Hardcore Zen : punk rock, monster movies and the truth about reality Part 9

And knowing what's really within us, we must still practice being good. Practicing Buddhism means being aware of what's here and now. And that ain't easy.

The word Buddhism Buddhism means a lot of things to a lot of people-stuff like the means a lot of things to a lot of people-stuff like the Tibetan Book of the Dead Tibetan Book of the Dead, those Vietnamese guys who burned themselves on the street in the '60s, and the Aum Shinri Kyo cult who ga.s.sed the Tokyo subways. For j.a.panese people, Buddhism means funerals and temples and the popular TV image of monks standing naked under waterfalls in the middle of the winter.12 Hollywood has turned Buddhism into a lightweight religion full of smiling old bald men spewing meaningless words in voices resonating with authority. Bookstore shelves groan under the weight of trash like Zig Zag Zen Zig Zag Zen and a dozen vapid, syrupy tomes with the word and a dozen vapid, syrupy tomes with the word Zen Zen in the t.i.tle and some serene image on the cover. in the t.i.tle and some serene image on the cover.

Then there are pop culture's approved list of pseudo-Buddhist masters, people like Ken Wilber, for whom the goal of Buddhism is some imaginary "formless state," or others for whom the "goal" of Buddhism is some fantasy called satori satori. Or Allan Hunt Badiner and the rest of the crew in Zig Zag Zen, Zig Zag Zen, for whom the goal of Buddhism seems to be to get a really good buzz on. for whom the goal of Buddhism seems to be to get a really good buzz on.

I once saw a "Buddhist master" who told his students, "I can bring you to full awakening in three years!" And apparently this "full awakening" included sessions in isolation tanks, sky-diving lessons, and vacations in exotic Asian locales-with the students paying for all of the teacher's hotels, food, and travel expenses. Don't ask me how this works, I couldn't follow it either. But that's not Buddhism. It's not even close.

The kinds of fantasies people like this promote are damaging in the extreme. Fantasies of melting into the void, of seeing incredible visions, of achieving peak experiences and making them last forever should be avoided at all costs.

Believe only in the universe as it is right now. See the world and yourself for what they are. Don't be deceived by your imagination no matter how beautiful it is.

Dogen relates a neat story about this in the Shobogenzo: Shobogenzo: A monk's walking around outside and he stubs his toe something fierce. Hopping around in utter agony he thinks, "I've read that pain is void, so what the h.e.l.l is this?" And all at once he gets it. When his teacher asks him to explain, he says, "I cannot be deceived by others." A monk's walking around outside and he stubs his toe something fierce. Hopping around in utter agony he thinks, "I've read that pain is void, so what the h.e.l.l is this?" And all at once he gets it. When his teacher asks him to explain, he says, "I cannot be deceived by others."

We all want want to be deceived by others. We want to pretend we believe in idiotic philosophies we find comforting. But in the end, no matter how much we try, we can't possibly be deceived. Reality is always there. You can pretend the sky is green with orange polka-dots, but when you open your eyes and look up, it never is. to be deceived by others. We want to pretend we believe in idiotic philosophies we find comforting. But in the end, no matter how much we try, we can't possibly be deceived. Reality is always there. You can pretend the sky is green with orange polka-dots, but when you open your eyes and look up, it never is.

Zazen will put you directly in touch with the source of yourself. It will bring you into direct contact with something that has never departed from you, something that could never leave you. You can never escape yourself. The truth is always there. Try to look away from it and wherever you turn your head it's right in front of you. Reality is the one and only constant thing in this universe. It's always right there. Just as it is.

EPILOGUE.

Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.

WOODY ALLEN.

THE WORLD IS CHANGING. Things are getting better. I know that's hard for lots of people to believe, what with terrorism and war and the price of Doc Martens.

It was hard for me to really see, too. For most of my life I've been the darkest, bleakest most misanthropic pessimist anyone could want to meet (or to avoid, for that matter). I was utterly convinced the world was on the fast track to h.e.l.l. When I first encountered Nishijima's grinning, sunny optimism I wanted to smack it right off his face.

