How to Ruin Series Part 135

Nathan told Marla I don't like him because he wears old clothes and has gla.s.ses.

That's not why.

I have the sudden urge to share with Nathan why I hate him. It's not that I'm picky, or rude, or think of myself as too good to be friends with him.

"Earth to Amy."

I blink out of my daydreaming. Cami and Raine are standing in front of me, waving their arms in front of my face. "Welcome back to reality," Cami says, laughing.

"What's on the menu for lunch?" I ask, trying to forget about Mitch and what he just told me. Besides, on Mondays sometimes they surprise us with Uno's pizza. (Another high carb food, I know ...

but just as worth it as sushi.) "Forget lunch. Tell us about that Nathan guy and you going to the Valentine's Dance. Everyone's talking about it, if you haven't noticed. They're saying you've gone geek on us. First you kiss the guy in the lunchroom and then you sit at Miranda's table. What's gotten into you?"

I think about how cool Miranda was after I was rude and how quickly she took my apology without making me feel bad.

She could have b.i.t.c.hed me out, but she didn't. "Miranda's not so bad."

Raine puts her manicured hands up.

"She smells like Swiss cheese, Amy.

You'd think that big Jewish honker of hers would notice it."

And there it is. My first time since going through conversion someone saying a derogatory remark to me about Jews. More than derogatory. Racist, really. My heart is pounding faster and I feel my throat start to constrict. I'm getting a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"I'm Jewish," I say, ready to defend my people even if it costs me popularity-wise.

And let me tell you, being unpopular at Chicago Academy is like being a lone rabbit surrounded by a roomful of hunting dogs. Or wolves.

"Yeah, but not really. You're only half Jewish," Raine says, not getting it.

Eww. Half. Like I can never be whole because my mom isn't Jewish? Wrong.

"Um, I gotta disagree with you there, Raine. I'm all Jew. If you want to start throwing around Jewish jokes or insults, it's not gonna fly with me."

Raine looks like she's smelling some bad cheese right about now. "Lighten up, Amy."

"Don't tell me to lighten up when you insult my people," I say.

"I insulted Miranda Cohen, Amy. Not you. Not the entire Jewish population or your people. Geez," she says, then rolls her eyes.

I desperately want to walk away, to back down and remove myself from the situation like Mitch did to me. But I don't.

Because I want Raine to know, or anyone else who wants to fling around Jewish insults, that it's not okay. It hurts. I can't even describe how much her words cut right through me, even though I know she doesn't realize it.

My heartbeat somewhat gets back to normal when Raine turns and walks away in a huff.

I turn to Cami, who's pretending to check in her book bag for something. I can tell she's just shuffling around stuff. "I'm not mad at you," I tell Cami.

Cami looks up. "That was intense."

"It wasn't meant to be."

So now we're just standing here and I have to say something to break the silence.

"You headed for the cafeteria?"

Cami hesitates before saying, "Nope. I have to go to the Resource Lab first. I'll meet up with you later."

Yeah, sure. "Whatever," I say, as if I don't care.

Walking into the cafeteria, I survey my surroundings. Raine is already here; she's talking with a couple of other girls with their heads together in obvious gossip- mode. Did I say gossip was underrated?

Well, now that I'm on the other end of the Gossip Trail I'm not so happy about it.

Payback sucks.

I'm standing in line, picking out food.

Yesterday was a disaster with Nathan's kiss. Now Raine is gossiping about me being Jewish. I'm sure she's twisting the story around to make me look bad. I'm determined to avoid drawing attention to myself.

Oh, no. Nathan just walked in the room.

He's about six people behind me in the cafeteria line. He's talking to Kyle. Better to know where he is so I'm not given another surprise kiss without being prepared for it.

Today I don't take a salad, especially because the lunchroom lady Gladys is watching me like a hawk. I order a turkey sandwich on sourdough bread, freshly made at the deli counter, and scan the lunchroom tables.

Here's where life gets tricky.

The lunchroom. Where the students cla.s.sify and separate themselves like little granola cl.u.s.ters. Usually I'm attached to Jessica. Wherever she sits, I sit. Right now she's at the condiment counter, squirting ketchup into a little white cup for her fries.

She has no clue Raine is talking about how she made fun of Miranda's Jewish nose.

Miranda is sitting with her usual cl.u.s.ter.

They are not all Jewish. The thing they have in common is they all need fashion advice. They're also straight A students.

Miranda waves over to me, and I wave back. She probably thinks I'm going to sit at her table like yesterday.

Jess sits in Raine's cl.u.s.ter before I can get her attention.

Looking back, Nathan is at the cashier about to pay for his two slices of pizza and bottle of Arizona Iced Tea.

Okay, time to make a decision. Cl.u.s.ter with Jessica and Raine, where I usually sit.

Or sit with Miranda and her friends again.

No time to dawdle, Amy. Popular girls don't dawdle.

