Hell: A Prison Diary Part 13

Day 15 - Thursday 2 August 2001.

5.51 am.

A full night's sleep. For the first time I can hear the cars on the road in the distance. I write for two hours, interrupted only by the occasional bark of an Alsatian.

8.00 am.

Breakfast.

Frosties and long-life milk (second day).

9.00 am.

a.s.sociation. I remind Derek of my acute water-shortage problem. Now down to half a bottle. It's all under control, he claims.

I line up with the other prisoners for the gym.

Derek Jones (GBH, artist) spots me on the middle corridor and tells me that he did a spell at Camphill on the Isle of Wight. I quiz him, and discover that it has a fully equipped gym, one of the best in the country (by that he means in prisons), but he adds alarmingly that, 'It's full of s.h.i.t-heads and sc.u.m. Young tearaways who think of themselves as gangsters because they've robbed some old lady.

No one on the spur understands why you're being sent there.' I panic, desert the queue for the gym, run upstairs, grab my phonecard, rush back down and call Alison.

First I warn her (no time for pleasantries when you only have twenty units on your weekly card) that the next five days of the script are on their way, and to let Ramona know when they have arrived so she can confirm this on her next legal visit. I then ask to be put through to James. My younger son has a.s.sumed the role of joint head of the household in charge of finance, while William's responsibility is to take care of his mother. I don't lose a moment's sleep wondering if they're up to it. I quickly tell Jamie about the Isle of Wight and the loss of my D... cat status.

'Calm down, Dad,' he says. 'We've been working on little else for the past forty-eight hours. I know how you must feel being so out of touch, but we're on the case. Ramona spoke to the Home Office last night, and they're hinting that it's unlikely that there will even be an inquiry into the Kurdish matter. No one is taking Nicholson's accusations seriously, even the tabloids have ignored her.'

'Yes, but these things still take time; meanwhile I've been issued with a movement order.'

'The same source,' James continues, 'is hinting that you're more likely to end up in the home counties, but they're still working on it.'

I check my phonecard; I've already used six units. 'Anything else?' I ask. I want to save as many units as possible for Mary on Sunday.

'Yes, I need your authority to transfer some dollars into your sterling account. The pound has been off for the past couple of days.'

'That's fine by me,' I tell him.

'By the way,' he says, 'lots of people are talking about the judge's summing-up, so chin up. Bye, Dad.'

I put the phone down to find I have used seven of my twenty units. I leave James to worry about the currency market while I concentrate on trying to get my hands on a bottle of Highland Spring.

I check my watch. No point in returning to the gym queue, so I settle for a shower. You forget how dirty you are, until you discover how clean you can be.

11.00 am The officer on the front desk bellows out, 'Exercise,' which once again I avoid. It's 92 out there in the yard, with no shade. I elect to sit in my cell, writing, with the tiny window as wide open as I can force it. When I've completed ten pages of script, I switch on the Test Match. The game is only an hour old, and England are 47 for 2.

12 noon Lunch. I pick up my tray and walk down to the hotplate, but can't find a single item I would offer an emaciated dog. I leave with a piece of b.u.t.tered bread and an apple. Back in my cell I tuck into the other half of my tin of Prince's ham, two more McVitie's digestive biscuits, and a mug of water. I try to convince myself that Del Boy is the man, and he will deliver in the nick of time because there's only two inches left in the bottle.

Have you ever had to measure how much water is left in a bottle?

2.00 pm An officer appears outside my cell door and orders me to report to the workshop, which I'm not enthusiastic about. After all, my application for education must surely have been processed by now. When I arrive at the bubble on the centre floor to join the other prisoners, I'm searched before having my name ticked off. We are then escorted down a long corridor to our different destinations workshop and education. When we reach the end of the corridor, prisoners destined for the workshop turn left, those with higher things on their mind, right. I turn right.

When I arrive at education, I walk past a set of cla.s.srooms with about six or seven prisoners in each; a couple of prison officers are lounging around in one corner, while a lady sitting behind a desk on the landing crosses off the names of inmates before allocating them to different cla.s.srooms. I come to a halt in front of her.

'Archer,' I tell her.

She checks down the list, but can't find my name. She looks puzzled, picks up a phone and quickly discovers that I ought to be in the workshop.

'But Ms Fitt told me I would be processed for education immediately.'

'Strange word, immediately,' she says. 'I don't think anyone at Belmarsh has looked up its meaning in the dictionary, and until they do I'm afraid you'll have to report to the workshops.' I can't imagine what the words 'until they do' mean. I retrace my steps, walking as slowly as I can in the direction of the workshops, and find I am the last to arrive.

This time I'm put on the end of the chain gang a punishment for being the last to turn up. My new, intellectually challenging job is to place two small packets of margarine, one sachet of raspberry jam, and one of coffee into a plastic bag before it's sealed up and taken away for use in another prison.

The young man opposite me who is sealing up the bags and then dropping them into a large cardboard box looks like a wrestler.

