tessa."

"Then stay." Alli walked over to Megan and picked her up in her arms. "How's my baby?"

"I'm okay, Mommy."

"She's just like you," Tessa told Alli. "A million questions, and she keeps asking me each one in a slightly different way until she gets the answer she wants."

"That's my girl."

"Everyone ready to go?" Sam asked.

Tessa looked at Alli. "We're really going to do this, aren't we?"

"It's what she wanted," Alli replied.

"I can't believe we're spreading her ashes on the Fourth of July, on her wedding anniversary. She was supposed to be home today."

"I think she is home," Alli said softly. "I think she's with Grandpa."

Tessa nodded and slipped her arm around Alli's waist as Sam took the boat out to sea. It was a bright, beautiful, sunny day, the kind of day when anything seemed possible. The wrong kind of day to bury someone, Alli thought somberly. Or maybe, as the minister had told her earlier, maybe the angels were celebrating Phoebe's coming-home party.

Finally, Sam cut the engines and they drifted on the waves, Tucker's Landing a beautiful harbor behind them, the rest of the world waiting on the horizon.

"Do you want to say something?" Sam asked Alli.

"Grams didn't believe in funerals. She didn't want any ceremonies, no long speeches, no public farewells. So I guess we'll just say, So long, Grams, we love you." And Alli let the ashes fly with the breeze as they sailed across the water and toward a new future.

They weren't going to partic.i.p.ate in the kite festival, but upon returning to the docks they found half the town waiting for them, a picnic lunch set up at the park in lieu of the memorial service Phoebe's lifelong friends knew she didn't want. But they were all there to talk about her, to celebrate her life along with the Fourth of July.

When the kite festival began at four o'clock, Alli found herself just behind the starting line, waiting for the others to come back with the kites. Sam walked up to her a moment later, his hands empty. "Megan insisted on carrying the kite."

Alli simply smiled.

He put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Not really. Do you think Grams would mind us doing this?" she asked. "It seems disrespectful."

"I think she'd expect you to go on, Alli. It's what she always did, after she lost her son and later her husband. Even when Tessa left, she told us to get on with our lives, that we weren't meant to stand still in one place, but to embrace whatever life held in store for us."

His words gave her a comfort unlike any other, and she couldn't stop herself from giving him a tender kiss on the lips. It was meant to be a brief caress, but once there, she found herself lingering, tasting, memorizing everything about him. They hadn't talked about anything personal in the last forty-eight hours, and soon they would have to face the reality of their lives. But not now. Now she just wanted to stop thinking and love Sam for just a few more minutes.

When she finally pulled away, she was almost shaking from the intensity of her emotions. She didn't know if she could bear to lose Sam now. Her resolve to let him go, to give him his freedom, had weakened considerably since her grandmother's death. How could she go on alone? But she knew she had to do just that. She had to let Sam have a chance at the life he wanted, whatever that was.

Sam looked down at her, his eyes dark and serious. "We need to talk, Alli."

Her stomach turned over. She couldn't do this now. Couldn't say good-bye to anyone else, not today.

"We can't. They're about to start the kite race."

He hesitated, seeing she was right as Megan, Jimmy, and Tessa drew near.

"Daddy, are you ready?" Megan called, lining up next to Jimmy and Tessa.

"Do us proud, okay?" Alli said lightly.

Sam leaned over and kissed her firmly on the mouth. "I'm going to impress the h.e.l.l out of you. Just watch."

"I won't be able to take my eyes off of you," she said. I never could.

The race took off with the sound of a whistle, and within minutes the blue sky was covered with a kaleidoscope of colors talking a ride on the wind. Alli kept her eyes peeled on the kite upon which Megan had so lovingly drawn a picture of their family. Would this be the last time they were together? Would this be the end of everything?

She tried not to think about it, tried to let the worries fly away as easily as some of the kites, but deep down inside, she knew they were heading toward the moment of truth, for now that Grams was gone, Tessa was free to go or to stay, and Alli wasn't sure she could bear it either way.

In the end Sam and Megan came in second, because somehow Jimmy and Tessa, flying Grams's old kite, caught a breeze that wouldn't quit, and Alli could do nothing but smile, for it was Grams's day after all.

The next night Alli looked out her bedroom window and saw a sky filled with stars. One of them seemed to give her a wink as if to say, I'm okay, don't worry about me anymore. Alli blew the star a kiss and walked over to the bed.

She sat down, staring at Sam's side, so empty, so cold. They'd barely spoken since the fireworks the night before. She'd spent the day with Megan down at the beach, relaxing, trying to breathe some normalcy back into her daughter's life while Jimmy and Tessa had kept themselves busy somewhere else.

Alli knew Tessa was planning to leave soon. She'd mentioned that she had to get down to L.A. to finish the a.s.signment she and Jimmy had been scheduled to complete last week. But Tessa had been deliberately vague about her long-term plans.

Alli started, hearing footsteps on the stairs, heavy footsteps, a man's footsteps. She jumped to her feet as Sam filled the doorway. He was wearing a brown leather jacket over his shirt and jeans. "You scared me," she said breathlessly, pulling the tie of her bathrobe, suddenly aware of what she wasn't wearing underneath.

"Sorry, I didn't want to ring the doorbell and wake Megan up." He took a step into the room and set a suitcase down on the floor.

Her heart sank to her toes. Was he leaving with Tessa? Had he come to say good-bye?

"How are you, Alli?"

"I'm hanging in there. I feel like I've been on a roller coaster this past week." She studied the intense look in his eyes. "My ride isn't over yet, is it?"

"Tessa is going back to L.A. in the morning," Sam said.

