Guardians: The Girl Part 43

"Is there a new lead?"

"No."

"Oh, it's a Valentine thing?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"It's no big deal," I lie.

A short while later, Jay is gone and so is a whole pound of chocolate. Don't judge me. I really needed it. I head into my room and get under the covers. I don't know who I'm fooling.

There is no way I can sleep. I love Jay very much, but I wish he hadn't told me about Marcus' evening plans. I wish I had never asked. But I couldn't help it. I wanted to know.

Now I feel bad. And the thing about feeling bad is that once you get started, it's hard to stop. Soon I start to think about what a wonderful time Marcus is having with her. And that if he says I have to sit out the rest of the mission, I won't have any contact with him at all.

Even as I am putting on my sneakers and heading out the door to spy on them, I tell myself it's a bad idea. I tell myself that whatever I find when I get to the Guardian's home will upset me. It doesn't matter. I have to go.

I fly out the door and see Rio standing there waiting for me. His flaming hair makes his eyes sparkle.

"C'mon, I'll give you a ride," he says.

"You're not gonna talk me out of it?"

"Could I?"

"No."

"Then, no." We get into Jay's favorite car, Siren.

Once we are on our way, Rio turns to me.

"Can I ask you a question?" he says.

"No, I don't know why I'm going over to the house and no, I have no idea what I'm going to say to him."

"This isn't about that."

"Okay, what is it?"

"Where did Ameana take you the night of your birthday after you two left the house?"

"We didn't go anywhere," I say, knowing that it's pointless.

"No need to lie to a guy who knows what you feel before you do."

"Alright. She took me to the Golden Gate Bridge."

"Why?"

"To tell me to stay away from Marcus."

"And look how well that worked."

"This is all so easy for you. You know what everyone is thinking already. Me, I have to work without waves. I have to figure out how I feel on my own."

"You know what you're feeling, Em. Desperation isn't a hard emotion to identify, waves or no waves."

"You think I'm desperate?"

"Yes."

"Then I must be."

"I didn't know, I'm sorry."

"Sorry about what?"

"Sorry, I hurt you so deeply just now."

"Whatever, I'm fine."

"No, you're not. And I should be more understanding."

"Are angels supposed to be understanding?"

"Ideally."

"Oh."

"Did she hurt you?"

"Ameana? No. She just tried to scare me."

"Did it work?"

"Yes and no."

"Usually she can be very persuasive."

"Has she ever persuaded you to do anything?"

"Yes."

"I'm sure she didn't persuade you to do anything that you wouldn't have done anyway because it was the right thing."

"Angels don't always do the right thing."

"Then what separates you guys from us?"

"Expectations."

"Whose?"

"Omnis'."

"What does he expect of you?'

"Everything."

"Are you able to deliver?"

"Mostly."

"I can't imagine you failing at anything."

"Actually, I fail at most things. You're just not paying attention."

"I shouldn't be doing this, huh?" I ask him.

"No."

"I can turn around."

"You won't."

"No, I won't."

Rio stays in the car and I run out to the house. As I walk up the stairs I see him. He's helping Ameana with her coat. She doesn't notice that I'm there. She hugs him tightly. She's facing away from me while Marcus and I lock eyes.

Without speaking out loud, I tell him everything with one sincere, pleading glance.

Marcus, choose me. Choose the path that is perilous and leads to certain annihilation because it's also the path that leads to me. They can't understand that we are powerless to stop what we have for each other. But we know. We know that if we don't bend to the will of this love, it will break us.

He looks back at me and I read the answer in his eyes.

Go away, Emmy. Please, go away.

I cover my mouth with my hand. I run out of the house and onto the sidewalk. I try to get my body to stop shaking but I can't. My body doesn't take commands from me anymore. It doesn't trust me. My heart gave itself over to my crazy, outlandish desires, and now it's broken. I'm broken. I can't imagine being whole again after this kind of rejection.

Someone help me. Please.

"You are not the only one who needs help," a boy who's about five or six years old says to me. I'm paralyzed with heartbreak and don't understand what he's talking about.

"I'm talking about Rio. Look over there," he says. I turn and follow his gaze. Sure enough, Rio is in the car doubled over in pain.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Your pain is too much for him. You are only feeling one emotion right now and it is so deep and so all-consuming, it radiates beyond what the Guardian can handle. In short, Emmy, you're killing him."

"What do I do?"

"I could tell you to stop hurting but it would be pointless, not to mention rude."

Who the h.e.l.l is this kid?

"I'm the Sage, my dear."

"You're the Sage? Then help him."

"He needs you to feel something else or get as far away from him as you can. Let us take a walk," he says.

I follow him down the block. I keep looking back at Rio and I think the distance is helping.

"How is your father?" he asks.

"I don't have one."

"Ah, youth. So full rage and righteous indication."

"I don't care if you are a thousand years old and all-knowing. Stay out of this!"

"You're like Marcus: full of fire."

"I don't want to hear about Marcus. I hate him."

"I think Rio would beg to differ. As would Ameana and the rest of them, for that matter."

"Yeah, well. That was before. Now I just want him to go back where he came from and leave me the h.e.l.l alone."

"Wish it were that easy."

"It is. I hate him. And I will stay as far away from him as I can."

"You've tried that many times before, have you not?"

"Yeah, but this time it's different."

"We shall see."

"Why did you make that stupid prediction about my being the end of him? You messed everything up."

"Well, I suppose I could have lied to him and told him that everything would go as he had planned."

"Why didn't you?"

"Emerson Hope, who exactly do you think I am? Do you think that I was chosen simply by luck? I have handled cycle after cycle of Guardians. I arm them with information that will enable them to fight the evil that threatens your very existence. I'm not here to help you with your love life."

"I can't stop wanting him, needing him. But he could care less."