But here's the thing: You can convince yourself that your pessimistic outlook is "correct" or "realistic" or "justified"-and any newspaper will give you plenty of evidence. You can wallow darkly in your certainty that anyone who sees things in a positive light is an unrealistic empty-headed ninny.

Spend your time doing that and you'll be miserable, which you believe is your right, a personal choice that affects no one but yourself. But it's not. It's an inexcusable way to live because when you live that way you won't do anything about any of what's wrong in the world because, of course, if you succeeded that would prove you were wrong that nothing could be done.

Does letting go of your committed pessimism mean you ignore what's wrong in the world? No. Far from it. Seeing what's wrong and pointing it out is a big part of how you make things better. It is vitally important that you do this.13 With weapons of ma.s.s destruction within reach of nearly anyone who wants them, you have a duty to make certain that no one in this world ever has any reason to want to use such a thing. This is very much your own personal responsibility. To shirk it isn't just wrong, it's dangerous. With weapons of ma.s.s destruction within reach of nearly anyone who wants them, you have a duty to make certain that no one in this world ever has any reason to want to use such a thing. This is very much your own personal responsibility. To shirk it isn't just wrong, it's dangerous.

If the world is to change in any important way, that change will come from individual human beings who have the courage to discover who they truly are. And in making this discovery, they will find out what humanity truly is, what the universe truly is. Only people who understand their own nature thoroughly will be able to bring about the changes that must occur if humanity is to survive.

You can transform your life, and it is imperative that you do it. Because only you can do it. No guru can make your life right. No Zen master can show you the way. Only you have the power to make this place you're living in right now a realm so beautiful even G.o.d himself couldn't dream of anything better. And doing this will transform the universe. can transform your life, and it is imperative that you do it. Because only you can do it. No guru can make your life right. No Zen master can show you the way. Only you have the power to make this place you're living in right now a realm so beautiful even G.o.d himself couldn't dream of anything better. And doing this will transform the universe.

It is up to you.

It's not just your right; it's your duty.

Only you can find the path and only you can walk it.

To do this, you need to establish balance within yourself. You need a practice that will enable you to see yourself for what you truly are. Zazen is one way you can do that. And zazen can help you establish balance and keep it.

People long for big thrills, peak experiences, deep insights. Some people take up zazen practice expecting that enlightenment will be the ultimate peak experience, the peak experience to beat all peak experiences. But real enlightenment is the most ordinary of the ordinary.

And our ordinary, boring, pointless lives are incredibly, amazingly, astoundingly, relentlessly, mercilessly joyful.

You don't need to do a d.a.m.ned thing to experience such joy either. You don't need to snort an ounce of c.o.ke, get a turkey-baster full of hot grease shoved up your a.s.s, blow up the Washington Monument, win the Indy 500, or walk on the moon. You don't need to go hang-gliding over the Himalayas, or kayaking down the Amazon. You don't need to screw that oh-so-willing babe with the dark hair and the pouty lips or the smokin' seventeen-year-old on your brother's baseball team, and you don't need to party all night with the beautiful people. You don't need to do any of that stuff to know what it means to be alive.

You're alive when you're sitting in your bedroom cleaning wax out of your ears. You're alive when you're looking at your t.u.r.ds floating in the toilet and noticing bits of last night's dinner in there. You're alive when you're at the supermarket wondering whether to go for the Hostess Ho-Hos or the Little Debbies Ho-Hos or the Little Debbies. You're alive right now. Just be what you are, where you are. That's the most magical thing there is. The life you're living right now has joys even G.o.d could never know.

No one else has ever lived this moment and no one else will ever live it. No one in the whole universe. Oh, there may have been people who stood on subway platforms looking at a book before. But they weren't you. It wasn't this book. They weren't as hungry for a nice slice of pizza as you are right now. They hadn't schtupped schtupped the people you have. They hadn't made the same stupid mistakes with their lives as you have. Nor have they felt the same joys. They haven't made happy the people you've made happy. The snot in their noses hasn't hardened into the same shapes that the snot in your nose has. the people you have. They hadn't made the same stupid mistakes with their lives as you have. Nor have they felt the same joys. They haven't made happy the people you've made happy. The snot in their noses hasn't hardened into the same shapes that the snot in your nose has.

