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Chapter 4 - Th.o.r.n.y Rose
“h.e.l.lo, mom, from today onwards, I’ll be on a secret mission. I’ll probably only be able to return home after a while.” Inside a closed toilet, Xiao Yi took off her denim shorts[2] while talking to her mother. “I know, I’ll keep my safety in mind. You worry for those bad people that offended me. My martial arts were pa.s.sed down from dad! Oh right, don’t tell dad or big brother about me going on a secret mission. They already work very hard outside, I don’t want them to worry. Remember to take care of your body, and don’t play mahjong for so long, it’s bad for your waist. Alright mommy, I’m going to shower now.”
After hanging up the phone, Xiao Yi’s eyes teared up. She suddenly felt that she was very selfish. To escape her job of confiscating p.o.r.n, she undertook the mission of an observer, and deceived her mother. Originally, her dad and older brother had been transferred to a special forces team in Beijing[1], leaving her and her mom to fend for themselves in Lin Hai City. Now that she had left home too, her over five decades old mother was all on her own.
Putting aside those distracting thoughts, she hoped that these two years would be her own nirvana. The best case scenario would be that after this mission, she too would be transferred to the Beijing. This way, she could naturally bring her mother there too, and the whole family would be reunited.
Xiao Yi took off her skin-tight T-shirt while humming a small tune. Wearing only her black lace underwear, she looked at her exquisite figure in the dressing mirror. Suddenly, the sound of someone knocking on the door could be heard.
“What is it? I’m washing up. Why don’t you use the toilet downstairs?” Xiao Yi didn’t need to think at all to know who it was outside the bathroom.
“I will begin to run away in thirty seconds. Starting now.” Shen Ming said coldly.
“What did you say?” Xiao Yi was stunned. She even slightly forgot that the person she was following was a death row convict.
“I meant exactly what I said. You still have twenty-five seconds.” By the time Shen Ming finished saying those words, he was already running towards the entrance on the bottom floor.
“b.a.s.t.a.r.d! You dare run?!” Xiao Yi panicked. She immediately wore the denim shorts that she had just taken off, and rushed out of the toilet. She didn’t even have enough time to put on her T-shirt. At the moment, Shen Ming had just closed the door to the house.
Knowing that this wasn’t a joke, Xiao Yi became livid. She grabbed her handgun and chased him outside. Luckily, there was enough time to wear a pair of shoes.
At the entrance to the Commercial Business Area, it was nighttime, and there was n.o.body around. Under the orange streetlights, Shen Ming’s body was leaning close to the ground as he dashed forwards.
“Halt! Stop running!” Xiao Yi, who came from a family of cops, shouted out of habit. Her 105cm legs, chased after him in long strides.
The two people were about 100m apart, and moving at high speeds. Shen Ming was already out of Xiao Yi’s handgun’s range, so she could only try her best to catch up to him.
Xiao Yi went all out. She kept up with Shen Ming for 1.2km, running like mad for 3mins, and directly ran into a crowded street.
The streets tonight were abnormally lively. Many pedestrians saw Xiao Yi running in her underwear with their own eyes. Quite a few perverts took out their phones and snapped photos of Xiao Yi’s tender 32C b.r.e.a.s.t.s shaking as she ran. But as soon as they saw the gun in her hand, they were so scared that their erections went flaccid[3] and they immediately made way for her.
Shen Ming, who was in the lead, was like a monster as he dashed through the crowd, it was as if he did not slow down at all. Any pedestrian that he brushed by, felt as if a large gust of wind suddenly blew past them. He agilely grabbed onto a flowerbed with one hand, then flipped over it. He was even steadier than a gymnast as he fell. Then, he continued to run full speed ahead.
Only those who had chased after Shen Ming before, would know why this monster needed observers. That single armed flip showcased Shen Ming’s superhuman physique. Xiao Yi concluded that even if she were racing against her brother[4], who was a member of the special forces, she wouldn’t be left behind by much. But the 100m gap between them just wasn’t something Xiao Yi could close, no matter how hard she tried.
Running at full speed for a sustained period of time made her feel as if her lungs were about to explode. Her calcaneal tendon hurt so much that it felt like it could rupture at any moment. However, Xiao Yi just strongly gritted her teeth and continued to chase after Shen Ming as if her life was on the line[5], she was unwilling to back off in the slightest.
