How to Become Rich Part 5

_First._--Such physiological conditions as will insure the improvement of offspring and the perpetuation of the race, for the accomplishment of which object, marriage is primarily established.

_Second._--Amiable Companionship and Congenial a.s.sociation. The married pair must live together, and their mutual interests, as well as the interests of society, demand that the a.s.sociation be pleasant.

_Third._--Mutual helpfulness in financial affairs and the maintainance of the establishment.

It is absolutely necessary that all three of these elements should combine to form the perfect marriage. Many good people imagine that if they can only live together in an amiable way, and have no serious quarrels, that they have reached the beau ideal of happiness. There are others who look only to the financial welfare of the union, and if the conditions seem favorable to the production of wealth, they approve of the marriage; but the fact remains that both of these conditions may be present and the marriage still be most unhappy.

When I was lecturing in the State of Indiana, some years ago, I had occasion to discuss this subject with the Mayor of a certain city, who informed me, with great glee, that he had "sold out" a Phrenologist, as he expressed it, on the occasion of his marriage. Said he, "My wife and I were examined the day before we married, by an eminent Phrenologist, who p.r.o.nounced us totally unfitted for each other, and strongly urged us not to marry. Now, sir, I have lived with that good woman for forty years, and we've never had a quarrel, and we've made a good living into the bargain."

I did not want to hurt the old man's feelings, and I felt that if he could get any comfort out of that marriage, I would be the last one to take it from him, so I kept silent; but when I looked over his family, and I counted five children that were partially idiotic, I thought that the Phrenologist had decidedly the best of the argument.

And suppose you do live with a good woman for forty years and never have a quarrel, is that anything to your credit? Certainly not. The man who couldn't live with a good woman for forty years, and not insult her, ought to be ridden out of town on a rail. And the woman who can't live with a good man, the same length of time, without getting her name on the police court records for smashing a frying-pan over his head, is not fit to move in good society.

It is desirable that the a.s.sociation of man and woman in marriage should be amiable, but that is not all that is to be desired. Neither is the physiological improvement of offspring the sole thing to be considered.

The married pair may surround themselves with beautiful children, but if the conditions of the marriage have made them poor, if the parents are unable to educate their children, or to give them the necessities and advantages which are prompted by a laudable ambition, life will be shorn of most of its charms. And, on the other hand, if life is spent in one long scramble for riches, and there is in the union nothing but the elements of sordid wealth, the actual standard of that marriage, as to the true richness of life, will be poor indeed.

These three grand consummations of Amiable a.s.sociation, Financial Success, and Physiological Improvement are most devoutly to be wished, but how shall they be attained?

Before I proceed to give you my own theory, I want to tear down one or two others. I am nothing if not combative, and believe that the best way to establish truth is to begin by tearing down error. I wish to attack, in the first place, a theory much taught and too generally practiced, that one should seek, in matrimony, a companion as near like himself as possible. It is astonishing to see what a hold this theory has upon the public mind, considering the fact that it never has had any good results to support it. A distinguished Physiologist, in a recent work which has been extensively circulated, uses these words in speaking of a proper selection in matrimony:--

"What should be sought for is a congenial companion. A congenial companion is one who, under any given set of circ.u.mstances, will think, feel and act exactly as we would, not for the sake of agreeing with us, but of his own free will, etc."

We consent that a congenial companion should be sought for, but we differ very much from the learned gentleman, just quoted, as to what const.i.tutes a congenial companion. To comply with the conditions he expresses, presupposes that the persons, who are to be congenial companions, must be alike in character, temperament, disposition; for if they differ in any of these, Phrenology proves that they will, under the same combination of circ.u.mstances, think, feel and act differently also.

We will examine this theory in the light of results and see how it will work.

We will suppose the case of a man of the Bilious Temperament, dark complexion, hair and eyes; Moderate Caution; small Vitativeness, Hope and Self-esteem; large Destructiveness and Acquisitiveness. Such a combination gives a strong tendency to suicide in cases of financial loss. We marry him to a wife exactly like himself, and one day he comes home and informs her that an unlucky speculation has carried away their fortune, and he has resolved upon suicide. His wife, being a person "who, under any combination of circ.u.mstances, thinks, feels and acts" exactly as he does, raises no objection. "All right, my love. You take a.r.s.enic, and I'll take strychnine," and they go to perdition together. There is not enough vitality in such a marriage to last them over one disaster.

