Gorgeous. Part 9

11.

THE NEXT MORNING ON the way to the bus stop, I had the envelope in my hand, which was sweating inside my sweatshirt pocket. Well, it's not like I could have left it overnight in the mailbox with the flag up the way I did when I was little and I left notes out there for the tooth fairy. (I know, I know, you're supposed to leave your tooth under your pillow, but there was no way I could go to sleep thinking some lady was about to fly into my room and take away one of my body parts for a minimal payment-sorry, that's creepy.) First of all, I wasn't completely convinced anybody but the tooth fairy checked the mailbox for outgoing mail, and didn't want to offend Evangeline so early in our friendship. But second and more importantly, one or both of my parents could easily notice the flag up, I realized, and if they went to investigate, I'd be cooked. the way to the bus stop, I had the envelope in my hand, which was sweating inside my sweatshirt pocket. Well, it's not like I could have left it overnight in the mailbox with the flag up the way I did when I was little and I left notes out there for the tooth fairy. (I know, I know, you're supposed to leave your tooth under your pillow, but there was no way I could go to sleep thinking some lady was about to fly into my room and take away one of my body parts for a minimal payment-sorry, that's creepy.) First of all, I wasn't completely convinced anybody but the tooth fairy checked the mailbox for outgoing mail, and didn't want to offend Evangeline so early in our friendship. But second and more importantly, one or both of my parents could easily notice the flag up, I realized, and if they went to investigate, I'd be cooked.

So I had to drop the letter in the mailbox halfway up our street toward the bus stop.

My plan was to be up and out early and for once leave without Quinn, but it didn't exactly work out. Phoebe had taken my flip-flops again over the weekend and I had to sc.r.a.pe the muck off them before I could wear them, and then our toaster was freaking out as usual (our appliances have way too much personality), and by the time I was in a sweat and dashing out the door, Quinn was right by my side.

So I decided, as we approached the mailbox, to just be casual. "Oh, Dad asked me to mail this," I said, as if, What a pain but no big deal, What a pain but no big deal, waving the letter carelessly but quickly so she couldn't read the address. I opened the mailbox door and, as it creaked, flipped the envelope onto it, facedown, and let go fast. waving the letter carelessly but quickly so she couldn't read the address. I opened the mailbox door and, as it creaked, flipped the envelope onto it, facedown, and let go fast.

Only, Quinn's hand was on it, holding it open. With her other hand she lifted the letter off. The mailbox creaked shut.

"What is it?"

"How should I know?" I said, a little too high.

"You addressed the envelope," Quinn said, showing it to me.

I raised my eyebrows.

"So...?"

"It's a subscription, if you must know," I lied. "I just decided I need to learn more about, well, fashion. And celebrities. And how to do my makeup. You know. I know I've always made fun of those stupid magazines, so I'm a little embarra.s.sed and didn't want you to know, but..."

"It doesn't say Subscription Department Subscription Department," Quinn pointed out. "It says The New Teen Contest The New Teen Contest."

"Um," I said. "We're gonna miss the bus if we don't hurry."

"Tell me what this is," Quinn said in her slow, slow way, "or I will rip it open and see for myself."

She lifted her other hand and was starting to rip when I caved.

"Okay, okay. I'll tell you." She froze, waiting to see if I really would tell. "It's that thing I went to with Roxie. They chose me."

"As what?" Quinn asked.

"As a security guard," I said. "What do you think? As a semifinalist."

"Seriously?"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"No, it's not...I mean, you're gorgeous, everybody knows that; it's just-"

I had to blink away a surprise tear. "No, I'm not!" I yelled. "Stop mocking me!"

"I'm totally not, Allison," Quinn said. "You're mad beautiful. I mean, you were kind of a weird-looking kid, but you're really coming into yourself these days."

I sniffled and punched her shoulder. "Great, thanks."

"I'm just saying, what did Mom and Dad say? How did you explain it to them?"

"I haven't yet."

We heard the bus rumbling half a block away.

"So what is this?" Quinn asked.

"I just had to fill out a form with my information," I told her half truthfully. "The last thing Mom and Dad need right now is to worry about me, right? It's meaningless. The other girls are all probably, like, professional models. The most that could happen is what? I get a certificate for being a semifinalist?"

