Internet Dates From Hell Part 8

Confident Sensitive Empathetic, perceptive.

Short.

Pet.i.te Skinny Thin, slim, fit.

Smart, intelligent Cerebral Tall.

Statuesque (for a woman).

Part IV.

Just for Laughs

A Sampling of Responses

Subj: GREAT LOVER Date: 11/19/2001 2:16:11 AM Eastern Standard Time From: Daddy Warbucks To: Follow Your Soul Well, this is my last attempt at finding my soul mate if it's you. I will officially be on a long vacation from meeting and dating if we don't meet or click. About myself. I'm 42 never married no kids own my own house on the water, financially very secure, basically retired (not to brag but it's a fact) 6 ft 3 in 265lbs. I'm bald in the middle of my head but I make up for it in brains and soul. If this bothers you then stop reading. If not we will click for other reasons. I'm very giving, unselfish, know how to have a good time and know how to be with someone when they're sick. Been told I'm funny as well as a great lover. OK now what's your story?

Subj: domination Date: 08/01/2001 3:59:57 AM Eastern Daylight Time From: Houseslave9876 To: Follow Your Soul i would like to introduce myself, i am a submissive looking to serve a dominant woman or a woman who has a dominant personality. i sincerely apologize if i have offended You. If this doesn't interest You, please just discard this e-mail and i will leave You alone. If i still have Your attention, thank You for continuing. i am an experienced and obedient, service oriented submissive who would like to serve as your personal servant. i have been trained in the art of serving superior women in a nons.e.xual service capacity. i do all manner of domestic ch.o.r.es: cleaning, dishes, laundry, ironing, kitchen, bathroom, etc. i will clean your house or apartment spotlessly with no strings attached. i am also a serious m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t who enjoys suffering for Your enjoyment.

i have various interests in domination and submission and would love to speak to you if you are interested. Thank You for taking the time to read this letter and i hope i have the opportunity and chance to correspond with you and talk of common interests. Although i am submissive, i am not a wimp and not lacking in being a man. If You have no interest in men but want to have one serve You, then let's talk, i would serve a lesbian or bis.e.xual woman in any way You desire. If You are curious and want a man that would treat You like a queen, then let's talk. If i've piqued your curiosity, please respond. You won't be disappointed. Thanks!

Subj: Marry Me?

Date: 2/22/2003 7:46:24 PM Eastern Standard Time.

From: ProposalPete To: Follow Your Soul.

Marry Me?

OK, maybe that is a bit much too soon but I wanted to give you an idea of how much I loved your profile. You look beautiful and sound even better.

I am active and athletic, love to travel, cook, and be with my family who I love very much. I could appreciate you in many ways.

Please take a look at my profile and if I sound like the kind of guy you'd like to meet, please write back (please send a copy to [email protected]).

By the way, I am never sure how people react to my photo. I chose it because it says a lot about me. However, please bear in mind that I was on vacation and did not shave that day (some people thought I was a slop or had other odd comments).

Hope to hear back from you.

Ben.

P.S. Regarding your photo...

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW.

Subj: Yes-To Everything!!! (.politics aside) Date: 2/24/2003 4:16:00 PM Eastern Standard Time From: The Yes Man To: Follow Your Soul Dearest Ms "In NY" (or may I call you simply, "Girl Next Door"?) To answer your question, "Do you believe in magic?"I'd like to think that maybe it's just been borne upon me (no, I wouldn't say that to everyone...and no, I'm not being medicated).

Your narrative stands out like few others. Though my own listing is somewhat more flippant, I truly value every sentiment you expressed. You sincerely sound quite like the person I've waited so long to share the world with.

In essence, your profile seems familiar to me from some months back (or maybe it's just wishful thinking), but the photos and writings appear new and enhanced. After receiving notification and perusing your entry, I ran knocking at the doors adjacent to my apartment, then to the rest of the floor, then to the floors above and below me. The buildings next door were equally fruitless. I couldn't find you anywhere!

Could it be that I live in the wrong building? Is there a vacancy next to you, into which I might now move? Do I have time to pack?.. .Or am I the latest victim of some devilish hide-and-seek game on the part of an Internet enchantress?!! (.OK, so I'm easily fooled!) As you can tell, I am experiencing an extraordinary degree of interest and optimism in you. If you abandon all sense of proper judgment in return, you'll be getting back to me shortly.

