How to Ruin Series Part 40

Wes plunges a needle and thread into the skin of the banana. "As in he lives there?"

"Yeah."

"How can he be your boyfriend when he's, like, a million miles away?"

I stop the banana threading. It's like everyone else is putting into words what's been on my mind lately. It's p.i.s.sing me off.

Ever since I talked to my Israeli cousin yesterday, I've been rethinking my relationship with Avi. Obviously I'm not his first priority. Why should he be mine?

Without answering Wes, I wander away from the youth group and stare out at the view of Lake Michigan. The backyard of the synagogue faces the lake, on prime real estate property. I'm sure my stepfather would love to get his hands on this piece of land. I envision myself on the sandy beach below.

An image of Nathan pops into my head, interrupting my thoughts of Avi. Why, I have no clue. It's just ... well, Nathan kind of reminds me of Avi. Not his looks, by any means. Avi is drop-dead-oh-my-G.o.d gorgeous, the Abercrombie model come to life. Nathan is the opposite. He looks as awkward as he acts and doesn't even care that he's a loner. Avi has a bunch of loyal friends.

Avi and I fell for each other after hating each other for the better part of the summer. In the beginning, we fought every time we came within two feet of each other. When he kissed me, it was as explosive as the fighting and more incredible than any kiss I'd ever had.

I'm sure kissing Nathan would be nothing like kissing Avi.

I put my hands on either side of my head and squeeze my eyes shut. How can I think about kissing Nathan? Eww.

Okay, I'll admit he has unique green eyes. They have little specks of brown and gold in them, and when he looks at me I find myself searching for those specks. A guy like that shouldn't have such cool eyes.

"Hey, Amy, you okay?"

It's Jessica. I don't feel like talking right now, even to my best friend. I'm kind of fine being depressed all by myself. "I'm fine."

"You think the youth group is weak sauce, don't you? I'm sorry I made you-"

"It's not weak sauce."

"Then why are you all mopey?" My best friend rolls her eyes at me, if you can believe it. "Seriously, Amy, you're gonna have to get over Avi. You've been acting like a total recluse lately and it's getting on everyone's nerves, especially mine. Can't you move on? I guarantee Avi's not moping around, making his friends and everyone else around him miserable."

I stand here wide-eyed, not believing for a second Jessica just b.i.t.c.hed me out. She's never done this before. We've always supported each other through guys and zits and parents and school. "I guess it's too much to ask for my best friend to support me when I need it the most," I say.

"You know what, Amy? I was thinking the same thing," she says, then stomps back to the sukkah-building activity.

What the h.e.l.l was that all about? I'm too confused to think right now. All I want to do is go home. What's worse is that I'm at the mercy of Jessica because she drove me here.

Stomping back to my group, I plop myself down next to Wes from Lickity Split again.

"Amy, you just sat on a banana," Wes informs me, then bursts out laughing. Nikki and the rest of my group follow. All eyes are watching to see what I'm going to do next.

I could cry-that wouldn't take too much effort. In fact, I can feel a waterfall forming behind my eyelids.

Closing my eyes, my brain focuses on the wet, gushy mush soaking the jeans I spent over a half hour picking out. And on Jessica's tirade. And on my mom's pregnancy. And on Avi and Nathan and my dad's date disaster. And Mutt's insatiable addiction to sniffing everyone's crotch.

In case you haven't noticed, my teenage life is officially ruined.

12.

Rabbi Gla.s.sman said he realized he wanted to study to be a rabbi when he was in high school.

To be honest, I think G.o.d chose him to be a rabbi instead of the other way around.

He's too unbiased and wise to be a regular person.

Yes, I had to last the rest of the night with wet, sticky banana-encrusted jeans. And no, Jessica and I still aren't talking.

Miranda is, though.

"That was so much fun, wasn't it?"

Miranda says as we get into Jessica's car at the end of the night. I put down a plastic bag before I sit in the back seat while the engine is warming up.

Jessica grunts and I say, "Yeah. Great fun." I love being laughed at by an entire group of high schoolers and smelling like baby food. Where can I sign up for the next meeting?

"Sorry about your pants," Miranda says from the front pa.s.senger seat. "I'm glad you came, though. There's not many kids from CA here."

"We don't necessarily have a huge Jewish population at the Academy," I say, leaning back and hearing the bag under my b.u.t.t crinkle with every movement I make.

Jewish kids probably make up fifteen or twenty percent of the student population at Chicago Academy, and CA isn't the biggest school in Chicago by far.

"They think we're rich sn.o.bs," I blurt out.

Miranda turns and faces me while Jessica concentrates on driving us home.

"People don't think I'm a sn.o.b. They think of me as the fat girl. They think you're a sn.o.b because you're pretty and don't smile a lot."

"Smiling is overrated."

Jessica snorts.

Miranda looks animated now. She's going into excited mode. "Smiling takes years off your life. Did you know it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile?"

"Did you know it takes more energy to talk than to be silent?"

