I See You Part 25

"Aurora . . ." Jentry's whisper was nearly inaudible to me, and I knew no one else had heard him, but that one word seemed to push Declan into action.

He stood slowly from his spot in one of the recliners, his face showing his pain before he was able to control it, and then he was walking toward us.

His grandma, sisters, and their husbands all watched him with rapt attention as he walked; all with smiles on their faces.

Linda and Kurt were the only ones watching me. Their glares said more than they were able to in that moment.

"Didn't think you'd be here just yet," Declan said as he got closer to where Jentry and I were standing. His clear green eyes flashed over to Jentry for a moment, and in that moment, his face went cold. But it happened so fast I wasn't sure if I imagined it.

"Uh, we . . . well, we went to the hospital . . ." I glanced quickly at everyone again before asking, "Why didn't you tell us you'd been released?"

A mischievous smirk lit up Declan's face, and for a second it was hard to believe that any of it had happened. The coma, the heartache, the worrying . . .

"Wanted to surprise you," he responded simply, vaguely.

"Surprise me? By letting me go to the hospital to find you gone?"

Declan's smirk turned sheepish, and his eyes darted down for a second. A soft laugh flowed from his chest. "At least now I know why you haven't been wearing your ring."

"Dec . . ."

He pulled the ring he had proposed to me with out of his pocket-the same ring that was supposed to be in my jewelry box in our apartment-and grabbed my left hand.

Gasps of surprise, shock, and excitement filled the room, followed by one from his mother that was very clearly horrified.

For once, Linda and I were on the same page.

"Rorie Wilde," Declan began, "will you marry me . . . tonight?"

"What?" My voice came out soft, but the dread I felt leaked through the word.

Declan's smile didn't waver; he remained as still and silent as Jentry although everyone else in the room immediately began moving and speaking.

"What?"

"Tonight!"

"Oh, that's so sweet!"

His family's voices bounced around the room, mingling with Linda's as she tried to hold on to some semblance of calm. "Declan, let's think about this! You haven't even been awake a whole week!"

"Rorie and I nearly lost each other once, Mom. There's no point in waiting."

I looked from Declan's parents back to him. This wasn't happening. Not now, not in front of everyone.

Like before, Declan's eyes darted to Jentry, and his expression faltered and went cold again for a split second before he could control it. I knew if I had still been looking at his parents, or even if I had blinked, I would have missed it.

And I knew if Jentry hadn't been watching me for my reaction, he would have seen it, too.

Declan placed the ring at the tip of my finger and asked, "So what do you say?"

Just as he began sliding the ring onto the third finger of my left hand, I jerked my hand from his grasp and took a step away.

Silence filled the room and felt like a living, breathing thing, weighing down upon us, just waiting to see what would happen next.

"I can't," I whispered, and took another step back. "I can't-Declan, I can-I need to talk to you."

My eyes were burning with unshed tears and it suddenly became hard to breathe, and I wondered how I would get through this as I left the room. Just the thought of telling Declan the first time had felt impossible, but this-this made the first time seem laughable.

That time, he hadn't been in a coma just a week before. I hadn't known he'd even planned on proposing; I'd thought we were growing apart anyway. And now, all of that had happened, and he had proposed again in front of his entire family, asking me to marry him that night.

I would rather have died than told Declan the truth in that moment.

I didn't walk far, just into the kitchen, because I didn't know how far Declan could walk without getting tired, and it wasn't long before Declan followed me in.

A mere second later, Linda began screaming at Jentry.

A sob burst from my chest and the tears finally began falling.

Declan didn't speak or move; he just waited.

"I can't marry you," I finally said.

He nodded slowly. "I figured that out." His mouth opened, then shut quickly, and he went back to waiting.

But I couldn't figure out where to begin, because I couldn't understand Declan. There was a sadness deep in his eyes, but he didn't look as if I'd just rejected his proposal. He didn't look like the girl he'd thought was his fiancee had just told him she couldn't marry him. He looked as if he had been waiting for this conversation.

"Why, Rorie?" he said pleadingly. "Why won't you?"

"I'm sorry, Dec. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, but I-" I sucked in a sharp breath, as if my body was rebelling against voicing the truth to him again, then forced out: "I fell in love with Jentry."

He winced in pain.