She held her breath, not daring to ask if he was going with her.

"She said she'd come back to help you deal with Phoebe's house and her things," he added.

"I can't do any of that right now."

"I don't think Tessa is ready either."

He stopped talking, and Alli had no idea what else to say. Sam walked farther into the room and shut the door behind him.

"What-what are you doing?" she asked.

"I have something to give you, Alli."

She swallowed hard. "What is it?"

It took slow, agonizing minutes for him to pull the strand of pearls out of his pocket. He held them out to her, and they sparkled in the night light.

Alli couldn't move. She couldn't lift her hand. Couldn't take them. "You're supposed to-supposed to give them to the woman you truly love," she said breathlessly.

His gaze didn't waver from hers. "I love you."

Oh, G.o.d! It had taken a lifetime for him to say the words. Or had he said them? Was she imagining the moment? She blinked, but he was still there when she opened her eyes, and he was waiting. "I think you're going to have to say that again," she told him.

A smile crossed his lips, but his eyes were still incredibly somber. "Fair enough. I love you, Alli. Did you hear me? Do you get it? Because if you need me to say it again, I will, and again, if I have to. I should have said it years ago."

"You love me?" she asked in wonder. "Are you sure? When did you know? When did it happen?"

"I don't know when it happened," he said slowly. "Maybe it happened when we slept together all those years ago. Maybe when you delivered our baby into the world. Maybe when you stayed up all night with me when I was sick. Maybe when you bought that red thong for our anniversary." He smiled gently, tenderly, lovingly. "Maybe it was when you made up with Tessa, when you told me I was free. Or maybe it was when we said good-bye to Phoebe. I don't know when it happened, Alli. Because our love is our life."

A knot formed in her throat, so big she wasn't sure she could breathe or swallow or talk. "Sam," was all she could get out.

He moved closer and put the pearl necklace over her head. "You are the woman I love."

"I want to believe you, Sam, but Tessa..." Her insecurities haunted her still.

"Tessa and I would not have lasted. We were young love, but when our love was tested by the very smallest thing, it fell apart. I wasn't meant to follow Tessa around the world, and she wasn't meant to be a fisherman's wife."

"Are you sure?"

He cupped her face with his hands. "You didn't steal my life. You gave me one. Watching you these past few months made me realize how much I'd taken your being in my life for granted. I know now I was holding something back from you, but I hope you realize that I was holding it back from myself, too. When you got pregnant, it was like one life ended and another started. I guess I felt I could only hang on to that past life if I held something back from you."

"But you loved Tessa. You might love her again," Alli cried, knowing she should just take what he was saying at face value, but she had to be sure. "If you come back to me now, I'm never going to let you go. So you better know what you're saying to me."

He smiled. "I do know what I'm saying. You're the one who isn't listening. I don't love Tessa anymore. All these years I remembered her only as I knew her, but she's different. I'm different. So are you. We all grew up. We all grew into ourselves. Tessa and I don't belong together. Her life is not what I want. My life is not what she wants. We flirted with the possibility of what if, because of the way it all ended so abruptly. We never felt like we had a choice. But the truth is, we always had choices, and we made the right ones."

He took a deep breath, but put his finger against her mouth when she tried to interrupt. "I care about Tessa," he continued. "She'll always be my childhood friend. She'll always be your sister. But you-you are the one. I love you, Alli, and I'm not going to let you divorce me. And I'll fight you and Tessa and the whole d.a.m.n town if I have to."

"You would fight for me?" she asked.

"Isn't it about time?"

"Past time."

"Forgive me for being a little slow?"

"A lot slow. But I do forgive you. I love you, too, Sam. I always have, from the first minute I saw you."

He kissed her tenderly, a first kiss, a promise of a new beginning.

"What's with the suitcase?" she finally asked.

"I'm moving back in. And I've made some other decisions."

"Like what?"

"I'm not going to sell my business. I'm going to make it better. And I'm not giving up on my marriage; I'm going to make that better, too." He smiled at her. "I'm also thinking of selling the Thunderbird to Jimmy. We can use the money to invest in us, in whatever you want, Alli."

"I just want you."

"And-" he began.

"There's more?" she asked with a laugh.

"I'm sleeping in my bed tonight," he said huskily.

"I'm sleeping with you," she replied.

"In that case, neither one of us will be sleeping." He pulled the tie on her robe until the edges fell open and he could slip his hands inside. "Mmm, naked already. I like this."

"I took a shower. It wasn't like I was waiting for you." But hadn't she been doing just that, standing at the window, staring out at the stars?

"I'll be the one waiting for you from now on," Sam said. "I want to have fifty years with you, one for each pearl on that necklace."

"Why don't we go for sixty?"

"You're on," he said with a groan, as she pressed her b.r.e.a.s.t.s against him.

"And you're wearing too many clothes," she whispered, making fast work of his jacket and his shirt and his pants, until they were both completely bare. Then she pulled him down on the bed with her.

He pressed her back against the pillows as he kissed her, as he ran his hands down her sides, across her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, her legs, her thighs. Everywhere he touched turned to liquid fire, until she could think of nothing else but having him inside her. It wasn't until he'd nudged her thighs apart that she realized there was something missing, something very, very familiar. She pushed him back in shock.

"What's wrong?" he asked with alarm. "Did I hurt you?"

"For G.o.d's sake, Sam. What are you thinking?"

"What do you mean?" he asked warily.

"You're not wearing a condom."

"Oh, that."

"Yes, that."

"We don't need one. I want to have another baby. I want to make love to you without anything between us. No more barriers, Alli. It's you and me forever."