He's about five foot ten, early twenties, wears a spotless white T-shirt and smart designer jeans. His heavily muscled arms are bronzed, so it's not difficult to work out that he hasn't been in Belmarsh that long. The answer to that question turns out to be three weeks. He tells me that his name is Peter. He's married with one child and runs his own company.

'What do you do?' I ask.

'I'm a builder.' When a prisoner say's 'I'm' something, and not 'I used to be' something, then you can almost be certain that their sentence is short or they're on remand. Peter goes on to tell me that he and his brother run a small building company that specializes in buying dilapidated houses in up-and-coming areas of Ess.e.x. They renovate the houses and then sell them on. Last year, between them, they were able to earn around two thousand pounds a week. But that was before Peter was arrested. He comes across as a hardworking, decent sort of man. So what's he doing in Belmarsh? I ask myself. Who can he possibly have murdered? His brother, perhaps? He answers that question without my having to enquire.

'I was caught driving my brother's van without a licence. My brother usually does the driving, but he was off sick for the day, so I took his building tools from the work site to my home and for that the judge sentenced me to six weeks in jail.'

Let me make it clear. I have no objection to the sentence, but it's madness to have sent this man to Belmarsh. I do hope that the Home Secretary, Mr Blunkett who I know from personal dealings when John Major was Prime Minister to be a decent, caring man will read the next page carefully.

'Are you in a cell on your own?' I enquire.

'No, I'm locked up with two other prisoners.'

'What are they in for?'

'One's on a charge of murder awaiting his trial, the other's a convicted drug dealer.'

'That can't be much fun,' I say, trying to make light of it.

Are you still with me, Home Secretary?

'It's h.e.l.l,' Peter replies. 'I haven't slept for more than a few minutes since the night they sent me here. I just can't be sure what either of them might get up to. I can handle myself, but the two men I'm sharing a cell with are professional criminals.'

Are you still paying attention, Home Secretary?

'And worse,' he adds. 'One of them offered me a thousand pounds to beat up a witness before his trial begins.'

'Oh, my G.o.d,' I hear myself say.

'And he's putting more and more pressure on me each day. Of course I wouldn't consider such an idea, but I've still got another three weeks to go, and I'm beginning to fear that I might not be safe even when I get out.'

Home Secretary, this hard-working family man is fearful for his own safety. Is that what you're hoping to achieve for someone who's been caught driving without a licence?

I've received over a thousand letters of support since I arrived a Belmarsh and even at sixty-one I have found prison a difficult experience to come to terms with. Peter is twenty-three, with his whole life ahead of him. Hundreds of people are being sent to this Category A top-security prison who should never be here.

But what can I do about it? I can hear the Home Secretary asking one of his officials.

Cla.s.sify anyone who is arrested as A, B, C or D before their trial begins, not after. Then, if they're D-cat first-time offenders with no record of violence they can, if convicted, be sent direct to an open prison. That way they won't have to share cells with murderers, drug dealers or professional criminals. And don't listen to officials when they tell you it can't be done. Sack them, and do it. I was allocated D-cat status within twenty-four hours because of my mother's funeral, so I know it can be done.

Home Secretary, you are doing irreparable damage to decent people's lives and you have no right to do so.

While I'm trying to take in Peter's plight, the pile of plastic bags has grown into a mountain in front of me. Another prisoner who I hadn't noticed before, obviously an old lag, slots quickly into the one position that ensures the chain moves back into full swing.

'This place is more about retribution than rehabilitation, wouldn't you say, Jeffrey?'

What is it about the Irish that always makes you relax and feel you've known them all your life? I nod my agreement. He smiles, and introduces himself as William Keane.

Before I repeat what William told me during the next couple of hours, I must warn you that I haven't a clue how much of his tale can be authenticated, but if only half of it is true, G.o.d help the Prime Minister, the Home Secretary, the Secretary of State for Health and the Education Secretary.

William was born in Limerick, the home of the Blarney Stone, son of a prize fighter (Ireland must be the last country on earth that still has prize fighters) and a local beauty William is a handsome man. Mrs Keane produced seven sons and five daughters.

Now William's accent is quite difficult to follow, so I often have to ask him to repeat whole sentences. His present home is a few hundred yards from the prison, so family visits are not a problem. It's the family that's the problem. One of them, the youngster, as William describes him, is on the far bench marmalade and jam sachets and at some point, William tells me, all seven brothers and one sister were in jail at the same time, serving sentences between them of one hundred and twelve years. I can only feel sorry for their mother.

William is completing a ten-year sentence for drug dealing, and has only twelve weeks left to serve. You notice he doesn't say three months, because three months would mean thirteen weeks.

He's actually quite fearful about how the world will have changed when in October he steps out of prison for the first time in a decade. He flatters me, a natural pastime for the Irish, by saying he's read all my books, as it seems half the leading criminals in England have.

During his time in six prisons (he's a postgraduate on such establishments), William has taken a degree, and read over four hundred books I only point this out to make you aware that we are not dealing with a fool.

He adds his condolences over my mother's death, and asks how the police and prison staff dealt with me when it came to the funeral. I tell him that they couldn't have been more thoughtful and considerate.