Study this theory to its legitimate conclusion in all cases, and you will find that its results are disastrous. Moreover, it is contrary to nature. It is not because a man is like a woman that she admires him. If this were true, the little emasculated dudes, who cannot raise moustaches, would be more in demand. It is not because a woman is like a man that he loves her. If this were true, the bearded lady in the Dime Museum would be at a premium on the matrimonial market. It is because each is unlike the other, and because each recognizes in the other something, without which nature is incomplete, that love exists, and each is attracted to the other by a force as irresistible as gravitation itself.

But another fellow comes along and proposes to remedy the whole matter with another theory. And he tells you to marry somebody who is your opposite in everything; somebody who, under every combination of circ.u.mstances, will think, feel and act differently from your own impulses. And he hopes, by the fact that you will pull one way and your companion another, to establish some sort of an equilibrium that will keep you on your feet. If we follow this theory, like the other, to its legitimate conclusion, we will find the old problem repeating itself, "When an immovable body meets an irresistible body, what is the result?"

According to this theory, I should step into this audience and select the most delicate, refined and accomplished lady among you and marry her to a South African cannibal, and I would produce correct results.

The Mormon and the Mohammedan advocate polygamy. The Koran says a man must have four wives in order to always be able to find one in a good humor. There is one answer to polygamy which forever settles the question. The highest orders of animals and men are gifted by nature with an instinct prompting the union, in pairs, for life of the male and female. This instinct is located in the occipital region of the brain, and is called, in Phrenological language, Conjugality. It is large in the lion and the eagle, and in all mating birds and animals. Those animals which a.s.sociate promiscuously are devoid of this sense. There is no grander example of conjugal fidelity than the eagle, the monarch of birds, building, with his consort, their rugged home on the breast of some beetling crag, and there rearing their offspring and remaining true to each other for a lifetime, and at last, when disabled by age, nourished and fed by the young birds, no doubt impelled to the filial task by respect for their magnificent virtues.

If the sense of conjugality is omitted from the organization of a man or woman, they cannot be held responsible if they fail to conform to its impulses. But let every man or woman, in the possession of a complete brain, conform to the instincts of nature and emulate the virtue of the eagle. Those who practice polygamy, or who a.s.sociate promiscuously, or are guilty of conjugal infidelity, are, in plain scientific language, _deficient in sense_--the sense of conjugality.

It being, therefore, the law of nature that man and woman should unite in matrimony, what rule of selection may we establish which, in all cases, shall be productive of agreeable a.s.sociation, financial success and such physiological conditions as will result in the improvement of offspring?

It has been stated that Order is Heaven's first law. With equal force it might be added that Harmony is the first law of nature. The law of Harmony pervades all nature, and men and women have long since learned to recognize it in many departments of study, inferior in dignity and importance to the topic of this lecture. As you have long studied harmony in its application to music, and colors, I introduce the study of harmony to you to-night, but it is harmony in its relation to Humanity in the law of matrimonial selection. There is harmony and discord in music; there is harmony and discord in the science of colors; and in the grand symphony of Humanity, the law is just as applicable; its obedience results in the beauty and accord of domestic felicity, its disobedience furnishes the deformity and discord of society.

All ladies recognize the law of harmony in colors; and in the selection of a dress or bonnet, they try to secure colors that will harmonize with their complexions. They do not all understand the law sufficiently to always conform to it, as I frequently see ladies in my audience who have blundered in this respect, and who wear articles hideously unbecoming.

But they all try, and you cannot inflict a greater punishment upon a woman than to compel her to appear in church, or at a lecture, in a costume in which she knows she has violated this law. But, ladies, just think for a moment, if it is a misfortune to have to wear for a season a dress or bonnet which is not becoming to you, what a calamity it is to be compelled to wear a husband who does not harmonize with you, and that for life. And the worst of it is, they never wear out.