Arriving at an old apartment complex that Shen Ming had dashed into, Xiao Yi went inside as well. There, she saw Shen Ming behind a pair of closing elevator doors, waving at her.
“b.a.s.t.a.r.d! Stop right there!” Xiao Yi didn’t even bother with a warning shot. She just took aim and fired. The bullet grazed past the closing elevator doors and shot inside. However, it missed its target.
The elevator rose towards the top floor. Xiao Yi took a deep breath and rushed up the spiral stairs.
“Youngest aunt’s[6] skill with the gun…...really impressive.” Inside the elevator Shen Ming, who had obviously run full speed for over 20mins, wasn’t even breathing hard. He touched his cheek, which was slightly bleeding.
After running at full speed for a long distance, one’s heart would beat rapidly, and their breathing would be unstable, affecting shooting accuracy. Even though the distance just now was only 10m, as long as Xiao Yi managed to hit the elevator door, she would be on the same level as the elites of the police world. To be able to shoot into the elevator and graze Shen Ming…… she was already at the standard of the special forces.
Shen Ming, this immoral person took the smoking lift straight to the 23rd floor. We should pity the chasing Xiao Yi. She ran so much that her right leg cramped, so she had to hop to the last floor.
Her skin was completely covered in sweat, and her black lace underwear was so soaked that it could have water wrung out of it.
This was an old apartment complex. Apart from the entrance where Xiao Yi was standing at, there was no other way out. She used the breathing technique her father taught her to adjust her heart rate, endured the pain of her cramping leg, readied her gun and walked towards the last door. She used one hand to open the door 90 degrees. Xiao Yi vigilantly and swiftly looked around to find her target.
But right at that moment, there was the sound of a fist banging the wooden door at her side, and in the next moment, something just grabbed Xiao Yi’s gun. In less than 0.1s, Xiao Yi’s .77 caliber handgun was dismantled into sc.r.a.p metal like it was a lego figurine.
Xiao Yi jumped up and gave a roundhouse kick. It was impolite to not return favours[7]. So, she did so by directly kicking the old dilapidated wooden door into a heap of sawdust.
“Your fitness is quite good, and your legs are very strong. Your body is a lot stronger than mine was before I joined the Nirvana.” Shen Ming patted the sawdust off his body. He looked at Xiao Yi who was 2m away. He was not the least bit stingy with his praises.
“My fist isn’t bad either, why don’t you try it?” Xiao Yi clenched her fists and took up a fighting stance. Her shoulder muscles were gathering all the strength they could muster. Her abdominal muscles became increasingly distinct. It seemed like this was the “tension’s beauty”[15] that few women had, just like a th.o.r.n.y rose.
“I advise you to calm down. Your right leg is already cramping. Your body is also severely overexerted. Like this, you are no threat to me whatsoever. If you still have a brain, you should call the police and let other people handle this,” Shen Ming advised.
“I obviously know that asking for backing is the most appropriate thing to do, but if I don’t beat you up myself, this lady won’t be happy!” Xiao Yi’s one leg jumped forward by two steps, and closed in on Shen Ming. Her speed was faster than a nimble boxer and she threw out a combination of punches that brought up a fierce wind.
Shen Ming retreated while dodging. It was like he was Xiao Yi’s dancing partner and there was a tacit agreement between them. In one go, he retreated 5m. Then, Shen Ming tightly held Xiao Yi in his embrace.
“Enough, you’re qualified.” Shen Ming softly whispered into Xiao Yi’s ear.
“Is that so?” the tired Xiao Yi laughed with a pale face. Suddenly, she bit Shen Ming’s shoulder. She bit so hard that even his clothes were torn and her white teeth sank into his flesh.
“Correction, you’re not qualified, you’re excellent.” Shen Ming’s two hands pinched the back of Xiao Yi’s neck. At that moment, the crazy Xiao Yi finally felt her body go limp, and was subdued.
5 minutes later, in the old apartment’s balcony, there was sawdust in the background. Xiao Yi sat on a concrete block with her hands tied. Shen Ming just sat in front of her. He grabbed the shoe on Xiao Yi’s right leg, which was cramping, and took it off. Then, he seriously ma.s.saged it. His hand was more professional than that of police instructors, it was also more gentle.
