Hopes and Fears Part 108

Was it coming? But how could he have guessed that she had rather not?

'I feel deeply your present homeless condition. I wish earnestly that I could make a home for you. But, Phoebe, once you told me you were content to be sacrificed to my foremost duty--'

'I am,' she said.

'Well, then, I love this smoky old black wife of mine, and don't want to leave her even for my sisters.'

'I never thought of your leaving her for your sisters, but--' and as Lucilla's music effectually veiled all words--'I had thought that there might be other considerations.' Her eyes spoke the rest.

'I thought you knew that folly had pa.s.sed away,' he said, somewhat sternly. 'I trust that no one else has thought of it!' and he indicated Miss Charlecote.

'Not when the offer was made to you, but since she heard of my mission.'

'Then I am glad that on other grounds my mind was made up. No,' after a pause, 'there is a great change. She is far superior to what she was in the days of my madness, but it is over, and never could be renewed. She herself does not desire it.'

Phoebe was called to the piano, not sorry that such should be Robert's conviction, and glad that he should not be disturbed in work that suited him so well as did St. Matthew's, but thinking him far too valuable for Lucy not to suffer in losing her power over him.

And did she?

She was alone in the cedar parlour with Honor the next day, when the note was brought in announcing his refusal on the ground that while he found his strength and health equal to the calls of his present cure, and his connection with the Fulmort firm gave him unusual facilities in dealing with the workmen, he did not think he ought to resign his charge for another for which many better men might be found.

'Quite right; I knew it,' said Lucilla, when Honor had with some attempt at preparation shown her the note.

'How could you know it?'

'Because I saw a man in his vocation.'

A long silence, during which Cilly caught a pitying glance.

'Please to put that out of your head!' she exclaimed. 'There's no pity, no ill-usage in the case. I wilfully did what I was warned that he would not bear, and there was an end of it.'

'I had hoped not past recall.'

'Well, if you will have the truth, when it was done and not to be helped, we were both very sorry; I can answer at least for one, but he had bound himself heart and soul to his work, and does not care any longer for me.

What, you, the preacher of sacrifice, wishing to see your best pupil throw up your pet work for the sake of a little trumpery crushed fire-fly?'

'Convict me out of my own mouth,' said Honor, sadly, 'it will not make me like to see my fire-fly crushed.'

'When the poor fire-fly has lit the lamp of learning for six idle children, no other cause for dimness need be sought. No, I was well and wicked in the height of the pain, and long after it wore out--for wear out it did--and I am glad he is too wise to set it going again. I don't like emotions. I only want to be let alone. Besides, he has got into such a region of goodness, that his wife ought to be super-excellent. I know no one good enough for him unless you would have him!'

As usual, Honor was balked by bestowing sympathy, and could only wonder whether this were reserve, levity, or resignation, and if she must accept it as a fact that in the one the attachment had been lost in the duties of his calling, in the other had died out for want of requital. For the present, in spite of herself, her feeling towards Robert verged more on distant rather piqued admiration than on affection, although he nearly approached the ideal of her own first love, and Owen Sandbrook's teaching was, through her, bearing good fruit in him, even while recoiling on her woman's heart through Owen's daughter.

Mervyn was easily reconciled to the decision, not only because his brother was even more valuable to him in London than in the country, but because Miss Charlecote's next alternative was Charlecote Raymond, Sir John's second son, a fine, open-tempered young man of thirty, who had made proof of vigour and judgment in the curacy that he had just left, and who had the farther recommendation of bearing the name of the former squire, his G.o.dfather. Anything called Raymond was at present so welcome to Mervyn that he felt himself under absolute obligations to Robert for having left the field clear. When no longer prejudiced, the sight of Robert's practical labours struck him more and more, and his attachment grew with his admiration.

'I'll tell you what, Phoebe,' he said, when riding with her. 'I have a notion of pleasing the parson. Yesterday we got obstructed by an interminable procession of school children going out for a lark in the country by an excursion train, and he began envying their keepers for being able to give them such a bath of country air. Could we not let him do the same by his lot at Beauchamp?'

'Oh, Mervyn, what a ma.s.s of happiness you would produce!'

'Ma.s.s of humbug! I only want to please Robin and have no trouble. I shan't come near it. You only tell me what it will cost, carriage, provender, and all, and let me hear no more of it.'

