How Huge The Night Part 18

"Maybe there's some other use. I would've thought bug repellent, but ..." He waved his hand and scared up a cloud of gnats. "Maybe some sort of weapons application. Just think, Benjamin, if we'd had this cheese a few months ago-"

Benjamin gave a resounding-almost an echoing-snort. The look of surprise that pa.s.sed across his face made Julien crack up completely. Suddenly, they were laughing helplessly, uproariously, as they hadn't laughed in weeks, falling on the pine needles, holding their sides. It felt wildly good to let go, after weeks and months of defeat and hard work and not talking and getting used to it. It was freedom, it was- Benjamin was gasping. Too loud.

Benjamin was curled on the pine needles, breathing hard and fast, his gasps growing to great tearing sobs. His body convulsed, his hands curling like claws, his face distorted. Julien knelt by him staring, his stomach tight. What could he do? He put out a horribly awkward hand and laid it on the shaking shoulder. He could think of nothing to say. Except "It's all right."

But he knew better.

Benjamin was mad at him for days after that. Julien walked alone, kicking rocks. There was nothing he could have done. Except not be there at all. Not be there, not see him finally crack. There was nothing to be done about anything. Nothing but hoe rows of beans and potatoes till his arms hurt, and eat beans and potatoes, and do the dishes, and get up in the morning and do it all again.

He turned sixteen. He had Roland and Louis over and celebrated with wild blueberries and a goat saucisson they'd bought from Monsieur Rostin. He tried to invite Pierre too, but Pierre was gone.

He'd done a fugue, as they called it. Run off, just like Gilles said. Julien didn't blame him. Lots of country boys did it, Grandpa said. "He'll be up in the Tanieres probably-lots of caves up there."

"Tanieres?"

"Those hills on the west side of the Tanne. Good place to hide."

Julien stood on the bank of the Tanne and looked over at the western hills, a tumble of green and rocky places; then he took off his shoes and waded across and climbed into the most beautiful country he had ever seen.

Great jutting rocks and boulders, tilted ridges where lichen and moss grew on the layers of rock, and growing from every crack, tall southern pines with their papery bark that glowed rust red in the slanting sun. It stirred his blood. He climbed deer paths onto high outcroppings of rock; he slid down into a steep ravine with a tiny clear stream at the bottom and drank deep of the cold water. He ate his lunch on a small cliff, a fifteen-meter drop to the bushes, dangling his legs over the edge. This was the place. If the boches ever came here-if they ever got the chance to fight them here on their own ground-this was the place all right.

He went up to the Tanieres every day he could get free. He was looking for Pierre; Monsieur Rostin badly needed him on the farm. But he was looking for something else too. At home, he would kneel by his bed and try to pray, and it was like pushing a boulder up a hill, like that guy in the Greek myth, all the time knowing it would just roll down again. War. Defeat. Work and waiting and nothing he could do. What had G.o.d changed about anything this year because Julien had prayed for it?

It was only here he could pray for Pierre. For Vincent. For Benjamin. Only here in the hills where all that weight lifted off him like a bird springing up into flight.

Chapter 28.

Down In Lyon, Niko learned to beg. There was no other way.

They searched for a hiding place and could not find one. The hiding places were full. Skinny kids, whole families with sh.e.l.l-shocked eyes, they were in the crumbling buildings around the train tracks, under bridges, on park benches. Standing in long lines on the streets with desperate faces. They found a place at nightfall under a bridge, crowded with bodies. Men, women, children who whimpered in the night. She was glad of their presence, the safety in their numbers. She slept.

When morning came, the numbers weren't so safe.

Gustav went round to the back doors of restaurants, came back to her empty-handed, taught her the French for, We have nothing. Go away. There were too many hungry. Looking for help, looking for work. Gustav stood in line all day. When he got to the front, he tried Italian, Yiddish, Romany; the man behind the desk looked at him blankly. In desperation, he tried German. The man spoke sharply and gestured for him to go.

"I'm so stupid, Niko. They've gotta be from the north, the Germans invaded ... Lorenzo told me France was in bad trouble, I don't know why I didn't put two and two together, Niko, I can't believe I was so stupid. I'm sorry ..."

"It's not your fault," Niko whispered. "It was my idea."

Niko took their bundle and made herself a place on the steps of the cathedral, among the other beggars. Since there was nowhere to hide. She spread out the army blanket and knelt on it, held out her hand. She said what the other beggars were saying. "S'il vous plait, monsieur, madame. Pour manger." Something about food, she thought. Most people looked away. Most people looked like they didn't have food either.

They were going through Lorenzo's money as slowly as they could. One loaf of bread was food for a whole day. But the money would be gone soon.

They had to get out of here.

They talked about going on the road again. But there were so many refugees. They might walk days and find themselves somewhere just the same, or worse ... They went back to the railroad yard where their boxcar had come in. It was their only chance.

