Just The Way You Are Part 25

Chapter 17.

*"Here you go." Jimmy handed Tessa a martini with one green olive floating on the top. "The Jimmy Duggan Special."

She eyed it skeptically. "I'm not much of a hard drinker."

"One drink doesn't make you hard. And eat that olive. You could use a few pounds."

She made a face at him, then took a sip. "Ooh, it's not bad."

"Of course it's not bad," he said, walking over to the fireplace, where Tessa had made little progress with the fire she'd been attempting to start. "Let me guess, you were never a Girl Scout."

"I thought the uniform was very unattractive."

He laughed as he squatted down in front of the fire. He stuffed some newspaper under the logs and lit another match, watching the paper burn away to the wood. A spark caught, then another. "That's better."

"You're good at so many things, Jimmy," Tessa said from her position on the floor, her back against the couch. Actually, she was more impressed by the solidness of his body as he worked the fire. In fact, he had a very nice looking a.s.s. She giggled at the thought and he sent her a sharp look.

"What's so funny?"

"I think I'm feeling tipsy."

"On two sips?"

He came and sat down next to her. "This is nice, the rain outside, the fire inside, a good drink to warm our bones." He picked up his own martini gla.s.s from the coffee table and raised it to his lips. "Cheers."

"Cheers," she muttered, taking another sip. The alcohol did send a pleasant warmth through her body. If only she could forget how many calories she was drinking...

"I could do this for a while," Jimmy said, staring at the now growing flames of the fire.

"You? Sit in one spot for a period of time? Sorry, I don't see it."

"I can relax."

"Since when? You're like a jackrabbit, always on the move, always popping up where I least expect it."

"Gotta keep you on your toes." He set his gla.s.s down on the table and reached for his bag. "By the way, while you were visiting your grandmother this evening, I got some photos developed. Do you want to see them?"

She had a feeling she didn't. "Do I?"

"Relax, they're not of you."

That didn't relax her at all. But she couldn't stop him from placing a stack of photographs in her hand. The one on top was the front of Alli's shop. The next one was of Alli and two elderly customers. So far, nothing too horrible.

"Go on," Jimmy encouraged when she hesitated. "They won't bite."

"Promise?"

The next one was of Alli up to her elbows in fish. The expression on her face was of pure disgust, and it brought a smile to Tessa's lips. "Serves her right."

"Why?"

"Because Alli was always one to make a mess of things."

"This wasn't Alli's mess, it was Sam's. She bailed him out. Don't you wonder why? Since she's divorcing the guy?"

Tessa shrugged. She didn't want to think too long or too hard about Alli's motives. Instead, she flipped to the next picture and caught her breath as she saw a close-up of Sam's face. He was looking at someone or something with desire in his eyes, stark, raging desire. "When did you take this?"

"I can't remember," Jimmy said.

"Who is Sam looking at?"

"I don't know."

She looked over at Jimmy, catching a note in his voice that she didn't like. "You're lying."

"I was studying him through my camera. I wasn't paying attention to what he was looking at."

"Was it me?"

"I told you, Tessa, I don't know."

"Was it me, Jimmy?"

"Do you want it to be you?" he asked, the laughter completely gone from his eyes. "Do you want him to look at you like that?"

Did she? There was a fierceness in Sam's eyes that disturbed her, a wildness that she couldn't place as belonging to him. She set the photograph aside. "You like to stir the pot, don't you?"

"It's amazing what you can see when you're not distracted by what you want to see."

Tessa took another sip of her drink. "Is that some kind of pop photographer psychology?"

"I've learned not to trust my eyes to see what's really there."

"Well, maybe if I had a camera, I could do the same thing."

"Or maybe you could just concentrate a little more."

For a few minutes they sat in silence, staring into the orange-red flames of the fire. It was the first time Tessa could remember Jimmy being so quiet. Maybe it was this place, this small town that brought out the quiet side in men. Where she traveled, the circles she lived in, you had to speak loudly and often in order to be heard, to be seen. Even then it was doubtful anyone was really listening.

Jimmy picked up her hand and played with her fingers, twisting a tiny silver ring on her baby finger. "Why do you always wear this?" he asked.

"My mother gave it to me when I was ten. She wore it when she was a child. It's one of the few things I have of hers."

"Was she like you or more like Alli?"

"Me. At least physically. Although, come to think of it, we shared similar interests. She's the one who got me started in modeling. She tried with Alli, but Alli never could figure out how to say the right thing at the right time."

"Whereas you nailed it on the first try."

"Pretty much. I felt their expectations grow larger with every contest. Funny..."

"What is?"

"My parents have been gone for so long, but I can still hear my mother's voice in my head: 'Straighten up, Tessa. Hold your stomach in, chin up, think of your posture, be proud, there's a good girl.' Silly, huh?"

"No. I can still hear my father's voice in my head: 'When are you going to get a real job? When are you going to put some money in a savings account, grow up, be responsible? You can't live on a plane forever, you know.'"

She smiled at his mimicking tone. "You've never talked about your parents before."

