Jingle Bell: Rock Part 16

She looked up at him then, into his eyes. And hers were so familiar, staring out at him from a face he'd once known better than his own. Every freckle, every quirk, every expression. How was it, right at that moment, he felt like she'd never even been gone?

"I don't blame you," she said quietly. "As much as I'd like to, I know we can't just pretend everything is okay." She broke off, looked down for a moment, then let out a long sigh before looking back into his eyes. "It's been a long, long time, Jace, I know that, too. And for all I know you forgot about me a blink after I stopped writing you-"

"Are you married?" he cut in abruptly. "Significantly involved with anyone?"

She blinked. "What? No, no I'm not. Why?"

"Because I don't want to p.i.s.s anyone off when I do this." He dropped her bag and yanked her tightly into his arms, crushing his mouth to hers. He had to taste her, had to somehow get past this driving need he had to just have her. Possess her. Surely if he just got a taste of her, then he'd be able to look at her and think straight.

She stiffened, but only for the briefest moment. Then a long, soft moan vibrated somewhere deep inside her, and it was like a hot injection of pure need shot inside of him. She dove her fingers into his hair and pulled him even more tightly against her, even as he wrapped her more deeply into his arms.

It was ten years of longing, frustration, questions and, yes, maybe more than a little fury, all wrapped up in one primal, soul-searing kiss. He plunged his tongue into her mouth, took her, all but ravaged her, and then took some more. She accepted him, almost greedily. And for a moment he forgot where they were, forgot what had happened between them, forgot everything but how badly he'd missed her, how badly he'd wanted her back. And by d.a.m.n he wasn't letting her go again until he'd had his fill.

Considering how long it had been, a week or two straight might begin to take the edge off. And then he could settle in and really feed his hunger. And, from the way she was devouring him as rampantly as he was devouring her... feed her hunger as well.

It was the need for air that had him finally breaking free. His chest was heaving, as was hers. Her mouth was puffy and red and d.a.m.n if he didn't want to do all sorts of carnal things to it right then and there. Jesus Christ, he hadn't expected-h.e.l.l, he didn't even know what he had expected. He hadn't exactly planned on doing that, not like that, not before they talked. He'd just-dammit. He still couldn't think straight. h.e.l.l, he was even more jumbled up now than he was before.

She lifted her fingers to those softly puffy lips and he groaned. His c.o.c.k, so rigidly hard and aching, twitched hard as she looked at him, her doe eyes big and full of questions. He pushed one of her fingers, then another, between her lips, twitching again as her pupils drowned her irises. He tugged them back out, then slipped them deeply into his own mouth, sucked on them as he drew his lips slowly all the way down to her fingertips before freeing them. She swallowed hard, then gasped when he abruptly set her back from him, knowing if he didn't he wouldn't be held responsible for what else he plunged into between those lips.

"Why?" she whispered.

"I just needed you to know. I didn't forget, Zan. Not ever." Then he grabbed her bag, and what little he had left of his control, and turned away. He'd gone two steps when she called out.

"Wait!" She tugged on the sleeve of his coat a second later, pulling harder to stay upright when he stopped and she slid into him.

He tightened against the feel of her body pressed up against his again, clamped down hard on that control as he steadied her with his free hand. "We've got to get on the road," he said between gritted teeth. "Hold on to my coat." He started moving again.

She clutched at his elbow. "Jace-"

"We'll have plenty of time to talk in the truck."

Mercifully, she didn't push it any further. It was enough to feel her hand gripping his arm, to know she was right behind him and that she tasted a d.a.m.n sight more fantastic than even his ten-year-old memory had done justice to.

They slipped and skidded their way to the truck, his control in ragged tatters by the time they finally reached it. Her bag stowed safely in the back, and Suzanna buckled safely in the front, Jace paused with his hand on the doorhandle. His emotions had veered pretty wildly over the past couple of hours-and that was before he'd seen her again. Right now he had no idea what was the best course of action. It was the understatement of the century to say there was obviously a great deal of unresolved emotion between them. He knew the best thing was for them to spend the next couple of hours talking everything out. While he kept his hands firmly on the wheel and off her.

He climbed in the front seat and buckled in, thanking the powers that be when the engine turned over on the very first try. He remained silent as he maneuvered out of the lot. The snow was really piling up on the roads in town, which meant the road home was going to be that much worse. The wind was already gusting, so drifting was going to be an issue, along with visibility. He rolled slowly down the main street, heading toward the rural route north, which took him right past Porterville's only hotel. He knew she was thinking the same thing he was. Well, maybe not the exact same thing. His involved a lot of bare, heated skin, maybe even some bared teeth, the way he felt at the moment. There'd be a great deal of moaning, too, maybe some growling, even some screaming while he drove them both wild. Then drove them there again.