Gustav climbed the chain-link fence, quietly, in the dark; he was hoisting Niko up when hoa.r.s.e yelling broke out of the shadows, and she fell, landing on both feet with a cry of pain. A guard shouting, striking out with his club-Gustav scrambling-the nightstick clashed against the fence as he jumped down.

They limped home to their bridge. Niko felt tears clogging her throat. "It's all right, Niko," Gustav whispered. "We'll try again."

When they tried, two nights later, there was a dog. A wiry German shepherd, spine bristling, growl heavy with menace.

They stayed in Lyon.

Chapter 29.

Peace, Peace "Good news," said Papa. "Monsieur Gautier's renting us that place of his, after all. Apparently he needs the money. Now we've got exactly a month to fix it up."

Julien looked up from his beans. "Le pere Gautier? The one who wouldn't rent to you after that ... meeting?"

"You remember that?"

"Yeah."

"We'll need a lot of help. There's a call out for volunteers. Your grandpa says he can let you and Benjamin go from the farm. If you'd like."

Julien looked out the window at the sun on the rooftops. "Yeah. I think I would."

"Hey Julien," Louis said out of the corner of his mouth as they scrubbed blackened baseboards. "Y'hear the one about the toilet paper?"

"No ..."

"Well the boche says, 'You French and all the lies you print about our fuhrer, you wanna know what we use your newspapers for? Toilet paper!' And the French guy says, 'Hey, I don't mind, but I'd be careful with that if I were you. You don't want your b.u.t.t ending up smarter than your head.'"

Julien snorted, and Roland and Jean-Pierre roared with laughter. Even Benjamin cracked a smile.

The work at the Gautier place was hard and hot, but it had its compensations. Julien still went to the hills on Sundays, but the rest of the week, he threw his strength and his heart into the work. He sweated, sc.r.a.ping ancient grease off floors; he scrubbed behind toilets. It was something he could do. In the fresh mornings, they laughed and told stories or sang songs; Gilles and Roland taught him old Huguenot songs from le desert: "We have nowhere now to say our prayers, only a little wood behind Les Ollieres ..." But mostly they talked about food. What they'd like to have, what they did have, where they got it.

Roland had caught a rabbit in a snare.

"A snare?" Julien leaned forward, and Jean-Pierre did too. "How d'you make those?"

"Well, wire's best," Roland said, his eyes lighting a little, "or you can get a strong piece of string and wax it and then grease it ..." Julien paid attention. This was good.

It was August, the height of summer's heat; they showed up at seven and broke for lunch at eleven. Baskets and old blankets covered the gra.s.s; everyone shared their potatoes and cheeses and melons. Like a huge, rotating village picnic, everyone was there: Pastor and Madame Alexandre, the Raissacs and the Bonnauds, the Astiers, Monsieur Barre, Madame Laubrac, Madame Rostin, the Michels-with two beautiful college-student daughters that Julien tried not to stare at-the Souliers, from the Fellowship, and sometimes Madame Thibaud, Roland's mother. And Regis Granjon, who was going to teach math at the new school, talking calculus with Benjamin.

And the guys. They'd have lunch together, all of them: Julien, Roland, Louis, Gilles, Jean-Pierre, and Benjamin-sometimes Jeremie or Antoine-then a swim in the river in their shorts, splashing and wrestling in the water, in the sun, seeing who could stay under longest. The only thing that could have made it better was Pierre. But Pierre wasn't there. Nor Henri. Nor his father. Count your blessings, thought Julien.

La France nouvelle! said Marshal Petain on the radio. A new France would emerge from this defeat, returned to her roots and her values, her honor restored. Political parties had promised disaster if they were not elected, and heaven on earth if they were-how empty all those words seemed, he said, now that true disaster had come upon them.

"We have to return to our fundamental values," Monsieur Faure had told Julien yesterday, sweeping plaster dust off the stairs. "Petain understands that. We were sliding into selfishness, individualism, abandoning our nation-that's why we were defeated, not some tactical mistake. And just like the Bible says, Julien, if we repent, we can be saved. He is a truly Christian leader."

It was called the National Revolution. The new motto of France was Work, Family, Nation. A return to real values-hard work, duty, loyalty, faith. Implementing practical measures like seed distribution to help the farmer, the backbone of the nation, alleviate hunger. Purging the administration of those who had failed through incompetence, laziness, or even deliberate sabotage, including those who had been French for only a short time yet had slipped into government positions. There would be youth camps to teach France's glorious tradition to her young people, her best hope.

"Well," Grandpa said. "Heaven on earth, eh?"

Julien and Magali both stared at him. He didn't sound impressed. "Grandpa," said Magali, her voice rising in surprise, "you're against him?"

Grandpa laughed. "A bit early for that, isn't it? He hasn't done anything yet!"

Papa smiled at Magali. "It takes time, Lili. Don't be in such a hurry. Did I tell you all what I keep hearing on my other radio? The shortwave? I hear De Gaulle saying our best hope is to go on fighting. Refuse to accept the defeat. He's calling for volunteers-gathering an army in England." He shook his head. "I don't know. I just don't know yet."