Your life is yours alone, and to miss your life is the most tragic thing that could happen.

So sit down, shut up, and take a look at it.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS.

FIRST AND FOREMOST, I gotta thank the two people who kept telling me I should write a book about Buddhism in spite of my protests that I was supremely unqualified to do any such thing: my current Buddhist teacher, Gudo Wafu Nishijima, and my first teacher, Tim McCarthy. Don't blame me, folks-they made me do it.

Next up, thanks to my editor (I have an editor-cool, huh?) Josh Bartok of Wisdom Publications for making my ma.n.u.script into something people might actually want to read. And to Rod Meade Sperry, the guy in charge of trying to get people to buy this thing. And to everybody else at Wisdom Publications for helping to bring this book into being. When I sent my ma.n.u.script to Wisdom I figured the best I'd get was the same "Dear Author: We didn't even bother to read your submission"-type form-letter I received from another well-known publisher of Buddhist books (who shall remain nameless) or the strange uncomprehending (and often incomprehensible) replies I got from mainstream publishers. But here I am, a Buddhist author at a Buddhist press. Who'da thunk it?

And, of course, thanks to my parents Dan and Sandy Warner for love and support and for providing me with an upbringing that allowed me to see a lot more of the world than most other kids from Wadsworth. Plus thanks to the rest of my family, particularly my grandpa Everett Warner, grandma Marian Warner and my aunt Sue who ruined her year of perfect high school attendance to see me as a baby. And, of course, my sister Stacey, her kids Ben and Skylar and their dad Dave. Ben and Sky, please ignore all the dirty words in here, okay?

Thanks as well to Tim McCarthy's teacher, Kobun Chino Otogawa, who I never got to meet, but whose wonderful translation of the Heart Sutra led to a major turning point in my life. Also thanks to his daughter Yoshiko Chino, his wife Katrin Otogawa, and his lawyer Hollis deLancy for allowing me to use it in this book.

Thanks also to the late n.o.boru Tsuburaya who gave me the opportunity to realize my dreams and, more importantly, to realize the true nature of such dreams. Thanks to his son Kazuo Tsuburaya for not getting rid of me in spite of all the times I've screwed things up for the company and to Masahiro Tsuburaya and Akira Tsuburaya for (hopefully) doing the same. And I can't forget Koichi Takano, whose special effects work I admired since I was five years old and who, for a while, I got to call "boss." Thanks, as well, to Jimmy Ugawa and Atsushi Saito for putting up with me all these years. After nearly ten years I'm still happy and proud I work for Tsuburaya Productions, the best producers of j.a.panese monster movies in the business. Gabare ("Go!") Ultraman! Gabare ("Go!") Ultraman!

And thank you Jimi Imij, Johnny Phlegm, Tommy Strange, and Mickey X-Nelson, the other members of Zero Defex (though John left before I joined) as well as Fraser Suicyde, Jim Krane, Mike Mohawk, Sue Hess, Dan Yell, Jimmy Dread, Sean "Trick Bunny" Saley, Sleazy Jesus, Dan Gaffney, Lesa the Death Lady, and everyone else who was there. We had a good time, huh? And to the other members of Dimentia 13, most importantly Joe Nlolflzlilglelr, my best friend since seventh grade who still likes to tell me how full of s.h.i.t I am, and Louanne Lisk for soaring harmonies. Thanks as well to Dave Swanson who wasn't with Dimentia 13 long but who is the only drummer I've ever played with (other than Mickey) who really listened to what the rest of the band was doing. And I haven't forgotten J.D. Martignon of Midnight Records who gave me the chance to make records. When are those reissues due, J.D.? And thanks to Glenn Rhese of Plasticland who made the alb.u.m Disturb the Air Disturb the Air sound so huge. Thanks as well to Ira Robbins for giving Dimentia 13 more s.p.a.ce than Nirvana in the Trouser Press Record Guide (okay, it was in 1991 and who knew? But still, thanks). sound so huge. Thanks as well to Ira Robbins for giving Dimentia 13 more s.p.a.ce than Nirvana in the Trouser Press Record Guide (okay, it was in 1991 and who knew? But still, thanks).

