Immediate Action Part 24

"Why's that then?"

"Because I've been p.i.s.sing in the tea urn every day."

The placement system worked really well, both for the Regiment and for the hospitals. The blokes gained experience, and the casualty ward got another pair of willing hands.

A fellow called Pat had been on hospital attachment at Birmingham General. All the drunks were coming in with bottles sticking out of their foreheads, and gangs of young lads who had been fighting and thought they were as hard as nails because they had cuts on their faces.

The staff did their best to help them out, but the lads were drunk and full of bravado, getting aggressive with the nurses, pushing them away.

Nurses got attacked by these sorts of people all the time.

They're trying to do their job and look after them, and the boys are getting gabby and trying to fill them in.

Pat was on a refresher course after spending a couple of years away. It used to p.i.s.s him off severely to see the abuse these girls had to take.

The trouble was, there was seldom much that the blokes could do because they were supposed to be keeping a low profile.

One night, however, one of the nurses came screaming out of a cubicle.

Pat walked in to see what was happening.

A character came up straightaway and started fingerpoking him.

"Yeah, that's right," he gabbed, "f.u.c.king sort me out now!"

Pat looked at him for a second and said, "Yes, okay, if that's what you want."

And he head-b.u.t.ted him and dropped him.

The lad burst into tears and said, "What's going on?" if it was all Pat's fault. He then started shouting for as the police.

Two officers happened to be on the ward after bringing in a drunk; they stuck their heads around the curtain, sussed out immediately what had happened, and said, "Sorry, sir, we didn't see anything."

The bloke with the sore forehead had a badly injured mate outside on a trolley. Pat and a nurse were asked to get him into a lift and take him up to have surgery.

While the boy was lying on the stretcher, he was giving the nurse a hard time, calling her a slag and yelling that everyone was a w.a.n.ker.

So Pat put the lift on hold and said, "Look, sunshine, let me read your horoscope.

You're dying. If we don't get you up the top there, you'll check out for sure. The lift's stopped. If you don't shut your gab, I'll just keep you here. So can I take it that we have detente?"

Members of the Regiment hold life as dear as anybody else. During one operation a team had been off somewhere doing their stuff. They stopped after a firefight and were clearing the area when they came across a young member of the opposition. He was shot in the legs and in a bad way. Rather than bug out, they stopped, used their own medical equipment, which they might be needing themselves the next day, to stabilize him, and got him onto their vehicle. Then they went out of the area of the task to reach an LS where a helicopter could come in and casevac him.

A fellow called Billy was watching Hereford play football one Sat.u.r.day when one of the players swallowed his own tongue. Billy saw what was going on, jumped onto the pitch and did the necessary and saved the player's life-and then ran off pretty sharpish to avoid attention. He was very annoyed afterward about missing the match.

I found people were extremely careful to preserve life and limb perhaps because they understood the dangers more. It was a wonder to me the kids of some Regiment blokes could go anywhere, their dads were so protective.

But then, maybe they understood dangers that other people didn't, because they'd seen the consequences.

When a person is. .h.i.t by a car at 30 mph, he gets thrown in the air, his body gets shattered; chances were the dad had seen some of that, and it made him more aware of everyday dangers, not just danger in the military context. it seemed that as soon as I got back from somewhere, I was getting ready to go away again. To all intents and purposes Debbie and I were living separate existences.

She said to me, "What exactly are we doing with our lives? Even when you come back, you disappear straight downtown."

I said, "It'll be all right-it's just a busy time. Look, I'm going away for another three months soon. When I get back, we'll sort ourselves out." There was nothing those relate people could have taught me about running a marriage.

The three-month trip to Oman was a whole squadron effort to practice desert warfare. I was really excited; there were strong Regiment links with the area, and because most of the squadron had been to the Middle East before, I felt that at least when this one was over, we'd be speaking the same language.

The Regiment was founded in the desert in the Second World War and had operated in Oman for many years.

The principles hadn't changed: moving with vehicles, navigating, using special tactics and fieldcraft for that type of terrain. It was still all about using the weapons we had to their maximum ability, operating at night, it moving tactically during the day. The idea behind the squadron trip was that if there ever was a conflict again in that theater, at least new members like me would have a foundation and not be stumbling into a new environment.

Initially it turned out to be a major anticlimax. We were in a tented camp in the middle of the desert, protected by fences and all kinds of elaborate security devices. We weren't allowed out. For the first three days the most interesting thing that happened was Tiny sitting up in his sleeping bag every morning and shouting, "I'm bored!"

We'd saunter over to the cook tent where some of the locals were making pita bread and chapatis. Then we'd go around nicking chairs and putting up washing lines made of paracord, until we got fed up. By day three hints were being dropped to the hierarchy. A few blokes put a sign up saying 8 TRoop's ESCAPE -FUNNEL, with a pair of upside-down boots poking out of the top. Some others put in a requisition chit for a gym horse and specified that it must be wooden and have room inside for at least three men. Mountain Troop put up a sign on the gate that said STALAG 13 and spent hours standing looking wistfully toward the west.

