Jake: Jake Understood Part 31

Ivy got up again, walked over to the television and shut it off. Sitting back down on the bed, she closed her eyes and slowly exhaled. She startled me when she grabbed my wrist for support then said, "Go over there and bring me the guitar." When I hesitated, she yelled, "Go!"

The room suddenly felt hot. I was starting to perspire. I stood up and walked over to the guitar in the corner. It was a lot heavier than expected. I brought it over to her, and she reluctantly took it.

She rubbed her hand gently along the strings. "I don't play anymore."

"Why not? If it makes you happy, you should do-"

"It doesn't make me happy anymore." Her tone was frantic. "It just reminds me of a time when I was happy, that I can't get back. And that makes me sad. That's why I can't do it. I don't want to remember Ivy!"

"I understand. I-"

"But I miss it. I miss playing. I miss the feeling. I feel like I'm slowly dying without it."

After several minutes of just watching her caress the instrument, a thought popped into my head. It was a longshot, and I didn't even know if it would make sense to her. "Maybe Ivy doesn't have to play. Maybe Aria could play for her. It can be separate from Ivy. Aria can start fresh, learn to play again. Do you remember who Aria is?"

It was a risk. Aria, after all, was an illusion. But I wondered if the musical alter ego was something she still kept tucked inside even when she was of clearer mind.

"Aria..." she simply whispered.

"Yes."

She continued to stare down at the guitar. My face broke out in a sweat because I was starting to feel trapped. I couldn't leave her in this state. I didn't know what was going to happen next.

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. The sound of a single strum of the guitar forced my eyes open, and my gaze landed on her fingers, which were positioned to start playing. They were shaking.

Placing my hand on her shoulder, I said, "Play something for me. Trembling hands can still play."

Ivy's bushy red ringlets fell over her forehead as she looked at me. Her half-covered eyes were still fixed on mine when she began to play a song. After a few seconds, I realized it was Let it Be by the Beatles.

When I started to hum along to the music to show her I recognized the melody, she smiled at me for the first time. That caught me off guard. A teardrop ran down my cheek. If someone had told me that this moment would be one that would make me cry, I wouldn't have believed it.

Slightly bending her head back, she closed her eyes and continued to play.

It was hypnotic, haunting and beautiful. How fitting that she'd chosen a song about acceptance, leaving problems behind and moving on with life. Just as she had to accept her life as it was, I had to move on from my hang ups about her. Ivy was so much more than I ever imagined, a pa.s.sionate and talented soul imprisoned by her own mind. And as for Jake, I'd always known I'd married a good man. But this whole experience made me realize I'd married a f.u.c.king saint.

You think you know something, but you have no idea.

When the song finished, I stood up, leaving her sitting on the bed.

"That was amazing."

With the guitar still in hand, she suddenly looked agitated. "Please leave."

I nodded. "Okay."

I walked toward the door and took one last look around.

She called out to me, "Wait."

I turned around.

"Will you come back?" she asked.

If there was one thing I knew with absolute certainty, it was that Ivy would never see me again. We couldn't be friends or anything else to each other for that matter. But Jake was a part of me. So, in a sense, a part of me would always be with her.

My mouth spread into a sympathetic smile. "It was nice meeting you," I said, continuing to walk toward the door.

"Hey."

I did an about face. "Yeah?"

"Anyone ever tell you that you look like those twins from TV?"

"No. I haven't heard that before," I lied.

"Well, just so you know, you do."

I shook my head in amus.e.m.e.nt. "Thanks."

As Ivy graced me with a second rare smile, I let that be my last memory of her before closing the door behind me.

Just let it be.

CHAPTER 21.

NINA.

Leaving a cloud of exhaust in its wake, Jake's black Cobra Mustang sped past the diner. I'd been staring out the window and heard the engine revving before I even noticed it was him whizzing by. He must have been a wreck, circling around for a parking spot on the snowy downtown streets while he wondered what the h.e.l.l had happened between me and Ivy.

Over the phone, I'd dropped the bomb on him that I'd gone to see her. Jake was speechless. His reaction was one of absolute shock, as if that were the last thing he ever expected me to say. He hung up right after he told me to stay put, that he'd come to me.

Now, I sat alone in a booth watching the door as my heart raced. Any minute, he'd walk in, and I would have to explain myself.

Bells chimed as the door opened, letting a brisk wind inside.

He took my breath away.

Looking painfully gorgeous wearing a black down parka and a gray knit cap, Jake slowly approached my booth. Chills ran through me when his eyes landed on mine. His expression was intense but impossible to read.

Instead of taking a seat across the table, he moved in next to me, took my face in his hands and placed his lips firmly on my forehead. So relieved that he didn't seem mad, I shut my eyes and drowned myself in his intoxicating smell. There was nothing else in the world like the combination of his cologne, skin and the pheromones always unleashed when we touched.

He kissed the top of my head over and over. When he pushed back, his eyes were glistening. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I said, nodding repeatedly. "More than okay. I'm so sorry."

He gently brushed his thumb against my lips. "Whatever happened, you don't owe me an apology."

I exhaled to compose myself. "They thought I was a volunteer. I never told her who I was. I hadn't planned on going to see her when I left this morning. It was an impulsive decision, but-"

"You had to know. I get it, baby. You don't need to explain why. If it were me instead of you, I could have never waited as long as you did. Curiosity would have killed me."

"I just needed to see for myself."

He placed his hand on my knee under the table. "I get it."