“I want to start up a bodyguard agency. Later on, there will inevitably be danger. I can’t protect the client while taking into account your safety at the same time. So, I had to test your skills. You were even more excellent than I expected. Be it physical capabilities, marksmanship or close combat skill, they are all something that women lack.” Shen Ming spoke calmly. It was as if he was talking about what he ate for dinner.
“Come, come, come! Untie this rope for me, I’ll let you experience this lady’s tyrannical nutcracker leg[8]! Ah! It hurts! Be more gentle!” while Xiao Yi was yelling, Shen Ming exerted force and pulled her muscle. The young woman could not help but cry out with her face blushing red.
“I’ve already seen enough. Of course, aside from these basic factors, I like how dedicated you are to your mission even more. Even towards the end, you did not give up the will to resist. You are qualified to be my a.s.sistant.” Shen Ming stood up while smiling.
“I’m your observer. Who said that I wanted to be your a.s.sistant?” Xiao Yi said while moving her ankle. The cramp was already gone.
“I am a man that is destined to become a bodyguard. How can you observe me without being my a.s.sistant?” Shen Ming‘s abnormal logic was very hard to refuse.
“Your world is twisted. I can’t be bothered arguing with your logic. It’s not that I want to pour cold water on your plans, but your biggest compet.i.tor is 110[9]. It’s up 24/7, and available on demand. From lost keys to kidnappings, they handle all cases[11]. Jobs like being a bodyguard are just not suitable for China[10].
“Doesn’t matter. In this world there are some things that the police can’t do, but bodyguards can.” Shen Ming untied Xiao Yi’s bindings, and re-a.s.sembled Xiao Yi’s handgun before returning it to her.
Xiao Yi endured the urge to blow off Shen Ming’s head, and placed the handgun inside the holster at the back of her waist.
“Come on, I’ll bring you to see the first job I picked.” Shen Ming acted mysteriously as he dragged Xiao Yi to the edge of the balcony. Opposite them, was a large electric screen[12]. The news being broadcast on it was 《Famous Singer, Dream Jade, receives threatening letters》.
“No way! Recently, Dream Jade has been hot[13]. How do you plan on becoming her bodyguard?” Xiao Yi wrinkled her eyebrows as she said.
“So long as I wish it, she will be my client.” As Shen Ming was shamelessly laughing, he peeped at Xiao Yi who was in her underwear next to him. “Anyway, do you feel cold?”
Hearing Shen Ming say this, Xiao Yi immediately lowered her head and blushed. It turns out that all along, she was in her underwear, and her white rabbits[14] were half exposed. She hugged her chest and said while glaring at Shen Ming, “You b.a.s.t.a.r.d, this is all your fault!”
“It’s getting cold, let’s go home” Shen Ming placed his jacket over Xiao Yi’s shoulders, then put his hands in his pockets and walked towards the balcony’s exit.
“Shen Ming,” looking at the figure of this man’s solid back, Xiao Yi called out.
“What?”
“Next time, if you dare toy with me like this again, I swear I will blow off your head.”
“Wait till the time when you beat me to death, then talk. My ‘th.o.r.n.y rose’,” Shen Ming laughed m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tically.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[1] 帝都- Imperial City/Royal City etc. it refers to the capital of china: beijing The way it’s used is mildly sarcastic
[2] not really shorts, here’s a picture:https://www.google.com.sg/search?q=overalls&espv=2&biw=1455&bih=761&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjjxqyXp6DNAhVMsI8KHX1hATwQ_AUIBigB#tbm=isch&q=overall+shorts
[3]吓破的色胆 Lit: scared so badly their l.u.s.t broke
[4] It says cousin here but I’m a.s.suming it’s referring to her brother
[5] 玩命 lit: play with life
[6] 小姨: it refers to one’s mother’s youngest sister NOT sister in-law
小=small/youngest 姨=阿姨=maternal aunt
[7]来而不往非礼也It is impolite not to return kindness by giving a present or favor. As one receives kindness, he or she must also give back kindness.
