How to Ruin Series Part 56

"Avi, wait until you hear me out before you say anything. Okay? I mean, I have some things I have to get off my chest before you tell me how much of a mistake it was that you came here and you're going back home in two days never to see me again."

"Whatever you want," he says, looking out the window and taking a deep, frustrated breath.

Oh, great. Now I've p.i.s.sed him off. I'm pa.s.sing the Baha'i Temple, which looks like the Planetarium. It's so huge and brilliantly lit up.

"It's the Baha'i temple," I explain when Avi's eyes go wide from seeing such a unique building.

"Whoa," Avi says. "The one in Haifa by my aunt's house has a gold dome. Stuck in the middle of the mountain you can see it from miles away."

I drive past the temple, past Gillson Park, past the million dollar houses on Sheridan Road only people who have old money can afford, my mom says. By the time we pa.s.s Glencoe I know my destination.

Rosewood Beach.

It's a small beach in Highland Park my mom took me to one summer when I was little. I remember the wind was so strong my blanket flew up and threw sand in my face. I wasn't a sand person to begin with.

It was too messy and got all over and it took days to get out of my hair and shoes.

And as much as my mom wanted to get me in that Lake Michigan water, I resisted. I saw the kids who played with their buckets in the water and splashed around ...

eventually they had to come out of the water and walk on the sand. That dry sand stuck to their feet and legs and hands and ... ugh, all over.

Turning into the little driveway leading down to the tiny parking lot, I think of how messy situations can sometimes be a good thing. I think I'm just learning that.

I park the car in the darkened parking lot right near the edge of the beach overlooking the lake. No other car is in sight. We're the only ones here in this secluded place.

Almost as if we're on an island alone.

"Are you going to take the cuffs off now?" he asks.

"Nope. Not until you hear what I have to say." I turn in my seat so I'm facing him.

The only thing between us is the arm rest and cup holders. And our strained relationship, if you want to get technical.

I reach over and unbuckle his seatbelt, the click releasing him from the harness.

He's as comfortable as he's gonna get with his hands secured behind his back.

His eyes are shining in the bright moonlight. I can feel them on me as though they were his hands.

"Don't look at me," I tell him.

"Why not?"

"It embarra.s.ses me. What I'm about to say embarra.s.ses me."

"So let me talk," he says in his smooth, confident voice. "I'm not embarra.s.sed."

I tilt my head and raise my eyebrows.

"Just turn around."

He shakes his head in confusion, but turns and stares out the opposite window.

I brace myself for the worst and start talking. "Last summer was the best summer of my life. Meeting someone I really liked surprised me more than anything."

"Same here," he says to the window.

"Yeah, but you told me not to wait for you. You didn't want to get involved, you didn't want a relationship ... all you wanted was a summer fling."

"It was awesome."

"Yeah. But then it was over. You went to the army and I came back home. When things go wrong with Jess, I can't call you.

When things go wrong with friends at school or my family, you're not here to calm me down and tell me not to freak out or hold my hand in that familiar way."

This time he turns to me, his jaw clenched. "So you replaced me with Nathan?"

With my index finger, I twirl it in cirlces to remind him to turn around.

He looks at the window again and repeats, "So you replaced me with Nathan.

I get it, Amy, you don't have to state the obvious."

"I admit it," I say quietly. "I kissed Nathan. Twice. And he was a good kisser.

Well, the first time he wasn't, but the second time was considerably better."

"I don't want to hear it," Avi says, his voice tight.

"Yes, you do. I don't want secrets between us, Avi. And I don't want you running away from me when things get tough."

"I don't run."

"You left so fast I didn't have a chance to figure things out in my own head," I say, putting my hand on his thigh. I need to touch him, to make him realize how much I care. Will he know by my touch how much I want him back in my life, how there's a void in my heart only he can fill?

He looks down at my hand. "Did you figure it out?"

"I didn't kidnap you for nothing, you know. Stay with me, Avi. Stick with me through my mistakes and through my c.r.a.p and through my crabbiness and through my doubts because ... oh, G.o.d, I love you."

I'm waiting for him to say it back to me, not that it even matters. My love won't waver. I can list one reason, or a hundred reasons, why I love him. There's a connection when we laugh, when we fight, and when we kiss ... there's a restlessness that burns inside me for him when he's not with me. I'm calmer when we're together.

He's in the Israeli army, I know. And I won't likely be seeing him for a long time.

Maybe he'll get leave in the summer; maybe he won't. It doesn't even matter to me, as long as we take the time now to say whatever, whenever.

"Come here," he says.

I look over at the small s.p.a.ce in the front seat, the cup holders and arm rest between us. "Um, where do you want me to go, Avi? There's not much room here."

"You're smart. Figure it out."

Don't ask me how it is that my prisoner is giving me the orders now, but I'm totally okay with it. I squeeze my way over the hump of the armrest and wiggle my way over to the pa.s.senger side, finally able to sit comfortably while straddling his legs.