Magali was grinning. "Can I go?"

Julien snorted. Then looked at his grandfather.

"Soon Petain will have to act," said Grandpa. "Then we'll know."

"I can't believe it," Monsieur Raissac bit out, shaking the newspaper.

"Oh, I can," said Monsieur Barre.

Julien sat cross-legged on the gra.s.s with the men, sweaty with hard work, feeling like a man. "Can't believe what?"

"You've heard what the boches have done, haven't you, young man?"

He knew. They'd annexed Alsace and Lorraine. French territory. Annexed it.

"Well, we stole it from 'em in the last war, what d'you expect?" said Monsieur Bonnaud.

"They broke the armistice! It was written, black and white-"

"What I don't understand," drawled Monsieur Barre, "is why anybody ever expected them to keep it. Don't people realize who we're dealing with here?"

"The marshal cut a deal. This wasn't some kind of unconditional surrender. That's why the boches aren't here in Tanieux. There were terms."

"And see what they do with them!"

"The marshal's doing the best he can," said Monsieur Michel. "I'd hate to be in his position, but we need someone like him."

"We need a leader," said Monsieur Astier slowly, "and we need hope ... but I wonder. He is in a difficult position. And so are we. I notice that he doesn't speak very much about that."

Heads around the circle were nodding. Honor and glory, Julien thought-but he does, he talks about the defeat- "The marshal cut a deal, and the Germans have broken it. What can the marshal do?"

There was a long pause. Eyes were on the ground. Finally, Monsieur Barre bit out, "Not much, that's what."

Monsieur Astier nodded. "So I ask myself, why is the marshal trying to make France feel powerful when she has no power right now against Germany? I'm not sure. But when I ask myself, is that a good thing ... I think the answer is no."

"'They have treated the wound of my people lightly, prophesying peace, peace, when there is no peace,'" said old pere Soulier softly. He had been sitting quietly at the edge of the group. Julien looked at him in amazement.

"Yes," said Monsieur Astier.

The boches were bombing England to pieces. The BBC went on about courage and solidarity; Radio Vichy made it sound like half of England was rubble. Papa said it might be true this time. "The Brits don't dare tell it as bad as it really is. They have to keep their spirits up."

They'd invade England soon. Then there would be no one left.

Julien and Roland walked up into the Tanieres, and Roland showed him how to place the snares he'd made. They went there again in a couple days, but the snares were empty. "There's not so many this time of the season," Roland said. "Better in June when they're young and stupid."

"Like us," said Julien.

Roland grinned. "I hear Pierre's getting a pretty good catch," he said. "He always did know the good spots."

"Pierre? He's back?"

"Nope. But someone put two dead rabbits on his parents' doorstep this week."

"Really?" He remembered standing on a boulder up in the Tanieres and asking G.o.d what he'd ever changed because Julien asked. Dead rabbits. Huh.

"Wish the dumb guy would just come back."

"Yeah," said Julien.

September. Two weeks before the first day of school. The place was rewired, painted, spotless. They had a huge picnic, half the village, to celebrate with toasts to the new school, to the revitalization of Tanieux, to defeat for the boches-that last from Monsieur Raissac who might have had a drop too much. "Nothing like shutting the barn door after the horse gets out," whispered Louis. Benjamin snickered.

They went down to the river, Julien and all the guys, for a loud, splashing, water-wrestling swim before the party broke up for the summer. Julien looked around at his friends. Only two weeks, and they would all be back in school. Henri would be there. But so would Jean-Pierre, and Louis, and Roland.

In the hills, three days before school, Julien caught a rabbit. It lay in a gap between the tough, green genets, its legs kicked up awkwardly, its neck in his snare. He stood a moment, looking at this small life he had taken, then gave a whoop that echoed through the hills.

Roland showed him how to skin it, took the skin and promised to tan it for him. He had meat. Soon he'd have leather. He'd gotten it himself. Roland slapped him on the back.

Mama outdid herself that night, chunks of rabbit in a savory sauce with thyme and wild mushrooms. It was heavenly. He ate till he was completely full, mopping up the last of the sauce with a crust of bread. Even the potatoes tasted good.

"Look what they've done, Julien," said Papa.

"New commission to review foreign-born citizens," Julien read. "Protecting our nation against foreign influences ... a commission to review the cases of all foreign-born citizens naturalized after August 1927 ... the foreigners in question may have been ..." The usual. France must be French. Foreign influences, Communists, undesirables let into the country with too few restrictions. Kick 'em all out. The journalist seemed to think they were going to.

He looked at his father.

"They're only reviewing, right?"

"True. We may not even know ... what they've decided. Till we try to get Benjamin a ration card. Don't tell him. Okay?"

Julien nodded slowly. Picturing Benjamin's face. "But Papa, does the marshal-"

"Does he what? Approve?"