"Do you think it would be better to find a room?" she asked.

He almost wrecked the truck. He fought the wheel, slowed down and pulled over toward the curb, into a spot recently vacated by another car and still free of snow. When he thought he could keep his libido from clawing its way free, he risked a look at her. But the suggestion didn't appear to be... suggestive. She was peering out the window at the snowfall, not looking at him like a potential bedwarmer. Was he disappointed? "Probably," he said, answering both their questions. "But if you want to see your mom by Christmas Day, then we need to make a run for it now. The drifting will keep the roads more closed than open, and that's only going to get worse by tomorrow. If we stay tonight, we're probably here for two nights at least. I know your mom is anxious to see you and-"

"She'll get to see plenty of me." Suzanna finally glanced over at him. "I'm moving back home for good."

Chapter Four.

It was a good thing Jace had already pulled over or he might have swerved off the road again. He thought of the one piece of luggage in the back. She obviously tracked his thoughts.

"The rest of the stuff is on a truck somewhere between Atlanta and here," she said. "I just brought the bare essentials."

Bare essentials. Sweet Jesus. He resolutely refused to go there. And did anyway. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel, wishing it were as easy to get a grip on his rampaging desire to have her, consume her, possess her. Do whatever it took to make her his again, even if he had no clue if he wanted to keep her or walk away when it was done.

Except now things were doubly complicated. It was one thing to give in to this insanity that still seemed to exist when they got within three feet of each other, if they were going their separate ways once they'd exhausted whatever it was that needed exhausting. But to give in to this now, knowing they were both going to be living here, seeing each other every time they turned around, that complicated things beyond what even he could rationalize. No matter how badly he wanted not to.

"Jace, listen, I know things are-" She broke off, looked back out at the snow. "Difficult," she finally said. "Between us. And it's obvious from what happened back there on the platform that we have a lot to talk about." She looked at him. "At least, I'd like to. I'd like to be given a chance to explain or to try to anyway, what happened all those years ago."

He appreciated her straight talk. And decided that maybe letting her continue might be the best way to wrestle his hunger back into submission. Or the most foolish thing he'd ever done in his life. "And you think, after what happened back there on the platform, that putting the two of us in a hotel for a couple of nights is going to make talking easier?"

She surprised him by laughing. "Probably not." Her grin was natural, unforced, and now his heart squeezed painfully. "But we might not care all that much after it's over."

He surprised himself by chuckling, nodding. He rubbed a hand over his face, sighed. The tiny bit of levity didn't jack the tension level down a single notch. If anything, it tightened up, brought a certain poignancy to the surface, something else to bear along with this all-consuming hunger.

She shifted in her seat, so she was facing him. Behind her, out the window, the hotel was less than half a block away. Her smile had faded now, her expression earnest, sincere. "I only suggested staying here in town for safety reasons. I already have a boatload of guilt where you're concerned, Jace Morgan, and I don't need to add your death or dismemberment on a snowy roadway to the pile."

He thought about that, about the guilt she claimed to feel, and wondered why all of a sudden it just didn't matter to him anymore. Not right at that moment anyway. Probably because he was a d.a.m.n fool. A d.a.m.n fool with a hard on.

He peered through the windshield at the blinking hotel light. At the vacancy sign that was still lit. And thought, given the storm, and the number of travelers coming in on that last train, it likely wouldn't stay lit for long. And all he wanted was Zanna York up in one of those rooms-and it wasn't about safety, or to talk about her guilt. He looked back at her, wondering if she knew how foolish the two of them were about to be, treading on their past, bringing things into the present. Doing G.o.d knows what to their future.

"Do you need to call someone back at the Hollow?" she asked.

He looked at her. "No. There's no one there. Or anywhere else, if that's what you're asking."

"I wasn't asking that." She huffed out a little laugh. "Okay, maybe I was." She stared down at the knotted fingers in her lap. "I guess I hoped after you asked me the same thing back there on the platform that you wouldn't have done what you did if you were otherwise involved." She finally looked up at him. "You always were the honorable one, Jace. I'm glad to know that hasn't changed."

The words were out before he could think better of them. "If you knew even half of the thoughts I'm entertaining at the moment, about exactly what I'd like to do to you in that hotel room-and I'll warn you right now that even forty-eight hours straight will barely put a dent in it-you might revise that opinion of me."

She opened her mouth, then closed it again and he saw her visibly swallow, then finally nod as if she completely understood, maybe felt the same way. "It was such a shock," she finally managed, "seeing you in the crowd. Mom didn't tell me. I had no idea you were back home."

