Golden Steps to Respectability, Usefulness and Happiness Part 3

They show their politeness in being respectful to the feelings of persons of every rank, condition, and complexion. They treat all kindly and gently; and seek to make those in their presence to feel easy and happy. The whole secret of politeness may be summed up in a single sentence--Make yourselves agreeable and pleasant to whomsoever you meet. With this intent, your manners will be easy and natural; and you will be polite in every true sense of the word, though brought up in the centre of the wilderness.

In selecting those they would imitate in regard to politeness, the young should not choose the starched fop, the gaudily-dressed dandy, who may owe all their attractions to the unpaid tailor--nor the fashionable belle, who sneers upon everything plain and useful.

They, more than all others, violate the first principles of politeness in their demeanor. But select the plain-dressed, the modest, the affable, the kind and friendly at heart. In these you find the true lady--the genuine gentleman.

In regard to this whole subject of the selection of a.s.sociates, I would earnestly counsel the young to listen respectfully to the advice of their parents, guardians, and elder friends. They should not be headstrong, nor wise in their own conceits; but should yield to the counsel of others. Your parents are far better calculated to judge of a.s.sociates than themselves. You are liable to be blinded to their defects, and deceived by specious appearances. But parents scrutinize them from a different position. They have been through the school of experience, and are much better prepared to judge of character. Listen, O ye youthful! to their warning voice. They are moved by love for you--they speak for your good. When they entreat you to avoid the society of certain individuals, and escape their influence, heed their exhortations. Your own heart will tell you, that your father and mother would not speak, simply to thwart your feelings; but that they see danger hovering around you, and would s.n.a.t.c.h you away, as the bird from the fowler's snare! That is a wise and promising son--a prudent and hopeful daughter--who pays respectful deference to the counsel of parents, and yields a cheerful compliance with their wishes!

"So live, that when thy summons comes, to join The innumerable caravan, that moves To the pale realms of shade, where each shall take His chamber in the silent halls of death, Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night, Scourged to his dungeon; but, sustained and soothed By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams!"

LECTURE IV.

Habits and Amus.e.m.e.nts.

"Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established."--Prov. iv. 20.

There is not a youth present this evening, who will not acknowledge this to be sound and wholesome advice. Were you walking in a slippery, dangerous way, amid the darkness of midnight, you would give the strictest heed to the friendly precaution--"Ponder the path of thy feet. Be careful where you step. When you put your foot down, see to it, that it rests on something well-established--some rock, some spot of earth, that is firm and solid." This advice would be heeded, because of your consciousness that by stepping heedlessly, you would be in danger of stumbling into a pit, or falling over a precipice, where your limbs would be broken, or life destroyed.

Simple discretion would bid you beware, under such circ.u.mstances.

The youthful should fully realize that they are walking in a pathway, which to them is wholly untried and unknown. It is a road surrounded by many dangers, unseen by the careless traveller; where he is liable to be lured aside to ruin, by a thousand fascinations and temptations, and where mult.i.tudes possessing the best advantages, the highest talents, the brightest genius, the rarest gifts, have stumbled and fallen, to rise no more on earth. While pressing on ardently and thoughtlessly in this dangerous highway, apprehending no difficulty, and fearing no peril, a voice from on high calls to the young, and urges them to "Ponder the path of their feet, and to let all their ways--their footsteps--be established!"

There is wisdom, prudence, goodness, in this exhortation.

Question the old man--the aged traveller--who has pa.s.sed over this pathway of life, and is just ready to step up into the mysterious road of a higher existence. Ask him as to his experience--beseech him for advice. Looking back through the vista of his long and chequered way, of light and shadow, of joy and sorrow, he will exclaim--"O ye youthful! Give heed to the admonition of the wise man--'Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.'"

