Inside Man and Other Science Fiction Stories Part 17

"C'mon, c'mon!" I ground out. "The moss hand it over!"

"You really seem determined," Perry said thoughtfully. "But why both of us? Do you know something I don't know?"

"Yes! Somebody in your party is a traitor gave some of the moss to the Russians.

Now let's have it or else!"

He turned to Prof. Kropotkin. "Is that true?"

"Of course," Kropotkin said with a smile. "I trust you do not expect me to reveal his name."

"Not at all, not at all," Dr. Perry said hastily. "No more than we would turn over our list to you."I was getting exasperated with this dialogue which shut out me and my revolver. I waved it and threatened to shoot if they didn't come across.

Dr. Perry stood up and moved toward me. "My dear girl, this is preposterous. Now if you'll just give me the gun, we'll all forget the whole unpleasant incident."

"No, you don't!" I cried, panicking. I ran to the door of the c.o.c.kpit, grasped it and pulled. "It's locked!"

"Did you think you were the only person who ever tried this?" Perry asked soothingly. "Now do be reasonable..."

I shut my eyes and squeezed the trigger with both hands. Nothing happened!

He took the revolver away quite easily, saying, "Every gun I've ever been personally a.s.sociated with had a safety latch, you know. Sort of evens things up with idiots who didn't know it was loaded, wouldn't you say?"

I sat down with my face in my hands. "Now I'll never be able to go home again!

They would abandon me in the jungle!"

"In this day and age? Never!"

Prof. Kropotkin said, putting an arm around my shoulder and holding me comfortingly against his chest.

"No, really they would," Perry told him. "I read it somewhere. Well, there's only one thing to do. I'll take her back to London with me.

"And what is wrong with me taking her to Moscow?" Kropotkin demanded.

"I don't want to go with either of you," I sobbed. "Won't you please give me the moss so I can destroy it and go home?"

"Dreadfully sorry, Your Highness," said Perry.

"Not a chance," said Kropotkin. "I would like to destroy his moss and he would like to destroy mine. But we are rational human beings, with no love for violence. So come with me!"

"No, me!" cried Perry.

I looked at them through a blur of tears. "Then I guess I'll go with you, Dr. Perry. At least I know the language. I'll come to Moscow, Prof. Kropotkin, after I finally destroy Dr. Perry's specimen."

"Fine!" exclaimed Kropotkin. "I promise you full-scale red-carpet welcome from primitive Africa to People's Democracy!"

"That will be nothing compared with our reception!" said Perry. "You won't regret your decision, Princess!"We were all quite friendly by the time we reached Mlarki, the nearest jet airfield. I didn't really know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't supersonic military airplanes waiting for us, one from England and the other from Russia. There was time only for a last friendly wave before Dr. Perry and I were hustled into our plane and Prof.

Kropotkin into his.

As soon as we were airborne, Dr. Perry opened his overnight bag, and I was amazed to see Lundeen, Mrs. Todd and the tiny dog climb out.

"About time!" shrilled Lundeen.

"I look simply dreadful!" Mrs. Todd complained. "Couldn't you have brought my cosmetics along?"

"Plenty where we're going," Perry said. "And now, if you'll excuse me, I must catch up on my beauty rest."

He dozed right off. The tiny people and the dog all began barking at me, so I closed my eyes and ears and went to sleep.

It was just lunchtime when we landed in England. Dr. Perry put them into the overnight bag and closed it on Lundeen's yapping about carrying it carefully, and we disembarked into a screaming, jostling mob, all pushing papers and pens at me for my autograph.

"What is this all about?" I shouted at Perry, "We wirelessed ahead," he shouted back. "Look at the headlines."

I did. The newspapers I was being asked to autograph read: U. K. HAILS ARRIVAL OF PRINCESS WAMBA!.

So I signed everything happily, enjoying every minute of it. When I looked up for Dr. Perry, I saw him surrounded by a flying wedge of soldiers.