"Home." Now it was his turn for a dry laugh. "I'm not sure what it feels like, but it hasn't felt much like that."

He reached over, needing to touch her just then and no longer questioning it. "Until I saw you standing on that train platform anyway."

Her breath caught, and she grabbed his fingers before he could pull them away. She opened her mouth to speak but ended up saying nothing as they got caught in each other's gazes once again.

"There's a whole lot we need to deal with here, Zan," he told her, told himself. "And not just with each other."

"I heard about your father," she said, throat tight. "I'm sorry."

He nodded an acceptance. "I don't know what I am. But I suppose that's one of the things I came back to find out."

"And your brothers? Are they coming back, too?"

"Yeah. Except this storm has them waylaid up and down the coast. I expect they'll be in a day or so after Christmas."

She fiddled with his fingers, and he remembered how she used to do that when there was something she wanted to talk about but wasn't sure how to broach the subject. He squeezed her hand, stilling her nervous gesture, making her look up at him and smile. "Some habits never die," she said.

His body tightened painfully. "I know. Even bad ones."

Her smile faded. "Is that what I was to you?"

"Honest to G.o.d, Zan, I'm not sure what in the h.e.l.l you were to me. I only know what I wanted you to be."

She might have ducked her head, might have looked away, but she didn't. Her cheeks colored, but she held his gaze steadily enough, though her eyes were decidedly bright with tears. "I know what I wanted to be, too," she said hoa.r.s.ely. "I've always thought it was the worst mistake of my life, not believing in what I already had. That I could still have it. Have you."

"Why in the h.e.l.l would you ever think-"

She squeezed his hand tightly, cutting him off. "Why don't you go find out if we can get a couple of rooms? I'll find a phone and call my mom." She lifted their joined hands between them. "And then we'll talk this all out. We're both here, right now, and we might never have the chance to clear the air again. Once and for all."

He tugged her closer, until he could see her pupils shoot wide, feel the little gasp she took. "Just talk?"

She didn't respond, didn't nod, didn't shake her head no.

"Are you sure that's all you want from me? Ten years. And no way of knowing if we'll ever be like this again."

She began to nod but then slowly shook her head. "I won't lie. You've got me so stirred up right now I don't know if I'm coming or going."

His grin was instantaneous. "I can pretty much guarantee I'll clear up that little bit of confusion with no problem whatsoever."

She laughed shakily, even as her body shuddered at his promise.

"We're not teenagers anymore, Jace. It would be insane just to give in... to do anything before we talk. Surely we can control-"

He tugged her half into his lap, kissed her again. Hard, fast, deep. And she didn't hesitate this time. It was as if her body knew what it wanted and wasn't going to take the chance that her head might overrule that decision again.

It was hot, it was wild and if he didn't drag his mouth off of her, he was going to have her right here in the truck. It was still a moment or two later when he finally managed it. Both of them were panting, their breath making white puffs in the chilled air the ancient truck heater couldn't keep warm.

"I won't promise control," he said, somewhat raggedly. "Or that I'll keep my hands and mouth off you. Mistake or not, foolish or not, if we head into any room in that hotel together, I will have you. h.e.l.l, if we don't get out of this truck in the next ten minutes, I might yank you the rest of the way onto my lap and take what I know is wet and waiting for me right here and now."

She swallowed hard at his bold statements but didn't so much as flinch at his raw proclamations. If anything, he could have sworn he heard a soft moan. In the end, she said nothing.

He pulled her closer, framed her face with his hands, wove his fingers into her hair, lowered his mouth an inch away from hers. "So tell me right now, Zanna, tell me to drop you off at the lobby door, to drive away and find somewhere else to sleep off this hunger I've got for you. And we'll talk later. When we're better prepared to do it and not keep grabbing at each other. Tell me," he commanded, his voice dropping to a rough whisper. "And I'll leave this, leave you alone."

She stared at his lips, then up into his eyes and then wove her fingers into his hair. "I don't want you to go." She closed the distance, brushed her mouth against his. "And maybe I'm destined to make foolish mistakes where you are concerned, but I can't push you away. I don't want to push you away." She brushed her mouth across his again, and now it was his turn to moan softly. "I did that once. I'll never willingly do it again."

She was killing him by inches. Some of them more painful than others. He gripped her head, lifted her mouth away from his. "We will talk. At some point anyway. And you will tell me. All of it. Everything."

"I promise."

His heart took a hit there, but it was a valid concern, probably the only one that mattered. "Can I trust you?"