"So then why are you doing it?" Quinn asked.

The tears welling up in my eyes caught us both by surprise when I answered, truthfully for once, "Because I never get the certificate."

"Oh, Allison," Quinn said, softening.

"You have no idea how that feels, Quinn." I sniffed hard and collected myself. "Can you put it in the mailbox so we don't miss the bus, please? I really don't want to push my luck and be late."

Quinn frowned. She has never been late in her life. She sighed and opened the mailbox. Before she placed the envelope in, though, she lifted it to her lips and kissed it. "For luck," she whispered.

"Thanks," I managed, and then we sprinted toward the bus together.

It wasn't until Jade and Serena were on their way onto the bus at the next stop that I realized I was going to have to come up with something to tell them about why I wouldn't be going with them to Tennis Europe. It hit me that I should've come up with a story ahead of time, but honestly, how much deception can I be expected to plan in one night?

Jade must have seen my face looking shocked, because her face morphed from her usual look of determined innocence to one of concern, and she slipped right in beside me. "What's wrong, Allison?"

I opened my mouth but for once nothing came out.

"Did they find out you ditched school?"

"Yes," I told her, secretly thanking her for solving my problem.

"How?" Serena asked from across the aisle.

"I don't know," I admitted, panicking afresh. "How could they have found out?"

"Maybe the school called," Jade whispered. "Or one of the teachers who's friends with your dad."

"Right," I agreed. "That must be it."

Jade shook her head. "I told you, Allison. I don't know why you did that. It's so not like you. So what did they do? How much trouble are you in?"

It was almost hard not to grin, this was going so well. I could keep my family's business and my own all private without breaking a sweat. I really am the Fort Knox of secrets, I congratulated myself, while saying, "Large trouble."

Serena leaned into the aisle, her elbows on her knees. As a soap opera addict, she had to be in heaven with this.

"I'm out of Tennis Europe."

"No!" Serena and Jade both gasped.

I nodded sadly.

"That's so harsh!" Serena said.

"She cut school for the whole day," Jade said. "We're in ninth grade, Serena; this isn't baby stuff anymore. You cut school for one day and you could totally wreck your college chances. It could go on your transcript. You think the compet.i.tive colleges want someone who just ditches school?"

"Whoa," Serena said, and I thought.

"I mean, it stinks, but can you really blame Allison's parents? She's lucky she's not suspended." She turned to me with a disappointed look on her pretty oval face. "Where did you and Roxanne Green go, anyway? I hope it was worth it."

"It kind of was," I couldn't help saying, especially because in truth I actually hadn't suffered any consequences. Maybe I'd feel different if I'd really been caught and screwed up my whole future, which would probably be murky at best even without radically stupid moves on my part like cutting school. Still, the more I thought about not being able to do Tennis Europe, the more relieved I felt. It was weird, because I'd begged to be allowed to go only a few months earlier, and now it felt like a too-small hat had suddenly been removed from my head.

The bus was pulling up to school by then, so we grabbed our stuff and trudged off toward the side entrance of school.

"So?" Jade asked again. "Why aren't you telling us where you went when you cut?"

"I already told you," I said as we approached Jade's locker. "We went into the city."

"By yourselves?" Serena asked, shocked.

"Yeah. Roxie used to model, and-"

"She really did?" Serena asked. "I thought that was just a rumor."

"Rumors aren't always false," Jade murmured.

"Cool," Serena said, sounding, as always, vaguely astonished.

"She's done commercials and catalogues, lots of stuff," I told them as Jade completed her morning locker-c.r.a.p-sorting ritual. "Anyway, we went to this open call for models for this magazine called zip zip."

"I love zip love zip!" Serena shrieked. When she caught Jade's condemnatory look, she continued in a forced whisper, "Well, it's the hottest magazine, isn't it? Roxie is in zip zip?"

Roxie flumped up just then, and said, "Apparently not."

I looked at her and she half smiled back. "No call," she said. "So, I guess I wasn't moe again."

"Who's moe?" Serena asked.