'Not like my brother's funeral,' he says.

'Not only were the whole family in handcuffs, but they had helicopters circling overhead.

There were more police by the graveside than mourners.'

'But in my case,' I pointed out, 'no one thought I would try to escape.'

'Houdini couldn't have escaped from that bunch,' William retorts.

What puzzles me about William is that if the rest of the family are as bright and charismatic as he is, why don't they combine their talents and energy and do something worthwhile, rather than settling for a life of crime?

'Drugs,' he replies, matter-of-factly. 'Once you're hooked, you can never earn enough to satisfy the craving, so you end up becoming either a thief or a pusher. And I have to admit,' William adds, 'I'm lazy.'

I've watched him carefully since he's joined the chain, and the one thing he is not, is lazy. He has filled more plastic bags than Peter and me put together. I point this out to him.

'Well, when I say lazy, Jeffrey, I mean lazy about settling down to a nine-to-five job, when you can pick up a couple of grand a week selling drugs.'

'So will you go back to the drug scene once you're released?'

'I don't want to,' he says. 'I'm thirty-five, and one thing's for certain, I don't need to come back inside.' He hesitates. 'But I just don't know if I'm strong-willed enough to stay away from drugs or the quick rewards that are guaranteed when you sell them.'

'How much are we talking about,' I ask, 'and which drugs in particular?'

'Heroin,' he says, 'is the biggest moneyspinner. A joey' even after an explanation, I'm still not quite sure what a joey is 'has come down in price from one hundred pounds to forty since I've been in prison [ten years], which is a clear indication how the market has grown. And some people need as many as ten joeys a day. When I first came into prison,' William continues, 'cocaine was the designer drug Today it's heroin, and it's often your lot who are on it,' he says, looking directly at me.

'But I've never taken a drug in my life,' I tell him, 'I don't even smoke.'

'I knew that the moment you walked in,' he said.

'How can you be so sure?'

'The first thing I check is the pallor of the skin not bad for sixty-one,' he says, displaying that Irish charm again. 'Then I look at the nose, followed by the lips and finally the arms, and it's clear you're not a potential customer. But I'd be willing to bet there's something you need Del Boy to supply you with.'

'Bottled water, still, preferably Highland Spring.'

'How many bottles do you order from the canteen?'

'Four, maybe five a week.'

'Don't let the screws find out.'

'Why not? I pay for them.'

'Because while cannabis and cocaine remain in your bloodstream for a month, heroin can be flushed out in twenty-four hours. If it wasn't you, Jeffrey, the screws would a.s.sume you were a heroin addict trying to show up negative whenever you were called in for a Mandatory Drug Test, and it's all the fault of Ann Widdecombe.'

'How can it possibly be Ann Widdecombe's fault?'

'Because it was Widdecombe who first brought in the MDT. That single decision has turned some cannabis smokers into heroin addicts.'

'That's quite a quantum leap,' I suggest, 'and some accusation.'

'No,' says William, 'it was inevitable, and it only happened because Widdecombe knew nothing about the drug culture in prisons.

How could she? Neither did you, before you were sent to Belmarsh. And worse, no one seems to have explained the problem to Blunkett either, because both are indirectly responsible for an unnecessary rise in heroin addicts, and even in some cases their deaths.'

'Hold on,' I say. 'That's accusing Blunkett and Widdecombe of manslaughter and cannot be either fair or accurate.'

'When you take an MDT, they test you for marijuana [cannabis], cocaine, crack cocaine and heroin,' continues William, ignoring my comment. 'It's a urine test, and your sample is sent to an independent laboratory and then returned to the prison a week later with the result.'

'I'm with you so far.'

'Marijuana can show up in urine for as long as twenty-eight days. You may well have smoked a joint three weeks ago, even forgotten about it, but it will still come up as positive on an MDT, which is not the case with heroin. Because if you drink pints of water immediately after taking the drug, you can clear any trace of heroin out of your system within twenty-four hours, which means you won't test positive.'

Pay attention, Home Secretary.

'If the test comes back positive for marijuana, the Governor can add twentyeight days to your sentence and take away all your privileges. Twenty-eight days for one joint,' says William. 'So in prison some marijuana smokers who are on short sentences turn to heroin as an alternative because there's less chance of their sentence being lengthened. Result? They often leave prison as heroin addicts, having never touched a hard drug on the outside. Fact: a percentage of them die within weeks of being released. Why? Because the heroin in prison is considerably weaker compared with the gear you can get "on the out", which causes them to overdose when they inject the same amount. This is a direct result of government legislation.'

'So what would you do about it?' I ask.

'The Mandatory Drug Test should be for Cla.s.s A and B drugs only [heroin, cocaine], not for marijuana. * This simple decision would cut down the desire to experiment with heroin among twenty per cent of the prison population and would also save countless lives. If any your officials are stupid enough to suggest this isn't true, Home Secretary, tell them not to rely simply on statistics, but to spend a few weeks in prison where they'll quickly find out the truth.'