The admonition of the text is important in reference to the _Habits_ and _Amus.e.m.e.nts_ of the youthful. We are all more or less the creatures of habit. Our ways, from earliest infancy, are more the result of the force of habit, than we are generally aware. The actions, words, and thoughts of men, form for themselves certain channels, in which they continually seek to flow, unless turned aside by a strong hand, and a painful effort.

Habits are formed insensibly. We are not aware of any moment when they are created; but the first consciousness of their being fixed upon us, is, when their great power is felt impelling us strongly to certain courses. A single deed does not create a habit. One thread of hemp forms not a rope. It contains but a very slight amount of strength. But when a large number of threads are laid and twisted together, they make the mighty cable, which, attached to the ship, enables lier to bid a proud defiance to the fierce gales and mountain billows of ocean. Thus the young are continually, yet unconsciously, spinning the threads of habit. Day by day the strands increase, and are twisted tighter together; until at length they become strong and unyielding cords, binding their possessor to customs and practices which fix his character and prospects for life.

It is of the greatest importance that the young should inquire faithfully into the nature of the habits they are forming. They should not fall into self-deception--a common error, on this subject. The love of indulgence should not be permitted to blind them to the legitimate consequences of careless habits. Let them look abroad on their fellow-beings, and critically study the tendencies and fruits of their habits. When they see one prosperous in life--one who is respected, confided in, and beloved by all--who leads a quiet, pleasant and peaceful life,--mark his habits, and strive to imitate them. They will bless them as well as him, if faithfully practised. And when they behold a man disliked and despised by his neighbors, especially by those who know him best--or one who has fallen into disgrace and ruin; who has, lost his character, his health, his happiness, and become an outcast and vagabond,--let them not fail to learn what his habits have been.

Look at them carefully and critically. Ponder well the effect they have had upon him. And then strive to avoid them. Shun them as the poisonous viper whose sting is death. Let them wind not a single coil of their fatal chains around the free spirit of the young. The same appalling consequences will be visited on every youth who indulges them, that have fallen on those whose condition excites Loth pity and loathing in their b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

In youth, habits are much easier formed and corrected, than at a later period of life. If they are right now, preserve, strengthen and mature them. If they are wrong--if they have any dangerous influence or tendency--correct them immediately. Delay not the effort an hour. The earlier you make the attempt to remedy a bad habit, the easier it will be accomplished. Every day adds to its strength and vigor; until, if not conquered in due time, it will become a voracious monster, devouring everything good and excellent.

It will make its victim a miserable, drivelling slave, to be continually lashed and scourged into the doing of its low and wretched promptings. Hence the importance of attending to the habits in early life, when they are easily controlled and corrected. If the young do not make themselves the masters of their pa.s.sions, appet.i.tes, and habits, these will soon become their masters, and make them their tool and bond-men through all their days.

Usually at the age of thirty years, the moral habits become fixed for life. New ones are seldom formed after that age; and quite as seldom are old ones abandoned. There are exceptions to this rule; but in general, it holds good. If the habits are depraved and vicious at that age, there is little hope of amendment. But if they are correct--if they are characterized by virtue, goodness, and sobriety--there is a flattering prospect of a prosperous and peaceful life. Remember, the habits are not formed, nor can they be corrected, in a single week or month. It requires years to form them, and years will be necessary to correct them permanently, when they are wrong. Hence, in order to possess good habits at maturity, it is all-important to commence schooling the pa.s.sions, curbing the appet.i.tes, and bringing the whole moral nature under complete control, early in youth. This work cannot be commenced too soon. The earlier the effort, the easier it can be accomplished. To straighten the tender twig, when it grows awry from the ground, is the easiest thing imaginable. A child can do it at the touch of its finger. But let the twig become a matured tree before the attempt is made, and it will baffle all the art of man to bring it to a symmetrical position. It must be uprooted from the very soil before this can be accomplished. It is not difficult to correct a bad habit when it commences forming. But wait until it has become fully developed, and it will require a long and painful exertion of every energy to correct it.

Permit me to enumerate a few of the more important habits, which the young should seek to cultivate.