"It was before I ever met you. I just didn't know who he was. I didn't know who he was to you, and didn't think that I would see him again! I'm sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen, but I couldn't continue a relationship with you when my heart belonged to someone else. It wasn't fair to you. You have to understand than I never wanted to hurt you; he never wanted to hurt you."

Declan's lips formed a sad smile after a few moments. "G.o.d, that hurts just as much hearing it the second time."

25.

Present Day

Aurora

My eyes widened as Declan's words registered. "Wh-what? What did you say?"

"Hearing that, hearing you admit you love him, hurts just as much now as it did the first time."

"What do you mean?" I nearly yelled in a mixture of shock, anger, and confusion. "You knew? You remember?"

He took a step toward me and held his hands up as if he was going to reach for me, but I stumbled away from him as Jentry hurried into the kitchen.

Declan didn't spare a glance for him, just moved one of his hands in Jentry's direction as if silently asking him not to speak, then admitted hesitantly, "Yes, I remember that. I remembered when I woke up because it felt like just seconds after."

Jentry looked at me questioningly.

"Declan already knew about us," I choked out. "He knew when he woke up."

Jentry tensed and slowly looked over at him. "Dec, how could-do you . . . do you have any idea how much she has agonized over telling you again? And this whole time you've just been-Christ, you've just been pretending not to remember? And for what?"

Declan's head dropped and shook slowly as he spoke, but he still wouldn't face Jentry. "Man, you've already taken her from me," he growled in a low tone. "The least you could do is give me some f.u.c.king time alone with her."

"The least you could do is give me some time to come to terms with the fact that you used your coma to your advantage and have let me believe that you thought we were engaged," I seethed. "Do you know how sick that is, Declan?" Without waiting for his response, I turned and walked from the house.

The humid air shouldn't have felt as refreshing as it did. I gulped down deep breaths of the heavy, midmorning air, letting it wash over and through me, and tried to imagine it calming me.

But that crushing weight now felt like heavy, sickening anger. That churning worry now felt like the most confusing betrayal-because I hadn't just been betrayed. We'd all betrayed each other.

I had been sitting on the top step of the Veils' porch for only a couple of minutes when I heard the front door open again, and I knew without turning around who had followed me out there. Because there was no yelling, no demands to know what had just happened, and I couldn't feel his presence . . .

My head snapped up and I automatically reached out to help Declan when he groaned in pain as he tried to sit down beside me, but as soon as he was settled, I released his arm and went back to staring out over the large field I had run across just a week before when I'd tried to escape everything.

Declan sat by my side in silence for a while, but when he started to talk, each word was slow and filled with pain, as if he were reliving it. "I remember asking you and watching the way your face fell, like I'd just crushed you. I remember you started telling me everything about you and Jentry, remember it like you'd been thinking it for a long time and it was finally just pouring out. And I remember thinking I needed to leave, that I needed to get away from you because I couldn't look at you anymore."

"Dec . . ."

"It was like going from one moment to another," he continued. "The last thing I honestly remember was storming out to my truck. I don't know why I don't remember getting in it or driving, or even this wreck everyone keeps asking me about. But I was heading for my truck, and then the next thing I know, I'm looking up at you and Jent. It felt like a split second between the two. But then . . . then there are times when I try to think back to see if I can remember more, and I swear I remember you, Rorie. I remember you . . ." He trailed off and laughed edgily. "G.o.d this sounds stupid, but I remember you talking to me. I remember your voice. Only your voice. I remember you asking me where I was and begging me to come back. But it seems like a dream."

I clamped my hand over my mouth to m.u.f.fle the sob that rose up my throat, and shut my eyes at the onslaught of tears.

"Rorie?" he asked softly, and reached for my arm.

"Not a dream," I choked out.

"What?"

"That wasn't a dream." I wiped furiously at the steadily falling tears, and tried to calm myself enough to speak. "I kept thinking that you were lost, and if you could just find your way back, you would wake up."

"So I heard you?"

I nodded quickly. "I must have called you hundreds of times just to hear your voice, whether I was sitting next to your bed or somewhere away from the hospital. And every time I would wonder where you were, and I swore that the time you finally answered me, I would apologize for what I had done to you. Because I knew you wouldn't have been lost if it hadn't been for me. Dec, I'm so sorry!" I sobbed. "I never meant to hurt you!"