[8] 霸王撩阴腿
霸王- despot 撩阴 - kick someone’s b.a.l.l.s 腿- leg
[9] China’s police hotline
[10] 天朝 - heavenly court; an honorary phrase for court in ancient times; Chinese feudal dynasties call themselves as 天朝 to foreign countries. Also used in a mildly sarcastic manner
[11] Now the author is straight up making fun of china
[12] http://cn.made-in-china.com/gongying/bangdechuanmei-femEiqjYgWUO.html
[13] 很火 Lit: very fire. Means popular
[14]小白兔 - slang for b.r.e.a.s.t.s
[15]张力之美
张力=tension
之=的=particle grammatically used as possesive/ ‘s
美=beautiful/pretty etc.
“h.e.l.lo, mom, from today onwards, I’ll be on a secret mission. I’ll probably only be able to return home after a while.” Inside a closed toilet, Xiao Yi took off her denim shorts[2] while talking to her mother. “I know, I’ll keep my safety in mind. You worry for those bad people that offended me. My martial arts were pa.s.sed down from dad! Oh right, don’t tell dad or big brother about me going on a secret mission. They already work very hard outside, I don’t want them to worry. Remember to take care of your body, and don’t play mahjong for so long, it’s bad for your waist. Alright mommy, I’m going to shower now.”
After hanging up the phone, Xiao Yi’s eyes teared up. She suddenly felt that she was very selfish. To escape her job of confiscating p.o.r.n, she undertook the mission of an observer, and deceived her mother. Originally, her dad and older brother had been transferred to a special forces team in Beijing[1], leaving her and her mom to fend for themselves in Lin Hai City. Now that she had left home too, her over five decades old mother was all on her own.
Putting aside those distracting thoughts, she hoped that these two years would be her own nirvana. The best case scenario would be that after this mission, she too would be transferred to the Beijing. This way, she could naturally bring her mother there too, and the whole family would be reunited.
Xiao Yi took off her skin-tight T-shirt while humming a small tune. Wearing only her black lace underwear, she looked at her exquisite figure in the dressing mirror. Suddenly, the sound of someone knocking on the door could be heard.
“What is it? I’m washing up. Why don’t you use the toilet downstairs?” Xiao Yi didn’t need to think at all to know who it was outside the bathroom.
“I will begin to run away in thirty seconds. Starting now.” Shen Ming said coldly.
“What did you say?” Xiao Yi was stunned. She even slightly forgot that the person she was following was a death row convict.
“I meant exactly what I said. You still have twenty-five seconds.” By the time Shen Ming finished saying those words, he was already running towards the entrance on the bottom floor.
“b.a.s.t.a.r.d! You dare run?!” Xiao Yi panicked. She immediately wore the denim shorts that she had just taken off, and rushed out of the toilet. She didn’t even have enough time to put on her T-shirt. At the moment, Shen Ming had just closed the door to the house.
Knowing that this wasn’t a joke, Xiao Yi became livid. She grabbed her handgun and chased him outside. Luckily, there was enough time to wear a pair of shoes.
At the entrance to the Commercial Business Area, it was nighttime, and there was n.o.body around. Under the orange streetlights, Shen Ming’s body was leaning close to the ground as he dashed forwards.
“Halt! Stop running!” Xiao Yi, who came from a family of cops, shouted out of habit. Her 105cm legs, chased after him in long strides.
The two people were about 100m apart, and moving at high speeds. Shen Ming was already out of Xiao Yi’s handgun’s range, so she could only try her best to catch up to him.
Xiao Yi went all out. She kept up with Shen Ming for 1.2km, running like mad for 3mins, and directly ran into a crowded street.
The streets tonight were abnormally lively. Many pedestrians saw Xiao Yi running in her underwear with their own eyes. Quite a few perverts took out their phones and snapped photos of Xiao Yi’s tender 32C b.r.e.a.s.t.s shaking as she ran. But as soon as they saw the gun in her hand, they were so scared that their erections went flaccid[3] and they immediately made way for her.
Shen Ming, who was in the lead, was like a monster as he dashed through the crowd, it was as if he did not slow down at all. Any pedestrian that he brushed by, felt as if a large gust of wind suddenly blew past them. He agilely grabbed onto a flowerbed with one hand, then flipped over it. He was even steadier than a gymnast as he fell. Then, he continued to run full speed ahead.