First of all--the most important of all--and that, indeed, which underlies and gives coloring to all others--is the habit of TEMPERANCE. Surely it is needless for me, at this day, to dwell upon the evils of intemperance. It cannot be necessary to paint the bitter consequences--the destruction to property, health, reputation--the overthrow of the peace of families, the want and misery, to which its victims are frequently reduced. The disgrace, the wretchedness, the ruin, the useless and ignominious life, and the horrid death, which are so often caused by habits of intemperance, are seen, and known to all. No one attempts, no one thinks of denying them. The most interested dealer, or retailer in intoxicating drinks--the most confirmed inebriate--will acknowledge without hesitation, that intemperance is the direst evil that ever cursed a fallen race!! The deleterious consequences of other vices may sometimes be concealed for a season, from outward observation.

Not so with intemperance. It writes its loathsome name, in legible characters, upon the very brow of its wretched victim. _"I am a drunkard!"_ is as plainly to be read as though a printed label was posted there!

Need I warn--need I exhort--the young to avoid the habit of intemperance. Perhaps there is not a youth present, who is not ready to say, "To me this exhortation is needless. I have not the slightest expectation of becoming a drunkard!" Of course not. There never was a man who desired, or expected, to become a victim to intemperance. The great danger of this habit is, that it creeps stealthily and imperceptibly upon the unwary. It does its work gradually. The most besotted inebriate cannot tell you the day, nor the month, when he became a confirmed drunkard. It is in the nature of this habit, that those who expose themselves at all to its a.s.saults, become its victims, while they are entirely unaware of it.

The only safeguard and security, against this scourge of man, is _total abstinence from all intoxicating drinks_!! Here is the true, the safe ground for the young. There is no other condition of entire security. No man who drinks, however sparingly, has a.s.surance of a sober life. He needlessly, and foolishly, places himself in danger--turns his footsteps into the only path that can possibly lead to the drunkard's ruin and the drunkard's grave!

Drink the _first drop_ that can intoxicate, and your feet stand at the very brink of the ocean of intemperance. Its briny waters are composed of human tears. Its winds, the sighs of those made poor and wretched by the inebriation of husbands, fathers, sons. Its billows, ever tossing, are overhung with black and lowering clouds, and illuminated only by the lightning's vivid flash, while hoa.r.s.e thunders reverberate over the wide and desolate waste. Engulphed in this dreary ocean, the wretched drunkard is buffeted hither and thither, at the mercy of its angry waves--now dashed on jagged rocks, bruised and bleeding--then engulphed in raging whirlpools to suffocating depths--anon, like a worthless weed, cast high into the darkened heavens by the wild water-spout, only to fall again into the surging deep, to be tossed to and fro on waters which cannot rest! Rash youth! Would you launch away on this sea of death? Quaff of the intoxicating bowl, and soon its hungry waves will be around you. Would you avoid a fate so direful? Seal your lips to the _first drop_, and the drear prospect will sink forever from your vision!

Young men who would guard themselves against the baleful habit of intemperance, should shun all resorts where intoxicating drinks are vended. They should avoid throwing themselves in the way of temptation. "Lead us not into temptation," should be the constant prayer of the young. When by any combination of circ.u.mstances, they find themselves in the company of those who quaff of the poisoned bowl, whether in public or private, they should exercise a manly pride in firmly refusing to partic.i.p.ate in their potations. This is a legitimate and commendable pride, of which the young cannot have too much. Let them place themselves on the high rock of principle, and their feet will not slide in the trying hour.

"Oh! water for me! bright water for me, And wine for the tremulous debauchee!

It cooleth the brow, it cooleth the brain, It maketh the faint one strong again!

It comes o'er the sense like a breeze from the sea, All freshness, like infant purity.

Oh! water, bright water, for me, for me!

Give wine, give wine, to the debauchee."

"The young man walks in the midst of temptations to appet.i.te, the improper indulgence of which is in danger of proving his ruin.

