Hard to Escape Chapter 40

Yin Xuan started exercising and dancing ballet again. I, too, started diligently practicing. Other than the usual repertoire pieces, I also started ch.o.r.eographing.

Dance first started out as an instinctive movement of the body. It awoke a form of art within the limbs. So why not have ballet return to its origins? Why not unshackle the restrictions cla.s.sical ballet imposes upon technique? Why not break free and chase a footwork that will make ballet truly a performance for the stage?

I continuously tried new moves and was engrossed in my own world. Yin Li never bothered me. He was like a loyal knight, protecting me the whole way through. Finally, the day came.

I stood on the stage—the stage that Yin Li built for me. I could feel the blood within my feet that yearned to move. I didn't know how many would come to this exhibition, and I didn't want to know. I only knew that Madame Taylor promised to come, but I didn't know how she would receive it. I was a little scared. Even when I was at my peak, I never stood on such a large stage. The lights made me nervous.

So, I decided to dance blindfolded. I would not care for how large my audience was. I would not care for their expressions. I would only focus on expressing myself and being loyal to myself.

"The truer the feelings are, the more touching the dance is." Wu Ke told this to me before the curtains rose.

I nodded. The orchestra Yin Li invited started tuning their instruments. Yin Li stood by my side watching me, and he kissed my forehead to comfort me.

"You are a wonder. This moment is yours." Then he released my hand. "Go."

I took off the jacket he hung on my shoulders and revealed my dress. I walked alone through the dark corridor onto the large, empty stage with the curtains still drawn tight. The bra.s.s instruments sounded and a cold breeze blew by. I stood alone on the stage. It was the start of a dream. I blindfolded myself and embraced the darkness.

I heard the curtain rise. I relinquished my sight and instead felt my surroundings with my limbs. In the darkness, I conjured an enemy that had accompanied me through my solitude.

From a young age, I danced alone. My reflection in the mirror and my shadow on the floor were my playmates. I danced, facing them. It was impossible to hide my mistakes that way. I corrected myself based on what I saw in the mirror. That was my childhood. 

In the darkness on stage, I reenacted the past. I let the atmosphere, music, colors, and feelings flow through myself to the extremities of my body. I then let those burst out through my feet and arms, setting them free on stage.

I danced my arrogance, my misfortune, and my melancholy. On stage, I was true to myself. I ripped open my wounds and revealed my hatred I felt towards ballet all those years.

The drums rolled. I spun like a confined beast, combining both ballet footwork and the vigor of modern ballet. I danced in the darkness. I pushed myself to my limits. I fixed myself in the air, as if hovering for a split-second, hesitating to land. Then there was a struggle. It was as if there were millions of souls within me that all wanted to escape and break out of the shackles of ballet. I switched seamlessly from cla.s.sical ballet to modern ballet, and I threw in some tango and Latin dance. However, there still was a force within me that bound the fragments of my soul that were trying to break free. They were bounded within my body that once loathed ballet, and that force tried to drag all those fragments towards extinction. I focused all my emotions on the tip of my foot.

I danced uninhibited to the music. The footwork and the memories not only made me dance more fiercely, it also affected my emotional state. I felt tears flowing out from beneath the blindfold. The past repression and grievance had all been vented out in the unrestrained performance. 

At this moment, I didn't care how many people were seated in the audience. I didn't care how many people would be drawn into my performance. I just danced. I danced as if I were burning my life force. 

My memories resurfaced in a torrent. But in my world of dance, I finally threw off those heavy memories. The darkness was the birthplace of dreams. I continuously danced and leapt. Through dance, I performed my whole life, tears and smiles and all. I couldn't see anything, but if felt like I was walking through a long, narrow hallway. Through dance, I leapt past the mirrors in dance studios and I danced past the poverty of the first half of my life. I danced through those years of ballet when I felt so proud, yet so inferior. I leapt through hardship and love. Then, I finally came to the end of the darkness.

At the height of the music's crescendo, I leapt into a grand jeté and finally removed my blindfold. I saw the stage lights and all the gazes from the audience below. There were many more people than I had thought there would be. I saw Madame Taylor, Yin Xuan, Li Jing, Frank, Wu Ke, and Yin Li.

I saw all the audience members rise for a standing ovation, and the sound enveloped me. Finally, I was on a stage with my chin held high, basking in my own glory.

The darkness wasn't a nightmare. After pa.s.sing the darkness, there was love and light.

In this performance, I finished my metamorphosis.

However, this wasn't the end. After many other solo variations, I danced a pas de deux with Yin Xuan. Compared to before, her body's condition hadn't completely recovered. However, this time she danced with confidence and feeling. Every smile, frown, and lift of the hand was a love letter to ballet. In silent harmony, we danced a piece to our heart's content. We circled each other, dancing as if we were the best of friends. I saw the regret in her eyes, and she too saw the same in mine. We both erred. We were both enemies and close friends. In this dance, we truly reconciled. We succ.u.mbed to fate, grasped each other's hands, and danced with the music.