Every musician in my audience understands that, in music, if I strike two notes, of the same pitch and quality, I have produced no harmony, I have only intensified the volume of the tone. If I strike a first and third, or a first and fifth, I produce harmony, because the vibrations of those notes, in combination, are such as produce an agreeable sound.

If I strike certain other notes, I produce a discord, and the sound is unpleasant. We cannot have harmony without a difference in pitch and quality, but we can have difference in pitch and quality without harmony. To produce perfect music, we must have soprano, alto, tenor and ba.s.s to carry all the parts. The tenor and soprano would furnish us a very poor concert, and the alto and ba.s.s alone would produce rather monotonous music. But we have studied harmony in music until we have evoked divine results, and our achievements in harmony of colors has beautified the world with transcendent art.

In the Science of Humanity there are certain combinations of const.i.tution which, in matrimonial a.s.sociation, are harmonious. There are certain other combinations which are discordant. The union of harmonious natures results in agreeable a.s.sociation, financial success and perfection of offspring. The attempted union of discordant natures results in domestic misery, divorces by wholesale, pauperism, disease and crime, and worst of all, the perpetuation of all these evils in a deformed, diseased and vicious posterity.

In stating the law of harmonious selection, the general rule is, that the parties should bear a _complementary_ relation to each other. That is to say, there should be such a combination of temperaments, dispositions and appearances, that any departure from the correct ideal of perfect humanity in the one should be supplied by the development of the other, in order that the two organizations, when added together, should const.i.tute a perfect type of Humanity.

The reasonableness of this rule is apparent the moment that its effects upon offspring are comprehended. The child inherits the joint organization of the parents. It can never be better than the sum total of the parental organizations. It may be better or worse than either of these, according to circ.u.mstances. It can never be better than both, except as education may develop possibilities as inherited from both.

If, therefore, the father is capable of transmitting to the child certain vigorous elements of const.i.tution, which were weak in the mother, and on the other hand the mother endows the child with certain graces of intellect which were deficient in the father, the result is perfection of offspring through complementary a.s.sociation.

The same rule holds good in the matter of amiable a.s.sociation. When each contributes to the other, elements of character necessary to convenience and happiness, the mutual esteem and respect generated by the knowledge of the indispensableness of each to the other's interest, is the surest guard to amiability.

Likewise as to financial affairs. It is easy to understand that the individual will be most successful in the affairs of life, who unites in himself all the elements of a perfect organization. Therefore, in the consummation of all partnerships, matrimonial or purely commercial, the application of this rule unites in the organization every element essential to success.

In the application of this rule, it is necessary to consider, First, the character of the individual under examination; Second, the type of humanity we desire to form; Third, the ideal character necessary to the accomplishment of the end in view.

The error committed by most physiologists, who have experimented with this question, lies in the fact that they have had in mind only one ideal as a perfect type of humanity, and they have tried to grade all their subjects up to this solitary ideal. Humanity, however, presents as many phases as the various climates, occupations, stages of culture, and conditions of life might be expected to produce, in various combination, and we may have a perfect type of humanity, adapted to every climate, to every occupation, to every grade of society, but differing in each.

Every individual, under every condition of life, may find his proper complementary a.s.sociate, adapted to the same conditions of life, but possessing a different character, harmonious with his own.

Nature has not left us in the dark with reference to this question. She surrounds us with every incentive to obey her laws, rewards her obedient children with every pleasure the senses can afford, and punishes the disobedient with pains and penalties too numerous and severe to catalogue. Observation is all that is necessary to teach us the law of harmony. We know that the bright red of the rose is heightened in effect by the dark green of the leaf behind it. We observe that chords in music are agreeable to the ear. And we have only to use the same observation, in respect to matrimony, to distinguish certain combinations that produce all that is rich and grand and beautiful in domestic life, and to know others in which the effect is altogether wrong.

