Happy Holidays - The Pregnancy Negotiation Part 16

"Mistake?"

"Having a baby. Maybe we rushed into it. Maybe we should just let it go."

"After you've convinced me this is a good thing, now you're saying you've changed your mind?"

"I don't know what I want."

"I'll tell you what I want, Mallory. I want to have this baby as much as you do. In fact, I think about it all the time. If you take that away now, that wouldn't be fair to either of us."

Life wasn't always fair, something she'd learned the hard way. "I just need some time to think things through."

"Okay. I'll give you time to think." She felt his weight lift from the bed and heard his rough sigh. "While I' m out of town, you think about this. When I agreed to do to this, I realized the terms. Make a baby, raise a child, remain friends. But it's become more complicated than that. I never expected to..."

When he didn't finish his sentence, Mallory turned over and said, "You never expected to what?"

He hesitated a few more seconds. "Never mind. Right now it doesn't matter. I'll give you plenty of time to think while I'm gone. In fact, I won't bother you at all. And when I get back, you let me know what you've decided, since I obviously don't have any say-so in the matter."

He strode out the door, slammed it behind him, and Mallory's heart plummeted. She thought about what he'd almost said and began to fill in the blanks with her own list. He never expected to have such a good time? Never expected to make love in so many different positions and places? Never expected to have deeper feelings for her? Fall in love? Oh, how she wished that were the case. She'd never know unless she asked.

It still wasn't too late. She could get out of bed and go to him. She could bare her soul and tell him how she felt about him. She could be risking everything by doing so, especially if those feelings weren't returned. Or she could do what he'd said, take the time while he was away and plan how to tell him.

And maybe when he returned, she would have some news about whether they'd been successful in making a baby. She wanted to give him that more than anything because she'd already given him her heart.

Whit cursed himself for his cowardice. The night before he left, he'd had the prime opportunity to tell Mallory how he felt about her. He could have waited another hour before leaving for the airport the next morning and told her then. He could have called her and told her. Instead, he'd run scared-again.

He didn't understand why it was so difficult to express his feelings, to tell her how much he cared about her and that he wanted more than friendship. After all, they'd talked openly about so many things for the past few months; this shouldn't be any different. He should have been honest with her, but that hadn't been easy because, until recently, he hadn't been honest with himself.

And for the past five days, he'd been at loose ends. He'd gone through the motions of "let's make a deal" without giving his all. Fortunately, Field had taken up the slack and, oddly, without issuing one complaint. But now that they were an hour into the flight bound from Boston to Houston, Whit sensed his father wanted to say something, as always.

"I think we've had a productive past few days."

That wasn't what Whit was expecting, but he was grateful. "Yeah. Very productive. Looks like it's going to be a go."

Field waved off the attendant offering another drink. "You seemed ready to go home from the first day

we got there."

"I have a lot to do." A long, candid talk with Mallory topped his list and this time he intended to shoot

straight. But right now seemed like the perfect time to inform his father of his future plans. "There'ssomething I need to tell you."Field toyed with the stirrer in his drink. "I'm listening."Whit took the last of his drink down to the clink of ice cubes, then set the gla.s.s down on the tray, keeping it in his grip. "I want to build houses, not high-rises. In fact, I've already started a house north ofHouston in a subdivision.""I know."That grabbed Whit's full attention. "What do you mean you know?""We're both in the business, Whit. People talk, particularly subcontractors. Word gets around."

"And you didn't say anything?" That had to be some kind of record.He shrugged, very un-Field-like. "What could I say? It's your business, your money. I've known for awhile you haven't been happy."

Whit thought back to another time in his past. "You know, my wanting to build houses is your fault in a

way. Back during the summer after I turned sixteen-"

"I took you to work with me on that nonprofit project to build houses for single moms. I remember how much you liked doing that, and you were good at it."

"That was a great experience."

"One you needed. You can't appreciate what you have until you see the whole picture. Since you never

wanted for anything, materially speaking, I thought you should know that not everyone has been born into privilege."