"There's not much to say."

"Is your father dead?"

"Oh, Lord, no."

"So he said those things to you just yesterday?"

"Exactly. No wonder they're so fresh in my mind."

She punched him lightly in the shoulder. "You are such a tease. Is your mother alive, too?"

"Yes, and my brother, the senator, is still kicking as well."

"You're not close with your brother?"

"I'm the black sheep, babe. n.o.body gets close to the black sheep."

"You're a lamb in wolf's clothing," she corrected.

"Hey, don't ruin my rep."

"You're not as bad as you make yourself out to be. In fact, you're a pretty good guy, you know that?"

"But not quite good enough?"

She turned sideways so she could look into his eyes. "What does that mean? Suffering from a lack of self-confidence? I find that hard to believe."

"Well, you did ditch me for Sam today."

She sighed and looked toward the fire. "Sam and I have some things to resolve. You know that."

"How was the sailing trip anyway? You haven't said much about it."

Because she didn't know what to say. She hadn't really enjoyed it that much. Being on the ocean had made her uneasy. Being with Sam had felt awkward. They'd almost kissed. They'd almost connected, but not quite. It was so frustrating she could scream. Even now, her insides were in turmoil.

"Yoo, hoo, Tessa," Jimmy said, snapping his fingers in front of her face.

"It was fine. I'm not much of a sailor."

"You must have done some sailing growing up here."

"Not as much as you would think. I was busy with school and friends and did a lot of beachcombing, but I never really liked messing around with the boats. And Sam wasn't all that interested then." She hesitated, thinking back, wondering if she'd somehow missed the fact that Sam liked to sail. "No, I don't remember him that way. Sam hated working for his dad on Sat.u.r.days. He was always trying to get out of it so he could play with me."

"Yet he ends up running a charter boat service. Odd how life turns out sometimes."

"I don't think it's what he wanted to do, more like what he had to do after Alli got pregnant. His dad always wanted him to come into the business, and I suppose not finishing college, it was all he could do to support Alli and Megan." She looked back at him. "Sam told me that the business has grown so successful a group of investors wants to buy him out. He could either stay running it or just sell out and move on."

Jimmy's eyes narrowed. "Move on with you?"

"I didn't ask him that."

"Why not? I thought you two could talk about anything."

"We used to be able to. It doesn't seem as easy now," she admitted, reaching for her martini gla.s.s. It was almost empty. Oh, well, might as well go for broke, she thought.

"People change." Jimmy paused. "Frankly, not to burst your little bubble, sweetheart, but I don't see Sam selling out. He has deep roots in this community. And he's got a wife and a daughter here. Okay, forget the wife," he said immediately as she opened her mouth to protest. "He still has a kid, and I think he's the kind of guy who probably wants to stick around and watch his kid grow up."

She let out a sigh. "You're probably right. But it's so unfair the way things turned out. Don't you think there is a way Sam could keep his ties with Megan but have a chance at a life of his own?"

"A life with you, don't you mean?" He tilted her chin up with his hand. "What are you going to do, babe? Retire? Settle here in Tucker's Landing? Be a housewife?"

"It could be a home base," she said, shaking his hand away from her face. "I can live anywhere, Jimmy. Most of my a.s.signments take me away from the home I have now. What's to say I couldn't change my address? What's to say we couldn't live in Portland or somewhere nearby, not exactly here, but close enough for Sam to get down to see Megan?"

"You've done some thinking about this, haven't you?"

"I've done little else."

"You're crazy, you know that? You're a supermodel, Tessa-a big-city girl with big dreams and a big bank account. Do you really believe you're going to be happy living here or even in Portland? Open your eyes. This isn't your life, as you told me so definitely the first day I got here. It still isn't."

She knew he was both right and wrong. She'd fled Tucker's Landing because of the pain, the betrayal, but being back home had reminded her that there was a part of her that was still small town. Of course, there was another part of her that liked to go to the theater and out to dinner and shopping. But those things could be had every now and then, enough to keep her satisfied.

Jimmy smiled at her as if she were a young child dreaming of flying to the moon. "Have you even looked at a newspaper since you've been here, Tessa?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" she asked with annoyance.

"Being here is like escaping to a remote island. And it's nice. I'm enjoying it myself. But forever? I don't think so."

"When you're with the right person, it doesn't matter where you live."

"Yeah, and Santa Claus still comes down chimneys. Of course it matters. Part of marriage is being compatible, being able to share a life that makes both people happy. If one compromises too much, in the end they'll both suffer."

"Sam did it. He compromised. Why shouldn't I?"

"I don't get why you suddenly want this guy so much. If you were so hot for him, why didn't you come back sooner and try to reclaim him?"

"Because I didn't know that he wasn't happy," she cried, "that his marriage wasn't all right. I never figured them to be totally in love, but I guess staying together as long as they have made me feel like their bond was too strong to break, and I wasn't interested in being a home wrecker. But with Sam about to be free-don't you see, Jimmy? I suddenly have the chance to have what I lost all those years ago."