And what would my life have been like without the members of My Niece's Foot; Nick "Vic Wild Thing" Wilding, Sam "The Rock" Flemming, and Emily "The One Who Could Actually Sing" Iarocci plus our dedicated fan club Ginger and Anjali? Sorry you guys didn't get more s.p.a.ce in this book. Next time, I promise. (In case you care, my rock 'n' roll nickname in the band was "Stu" after The Beatles' dead ba.s.s player.) Also here's to the many people with whom I shared cheap living s.p.a.ces during the "Prosperous Reagan Years" when I could hardly afford Top Ramen: Logan Lestat, Laura Rachel, Steve McKee, Bill Ferrell, Lesa Lilly, Sue Cihla, Mary Bauch, Becky Wagner, Dale Houston (cuz you two were around a lot), and everyone else who put up with my noise and mess. And thanks to each and every high school and other related facility that turned down my applications for work during those years. Don't ever be disappointed with what happens in life because sometimes you don't know when someone is doing you a tremendous favor. Seriously.

Then there's everyone in Nishijima's group Dogen Sangha, particularly Taijun Saito, Peter Rocca, Harumi Saito, Isamu Takenaka, Shin and Yumi Kiriki, Jeremy and Reiko Pearson, and Mike and Yoko Leutchford. And special thanks to everyone who did not walk out as soon as they learned Nishijima was handing his weekly lectures over to a know-nothing little punk like me.

Thanks to Dana Mitch.e.l.l for patiently reading and critiquing my writing when no one else wanted to know. And to Miki Mochizuki for listening to a lot of my rants that eventually went into this book. Thanks to everyone who reads my website (www.hardcorezen.org) for letting me test out some of this stuff on you. When I wasn't making sense you always told me so. Please keep it up.

Thanks as well to the bands who meant so much to me when I was a young tyke (and not such a young tyke): The Who, The Beatles, Syd Barrett, KISS, The s.e.x Pistols, The Ramones, Iggy and the Stooges, The Cramps, Black Flag, Minor Threat, The Misfits, The Meat Puppets, The d.i.c.kies, The Descendents, ALL, PiL, The Dead Kennedys, MDC, Robyn Hitchc.o.c.k, Teenage Fanclub, Flaming Lips, and all the great Akron/Kent bands like Rubber City Rebels, Starvation Army, The F-Models, Hammer-Damage, Urban Mutants, and Bongo's Jungle Party.

Also thanks to anyone not mentioned or expecting to be mentioned in these acknowledgments who's actually read down this far. I never read the acknowledgments sections in books. Boring, boring, boring. Who cares about all these people you never heard of? So here's a joke as a reward for sticking with me: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? The plum tree in the garden! How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? The plum tree in the garden! Haw! Get it? Haw! Get it?

Finally a big huge thank you to my luscious wife, Yuka, for never giving up.

If you liked HARDCORE ZEN, HARDCORE ZEN, check out these: check out these: BLUE JEAN BUDDHA.

VOICES OF YOUNG BUDDHISTS.

Edited by Sumi Loundon Foreword by Jack Kornfield 288 pages, ISBN 0-861781-177-7, $16.95

"These stories are NOT AT ALL WHAT YOU'RE USED TO HEARING." -Angela Watrous, editor of Bare Your Soul: The Thinking Girl's Guide to Enlightenment Bare Your Soul: The Thinking Girl's Guide to Enlightenment "This is AN IDEA WHOSE TIME HAS COME."- "This is AN IDEA WHOSE TIME HAS COME."-Publishers Weekly

"THESE 20- AND 30-SOMETHINGS REALLY GET IT, in a way that perhaps their parents did not. They write of finding peace and practice in NEW YORK CITY; of taking vows of celibacy while continuing to be a PUNK ROCKER. They seek, investigate, QUESTION, retreat, sit zazen, or chant as part of their practice-the new American Buddhism. There is wisdom here for all ages."-NAPRA ReVIEW

"These stories RESONATE."-Shambhala Sun

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AN ONGOING LESSON IN THE.