Whit was just now beginning to let himself acknowledge how much his dad had done for him. How much

he'd relied on him for support. How the man had always been there even though they'd spent a good deal of time locked in a battle of wills. "I appreciate everything, Dad. All the times you took off work for my baseball games. All the talks, even the advice. Most of it."

Field straightened his tie, looking decidedly uncomfortable. "You're welcome, son. That's what you'resupposed to do for your kids. The continuing conflict is just an added bonus."They exchanged a quick smile before Whit added, "Then you'll understand if I start my own business."

"No."

Great, here it came. He should've known when his father's acceptance had come too easily. "Look, Dad, I-"

"You want to be on your own. I understand that. But there's no reason why you can't run your own business right where you are now, in our offices. h.e.l.l, you can take up residence three floors down. You have the staff in place, and you can hire more. And after I retire, you can have the whole thing to do with what you will. Maybe even save it for your own child."

Unbelievable. "No strings attached? No expectations of me heading up the designs on projects I don't give a d.a.m.n about?"

"No, although I wouldn't mind you consulting now and then, provided you have the time. I can promote Leland to your position. I would like for you to finish the Barclay project."

"No problem. I plan to finish what I've begun. I always do."

"Does that include your plans to father a child with Mallory?"

Whit knew it was bound to come up sooner than later, although he was hoping for a whole lot later, like next year. "Yeah. If she's still around when I get back."

"Problems?"

Whit streaked a hand over the back of his neck then loosened his tie. "She's having a problem trusting me, and I can't blame her. She had a tough marriage to a guy who cheated on her, and I've never been known for..."

"Your fondness for monogamy?"

Even though his dad had said it with a smile, that stung like a hornet. The truth sometimes did. "Okay, I admit it, I've never wanted to settle down. But I've changed my mind. I want to commit to Mallory now. Unfortunately, we had an argument the night before I left and I ran out. I started to call her several times but I reconsidered. I wasn't sure she wanted to talk to me."

Field looked all too serious. "Whit, you've inherited my stubbornness, and sometimes that's good, sometimes that's bad. But don't inherit your mother's tendency to run. The best thing you can do is tell her how you really feel."

He hated to think he was his mother's son, but in some ways he was. "I'm pretty bad at saying what I feel."

"The first thing you need to say is that you love her." Field inclined his head when Whit sighed. "You do love her, don't you?"

d.a.m.n, this was hard, admitting something so personal to his own father when he'd barely admitted it to himself. "Yeah, I do. More than I realized." Okay, he'd said it, and the plane hadn't fallen from the sky.

"Then tell her, Whit. And while you're at it, make a solid commitment to her. Ask her to marry you."

Whit sent him a skeptic's look. "That's your trick, Dad. And Mallory's already been married. She seems fairly dead-set against it."

"You won't know until you ask." Field rimmed a manicured fingernail around the top of the gla.s.s.

"Maybe it's taken me three times to get it right. But you can get it right the first time. Mallory is worth it."

Whit knew that well. But did he deserve her? d.a.m.n straight, he did. They deserved each other-she with her need for order and he with his penchant for being laid back. They complemented each other, in bed and out. And on the long nights he'd spent over the past few days, he'd come to a surprising conclusion-he hadn't only made love with Mallory to have a child. He'd made love to her because he'd been in love with her for a long time, probably since that night he'd seen her walk down those stairs in that sweet dress for her first date. And because he'd failed to acknowledge his feelings for her all those years ago-both from fear and the belief she was hands off because she was his best friend's sister-she 'd chosen someone else. Someone who hadn't been fit to call himself her husband.

The minute he arrived back in Houston, he'd make a few plans and then tell her he'd spent a good deal of his adult life running from her when he should have been running toward her. He looked forward to proposing, looked forward to making her say yes with every tactic known to G.o.d and man. And best of all, he looked forward to the day that she would tell him she was pregnant with their baby.

Ten.

S he wasn't pregnant.

Right now, she needed Whit more than ever. Had needed him that morning when she'd taken a pregnancy test, praying for a positive and receiving a negative. Needed him now while she waited to visit the doctor. Not exactly an official visit, at least in terms of an exam. But she had managed to arrange an appointment for a talk. A serious talk.