A waitress interrupted us. "Can I get you something, sir?"

Jake didn't take his eyes off me when he answered, "Just a coffee."

"I'll take a pot of green tea."

Over the next thirty minutes and two cups of tea, I leaned into him and relayed the entire group home experience from meeting Leo (whom Jake apparently sometimes hung out with when Ivy slept) to my whole encounter with Ivy.

"Seeing what you've had to deal with is eye opening. I will never be one hundred percent comfortable with it, but seriously, where would she be if you hadn't looked out for her all these years? You've single-handedly saved her, Jake."

"Maybe. But don't you get it?"

"What?"

"From the day you first walked into my life, you've been saving me. I was already on my last leg of sanity when we met. My ability to sustain that life with nothing else to live for would have never lasted. So much pa.s.sion, so much love was trapped inside of me with no one to give it to. If I hadn't met you, if I couldn't have released all of that, it would've turned toxic. Having you and A.J. to come home to every day, the way you love me, it recharges me, gives me a reason to live. I'm certain I'd be dead without it. I thought I might be losing you today."

"Never. All those years ago, I promised I'd never leave you. Even when I convinced myself it was the right thing to do, I couldn't stay away. You're my everything."

Our legs were locked together under the table. The warmth of being near him made me realize how much I'd missed him.

Jake drew me into his arms. "Do you have any idea how much I love you? It doesn't compare to how I've ever felt toward anyone else. I'm talking about the once in a lifetime soul deep love, the kind you told Ryan you felt for me when he tried to steal you away from me after A.J. was born."

My jaw dropped. I'd specifically never told him about that because it seriously made me afraid for Ryan's life.

"How did you find out? I-"

Jake put his finger over my mouth and smiled. "Shh. It's okay. I understand why you didn't tell me. I would have gone after him, and we didn't need any more stress back then. I'll tell you the story of Ryan's and my phone call another time. Not gonna waste time on it tonight. We're good, Nina. We've never been f.u.c.king better. I don't want to talk about anything upsetting anymore. All I want is to take you home, get you under a hot shower and suck on every inch of your body before I bury myself deep inside you. That is all I f.u.c.king want right now."

Oblivious to the people around us, we fell into a deep kiss.

"I want that, too. How are we gonna manage that with houseguests?"

"We'll have to figure out a way."

Nearly jumping out of my skin, I wanted so badly to tell him about the baby, but doing it at the diner just didn't seem appropriate.

He slid his cup and saucer across the table and spoke into my ear, "Let's get out of here. I want to take you home."

As we made our way toward the exit, Jake walked closely behind me, pressing his hard body against my back while his arms were wrapped around my waist. My nipples were hard as steel from the contact. The hormones that were triggering my crying earlier were now simply making me h.o.r.n.y as h.e.l.l.

Two women eating together looked enviously at us as we walked by. They likely wished my hot husband were rubbing up on them instead of me. He looked particularly smokin' tonight, too with the sides of his hair sticking out from under his beanie. A long time ago, I realized that being with Jake meant getting used to women checking him out.

The bells on the door dinged as we stepped out into the snowy air. It wasn't a blizzard like the previous night, but the white stuff was starting to stick.

"Where are you parked?"

"There were no spots on the road, so I had to park in the small lot behind the diner. It's for employees only. Hopefully, they didn't ticket me."

He led me down a hill to the rear of the building. Jake's Mustang sat in the back of the lot next to a dumpster. The aluminum rims gleamed in the darkness.

It was desolate and quiet compared to the noise of the street.

He walked around to the pa.s.senger side and opened the door for me. "Get in, baby."

I was glad this day was over. My body buzzed just thinking about what he'd do to me later. The best type of s.e.x with Jake was the make-up kind after we'd worked through a rough patch. It was always the most intense.

He stuck the key in the ignition and turned on the engine but stayed parked. "They're all waiting to see you to make sure you're okay. I sort of rushed out of the apartment like a bat out of h.e.l.l. I don't really feel like going home to a full house."

"You just said bat and full house in the same sentence. You realize that, right?"

"Old habits die hard."

I laughed. "I don't want to go back there, either."

Jake turned the k.n.o.b to blast the heat. Flurries stuck to the windshield, obstructing the view.

"You know what this reminds me of?" he asked. "That first year we met, before you had to go upstate for Christmas when we stayed out in the snow after coming home from our Chicago trip. Remember?"

"Yeah. How could I forget?"

"I was so in love with you that night, but I couldn't tell you." He reached over for my hand. "You know what I spent today doing? Recalling the entire story of how we got together to Mitch and Skylar. Mitch never realized a lot of the s.h.i.t we went through. I swear, going over everything made me fall in love with you all over again. At the same time, I was petrified because I didn't know what happened with you today. Yet, there I was, reminiscing and more certain than ever that my life would be nothing without you."

"Today was enlightening for both of us. But that was the first and last time you'll ever see me walk out on you like that."

"You can walk out anytime you need to as long as you come back to me. Sometimes, you need to step away to realize you can't really walk away from something that's a part of you."

"We've had our ups and downs, Jake. But every single time we go through something, I feel even closer to you after."

"Adversity only strengthens the kind of love we have. When you're with the person you're meant to be with, that's what happens. Ultimately, every experience, even horrible stuff, binds us tighter. It's all a test. The ones who let it tear them apart find out they were never really in love at all."

"We're d.a.m.n lucky."

"What it really comes down to is a much simpler concept, actually."

"What's that?"