Society has long since learned the distinction between the Brunette and Blonde the Electric and the Magnetic Temperaments. And the fact is also known that it is natural for those of light complexion to admire those of dark, and _vice versa_. The novelist and the actor recognize this principle, and if the story is well told, and the drama well made up, the hero and the heroine are made to conform to these complexions. The society belle who gives a party, if she be a blonde, invites some dark-eyed lady friend as a foil to her beauty; and the dark-complexioned friend responds cheerfully to the invitation, conscious that her own beauty will be heightened by the contrast. The blonde and brunette are complementary to each other, as far as the temperament is concerned. The Magnetic Temperament is distinguished for its rich arterial circulation and versatility of character, which is deficient in the Electric. The Electric on the other hand, is noted for its strength of bone and muscle and concentrativeness of character, traits deficient in the Magnetic.

United, the combination possesses the warmth and versatility of the Blonde with the endurance and power of the Brunette. In the union of the Blonde and Brunette, the law of color is also conformed to, and both appear better than either would apart, or than either would, combined with a person of the same temperament.

To ill.u.s.trate this principle more completely, I will give a few examples.

I will take first the case of any man who is a complete type of the extreme brunette or Electric Temperament, and marry him to a lady of the same type. At once we see that the law of harmony has been violated.

They are too much alike. They look like brother and sister. They are, in fact, physiologically related. They were created under the same general conditions of birth, and have inherited the same peculiarities of const.i.tution. They do not look as well together as either would separately. They possess the same virtues, it is true, but there is an excess of their peculiar good traits, so that they are in danger of becoming vices. Two bodies cannot occupy the same s.p.a.ce at the same time; they jostle each other and promote discord. Notice that, in this couple, each possesses the immense base of brain, the narrow pyramidal form of forehead, the serious expression and the indications of dynamic energy peculiar to the Electric Temperament. In this combination there is an absence of versatility, of blandness, agreeableness, sympathy and warmth. All is cold, hard, forcible, unyielding and serious on both sides. The brunette is essentially, a fighting character, the man to fight the battles of his country, of his clients, of his political faction or party. United to such a character as shown in this combination, he would have a wife possessing the same aggressive qualities, and he would return from the battles of the day to find a new conflict awaiting him at his own fireside; and in couples mis-mated in this way, the conflict usually lasts all night, to the great disturbance of the neighborhood.

But if we conform to the law of nature, and unite the brunette to a superbly vitalized blonde, a different effect is produced. Combined with such a character as the brunette her versatility, refinement, warmth and enthusiasm are exactly what he needs to round out the rugged phases of his character, and supply the elements deficient in his const.i.tution.

While she in turn needs his executiveness, his dignity, his seriousness and positive elements to balance her tendency to frivolity, and make her accomplishments and versatility valuable. Recognizing, each in the other, characteristics indispensable to happiness, amiable a.s.sociation and financial success is a.s.sured, while the offspring is sure to inherit an excellently well balanced organization if other conditions are at all favorable.

Let us now consider the Magnetic Temperament, of which any blonde man furnishes us an excellent example. If we marry him temporarily to a blonde lady, we have produced discord again. They do not look as well together as either would apart. They are too much like brother and sister. There is too much warmth, enthusiasm, versatility and inflammability about this combination. There is not enough of seriousness, dignity, steadfastness and endurance. Their dispositions clash, because every fault in one is aggravated by the same fault in the other. The versatility and genius of the blonde is not a.s.sisted by contact with a lady possessing the same characteristics, because he has enough to supply his needs. When we observe marriages of this cla.s.s, we find results far from satisfactory, and offspring with a decided tendency to insanity, after a succession of such marriages.

What this blonde character demands is just what the brunette possesses, and when we unite the blonde to a lady of the brunette type, we find results that are far more satisfactory. Here again we have followed the law of nature, and harmony is the result--each is the complement of the other. The genius and versatility of the blond are here fortified with executiveness and endurance, while her concentrative and intense nature is vitalized and warmed with the enthusiasm, the geniality and adaptiveness of the Magnetic Temperament.