"I'm selfish," Avi says, his dark chocolate eyes boring into mine. "Because I don't want to share you." He bends his head down, says something in Hebrew to himself that sounds like a curse, and says, "My ego took a beating when I found out you kissed Nathan. I left you because my d.a.m.n ego was bruised."

I twist my head down so he can see my face. "If you can forgive me, I can forgive you ... and your ego," I say. "I just want to spend every second together before you go back to Israel."

"And after I go back, what's between us? I've got three years in the army. Who knows what'll happen."

"I don't want to break up, Avi."

"Me, either. How about a don't ask, don't tell relationship until I'm out of the army?"

Don't ask, don't tell. That sounds fair.

"Sababa. Does that mean I can call you my boyfriend instead of my non-boyfriend?"

The side of his mouth quirks up.

"Definitely."

"Do we have a contract drawn up? Do we shake on it?"

"How about we seal the deal with a kiss. No distractions this time."

We both lean forward, meeting in the middle. Just as our lips are about to touch, my cell phone rings.

"Aren't you going to get it? It might be your dad."

Tilting my head to the side and brushing my lips against his, I say, "No distractions, remember?"

Ignoring the persistent phone, we start kissing softly, the way it was the first time he ever touched me. Sweet and slow, with pa.s.sion and hunger lurking behind as if waiting to be unleashed with a vengeance.

Lips against lips, I caress his face before moving my hands down to the hard planes of his chest, exploring my way while he's still bound and we're still kissing.

"One day we're going to do this somewhere else than in a car," he says, his voice and breath coming harder than before. Through his shirt I can feel his heart racing faster, too. I smile, knowing that I can bring him to feel this way, that he wants me as much as I want him.

Wiggling closer to him and putting the seat into a reclining position, I realize I'm playing with fire but it feels too good to stop. Groaning sounds fill the car. I'm not even sure if they're coming from me or him. Avi nuzzles my neck with his lips, licking and kissing a path down to the V in my shirt while my fingers are wandering around his body giving caresses of their own.

With a shift of his body, suddenly Avi's hands are on my waist, moving up my spine and cradling my head. His breathing is heavy and erratic and his eyes are so intense when he looks into mine it makes my breath hitch.

"You're free from the handcuffs?" I whisper, feeling weak from his kisses and caresses and hands and words.

Between kissing me, he says, "Yeah.

There was a release b.u.t.ton on them."

I lean back, separating our lips and bodies for a second. "When did you find it?"

"About ten seconds after you put them on me." His fingers brush stray strands of hair away from my face. "The funny thing is, you don't need handcuffs to bind me to you. I'm yours without them."

I pull his head toward mine, and we kiss and continue exploring as we move in rhythm against each other.

"I want to forget how inexperienced you are," he groans the words into my ear.

"So teach me," I say. I bite my lower lip as I sit up and unb.u.t.ton the top two b.u.t.tons of my shirt.

"Look at me?" Avi asks.

"Why?"

"So I can see your eyes."

Avi's eyes are totally focused on my face and not my shirt as I move my hands lower and start unb.u.t.toning the rest of the b.u.t.tons. My hands are shaking. I'm not sure if it's from the cold car or my trembling nerves.

"Didn't you listen when your dad had the s.e.x talk? Didn't he tell you boys only want one thing?"

"Do you, Avi? Do you only want one thing?" I say as I open my shirt and reveal my bra beneath it.

"To be honest, my body's only thinking about one thing right now."

"Me, too. Aren't you going to take your shirt off?"

As his hands reach for the hem of his shirt he says in a strained voice, "Your dad's gonna kill me," then he lifts his shirt over his head and tosses it onto the drivers seat with his eyes never leaving me.

Brushing the tips of his fingers across my abdomen, my body tingles in response and I shiver. "Are you okay with this?" he asks, his face serious.

I nod and give him a small smile. "I'll let you know when I'm not."

As I lean down to press our bodies against each other, his hands reach around under my open shirt and pull me toward him. "Your body ... so warm."

His hands are like a fire, consuming my body with his touch. I lean my head on his chest, hearing his heart beating in the same erratic rhythm as my own while his hands move up and caress my hair, my bare back, and my b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

I reclaim his lips and my raw emotions and new wonderful feelings whirl in my consciousness. I'm fully aware I'm not ready to have s.e.x, but I'm ready to experience more ... "Avi," I say, letting my tone say more than my words. I want ...

As if he understands, Avi shifts again, this time moving our bodies so he's on top of me. "Ow," he says.

"What?" Did I do something to hurt him?

"I just banged my head on the mirror."

"I think the seatbelt is digging into my back," I tell him. Or maybe it's the handcuffs digging into my back. Or both.

All I.

know is that we're both uncomfortable right now.

He puts his forehead against mine and groans in frustration as he attempts to stretch his legs out so they're not pinning mine under his. I think one of his legs is under the steering wheel, but I can't be sure.