Half-Past Seven Stories Part 17

"Down, Rover! Get away, you crazy Geese! Stop that, Bunny! Stop it, I say--scat!!--scat!!!--"

Well, by this time Wienerwurst was biting the tails of the Pretty Pink Pigeons again; and Brownie was chasing the rabbits; and the Geese were flapping their wings and crying, "hiss, hiss!"; and the Pigeons were flying back to their home on the roof; and Rover had his mouth full of White Geese feathers; and Tabby was swallowing the little fish--and--and--Marmaduke was almost crying.

"I'll take it all back," he yelled, "you're no ladies and gen'lemen you're--you're just mean an' I won't ever ask you to my party again."

Of course, by this time, Mother and the Toyman and Father weren't just standing still and looking and saying things--they were running--and--saying things!--running straight for that party which had turned out such a grand fight.

They tried to save what they could from the wreck. They spanked little Wienerwurst until he let go of the tails of the Pretty Pink Pigeons, and they got the Bunnies safe back in their hutch, and the White Wyandottes in their yard, and Mr. Turkey in his.

But they couldn't save the poor little fish. It was very sad, but it was too late. Tabby wasn't like Jonah's whale. What she had once swallowed she wasn't apt to give up.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "'I'll take it all back,' Marmaduke yelled, 'you're no ladies an' gen'lemen--an' I won't ever ask you to my party again'"]

Marmaduke felt very much hurt and very indignant about the way he had been treated. As Father said, "it was a grave slight to his hospitality."

However, he forgot all about it when he saw the new skates which Mother and Father had waiting for him, and the grand Noah's Ark which the Toyman had made with his very own hands. There isn't much use telling the colors in which it was painted, because you know the Toyman was sure to put a lot of colors, and pretty ones, too, on all the things he made for the Three Happy Children.

There is one good thing about all the animals in that Noah's Ark. They are very cunning and look like the real thing, but, as the Toyman said, "You can invite them to your house any time and they won't fight, or bite, or scratch, or quarrel. They are very polite and well-behaved."

Marmaduke had many a celebration for them, and made many a glorious speech to them as well, and they listened to every word.

So the birthday party really lasted long after the seven candles had gone out, and the cake had gone, too, every crumb.

IX

DR. PHILEMON PIPP, THE PATIENT MEDICINE MAN

Uncle Roger lived in town, quite a distance from the home of the Three Happy Children. When they walked, Marmaduke's short legs took one whole hour to reach it; Jehosophat's, forty-five minutes; though the Toyman's long shanks could cover the ground in fifteen. But then he could go ever so fast. However, they usually rode, and horses can always go faster than men. Even Old Methusaleh could trot there in twelve, and he was spavined and a little wind-broke, while Teddy and Hal, who were young and frisky, could get there as quick as a wink.

On this particular day Uncle Roger and Aunt Mehitable had a family party. It was a fine one, you may be sure, but we are not going to tell you about it, when something even more interesting happened that night.

At half-past eight the last horn sounded and the party was over.

Mother and Hepzebiah climbed in the surrey, and, with them, two great-aunts, Sophronisba and Abigail. Aunt Phrony weighed more than three hundred pounds, but Aunt Abby only a hundred; and they were planning to visit the White House With the Green Blinds by the Side of the Road--"for a week," they said, but the boys heard Father whisper to Mother, as he piled their baggage under the tailboard,--"From the size of those bags it looks like a year and a day." The boys wondered what that extra day could ever be for--probably to move all that baggage.

Now Teddy the Buckskin Horse was. .h.i.tched to the surrey; and in the shafts of the buggy stood Hal the Red Roan. And that night the boys particularly wanted to ride behind Teddy. They liked to watch the black stripe that ran down his yellow back skim ahead of them over the road, just like a snake. And they liked the surrey, too. It had a fringe all around the top, and high mudguards, and a whip with a ta.s.sel and ribbon on it. But now that the great-aunts were in, Aunt Abby's side rose way up in the air, she was so light, but Aunt Phrony's sank down until the steel springs of the carriage groaned and scrunched on the axles. The surrey looked like a boat when all the pa.s.sengers rush to one side to see who has fallen over.