The minutes ticked off slowly as she waited in the doctor's private office, and those minutes soon turned into an hour. She couldn't afford the time away from work, but she wanted to ask one more time about the odds of getting pregnant in light of her medical history. And she wanted to know before Whit arrived home tonight.

When the door opened to Dr. Iverson, obstetrician extraordinaire, she drew in a deep breath in preparation for hard answers she felt sure she would receive. She started to stand but stopped when he said, "Don't get up, Mallory." He took a seat behind his desk and sent her a pleasant smile. "My nurse tells me you have some more concerns with the possibility of conception?"

Mallory clasped her hands tightly in her lap, wishing for something substantial to hang on to. Wishing Whit was there. "Yes. I took a pregnancy test this morning and it was negative." Just saying the words made her heart hurt. "And that got me to thinking about several things."

Dr. Iverson sat back in his chair and pushed his gla.s.ses up the bridge of his nose. "How many days late are you with your period?"

"Actually, my best guess is two days. I've never been very regular."

"That's right." He straightened and flipped through the chart. "Two days isn't a very long time."

"But the test says you can tell after one day."

He glanced up at her. "Yes, but they're not always accurate."

Mallory considered ninety-nine percent fairly accurate. If only she could be a.s.sured of winning that many of her cases. "I realize that, but my b.r.e.a.s.t.s have been a little tender and I've been tired and emotional." All symptoms of the onset of her period, she realized after she voiced them. "I guess I was anxious to find out early this time."

After closing the folder, he leveled his gaze on her. "Mallory, there's no reason to believe you won'tcarry a baby to term, if that's your concern."It was, a huge concern. "But I didn't go to the doctor immediately the first time. In fact, I waited until I was almost two months along before I even confirmed the pregnancy."

"And even if you had known earlier, you couldn't have prevented it. It was one of those tragic things thatsometimes happens. We don't always have the answer."Mallory wanted to believe that, truly she did. But at times she couldn't help but wonder if her distress over the pregnancy contributed. Regardless, she still had one more question. "Because of the damageafter the miscarriage, there is a strong chance I won't be able to conceive, correct?""As I've said before, you seem to still have function in the other ovary. Only time will tell."For some reason, Mallory felt as if she was running out of time. "And if it's not working properly?"

"I suggest you keep trying. We can give it six months to a year and then explore other options."She couldn't imagine Whit putting his life on hold for that long. She couldn't imagine asking him to dothat. "If that's the only option, I'll have to live with it."

He tore a paper from a pad and began scribbling on it. "Just to be on the safe side, I want to get some

more routine blood work done on you." He handed her the paper. "Take this to the lab."

Mallory stared at the page for a moment. Lord, she hated needles. "Is this necessary? I mean, I had this done when I was in before."

"It's precautionary. We want to make sure everything is up to speed with your health."

"Okay." She stood and extended her hand. "Thank you, Dr. Iverson. I appreciate your time on such short notice."

He gave her hand a hearty shake. "Not a problem. In this day and time, I never can tell when I might be

needing your services."

"I'm strictly family law. Unless you're considering adoption or divorce, you won't be seeing me professionally."

He chuckled. "No on both counts at my age. I have seven kids of my own and a wife who puts up with

me, only G.o.d knows why."

After she told Whit the news, he might decide he would prefer not to put up with her any longer. "Okay,then. I'll see you in six months.""If not before then. And Mallory," he said as she turned from the desk.She faced him again. "Yes?""Try to keep the faith. If it's meant to be, it will happen for you."The news seemed to crash down her all at once, bringing about the threat of tears. She rushed out of the office before they arrived, knowing her faith was beginning to wither away on many levels. She wasn't

optimistic about getting pregnant. She was even less optimistic about her relationship with Whit in light of what she now knew-she might learn to give him her trust, but she might never give him a baby. Maybe the right thing would be for her to leave, before she ruined the best friendship she'd ever had. And this time, she chose to run.