To looking forward!

The Yes Man.

P.S.: I'll just a.s.sume that you already know you have the most gorgeous images on the 'net.

Subj: s.e.xY Date: 10/20/2001 12:45:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: Worth It To: Follow Your Soul U R VERY s.e.xY GET BACK 2 ME AND WE'LL CHAT U WILL LIKE WHAT U SEE Subj: great ma.s.sage Date: 10/05/2001 7:29:58 AM Eastern Daylight Time From: Bodybuilderbod To: Follow Your Soul hi saw your ad. you look very pretty. i am a 6 ft. 3 in. 220 lb. bodybuilderb-lond hair. i would like you to invite me over and cook me a nice steak. in return i will give you a great ma.s.sage. i am the best ma.s.sager. not for five minutes like those other guys i mean for hours. after we can spend the night together. you don't have to worry. all bodybuilders are safe. it's the little guys you have to watch out for. you can see my photo at my website. e-mail me if you are interested or you can call me at (800) 5551212. Hercules Subj: Pen Pal Date: 5/3/02 10:04:34 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: Linette To: Follow Your Soul.

Hi my name is Linnette i am looking for some one who would like to be a pen pal to a friend of mine. I know this is a weird request but he needs some friends to write to him. He is a 27-yr-old Hispanic male and is in jail. He got caught up in a mess when he was younger and now is paying for it. he's a great guy and is just looking for some-mail. If you would like to know anything else let me know and I will tell you what you want to know. Thank you!

Subj: THE BEST Date: 09/22/2001 2:39:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time.

From: Number One To: Follow Your Soul h.e.l.lO MY NAME IS ANDREW AND I LIKE YOUR PERSONAL. WRITE ME BACK IF YOU WANT TO GET TOGETHER.

Subj: Paris Date: 4/22/2000 6:37:53 PM Eastern Daylight Time.

From: Craig.

To: Follow Your Soul.

My company is sending me to Europe, including Paris, the first week in June and to j.a.pan the third week in June. So I plan to stay in Paris and fly on to Tokyo instead of flying back to California for a week.

I have enough frequent flyer miles to take you too. NOT two or three of you, just ONE. Don't pout just tell me why you are so much better than I could possibly deserve that you will make me forget every other woman I've ever met plus my own name if it weren't already embedded in my pa.s.sport.

And I'll see if I can get reservations at the Tour d'Argent, one of the two Guide Michelin four star restaurants in all of France. I was there some years ago, before I learned the joys of wine. I ordered a specialite de la maison, le canard presse [pressed duck]. "And what would you like to drink with your meal?", asked the Parisian waiter (in English, since my French was not pure enough for him). "Why, I'll have a gla.s.s of milk", I replied. (As I said, I had not yet discovered the wonders of wine and I'd been raised pretty strictly.) "Sir", he responded very formally, "I cannot serve you a gla.s.s of milk." "Why not?", I asked in astonishment. "Because sir, the duck would not like it!"

I want to go back, order "le canard presse" again, along with a bottle of Chateau Neuf du Pape, '78.

Wanna come with me?

Craig.

In Closing.

I am sure after reading some of these stories that you might have said to yourself, "She must have been crazy to continue dating on the Internet!" I actually questioned my own sanity from time to time throughout those six years of my life.

I think people truly don't live their lives to the fullest if they always look at life rationally. Although almost all of these dates went wrong for one strange reason or another, and there were many other dates I went on that were quite ordinary, quite boring, and brought no connection with the other person.

Of course, those stories wouldn't be an interesting read. But I am glad that I did not give up on Internet dating, or else I would never have met my husband and be where I am today.

I have always led my life with a quote that I coined when I was just a girl: "Follow your soul." It is the soul that is your inner voice-the voice that speaks the truth.

I have learned that the present is a gift and should be cherished. Up until recently, I ignored the present and only hoped for the future.

Although I express time and time again in this book the desire to find a life partner, I want to make it clear it was not a need. A soul mate doesn't complete you; he enhances you. Some people enjoy their solitude. It is perfectly acceptable to be by one's self.

Finally, be true to yourself. The minute you start changing for another, you will realize that that person is not for you. The right person will love you exactly the way you are and have it no other way!

end.