"Inside joke," Roxie said, and I caught the split-second tightening in Jade's face. Roxie apparently didn't, because she just forged right ahead, saying, "I don't know if Allison told you guys, but we went to try out for this cover-model contest, the New Teen or something. There were probably close to a thousand girls there, don't you think?"

I shrugged. Jade and Serena were looking from Roxie to me and back like we were aliens.

"They would've called by yesterday if we'd made the next round. Did they call you, Allison?"

"No," I lied.

"Me neither," she said. "So I guess that's that. Oh, well, I still think we're gorgeous, don't you?"

I half shrugged, half shook my head. Jade made a disgusted clucking sound as she rearranged her books at the bottom of her perfectly neat locker. She cannot tolerate bragging.

"Anyway," Roxie continued, either oblivious to or ignoring all the little psychodramas she was causing, "I'm kind of down in the dumps about it and thinking, What the h.e.l.l, it's Memorial Day weekend and I have no plans and nothing exciting going on, so do you guys want to make it a party Sat.u.r.day night? Or we could do Sunday, whatever; I'm flexible. My parents are going to Bermuda with clients."

"Um," Serena said. She and-I have to admit-I both looked at Jade to see how she'd respond.

She smiled. "That sounds great, Roxanne," Jade said evenly. "But unfortunately Allison and Serena are coming with my family to our place in Sag Harbor." She turned to check her lip gloss in the little round mirror she had affixed to her locker door.

"Oh, well." Roxie shrugged. "It was an idea. Have fun, then, you three."

Just as she was turning away, I said, "Actually, I'm not going."

All three of my friends looked shocked, although once again I may have been the surprise winner in the who-did-I-shock-most contest.

"Grounded," I explained.

Jade put her arm around my shoulder and said, "Oh, Allison."

I closed my eyes, feeling almost as terrible as I was pretending to feel.

"She got caught cutting," Jade was explaining to Roxie. "You didn't get a call from the school?"

"She had permission," I said quickly.

"Oh, Double Shot, that totally sucks," Roxie said. "When did your parents find out? Who called?"

Uh-oh, I thought, but said, "They wouldn't say." I kept my eyes closed and felt Jade's arm tighten around me. She smelled, as always, clean and shiny from her floral shampoo. I thought, but said, "They wouldn't say." I kept my eyes closed and felt Jade's arm tighten around me. She smelled, as always, clean and shiny from her floral shampoo.

"Your mother lets you just skip school and go into the city for the day?"

Roxie half shrugged and nodded at the same time. "I guess."

Jade slid her eyes away, making it clear what she thought of Roxie's mother's parenting philosophy. "Well, this school takes stuff like unnecessary absences and cutting really seriously," Jade explained quietly. "You really have to be careful. You don't want to be one of those girls who just foolishly throws away her future."

As Jade was leading me away, with Serena fast at her heels, I heard Roxie, behind us, saying, "No. I want to be one of those girls who throws away her future with brilliant forethought."

In spite of myself, I had to smile. Just a little bit, and mostly on the inside.

12.

WHEN I I WAS YOUNGER WAS YOUNGER, I used to wish my mom would be around more, like other kids' mothers. On playdates, their moms would sit at the kitchen table and ask us about our day and give us cookies or even sandwiches with the crusts cut off. At my house, no crusts were cut off and a snack was laid out by Gosia, our housekeeper, and it was sliced apples and cheese. n.o.body asked about our day.

It wasn't that I ever thought Mom was a bad mother or a slacker. I was actually very proud that she, like other kids' dads, rode the train in to work and held the Wall Street Journal Wall Street Journal folded into a little origami square and read the hieroglyphics streaming across the bottom of the news on TV. I loved that she could walk faster in heels than other moms in their Merrills on the rare occasions she made it to a cla.s.s breakfast, and it truly didn't bother me that I usually had to read my haiku first because she'd need to slip out ASAP to get to her office. folded into a little origami square and read the hieroglyphics streaming across the bottom of the news on TV. I loved that she could walk faster in heels than other moms in their Merrills on the rare occasions she made it to a cla.s.s breakfast, and it truly didn't bother me that I usually had to read my haiku first because she'd need to slip out ASAP to get to her office.