"Come here," he murmured, and pulled me into his side. "I can't let you apologize to me."

"Yes, you can!"

"Rorie, look at me," he said gently, and lifted my tear-streaked face until he was looking me in the eye. "I can't let you apologize. I tried to keep you when I knew you weren't mine." His voice wavered during the last few words, and his green eyes watered. "I knew during that weekend at the beach. I didn't know what was going on between the two of you . . . but I knew. I could see it. I was so afraid of what would happen when he moved back that I tried to do everything I could to keep you before that could happen. Tried to do everything I could to keep you from pulling away and going to him. Especially to him. Jentry has girls for a night before he forgets all about them; that's how he'd always been. I knew he would do the same to you, and I wanted to prevent that and keep you with me."

I watched him in shock as he told me everything, unsure if I was breathing or not as I realized that weeks of heartache and worry could have been avoided.

"But that night . . . I'd never expected what you told me. Because even though I didn't believe him at the time, Jentry had said on the way to the beach that he was hung up on someone he never expected to see again. And it didn't take a lot to connect what both of you had told me and realize that it had been you all along. And when you told me where you met him-d.a.m.n it, Rorie, do you realize that I nearly walked in on the two of you that night? I never took you back to the frat house, but I didn't realize that you'd already been in my room."

I dropped my face into my hands as that night came flooding back when Jentry went to talk to someone at the door, and mortification set in.

"And how p.i.s.sed off I'd already been at the thought of you looking for someone, only to realize that it was my brother. When all of that came pouring from you and settled in, I didn't know what to do. I was livid and sick and so d.a.m.n torn up that I didn't know how to even look at you anymore. But I knew I'd already lost you to him before I'd even met you. I hated him, I hated you, I hated myself . . . and I just had to get away from you. And then . . ." He laughed sadly and shifted on the step. I looked up at him to find him staring at me as if he'd lost everything. "And then I woke up and saw you standing there with him and didn't understand what was going on or how I'd gotten there. But once things were explained to me, I thought I could try again. I was selfish enough to think I had a second shot at keeping you. So please do not apologize to me."

I gently leaned over, trying not to jostle him, and laid my head on his shoulder. "But I am sorry," I whispered. "So incredibly sorry. Hurting you . . . I never wanted to hurt you."

Another sad laugh left him as he wrapped his arm back around me. "Rorie, if there's anything I'm sure of in the past year, it is that you didn't want to hurt me. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."

I wanted to apologize again, but kept the words back. We stayed like that for a few minutes before I asked, "Knowing what you know, what did you think would've happened if your plan had worked?"

"I just would have prayed to G.o.d that Jentry would eventually do something to make you hate him," he responded immediately.

I laughed softly. "You're lucky you broke a couple of ribs." The amus.e.m.e.nt quickly faded from my face and voice when I said, "What you did, the way you tricked me, that wasn't fair. But our relationship wasn't fair to you because even if he'd never come back, I would've never belonged to anyone else. I'm sorry for all of it."

"I'm not," he said honestly. "I had an incredible year with you, Rorie Wilde. I'm . . . I'm not happy for you or for him. I don't know how to be. But I know we're over. I've known from the second I heard you two out on the beach that one night. I just didn't want to admit it."

My body stiffened. "You heard us?"

Declan sighed uncomfortably, and unwrapped himself from me to straighten up. "Yeah, our bedroom windows had been open. I couldn't hear what you were saying, just heard you. But people fighting like that aren't fighting over someone smoking."

"Taylor?"

"Found me just as I'd started storming out of the bedroom. I wanted to die when I saw her because she looked so panicked, and it confirmed what I'd already been thinking; so I pretended not to know where you were."

My head shook absentmindedly as I looked back at the field while I let Declan's words sink in. "I think back on it and wish I would have done so many things differently. Told you differently, or just at a different time. Sooner. But nothing ever felt like the right time because I do love you."

"Do you?" he said in playful awe. "Hey, I got a ring and a pastor. Wanna get married?"

"Even though I'm happy knowing you didn't lose it, your humor isn't appreciated right now, Dec." But even as I said the words, a smile began covering my face.

"Just needed to see you smile again."