Health, longevity, and virtue depend on his resisting these temptations. The providence of G.o.d is no more responsible, because a man of improper indulgence becomes subject to disease, than for picking his pockets. For a young man to injure his health, is to waste his patrimony and destroy his capacity for virtuous deeds.

"If young men imagine that the gratification of appet.i.te is the great source of enjoyment, they will find this in the highest degree with industry and _temperance_. The epicure, who seeks it in a dinner which costs five dollars, will find less enjoyment of appet.i.te than the laborer who dines on a shilling. If the devotee to appet.i.te desires its high gratification, he must not send for buffalo tongues and champagne, but climb a mountain or swing an axe.

Let a young man pursue temperance, sobriety, and industry, and he may retain his vigor till three score years and ten, with his cup of enjoyment full, and depart painlessly; as the candle burns out in its socket, he will expire."[2]

[Footnote 2: Horace Mann.]

Next to Temperance in importance, I would rank the habit of INDUSTRY. We were evidently made for active occupation. Every joint, sinew, and muscle plainly shows this. A young person who is an idler, a drone, is a pest in society. He is ready to engage in mischief, and to fall into vice, with but little resistance. It is an old saying, that "an idle brain is the devil's workshop." Those who are not actively employed in something useful, will be very likely to fall into evil practices. Industry is one of the best safeguards against the inroads of vice. The young, whatever may be their condition, or however abundantly they may believe their future wants already provided for, should actively engage in some honorable occupation or profession--in something that will benefit mankind.

They should be fired with the high and n.o.ble ambition of making the world better for their living in it. Who can wish to pa.s.s a _blank_ existence? Yet this is the life of every idler, poor or rich. Be stirring in anything which is useful--anything which will make others happy. Then you will not have lived in vain. Behold how a good man can devote his life to labors for the benefit of others.

Would you partake of the immortal fame of a Howard? Imitate, to the extent of your ability, the example of industrious benevolence he has placed before the world.

"From realm to realm, with cross or crescent crowned, Where'er mankind and misery are found, O'er burning sands, deep waves, or wilds of snow, Mild Howard journeying seeks the house of woe.

Down many a winding step to dungeons dank, Where anguish wails aloud and fetters clank, To caves bestrewed with many a mouldering bone, And cells whose echoes only learn to groan; Where no kind bars a whispering friend disclose, No sunbeam enters, and no zephyr blows;-- He treads, inemulous of fame or wealth, Profuse of toil and prodigal of health; Leads stern-eyed Justice to the dark domains, If not to sever, to relax his chains; Gives to her babes the self-devoted wife, To her fond husband liberty and life,-- Onward he mores! disease and death retire; And murmuring demons hate him and admire."

To young women industry is equally essential and commendable. An idle woman is a poor and worthless thing. For what does she imagine she was created? Of what service is she to the world? In what respect would not the world be as well without her? A _do-nothing_ young lady is most a.s.suredly pitied and despised by those whose good opinion she is most anxious to secure.

It is not enough that a young woman can play skilfully, sing delightfully, dance gracefully, dress fashionably, and has an abundant flow of "small talk." The world looks beyond these outward ornaments, and asks--Has she a good heart and gentle disposition?

Is she affectionate and forbearing? Can she rule her temper and control her tongue? Does she respect and obey her parents? Has she a well-cultivated and well-stored mind? Is she industrious, prudent, economical? Is she able and willing to engage in household duties?

Accomplishments are not to be overlooked. But the qualities above enumerated are essential, indispensable, to the character of a good daughter and a useful wife.

"ACTION! _That's_ the word. The great world itself throbs with life.

Action, untiring harmony pervades the Universe of G.o.d. The Creative Power has so ordained it. The physical formation of the world, and all therein, forbids inactivity. The vast machinery must move, or the whole cease to exist. Man was never designed to be a drone. Had he lived pure in the first Paradise, he could not have been idle.