"Where are you going?" I shrieked in alarm.

"To be debriefed," he yelled. "I'll ring you up when you're settled in."

And he was led away just as a Rolls-Royce came onto the field, and I was ushered inside and we drove off. Two men sat in the front seat, looking very formidable, and I jumped when a voice next to me said, "Allow me to introduce myself, Your Highness. I am Lord Fairfax."

"That's nice," I said, trying to see where Dr. Perry was being taken, but he disappeared from view. I turned around to Lord Fairfax and said, "Why are he and I being separated?"

"I'm afraid I don't know," said Lord Fairfax."Then suppose we go back and pick him up and"

"Oh, that would be militarily impossible!"

"What about my staying at his house?" I said nastily.

"Against protocol," he stated. "I'm sure Dr. Perry is a perfectly splendid host. But he is, after all, a commoner."

"Well, where am I staying?"

"Why, with me, to be sure. At my town house. I shall do everything possible to make your stay as pleasant as possible." He frowned. "That makes two 'possibles' in one sentence, doesn't it? Dreadfully sorry. Is there anything in particular you would like for luncheon?"

"Yes," I said. "Aardvark steak."

"I shall comb all London for one," he promised.

"And then," I said, "I want to go straight to Dr. Perry's house. Commoner or no commoner."

"Yes, Your Highness," Lord Fairfax said, retreating to his, corner of the seat.

VI.

Unless you've been given the royal treatment, you can't imagine how busy it keeps you. I met Lord Fairfax's wife and servants, dozens of them, was a.s.signed the East Wing of the manor, then lunched on aardvark courtesy of the zoo and world-famous designers took my measurements for the most astonishing wardrobe, which I was most grateful for when it was delivered; London is awfully chilly that time of year, and I had only the clothes I wore when leaving home.

Then, when I was presentable, there were dinners, high teas, elevenses, a ball in my honor and I was presented to King Charles and the entire court, which I had to be prepared for days in advance. His Majesty was most gracious and, as we used to say at Bennington, I got a real charge out of the whole royal business. Oh, and the ballet, the opera, the theater I fell into bed every night, so exhausted but overstimulated that I said, "Who?" when Dr. Perry phoned, weeks later.

"Africa," he said. "Mlarki to London."

"Oh, the man with the moss!" I exclaimed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said guardedly. "I called to invite you to dinner."

I checked my date book. "I'm over my head with appointments three magazine covers to pose for, two interviews, a profile, sessions with the person who's writingmy autobiography"

"Yes, yes," he said. "You're the hit of the season; can't open anything in print without seeing your face or by-line. Now when can we have dinner together?"

"Would some time next month do?"

"That depends on when you want to light a little bonfire," he said.

"Oh." I said. "That's different. I'll cancel everything. Just tell me the time and place."

"My home. Tomorrow night. Alone."

He gave me the address and hung up. Next night, Lord Halifax's chauffeur handed me out of the silver Rolls-Royce right on the dot. I told him, to wait; I didn't expect a long visit, just dinner and burning the moss and home by ten. Dr. Perry himself opened the door, so promptly that I thought he'd been waiting for my ring. He sort of reeled back as I entered.

"Princess!" he cried. "I'd never have known you! You're dazzling!"

He stroked my sable coat a moment, before hanging it up. Then he led me to his little bar, and we had a little drinkie and then to dinner, which he told me he had cooked himself and which he served himself.

"Are your chef and butler off for the evening?" I asked.

"Chef and butler?" He laughed himself red in the face. "I don't even have a wife or mistress," he said, coughing.

I shuddered inwardly as I remembered, my insistence on staying all these weeks at his house. Imagine weeks without servants and a bachelor's flat at that! But I kept up my end of the conversation which was mostly about my adventures in London, until I could decently mention the moss.