She looked him dead in the eye, her own swimming, and nodded, tears tracking from the corners of her eyes as her breath came and went in a m.u.f.fled sob. "I swear it. But they might not be answers you want to hear, and I don't want to hurt you. Not ever. Never again."

"I don't think we get to choose about that," he said. Then he very deliberately kissed each tear away, before taking her mouth hungrily once again, determinedly shoving all the rest of it away. For now.

And one thing Zanna York had taught him, and taught him well, was that now was all he'd ever be able to count on having. So he was d.a.m.ned well going to enjoy it.

Chapter Five.

What in G.o.d's name had she just agreed to?

Suzanna tried to gather her scrambled thoughts, not to mention scattered hormones, as Jace a.s.sisted her across the slippery sidewalk, then all but dragged her across the small vestibule-size lobby. Both gentleman... and not so gentle, she thought, shivering in antic.i.p.ation of just what kind of hungers the boy had only hinted at having that now the man would be fully prepared to feast on.

She stamped the snow from her low-heeled pumps, trying to get her heart to slow down a bit-in pounding pulse and in pounding emotion. She was all over the place, so hot for him she could barely stand to feel her clothes brush her skin, so emotional over seeing him again, hearing him again, touching, tasting, having him again, she could barely keep those emotions in check.

She struggled to get at least a minor grip on herself, wishing she'd at least worn a different pair of shoes this morning. But she'd gone straight from the office party earlier this morning-on her last day at the Atlanta accounting firm she'd spent the past six years working for-to the station, not stopping for anything, barely making the train on time. She'd been aware of the forecast for snow, but she was equally aware that for every dozen times they called for the "worst storm we've seen in years," it actually happened maybe once. Maybe. Naturally, with all her stuff on a truck somewhere, probably in a ditch by now, she thought with a sigh, she should have known this would be one of those times.

She tugged her purse off her shoulder and pulled her wallet out as she approached the desk. But Jace was already turning to face her, holding one room key. So he hadn't had a change of heart Or of body, she thought as she looked him over. She looked from that body-which she'd only felt against her through way too many clothes, but that she knew was hard and wanting and an elevator ride away from being hers-to his eyes. And felt desire pour through her like liquid heat.

"Last chance," was all he said.

She smiled then, settled with her decision, not knowing if it was right, or the worst wrong she'd ever been about to commit, just no longer able to care all that much. They were here. And he wanted her. Now. And that was more than she'd ever hoped to have. She motioned him to the elevator. "No way am I letting you leave here," she motioned to the front of his jeans. "Not like that."

He raised one eyebrow, gave her a look as his lips twitched in a surprised twist of a smile. And for a second she had a flashback to what it had been like between them before. Lots of laughter, shared thoughts that required no talking; a look, a touch was often enough. They'd finished each other's sentences. Okay, so she finished more of his, than he'd finished of hers. She talked a lot more. He hadn't seemed to mind.

I know what I wanted you to be.

His words pounded through her, making her wonder what he wanted her to be to him now. A fantasy one-night stand? A little bit of revenge, when he walked away afterward, leaving her begging for more? She had no idea. And found she didn't much care about that either at the moment. It was too late to turn back now, and the truth was, she had absolutely no desire to do so.

A better question might be to ask herself what she wanted him to be now. She had no idea. But she suspected that any fantasy she might have of a one- or two-night stand, of burning him from her brain, from her body, would never happen. He was more than that. Always would be. No matter how animal the s.e.x-and based on the way he'd taken her mouth, she could only imagine just how thoroughly he planned on claiming her body, couldn't seem to stop imagining it, in fact-it wouldn't be enough. For either of them.

"Then what are we standing around here for?" He tossed the room key at her and she had to think fast to catch it. He slid her bag with his foot, snagged the handle and began to walk to the elevator.

"d.a.m.n good question," she murmured, hurrying to catch up with him.

He punched the b.u.t.ton on the single elevator, then looked at her as she came to stand beside him. "Are you hungry?"

A laugh spluttered from her. "You're kidding, right?"

His grin teased the corners of his mouth again. How had she ever walked away from that mouth, from all those things he'd said to her, done to her, with that mouth of his? "I was actually talking about food. Did you eat on the train? It's late and I don't know how long they have room service here."

How was it he could be so carnally determined and yet so d.a.m.ned thoughtful? She wasn't sure which was in more danger-her body, or her heart. And knew she'd already put both at high risk as she stepped into the empty car. "I don't think I could eat a thing," she finally responded. Her body was on fire, but her stomach was a knot of nerves and antic.i.p.ation.

Now it was his turn to chuckle. "You're kidding, right?"