I'll Leave It To You Part 19

DANIEL. With perhaps the teeniest, weeniest little drop of whisky?

SYLVIA. This is all useless prevarication, you know--we have some very important questions to ask you.

DANIEL (_rising_). Perhaps I'd better stand up then, it's more imposing.

(_He takes water from Bobbie._) Thank you a thousand times. Cheerio!!

(_They all make a movement of annoyance._)

SYLVIA. Now then, uncle, we've discovered that you have been deceiving us....

DANIEL (_amazed_). I--deceive you? I'm pained! I'm hurt! You've wounded me to the quick.

BOBBIE. I don't believe you've got a quick.

SYLVIA. Shut up, Bobbie!

(FAITH _is by window_ L.)

SYLVIA. Yes, through the agency of Miss Crombie here.

DANIEL. Ah, Miss Crombie, I've just been chatting to your mother. (_Goes to table and puts gla.s.s on it._)

SYLVIA (_ignoring his interruption._) Your dastardly trick has been exposed, is it or is it not true that you took each of us aside in turn a year and a half ago and filled us up with confidential lies about your will?

DANIEL (_bravely_). It's absolutely true.

(_Move from all._)

SYLVIA. Why did you do it?

DANIEL (_laughing with forced roguishness_). Ah!...

SYLVIA (_firmly--with emphasis on each word_). Why did you do it?

DANIEL. Do you really want to know?

EVANGELINE (_below form_). Of course we do.

DANIEL. Very well, then I'll tell you. The reason was this. You were a set of idle young bounders. (_A move from all._) You'd never done a stroke of work in your lives--neither have I, but I didn't see why you shouldn't. There was your poor mother left comparatively hard up--you would have to have left this house which would have made her perfectly miserable, so I determined to spur you on to do something (_breaking into a smile._) I say, you must admit I've succeeded!

SYLVIA. Never mind, that--go on.

DANIEL (_still smiling_). Well, not having a penny in the world with which to help you myself----

EVERYONE. What!!!!!

DANIEL. I repeat--not having a penny----

OLIVER (_below table_). Do you mean to say you haven't any money at all?

DANIEL (_cheerfully_). Not a bob! Except on the all too rare occasions when I win a bit. (_Laughing._) If it were not for the darling little horses, I shouldn't be able to get across to England at all.

EVANGELINE. What about the mine you told us of?

(JOYCE _is_ R. _of table._)

DANIEL. I never told you of a mine.

EVANGELINE. Oh, uncle, you are a fibber!

DANIEL. You said I had a mine. As a matter of fact I am part owner in one. Unfortunately it was long ago proved to be absolutely worthless.

But please don't worry yourselves over me. I shall be all right.

SYLVIA (R.C.). We weren't.

DANIEL (C). I didn't say you were, I said don't. I also told you, now that I come to think of it, that I had only three years to live. That was put in as a bit of local colour. I hope to live to eighty-two or even eighty-three.

BOBBIE (_above Chesterfield_). Well, all I can say is--it's the rottenest trick I ever heard.

JOYCE. Uncle, how could you? (_She sniffs._)

BOBBIE. How dare you come here and stuff us up with promises that you can never keep. I'm jolly well fed up. I thought you were such a sport and--oh, what's the use of talking. You don't give a d.a.m.n. Come away, Faith.

FAITH (_tossing her head_). Very well.

(_Exit_ BOBBIE _and_ FAITH _into garden._)

EVANGELINE (_coming forward, moves between Chesterfield and arm-chair--contemptuously_). It strikes me as being a singularly pointless practical joke--I'm very disappointed in you, Uncle Daniel.

(_Exit_ R.)

OLIVER (_coming in front of_ JOYCE). So am I--d.a.m.ned disappointed. I thought you were too decent to do a thing like that.

(_Exit_ R.)

JOYCE. I think you're horrid, it'll get all over the school now. (_She bursts into tears and exits_ R.)

(SYLVIA _turns and looks at_ UNCLE DANIEL.)

DANIEL. They've all had a go at me. Haven't you anything to say too, Sylvia?

SYLVIA. No, I haven't anything to say at all.

UNCLE DANIEL. Oh! (_Sits in armchair._)

SYLVIA. You see I knew all the time. (_Goes to above him._)

DANIEL (_incredulously_). You knew?