He finished his wine, a very ordinary vin ordinaire, and took me to his little laboratory at the rear of the house. "There!" he said, picking up a little chafing dish kind of thing and handing it to me. "It is yours to do with as you with!"

"It seems like such a little bit of moss," I said.

"I give you my word that it's exactly the same amount we started with."

I laughed with girlish glee as I set fire to it. "Well, that's that," I said. "Now how about Prof. Kropotkin's moss?"

"Everything is arranged," he said. "There will be a Soviet plane to take you to Moscow at noon tomorrow. Kropotkin will be among the delegation to meet you."

"It's so terribly sudden," I said. "I have to call off so many appointments. How can I do it with so little notice?""You'll find a way," he told me. "You do want to see your husband and father, don't you?"

And so I spent a sleepless night writing excuses and a hurried morning, phoning those I couldn't write to. Then I thanked the Fairfaxes, gave each servant a handsome gratuity, and was at the airport with 15 minutes to spare, complete with the fantastic wardrobe I had acc.u.mulated in London with my personal appearances and endors.e.m.e.nts.

I slept aboard the plane and nodded through the reception at' Moscow, until Prof.

Kropotkin came into view among the high dignitaries. I shook his hand and asked when I could destroy the moss.

"First you must give us equal, time with England," he said jovially.

So I lived in the Kremlin, reviewed the military might, walking, riding or being dragged through Red Square from Lenin's tomb, of course inspected factories, appeared at ballet, theater, opera, on TV and in the newspapers and magazines. I made a great hit when I said, "If I weren't a princess, there is nothing I would rather be than a commoner in London or Moscow."

For the sake of brevity, let me state simply that between those two great capitals, I was worn skinny before they let me visit Kropotkin for dinner and mossburning.

Then I flew back to Mlarki and home. At last! But would my husband, the Head Witch Doctor, and my father, the Super Chief, welcome me as gladly as had Moscow and London?

"You've burned it all?" my husband asked.

"Every bit Kropotkin and Perry had," I told them.

They both put their arms around me. As I dabbed at my eyes, I saw Prof. Todd grinning crookedly down at me. We shook hands enthusiastically and he said, "My lab's gone to pot since you left. Want to come back?"

I nodded, too overcome by emotion to speak.

And that, I innocently thought, was that.

But Todd and my two men toured the whole gigantic compound with me in the tribal jeep, where I was shown everybody talking back to phonographs that were talking to them in English and other languages, and then to the airfield, where they showed me Pigmies learning to fly planes.

"What on Earth is going on?" I asked blankly.

"We Pigmies are about to take our rightful places," the Super Chief said in perfectly good English!" When I commented on that, he said, "You can't beat the phonograph to teach foreign languages.""All of us?" I said.

"Every man, woman and child," the Head Witch Doctor replied. "We are going to bring peace to the world."

"When?" I asked. "How?"

"You'll know when before anybody else." said Prof. Todd. "The how will be explained in an article I'm writing for the British medical magazine Lancet."

And that was all I could get out of them. I doubted if my husband and father knew how it all would come about, for I plagued them with questions. But why would I know before anybody else?

VII.

Some months later, when I was reluctantly tuning in my radio, which had been bristling with every nation threatening its neighbors, I heard only silence. Puzzled, I changed the batteries, then turned the dials slowly. Nothing! From nearby Mlarki to the farthest Greenland not a sound, not a voice!

When I told this to my husband he suggested telling Prof. Todd. I did, panting from running to his hut.

"You see?" he said triumphantly. "I said you would be the first to know. Now we must a.s.semble all the tribes, and put Plan C into effect!"

"What were Plan A and Plan B"?' I asked in bewilderment.

"Dr. Perry and Prof. Kropotkin," he explained on the run.

"What about them?" I yelled, but he was out of earshot.

He had been heading for the meeting hut. I followed him. By the time I reached it, sirens were blaring all over the compound. Everybody came from everywhere and raced to the meeting hut.