It was warm, but one fellow called Gibbo, who'd fought in the Oman war and had spent so much time in the Middle East he might as well have had an Arab pa.s.sport, would be walking around with a duvet jacket on in the morning, honking about the cold weather. We were on a beautiful desert plain with sheer mountains in the distance. Sitting on the thunderbox one night, I looked up at the stars. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the inky blackness was chock-full of twinkling lights.

It was absolutely stunning.

Eventually things livened up. John organized a Huey, and we spent three or four days doing free fall in perfect blue skies. It was the first time I had jumped out of a helicopter; instead of the deafening, buffeting wind rush of a jump from an aircraft, there was only a weird feeling of acceleration and silence, apart from the whistle of the wind in my ears.

We started roaring around in the new 110s (long wheel-base Land Rover) with 50 MM machine guns dangling off the back that were replacing the old "pinkies."

I was in a mortar team. Nosh was number one, who laid all the aiming devices, Steve was number two, who put it down the tube, and I was number threebasically the boy who sorted out the ammunition and stuck his fingers in his ears. Colin was the MFC (mortar fire controller).

We went to a training area a couple of kilometers away, armed with more ammunition than a battalion got through in about ten years-hundreds and hundreds of rounds.

My vision of the Regiment and the squadron was still nice and fluffy, but now I started to hear various honkings. The main one was about the squadron sergeant major and something to do with "cabbage."

It took me a little while to find out that this meant money, and that what they were moaning about was squadron funds.

The SSM was awarding VCs (voluntary contributions.e fines) all over the place to boost the fund. There was a. fridge full of soft drinks running on a generator; every time you took one you signed your NAAFI number and got a bill at the end of the week. We found the SSM had loaded the prices by 200 percent.

The four MFCs came down with us in the wagons and set themselves up with Martini parasols, iceboxes, and ma.s.ses of food among the mortars and the piles of ammunition. We learned how to cover a whole area with pinpoint accuracy, coordinating illuminating mortars with high explosive so that at night the MFC could see what was going on.

It took a lot of coordination; the fuses had to be set so that as one was going out the other was blowing up. By the end of two weeks we were the Eric Bristows of the mortar world.

John announced a five-day squadron exercise with the 110s and mortars to practice live firing "advance to contact." Mobility Troop drove forward with their 110s and motorbikes, moving tactically across the ground.

The procedure was basically the same as rifle company firing and maneuvering, but without the firing. A couple of vehicles moved up into the high ground and got into a position from where they could use their guns to cover the next lot moving on the low ground. Everything was coordinated by the squadron commander.

We came into an area where we couldn't be seen and there was lots of dead ground. The squadron waited and sent out a couple of motorbikes on recces. They moved around trying to find routes, trying to find possible attack points-and the enemy. Vehicles stopped and sent foot patrols into the high ground. it was all about dominating the ground.

Behind the squadron commander were the mortar crews; while all this activity was going on, we were just sitting in the back of the wagon drinking tea and in Nosh's case picking his nose. The mortar fire controllers were up front with the lead elements of the squadron; as soon as any attack came, they could start calling down the mortar fire and we would swing into action. As they moved forward, they were doing their own tactical appreciation and giving prominent areas identification marks.

The forward elements were bang onto the enemy. I heard firing, then on the net came "Contact, contact.

Wait out."

As soon as we heard it, we jumped out of our vehicles and started getting the mortars rigged up. We knew the direction of advance; we knew where the troops were.

We pointed the mortars in that general direction, waiting for precise coordinates.

Our job was to get the maximum amount of fire down on the enemy, to suppress their fire, make sure they didn't go anywhere, and kill as many as possible. Then, when the rest fought through the position, there'd be hardly anybody left to resist.

The vehicles were maneuvering, trying to get their heavy machine guns to bear on the enemy position. Not everybody was engaged in the firefight; some were held back in reserve in case we started losing people at the front. The squadron commander was giving orders on the net, telling different troops what he wanted them to do. The principles hadn't changed since the Charge of the Light Brigade.

While the firefight was going on, people were maneuvering, under cover from our fire and the physical terrain, into positions close to the enemy. Some movement was on foot; some was a combination of foot and vehicle. It all depended on the terrain. Whatever, we had to get that fire down.

Mortars work by the angle of the barrel and the amount of energy supplied by the explosive charge on the mortar round. There are seven bands of propellant.

If the mortar fire controller says, "Charge Three," that means there's three bags of propellant, which, with the angle of the barrel, provides its range. What it does at the other end depends on what fuse is 'Set: airburst, delayed, instantaneous, or it might be smoke.

The MFC reported that the enemy were troops in buildings; that meant I had to put a delay fuse on the rounds. They would go into the building, then explode; the earth would be churned up and their defenses would collapse, we hoped, taking them out in the process.

As I looked up to the high ground, I could see the squadron commander getting people into position, but it was no good their attacking until the firefight had been won and all enemy fire was suppressed, as we were about to do.

The troops who were going to attack got into the F.A.P (final a.s.sault position). The suppressing fire would be "switched," which meant that it still went down but was moved along, so that as our blokes were advancing toward the target, we weren't firing on them.

