I'll Leave It To You Part 17

DANIEL. We only have his word for it. Besides he knew his father had seen him cut down the cherry tree. That's why he confessed. Anyhow, why should you think I am?

MRS. CROMBIE. Because you obviously know nothing about mining, and I happen to know that there is no such thing as a mountain in South America called the Grand Slam. I was determined to find out as much as I could about you on account of my daughter.

DANIEL (_rises_). My dear madam, I a.s.sure you that there is nothing whatever between your daughter and me--my intentions are absolutely honourable. (_Moves to fireplace._)

MRS. CROMBIE (_coldly_). I was not alluding to you, but to your nephew--your youngest nephew.

DANIEL. Oh, I see.

MRS. CROMBIE. He has been making love to her. This afternoon he proposed to her....

DANIEL. Did he, by Jove!

MRS. CROMBIE. He also spoke about a large sum of money that you intended to leave him--I'm sure you will understand my position--I naturally want my daughter to marry well--and----

DANIEL. And you mean to make quite sure of the money beforehand. I see.

MRS. CROMBIE. You put it rather crudely.

DANIEL. I think matters of this kind are better discussed crudely. One thing I will promise you, Mrs. Crombie. You shall know full particulars of my finances and everything else by the end of the day. Until then I fear that you must continue to regard me as a fraud.

MRS. CROMBIE. I hope you are not offended at my inquisitiveness, but I really----

DANIEL. My dear Mrs. Crombie, when you have knocked about the world as much as I have--one learns never to be either surprised or shocked.

MRS. CROMBIE. It is very, very hard for mothers, nowadays.

DANIEL. Yes, isn't it?

MRS. CROMBIE. The children are all so modern they become quite ungovernable....

DANIEL (_coming forward slightly_). I can only say then that my nephews and nieces are exceptions to the rule.

MRS. CROMBIE. I am so glad you are so satisfied with them.

DANIEL. I am! I never realised until to-day how absolutely splendid it was to be an uncle. How wonderfully proud I should be of the fact that they are related to me. I came home eighteen months ago expecting to find a family of irritating self-centred young people idling about--true they were idling, but I liked them in spite of it--I have returned this time to find them not only hard-workers, but successful hard-workers.

There is not one of them who hasn't achieved something--even Joyce, the flapper, has set to and made good at school. I tell you I'm proud of them, so proud that I could shout it from the house tops, and may I say this, Mrs. Crombie, that if your daughter has succeeded in making Bobbie fall in love with her, she is a very fortunate young woman.

(MRS. CROMBIE _shows boredom during speech._)

MRS. CROMBIE. Oh, is she?

DANIEL. Because he is a fine boy, so is Oliver, so are they all splendid--and she should be proud to know them.

MRS. CROMBIE. It really is very lucky that you are so contented with your lot. Personally, I'm not so ecstatic. Admitting for a moment that your nephew has such a marvellously fine character--which I doubt--he should not have made love to my daughter without being certain of his prospects.

DANIEL. I will speak to him, Mrs. Crombie.

MRS. CROMBIE. I should be very grateful if you would. (_Rises and moves up to him._) And please understand that nothing--nothing is to be settled without my consent.

DANIEL. I quite understand that.

MRS. CROMBIE. Thank you so much--I think I'll rejoin the others in the garden now.

DANIEL. I'm sure they'd be charmed.

(_Exit_ MRS. CROMBIE _into garden._ DANIEL, _left alone, lights another cigarette._)

DANIEL (_feelingly_). Whew! What a woman! (_Falls on Chesterfield._)

(EVANGELINE _peeps downstairs._)

EVANGELINE. Has she gone?

DANIEL. Yes, thank Heaven. I say, Vangy, she is a very objectionable woman.

EVANGELINE (_coming down_). I know--we all loathe her. Now at last I can talk to you alone. (_Sits beside him._)

DANIEL. Look here, Evangeline, I know exactly what you are going to say, and I settle it all on Griggs, if you like. He'll take it, he's a Scotsman.

EVANGELINE. How did you know?

DANIEL. Instinct, my dear, pure instinct.

EVANGELINE (_rises_). Let's talk it all over.

DANIEL (_rises and goes_ L.). No, not now, I must go up to my room.

EVANGELINE. Oh, just a little talk!

DANIEL. I have some letters to write. Also I'm tired and I feel my illness coming on again. Also I must wash before tea. Also----

EVANGELINE (_laughing_). It's quite obvious that you don't want to, so I'll leave you alone. Cheerio for the present.

DANIEL. They all say that. Cheerio! I'm sure it portends something....

(_He goes off upstairs._)

(_Enter_ JOYCE _from garden dragging_ FAITH _after her._)

JOYCE. Now you've just got to tell the others that.

FAITH (_fl.u.s.tered_). But I promised Bobbie I wouldn't say a word....

JOYCE. Well, you've broken your word once, so you can do it again.

Vangy! Vangy! (_She goes to window, still dragging_ FAITH.) Sylvia!

Oliver! Bobbie!

EVANGELINE. What on earth is the matter?