He was destined to hear a good deal more. The proposal caused the utmost grat.i.tude and satisfaction, except that Honor and Robert doubted whether it were a proper moment for merry-making at Hiltonbury. They were in full consultation when in walked Sir John Raymond, who could not help coming to town at once to express his thanks at having his son settled so near him. Ere long, he learnt what was under discussion, and made the amendment that the place should be the Forest, the occasion the Horticultural Show. He knew of a capital spot for the whole troop to dine in, even including the Wulstonians proper, whom Honor, wondering she had never thought of it before, begged to include in the treat at her own expense. But conveyance from the station for nearly two thousand?

'Never mind,' said Sir John; 'I'll undertake for that! We'll make it a county concern, and get the farmers to lend their wagons, borrow all the breaks we can, and I know of some old stage-coaches in dock. If there's not room for all, they must ride and tye. It is only three miles from the little Forest station, and we'll make the train stop there. Only, young ladies, you must work Whittington's cat upon all the banners for your kittens.'

Lucilla clapped her hands, and undertook that the Whittingtonians should be marshalled under such an array of banners as never were seen before.

Maria was in ecstasies, and Bertha was, in the excitement, forgetting her dread of confronting the county.

'But where's Miss Phoebe?' asked Sir John, who had sat half an hour waiting in vain for her to appear; and when he heard, he declared his intention of calling on her. And where was Mervyn himself? He was at the office, whither Robert offered to conduct the Baronet, and where Mervyn heard more of his proposal than he had bargained for; though, perhaps, not more than he liked. He was going to an evening party at the Bannermans', and seeing Sir John's inclination to see Phoebe, proposed to call for him and take him there.

'What is the use, Phoebe,' demanded Lady Bannerman, after the party was over, 'of my getting all these young men on purpose to dance with you, if you get up in a corner all the evening to talk to n.o.body but Mervyn and old Sir John? It can be nothing but perverseness, for you are not a bit shy, and you are looking as delighted as possible to have put me out.'

'Not to have put you out, Augusta, but I am delighted.'

'Well, at what?'

'We are asked to stay at Moorcroft, that's one thing.'

'Stupid place. No wines, no dinners,' said Augusta; 'and so ridiculous as you are! If the son is at home you'll do nothing but talk to Sir John. And if ever a girl ought to get married off I am sure it is you.'

'How do you know what good use I may make of my opportunities?'

Phoebe positively danced up-stairs, and indulged in a private polka round her bedroom. She had been told not only of the Forest plan, but that Sir John was going to 'run down' to his brother's at Sutton the next day, and that he had asked Mervyn to come with him.

Mervyn had not this time promised to send her a blank cover. He thought he had very little present hope, for the talk had been of a year's probation--of his showing himself a changed character, etc. And not only was this only half that s.p.a.ce, but less than a month had been spent in England. This time he was not setting off as one about to confer a favour.

Phoebe heard no more for two days. At last, as she was finishing her toilette to go out with Augusta, a hasty knock came to her door, and Mervyn entreated to be let in. His face told more than his tongue could utter. He had little guessed the intensity of the happiness of which he had so long deprived himself, and Cecily's acceptance had filled him with a flood of bliss, tinctured, however, by the sense of his own unworthiness of her constant affection, and increasing compunction for what he had made her endure.

'I don't know how she could do it, or why she cared for such a miserable scamp, breaking her heart all this time!' he exclaimed.

'You will make up for it now.'

'I wish I may; but, bless me, Phoebe, she is a perfect little nun, and what is she to do with a graceless dog like me?'

'You will see,' said Phoebe, smiling.

'What do you think, then?' he demanded, in some alarm. 'You know I can't take to the pious tack. Will nothing else satisfy her?'

'You are not the same as you were. You don't know what will happen to you yet,' said Phoebe, playfully.

'The carriage is ready, ma'am; my lady is waiting,' said a warning voice.

'I say,' quoth Mervyn, intercepting her, 'not a word to my lady. It is all conditional, you understand--only that I may ask again, in a year, or some such infernal time, if I am I don't know what--but they do, I suppose.'

'Perhaps you will by that time. Dear Mervyn, I am sorry, but I must go, or Augusta will be coming here.'

He made a ludicrous gesture of shrinking horror, but still detained her to whisper, 'You'll meet her at Moorcroft; they will have her for the Forest to-do.'

Phoebe signed her extreme satisfaction, and ran away.