All this had to be coordinated by the squadron commander, who could either see things visually for himself or was getting the information on the radio. We couldn't see jack s.h.i.t; we would just fire on command.

Nosh and Steve were getting the mortar sorted out and waiting for direction and elevation. The MFC, working on a small hand-held computer, shouted: "Immediate action! Direction one-six-four!"

Nosh shouted: "Direction one-six-four!"

From the number two came the confirmation: "Direction one-six-four!"

The MFC called: "Elevation one-two-two-eight," Nosh: "ElevAtion one-two-two-eight!"

Next mortar: "Elevation one-two-two-eight!"

As soon as all the bearings were done on the sight, Nosh shouted, "Number one ready!"

Then we heard "Number two ready!"

They were set commands and standard actions, though slightly different from the rest of the army's. I was listening for a command about charges.

"Two rounds, charge three! Stand by!"

I shouted, "Two rounds, charge three!"

I prepared the ammunition, and Steve took it and waited for the command to throw it down the tube.

Everything was going incredibly smoothly on our tube. We had the elevation and the bearing; we had the lot. We were all ready.

"Number one, fire!"

We threw two rounds each down the tube to "bed in" the weapon.

When a mortar goes off, it starts burying itself in the ground.

We all stand on the plate at this stage to help it bed in. If the baseplate isn't correctly set, the mortar bounces around and the ammunition goes off target. The next rounds, once the baseplate was buried into the ground, would be on target.

We got another fire order and complied.

Then we saw the mortar fire controller running and shouting out.

I said, "What the f.u.c.k's the matter with him?"

Nosh said, "Who gives a f.u.c.k-let's just go with him."

I didn't have a clue,what was happening, but if he was running, I was running. Then I realized: He must be running away from the line of the mortar. I looked up and saw the mortar round, going straight up in the air and then disappearing from view, so chances were it was going to come straight down.

Everybody's feet sprouted wings. I could see the squadron head shed on the high ground. They, too, started to leg it. The motorbikes roared away. None of them knew what was happening, but they all knew there was a problem. When there are problems with live ammunition, you get out of the way.

We were still running when the mortars landed about a hundred meters behind us. They exploded, but n.o.body was hurt.

The mortar fire controller had a severe voluntary contribution-which the SSM loved because it boosted up the cabbage-and an even more severe hard time from us for the rest of the trip.

We did some more jumping. By now I was really getting into the swing of the ice-cream troop business, ripping off my jumpsuit as soon as I landed, putting on shorts and walking around eating crisps, waiting for the next jump.

Then we had to start the serious stuff. We were sitting on the desert airstrip one morning, waiting for the C130 to fly up from Muscat.

The terrain was totally different from the original camp, gentle, undulating dunes that were nice and fluffy to land on. Little forts and watchtowers sat on the hilltops; villages looked like something out of the Crusades. History was all around ite. I thought, This is the life; this is what I've been after all these years.

John said: "We're going to get a bundle ready. What we want to do tonight is a full troop night jump from twenty-five grand."

We were sitting around the tailgate; it was six o'clock, and the sun was setting.

"On the bundle I want Steve, Andy, and Mat."

This was good. It was the first time that I'd ever jumped with a bundle; I'd followed them before, but I'd never jumped with one.

There were three of us on the bundle, which was on a trolley. As soon as the green light showed, everybody would pile out on top of each other, really close. The container would go just slightly before the team.

We sat facing the oxygen consoles, in full kit, bergens between our legs, ready to attach behind our a.r.s.e when we jumped. The aircraft took off and circled the DZ, gaining height.

I checked the altimeter on my arm. Twenty thousand feet. We got the command to rig our kit up. I pushed the bergen behind me and attached it by hooks to my harness. Now we were waiting for the command to go up toward the tailgate. When it was time to jump, we took the oxygen off the main console and put it onto our own bottle.

All the commands were on flash cards; n.o.body could speak because we were on oxygen. I watched the ramp start to come down.

On the command we moved to the rear like a line of ducks, shuffling from foot to foot, weighed down by the parachute, oxygen kit and bergen-well in excess of 150 pounds. The GPMG I was carrying added another 24 pounds. I was on the left-hand side of the bundle. Steve was on the other side, and Mat was at the back. We pushed it on its trolley toward the tailgate; about six inches from the edge of the tailgate there were chocks that stopped it from falling over the edge. We stood there holding it in position. The rest of the troop moved right up onto the tailgate itself. The front people had their toes on the edge; everybody was bunched up, really close to one another, because we all had to get out at the same time. With us were three blokes from A Squadron who'd finished a team job in the Middle East, heard we were getting in some free fall, and gave up their free time to come and join in.

Steve was bent over, ready to push out the container.

We were waiting for the two-minute warning, which would signal that we were on the run-in.

All of a sudden the loadmaster held up two fingers, and everybody was banging the next man and showing two fingers. I tapped Steve, and he nodded his head. The loadie was holding the paracord that was retaining the two chocks, ready to pull when it was time for the bundle to go.