The whole exhibition lasted three hours. I had never been so satisfied when dancing.

The performance received high critical acclaim. The audience was incredibly moved. They were feverish, and some people shouted my name. By the end, I had taken a curtain call eight times. It was only until later that I found out Li Jing had roused support and campaigned for people to attend my performance. Not only that, Madame Taylor had also used her connections to ensure that the media and dance enthusiasts came to attend.

I saw her backstage. This was the first time I saw such a proud smile from my past teacher.

The stage was still sounding with applause. She stretched out her arms.

"Welcome back, my beloved Alicia." Her eyes were a little teary. "You've never let me down. This type of dance is enough for me to acknowledge you."

Then she turned and looked at Yin Li, who was standing by her side. "Alicia is my only pupil. From a certain standpoint, it could be said that you were the one who stole her away from me. I might even go so far as to say that your selfishness ruined my life's greatest creation.

"But I can't help but admit that you broke her and then put her back together. She's now more beautiful and more dazzling than before." She looked toward me. "You originally danced relatively well. Though it was beautiful, you put too much force into each movement. Perhaps, it was because you chased perfection too much. But now your dance has a carefree beauty to it. Every step is delicate yet seemingly natural.

" I originally thought that because of the accident, you couldn't recover. When you came to find me and begged to continue ballet, I didn't approve because at that time, you probably hadn't even found the meaning of dance, and I couldn't approve of your mother's teaching style forever. She was too overbearing. Though I could tell that you were hardworking and had a good foundation, you resented ballet. The few months before you disappeared, you were depressed and had expressed to me a desire to quit ballet. That's why I thought your disappearance was something of your own accord. After you lost your memories, you were finally able to sever that connection with ballet. I thought that you shouldn't return to the past. It's true, I do have my own prejudices when it comes to ballet. If the body isn't in good condition, then a person has no right to become a dancer. At that time, I thought that you were prepared—whether it was your body or your mind." Madame Taylor's expression was full of sorrow. "After, I saw what you wrote in the letter but I still didn't believe in you. Only until now.

"It's like what I said many years prior. You were born to be a dancer, and you were bound to leave everyone far behind in the dust. Right now, you are a beauty that no one can confine."

Tears flowed from my eyes. It was all for this light at the end of the tunnel.

Madame Taylor asked to talk with me privately one-on-one.

"Since you still like ballet and want it to be a profession, then let's properly discuss your future." She gave me two paths. One was entering the Paris Opera Ballet troupe via Alicia's ident.i.ty and redeeming my status from that year. Another was to enter the upcoming compet.i.tion, win the prize, and study under someone. The latter would allow for greater growth.

"No matter what road you take, you're guaranteed success." She gave a slight smile. She only acknowledged the capable, and today she finally acknowledged me.

However, I refused her. When I exited and saw Yin Li, I reconfirmed my decision.

He was leaning against the window. His expression was bleak and sullen. When he saw me come out, he looked up at me.

"Did it go well with Madame Taylor?" He walked over and embraced me gently. "You were brilliant tonight. I'm so proud of you." Then he rested his head on my shoulder and inhaled deeply. As if greedy, he held me in that position for a long time before releasing me. "I will respect your decision, whether you want to continue pursuing ballet or not. Xuan Xuan also said that you are very talented and that I shouldn't selfishly restrain you."

I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. "If ballet is my profession, then the whole world will love me, right? Would you want that?"

Yin Li lowered his gaze. A moment later, he replied, "I actually wouldn't want that."

I snuggled into his embrace once more and lightly laughed. "I knew you would feel that way, so I turned Madame Taylor down. I won't belong to the world. I'll only belong to a certain somebody."

As expected, Yin Li's eyes overflowed with joy. Then he lowered his head and quietly said, "Sorry."

"It's not your fault. Speaking objectively, I shouldn't have forced myself to dance again. I'm not young anymore, and there's not much time for me to progress and move upward. A three hour performance is already very straining. If it's like this, I probably can't be a princ.i.p.al dancer. There's no princ.i.p.al dancer who only dances three hours a day. During the season or during exhibitions, they have to dance at least three performances every day for two months in a row. I can't become a professional.

"I'm just choosing a path more appropriate for myself. I'd rather love ballet and have it never leave my life, all the while having my own life outside ballet." This performance already fulfilled my dream. I finally received Madame Taylor's acknowledgement. For the past me, this too was a beautiful ending.

"There's also another piece of good news. Madame Taylor said she was willing to take Yin Xuan as her pupil. She liked Yin Xuan's grasp of ballet and the tension in her dance. Meanwhile, I'll forfeit the path and life of a world-cla.s.s ballerina."

Yin Li hugged me tightly. His eyes glimmered. "So why don't you start a new life with me?"

I smiled and nodded.

We kissed in the corridor still meandering with people. Some recognized us and burst into a roar of applause and laughter. When we walked out, it was an early Paris dawn when the streetlights began to light up.