There was no room for the boys, so they had to climb in the buggy.

But, after all, the Toyman was to drive, and that quite made up for it. He might even let them drive, or tell them stories--about Ole Man Pumpkin, or the stars, or the cowboys out West, or any one of a number of wonderful things. So they were quite content as the Toyman said "Gee-dap," and they drove off through the night.

They had gone but a short distance when they saw a light. It was different from all the lights in the houses and the street lamps on the corners, which shone steadily and all the while. This one flickered and flared like a fire in the wind; and it smoked rather badly, too.

Jehosophat and Marmaduke tried to guess what it was, but neither was right. When they reached the corner of the street and got out of the buggy, they saw a lot of boys, big boys and little boys, and men, too, crowding around a wagon. The horses which had brought it there were tied to a hitching post a little way off, and a man stood in the back by the tailboard. The light which they had seen from afar shone over his head, a strange sort of torch, and was fed with oil by a little metal pan with a tube running to it. And it flickered oddly up and down, and from side to side, throwing funny shadows on the man, who looked queer enough himself.

He had long black hair like Buffalo Bill, and a long black coat--_very_ long, with a fur collar on it.

Marmaduke whispered to the Toyman,--

"Can't you cure the man's coat? It's got the mange."

And the Toyman replied,--

"No, money is all that can cure that, and pretty soon he's going to get plenty from these people's pockets."

Marmaduke's eyes bulged.

"Is he a robber?" he asked in an awed whisper.

The Toyman laughed.

"Well, some folks might call him that without being sued for libel, but I 'spose he's within the law."

Marmaduke wondered how he could be in the law and in the wagon at the same time, and the Toyman had to explain that he meant that the strange man _ought_ to go to jail, but probably wouldn't. Just why, he told them to "wait and see."

But, oh, we forgot--what was most important,--on the man's head was a tall silk hat. It looked as if it needed the mange cure quite as much as did the fur collar of his coat. And it was tipped on the side of his head, like a crazy old mill Marmaduke had seen once, that was about to fall in the river.

Behind the man was spread a banner with the man's name on it, Dr.

Philemon Pipp, and a big chart like those the teachers used in school.

"Whew!" whistled Jehosophat, "look at that ole bag of bones!"

For on that chart was a big picture of a skeleton, and, by the side of the skeleton, other pictures, of a man with his skin taken off, which showed his bones, and his muscles, and all his insides--very prettily painted in blue and yellow and red.

That wasn't all there was on that wonderful wagon. Behind the chart, they saw lots of bottles filled with nice black juice. It looked like licorice water, and it made anyone's mouth water just to look at it!

But the man, Dr. Philemon Pipp, was talking.

And as he talked, he made queer gestures with his arms, as if he wanted to scoop up all the people--or something the people had--into his wagon. Perhaps it was their money he wanted to scoop up, though he said nothing--as to that, just,--

"Now, gents, step up a little closer, pleeze."

Then he tilted his hat on the other side of his head, and put one hand across his chest, the middle finger between the b.u.t.tons of his vest, and all in a very grand way.

"Tonight," he went on, "for youah entertainment, I will oferrr this distinguished audience a marrvelous programme--an extrahorrrdinary exheebeeshun of tricks and sleight of hand meeraculs such as nevah befoh were puhfomed by human hands.

"Now watch, ladees, and keep yuh eyes peeled, gents--and mebbe youall kin learn the secret."

Then he had to stop for a minute, for the small boys were climbing on the hubs of the wheels.

"Heah, young man," he shouted, "have youall fohgot yuh mannahs? Do not futhuh disturb muh discourse."

Of course, Jehosophat and Marmaduke couldn't understand all these magnificent words, but they sounded quite splendid. No wonder the hat was so big, when it had to cover a head with such long words inside.

Now Dr. Philemon Pipp had turned to the crowd.