These four types of character represent the application of the law in persons of relatively the same grade of social position, and surrounded by the same general conditions of life. Between these extreme types of temperamental development, we may find every grade and blending of temperament, but the law remains the same. It requires the trained skill of the professional examiner to determine for each individual the exact type necessary for the complementary character, but this being done, and the description being given correctly, the application of the law becomes an easy task. In my written delineations of character, which many of you have already, and which all should possess, this complementary character is marked out for you with great precision; by following the instruction there given, you have the scientific key to matrimonial happiness.

Persons possessing a predominance of the Mental Temperament should seek consorts having more of the Vital and Motive. Those having an excess of Vitality, a consort more largely endowed with the Mental and Motive.

While those endowed with the large bones and strong muscles, peculiar to the Motive Temperament, need the electrifying influence of the Mental, combined with the nourishment of the Vital.

It does not follow that perfect blending of temperamental conditions will produce a happy marriage. This is the physiological foundation always of a correct relation, but there are other considerations quite as likely to produce important modifications. It does not follow from this law, that a blonde heiress should marry her father's coachman, though he may be a perfect type of the brunette. We should not advise a graduate of one of our cosmopolitan universities to marry an uncultivated country maiden, even though their temperaments were perfectly balanced. We expect our subjects to exercise common sense in the application of our advice, and marry with due regard to the purposes of the union socially, financially and physiologically.

A young gentleman or lady may take my written description of the proper complementary character, and in any village of two thousand inhabitants there will presumably be a half dozen eligible persons sufficiently corresponding to the temperamental description. Our candidate will consider the claims of the six with probably the following result: He will reject No. 1, because she is too old; No. 2, because she is too young; No. 3, because she is diseased; No. 4, because she has insufficient culture. He may profitably hesitate a year between Nos. 5 and 6, but ultimately prefer No. 6 for reasons which he has discovered in that time, and marry happily, and with the proud satisfaction of having married intelligently.

"But," says some objector, "you would have marriage reduced to a matter of cold calculation. You leave out all sentiment and _love_."

Now, hold on, my friend, and we will see whether that is true or not.

What is this sentiment, this love, which most people seem to think desirable in matrimony, and which others, we may add, hold in profound contempt. Love is the impulse of desire toward that which gratifies it.

A young man loves a young woman because he sees something in her character, her personal beauty, her mental attributes, which gratifies him. For precisely the same reason the young lady reciprocates the sentiment. Now the question simply reduces itself to this: Shall this sentiment, this love, be founded on a complete and accurate knowledge of what is necessary to the complete gratification of the whole nature, or shall it be founded upon mere caprice or whim, the gratification of a mere fragmentary instinct which has never been educated to the comprehension of its true needs? Ponder on these questions for a few moments and you will realize that, instead of eliminating the sentiment of love from the question of matrimonial selection, I have really introduced you to a grander, broader, better ideal of true love than you have ever comprehended before.

This perfect comprehension of the needs of a natural existence culminates in a wonderful attractive force between the s.e.xes. A force as evident to the senses as the force of gravitation when properly studied, but unfortunately too little understood. This force, however, exists--is governed by natural laws and exerts its influence for good or evil between every man and woman in the universe; and the man who marries in ignorance of this force, or who violates its laws, is as foolish as he who tempts the law of gravitation by jumping from the brow of a precipice without calculating the distance to the ground beneath. This force is an emanation from the body according to temperament, it is identical with gravitation in its phenomena, and I introduce it to-night to your consideration under the name of s.e.xual Magnetism.

I hold in my hand a bar of iron; if I let go, it falls to the ground, impelled by an unseen but very tangible force which you call gravitation. The scientist will tell you that gravitation exists because the earth is a great magnet, attracting to itself all negative bodies which come within the reach of its positive influence. But the principle of magnetic attraction implies, also, the principle of magnetic repulsion. Every child is familiar with the practical results of magnetic attraction, because he feels the force of it every time he falls down, or drops a plaything. But you are not so familiar with magnetic repulsion, yet if, by any combination of circ.u.mstances, you could be made positive to the earth instead of negative, you would be repelled from it with exactly as much force as you are now attracted to it, and shot into s.p.a.ce to wander among the asteroids.