Did I just say that? Oh, man. Miranda bites her lip and turns around, slinking down in the seat. I didn't mean it. I just wanted to stop feeling like I was bombarded with everyone pointing out what's wrong with me.

Jessica stops the car. I think she's so p.i.s.sed she's going to dump me off the side of the road and order me to get out. But now I realize we're at my building.

Keeping up with the I'm-not-a-good- friend-and-I-don't-smile theme, I open the door to the car and step onto the sidewalk.

I'm about to swallow my pride and thank Jess for the ride, but she blurts out, "Close the door."

As soon as I shut the door, Jessica's off like a NASCAR driver.

I feel like the biggest b.i.t.c.h. Maybe I am.

Should I feel better that I'm a b.i.t.c.h with a conscience ? Because I feel totally wretched.

I stay on the sidewalk for a minute before I turn and walk into the building. I want to smile. I want to be a good friend to Jessica and even Miranda. Miranda doesn't look or dress or act like me, but she's nice and smiles. Does she smile because she's genuinely nice or is she perceived to be nice because she smiles?

Does it even matter?

Exhausted physically and emotionally, I pa.s.s our night doorman Jorge who opens the door for me as I head for the elevator bank.

"Did you have a good evening with your friends, Miss Barak?" Jorge asks.

"Not particularly," I answer back.

"Some days are like that, I'm afraid."

"Yeah, some days are c.r.a.p."

In the elevator, I lean my head against the wall. The doors start to close, until I hear someone stopping the doors from shutting with their hands. Those hands are attached to none other than Nathan.

Nathan enters the elevator in sweats and workout pants. A lady who I've only seen a few times who lives on the fifth floor follows in right behind him.

I close my eyes to block out everything.

When we stop on the fifth floor to let the lady out, I open my eyes.

Nathan is staring right at me through his gla.s.ses. His eyes are as bright as Kermit the Frog and the gold specks in them are shining in the lights of the elevator. Stupid lights. Stupid elevator. They make my mind think stupid thoughts, like wondering what I could do to make Nathan like me.

He takes a drink from a water bottle he's carrying in his hand. I start breathing heavily, as if my mind is one big mashed potato. I stare at his lips. I've never noticed them before, but now they're shiny from that water.

Nathan hates me, but maybe ...

No, I can't.

But he's looking right at me; our eyes are locked. I can't change anything else in my c.r.a.ppy life, but maybe I can change his att.i.tude and animosity toward me.

If I don't try it, I'll never know. I drop my purse on the floor of the elevator and rush toward him, pressing my lips to his.

I'm kissing Nathan in the elevator as we ride up from the fifth to fortieth floor, my eyes still locked on his while I'm waiting for some reaction from him.

I get none.

My hands. What should I do with my hands? I place them on his chest, which feels unusually hard for a guy like him, and tilt my head to attempt a more intimate kiss.

Nathan isn't responding. His lips are soft and inviting but he's standing stiffly with his arms at his side. He's not shoving me away from him, but he surely isn't acting like a guy who's being kissed by a girl. His lips are parted slightly against mine, his breath is warm and smells sweet.

But he's not all here. He's not into it and I'm the one doing all the work.

When the elevator dings and the doors open, I lift my hands off his chest and lean back.

"Well, that was pleasant," I say as I lift my purse and step out of the elevator.

"For who?" Nathan responds, walking right past me.

We're in the hall on the fortieth floor of the building with n.o.body else around.

Nathan is in front of his door and I'm in front of mine. I look down the hall at him while he fishes for his keys. "For n.o.body, Nathan. That was a joke. You obviously don't like girls."

He gives a short, cynical laugh.

"Whatever you say, Barbie. Did anyone ever tell you you smell like fruit?"

"Stop calling me Barbie!" I yell, ignoring the fruit comment for the moment.

Nathan doesn't respond as he opens the door to his condo and slams the door shut behind him.

The door quickly opens to my condo and my dad rushes at me. "What's wrong? Who are you yelling at?"

"n.o.body, Dad."

"I heard you yelling. Are you okay?"

"Don't spaz on me. I'm fine," I say, then brush past him.

My dad follows me to my bedroom, my private sanctuary where I go to be alone.

"I'm your father. I have a right to spaz.

Why are you acting like this? And why do you smell like bananas?"

I give him my famous sneer. "Acting like what?"

"Like you're angry with the world."

"I'm not angry with the world; the world is angry with me. And for your information, I sat on a banana. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like some privacy so I can change." That gets him to leave pretty quick.

After I shimmy out of my now crusty jeans, I dress in pj's and head down the hall to brush my teeth and scrub my face.

With all the stress I'm under, I'm bound to get a zit or two ... or twenty. I'm in the bathroom, scrubbing my lips and that kiss away with a washcloth. Back in my room, I look up and see my dad standing in the doorway.

He leans against the door frame. "I admit I'm not used to teenage girl problems. But I'm here to listen."

I can tell he's mentally preparing for some heavy discussion. He's not used to heavy teenage girl problem discussions.

My dad is such a guy. He needs some feminine influence in his life. "Why don't you want a girlfriend?"

"Because relationships are a time commitment."