Sick or well, in cold or heat, day or night, he machine moves on, the heart, like a steam-engine, throbs away, and faithfully pumps its crimson currents unceasingly to every part of the animal frame.

Action is one of the first elements of health and happiness. The mind will stagnate and engender moral miasma, as much as the pool never stirred by a tide or swept by the winds.

"G.o.d has written action on the Heavens. Silent, but ceaseless, the worlds that gleam out upon us, keep on their course. Every orb follows the track marked out for it. The Ocean rolls and heaves. The spring gushes out from the hill-side and dances from rock to rock, and the brook hums and murmurs its melody as it goes. Upon the meadow, the springing gra.s.s tells of the process that annually clothes the turf with wealth and beauty. The leaves put out, rustle in the winds, and fall to their rest, while others follow. The fierce, fiery energy of the lightning writes the truth upon the scudding clouds. The formless waves that in the atmosphere ripple and dash against the cheek, tell of a restless ocean around us, a medium of health and sound. From the world that rolls, to the summer flies that float on the air and glance in the sun, the truth is proclaimed that all is activity. Man cannot be idle--should not."[3]

[Footnote 3: T.W. Brown.]

"One of the most mischievous phrases in which a rotten Morality, a radically false and vicious Public Sentiment, disguise themselves, is that which characterizes certain individuals as dest.i.tute of financial capacity. A 'kind, amiable, generous, good sort of man,'

(so runs the varnish,) 'but utterly unqualified for the management of his own finances'--'a mere child in everything relating to money,' &c. &c.--meaning that with an income of $500 a year, he persisted in spending $1000; or with an income of from $2000 to $3000, he regularly spent from $5000 to $8000, according to his ability to run in debt, or the credulity of others in trusting him.

"The victims of this immorality--debtor as well as creditor--are ent.i.tled to more faithful dealing at the hands of those not directly affected by the misdemeanors of the former. It is the duty of the community to rebuke and repress these pernicious glosses, making the truth heard and felt, that inordinate expenditure is knavery and crime. No man has a moral right thus to lavish on his own appet.i.tes, money which he has not earned, and does not really need. If public opinion were sound on this subject--if a man living beyond his means, when his means were commensurate with his real needs, were subjected to the reprehension he deserves--the evil would be instantly checked, and ultimately eradicated.

"The world is full of people who can't imagine why they don't prosper like their neighbors, when the real obstacle is not in the banks nor tariffs, in bad public policy nor hard times, but in their own extravagance and heedless ostentation. The young mechanic or clerk marries and takes a house, which he proceeds to furnish twice as expensively as he can afford; and then his wife, instead of taking hold to help him earn a livelihood by doing her own work, must have a hired servant to help her spend his limited earnings.

Ten years afterward, you will find him struggling on under a double load of debts and children, wondering why the luck was always against him, while his friends regret his unhappy dest.i.tution of financial ability. Had they, from the first, been frank and honest, he need not have been so unlucky.

"Through every grade of society this vice of inordinate expenditure insinuates itself. The single man 'hired out' in the country at ten to fifteen dollars per month, who contrives to dissolve his year's earnings in frolics and fine clothes; the clerk who has three to five hundred dollars a year, and melts down twenty to fifty of it into liquor and cigars, are paralleled by the young merchant who fills a s.p.a.cious house with costly furniture, gives dinners, and drives a fast horse, on the strength of the profits he expects to realize when his goods are all sold and his notes all paid. Let a man have a genius for spending, and whether his income is a dollar a day or a dollar a minute, it is equally certain to prove inadequate.

If dining, wining, and party-giving won't help him through with it, building, gaming, and speculation will be sure to. The bottomless pocket will never fill, no matter how bounteous the stream pouring into it. The man who (being single) does not save money on six dollars a week, will not be apt to on sixty; and he who does not lay up something in his first year of independent exertion, will be pretty likely to wear a poor man's hair into his grave.