EXTENT OF MY OWN STUPIDITY.

by Soko Morinaga Translated by Belenda Attaway Yamakawa 144 pages, ISBN 0-86171-393-1, $11.95.

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"UNPRETENTIOUS, POIGNANT AND INSIGHTFUL. Artfully written and translated, Novice to Master Novice to Master weaves personal narrative together with key concepts of Zen practices." -Sumi Loundon, editor of weaves personal narrative together with key concepts of Zen practices." -Sumi Loundon, editor of Blue Jean Buddha Blue Jean Buddha

"If Novice to Master Novice to Master were just a monk's story, it would be worth reading. But it is far more. It is the story of A MAN'S DEVOTION TO GETTING IT-WHATEVER IT MAY BE."- were just a monk's story, it would be worth reading. But it is far more. It is the story of A MAN'S DEVOTION TO GETTING IT-WHATEVER IT MAY BE."-RALPH: The Review of Arts, Literature, Philosophy and the Humanities HOW TO RAISE AN OX.

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MASTER DOGEN'S SHOBOGENZO Francis Dojun Cook Foreword by Taizan Maezumi Roshi 208 pages, ISBN 0-86171-317-6, $14.95

"An OUTSTANDING introduction to the most important Zen master in j.a.panese history. Francis Dojun Cook provides a brilliant translation of ten carefully selected chapters from DOGEN'S MASTER-PIECE, SHOBOGENZO. These chapters are preceded by a series of short essays written by Cook, which distill the essence of what follows and provide an IDEAL INTRODUCTION to it. These essays help the reader to grasp the more subtle and elusive aspects of Dogen's PROFOUND AND EXTRAORDINARILY CREATIVE WRITING. Cook has a remarkable grasp of the heart of Dogen's thinking and a genius for communicating it."-Jeremy D. Safran, editor of Psychoa.n.a.lysis and Buddhism Psychoa.n.a.lysis and Buddhism THE GREAT AWAKENING.

A BUDDHIST SOCIAL THEORY.

David R. Loy 320 pages, ISBN 0-86171-366-4, $16.95

"I LOOK FOR DEEPER MEANING EVERYWHERE. LOY'S BOOK SURE GAVE ME SOME-not only on that personal how-to-live-my-life level, but also in the universal realm of what's-this-all-about." -Kalle Lasn, editor-in-chief of Adbusters Magazine Adbusters Magazine and author of and author of Culture Jam: The Uncooling of America Culture Jam: The Uncooling of America ON ZEN PRACTICE.

BODY, BREATH, AND MIND.

Edited by Taizan Maezumi Roshi and Bernie Gla.s.sman Foreword by Robert Aitken 208 pages, ISBN 0-86171-315-X, $16.95 Conceived as the essential ZEN PRIMER, this book ADDRESSES EVERY ASPECT OF ZEN PRACTICE: beginning practice, chanting, sesshin, shikantaza, working with Mu, the nature of koans, and more.

"A DAZZLING DISPLAY of wisdom about how to use spiritual practices to enlighten our EVERYDAY LIFE." -Zen teachers Chozen and Hogen Bays, co-abbots of Great Vow Zen Monastery THE ART OF JUST SITTING.

ESSENTIAL WRITINGS ON THE.

ZEN PRACTICE OF SHIKANTAZA.

Edited by John Daido Loori Introduction by Taigen Dan Leighton 224 pages,0-86171-327-3, $16.95 'Just sit' is one of the most COMMONLY HEARD-AND LEAST UNDERSTOOD-phrases a.s.sociated with Zen Buddhism. Zen master John Daido Loori brings together teachings of some of the most prominent ANCIENT and MODERN teachers."-Tricycle