As if I'm a programmed robot, I sit with my usual friends. I feel like a traitor, although when I glance over at Miranda, she's in a heated conversation with someone else and doesn't even notice I've chosen the popular girls who know what DKNY means, instead of her table, where they're probably discussing E=MC2.

When I take a seat next to Jessica, the table gets super quiet. Jess is confused.

"So, what's with you and the new guy Nathan?" Roxanne asks with a snicker.

"You two put on a pretty good show yesterday. Any chance for a repeat performance?"

I take a bite of my turkey sandwich so I don't have to answer right away. I need time to think of a response, although I'm usually quick-witted.

Just as I'm swallowing my first bite, I hear Nathan's voice behind me. "Can I squeeze in?"

I look up at Nathan and want to say "No" because everyone is expecting us to start making out. Why doesn't he go sit with Kyle and his buddies? Or with the geeks at the geek table?

Jessica makes everyone move down so he can sit next to me. Ugh, all eyes are on us. I do want to talk to Nathan, but in private without being surrounded and stared at by the cl.u.s.ter.

"So, I hear you guys are going to the Valentine's Dance," Roxanne says, her beady eyes focusing on my reaction. "Are you two, like, dating?"

I feel like the entire lunchroom is listening to my response.

"Oh, yeah," I say. "Didn't you know? It was love at first sight. Right, Nathan?"

It's either going to be me and Nathan against Roxanne and the rest of the bunch, or me against everyone.

I turn my head and look at Nathan, sitting beside me. The fluorescent lights of the cafeteria are reflected in his gla.s.ses, so I can't see his eyes. But those circular frames are definitely directed at me.

"Yeah, right," he says. "I guess it's true.

Opposites attract."

I chow on another bite of my sandwich, staring down at my food so I don't have to talk.

But I do see Nathan's fingers, reaching for his pizza. Within three minutes he's picking up the second piece. It's probably a world record in pizza eating. By the time he's done with his second slice, students are still entering the cafeteria.

One gulp of iced tea and he's done. I'm still trying to choke down my sandwich.

Nathan murmurs something to me in my ear that I can't understand, and leaves.

"What did he say?" Jess asks, obviously confused. She knows Nathan and I aren't even friends. Okay, we did kiss. But it was for show. I wasn't even a willing partic.i.p.ant the second time.

"No idea," I mumble, then take another bite.

After school, Jess catches up to me on the way to the bus stop.

"Amy," she says. "I don't get it. You think Nathan is a dork-don't even argue with me because I know you better than your own mom does. Then you kiss him in front of the entire school while you're still hung up on Avi. Raine is telling everyone you've gone wacko on her. It doesn't make sense."

"Life doesn't make sense, Jess. Do you hate me?"

"Why would I hate you? I may not understand you. I may get mad at you. But I could never hate you."

Nathan is walking toward us, his uptight gait is so dorky I want to wince. I swear the guy needs a lesson in loosening up and being crazy. He probably dances like a sixty-year-old.

Avi is an amazing dancer. I remember in Israel last summer he was dancing with a girl and I got jealous so I picked a guy at random and pulled him out on the dance floor. Biggest mistake. Let's just say the end result almost had me arrested by the Israeli police.

When Nathan reaches us, Jessica walks to the bus stop to give us privacy. She's such a good friend. Totally mistaken about the situation between me and Nathan, but her heart is in the right place.

I tap Nathan on his elbow. "We need to talk."

"Why? You want to kiss again?"

"And have your gla.s.ses whack me in the face again? I don't think so. I want to talk.

The kind of talking where lips don't touch."

"Sorry. No can do."

The bus is turning the corner. "Well, we can't keep pretending to be dating."

"Sure we can," he says, putting his arm around me and leading me to the back so we sit with everyone else.

I shrug his arm off.

When we get to our stop, we climb off the bus and he puts his arm around my shoulders again as if we're a real couple.

Before I can shrug him off again, I look up.

My heart slams into my chest and I almost fall backward.

Standing at the front of my building, like an Abercrombie model posing without even meaning to, is Avi.

And he's watching me walk toward him with Nathan's arm around me. I'm too shocked to ask Avi how he got here, why he's here, how long he's going to stay, or if he still cares about me.

"Avi," I say softly when we get closer to him. I swear I'm still in a trance when I add, "What are you doing here?"

"Who's this guy?" he answers back.

17.

If G.o.d made the world in six days (Genesis 2:2), surely I can make sense of my life in seven.

I shrug Nathan's arm off me. He drops it from my shoulders, but still stands next to me. What, is Nathan waiting for a formal introduction? I'm not prepared to give it, even when I find myself saying, "Avi, this is Nathan. Nathan, this is my ... this is Avi."

It was a big deal to Avi that we didn't label ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend, with him in the Israeli army for the next three years. As much as my mind agreed with it, my heart didn't. My ego didn't, either. So I end up telling everyone he's my non-boyfriend. Let them decide what it means.