Only those who had chased after Shen Ming before, would know why this monster needed observers. That single armed flip showcased Shen Ming’s superhuman physique. Xiao Yi concluded that even if she were racing against her brother[4], who was a member of the special forces, she wouldn’t be left behind by much. But the 100m gap between them just wasn’t something Xiao Yi could close, no matter how hard she tried.
Running at full speed for a sustained period of time made her feel as if her lungs were about to explode. Her calcaneal tendon hurt so much that it felt like it could rupture at any moment. However, Xiao Yi just strongly gritted her teeth and continued to chase after Shen Ming as if her life was on the line[5], she was unwilling to back off in the slightest.
Arriving at an old apartment complex that Shen Ming had dashed into, Xiao Yi went inside as well. There, she saw Shen Ming behind a pair of closing elevator doors, waving at her.
“b.a.s.t.a.r.d! Stop right there!” Xiao Yi didn’t even bother with a warning shot. She just took aim and fired. The bullet grazed past the closing elevator doors and shot inside. However, it missed its target.
The elevator rose towards the top floor. Xiao Yi took a deep breath and rushed up the spiral stairs.
“Youngest aunt’s[6] skill with the gun…...really impressive.” Inside the elevator Shen Ming, who had obviously run full speed for over 20mins, wasn’t even breathing hard. He touched his cheek, which was slightly bleeding.
After running at full speed for a long distance, one’s heart would beat rapidly, and their breathing would be unstable, affecting shooting accuracy. Even though the distance just now was only 10m, as long as Xiao Yi managed to hit the elevator door, she would be on the same level as the elites of the police world. To be able to shoot into the elevator and graze Shen Ming…… she was already at the standard of the special forces.
Shen Ming, this immoral person took the smoking lift straight to the 23rd floor. We should pity the chasing Xiao Yi. She ran so much that her right leg cramped, so she had to hop to the last floor.
Her skin was completely covered in sweat, and her black lace underwear was so soaked that it could have water wrung out of it.
This was an old apartment complex. Apart from the entrance where Xiao Yi was standing at, there was no other way out. She used the breathing technique her father taught her to adjust her heart rate, endured the pain of her cramping leg, readied her gun and walked towards the last door. She used one hand to open the door 90 degrees. Xiao Yi vigilantly and swiftly looked around to find her target.
But right at that moment, there was the sound of a fist banging the wooden door at her side, and in the next moment, something just grabbed Xiao Yi’s gun. In less than 0.1s, Xiao Yi’s .77 caliber handgun was dismantled into sc.r.a.p metal like it was a lego figurine.
Xiao Yi jumped up and gave a roundhouse kick. It was impolite to not return favours[7]. So, she did so by directly kicking the old dilapidated wooden door into a heap of sawdust.
“Your fitness is quite good, and your legs are very strong. Your body is a lot stronger than mine was before I joined the Nirvana.” Shen Ming patted the sawdust off his body. He looked at Xiao Yi who was 2m away. He was not the least bit stingy with his praises.
“My fist isn’t bad either, why don’t you try it?” Xiao Yi clenched her fists and took up a fighting stance. Her shoulder muscles were gathering all the strength they could muster. Her abdominal muscles became increasingly distinct. It seemed like this was the “tension’s beauty”[15] that few women had, just like a th.o.r.n.y rose.
“I advise you to calm down. Your right leg is already cramping. Your body is also severely overexerted. Like this, you are no threat to me whatsoever. If you still have a brain, you should call the police and let other people handle this,” Shen Ming advised.
“I obviously know that asking for backing is the most appropriate thing to do, but if I don’t beat you up myself, this lady won’t be happy!” Xiao Yi’s one leg jumped forward by two steps, and closed in on Shen Ming. Her speed was faster than a nimble boxer and she threw out a combination of punches that brought up a fierce wind.
Shen Ming retreated while dodging. It was like he was Xiao Yi’s dancing partner and there was a tacit agreement between them. In one go, he retreated 5m. Then, Shen Ming tightly held Xiao Yi in his embrace.
“Enough, you’re qualified.” Shen Ming softly whispered into Xiao Yi’s ear.
“Is that so?” the tired Xiao Yi laughed with a pale face. Suddenly, she bit Shen Ming’s shoulder. She bit so hard that even his clothes were torn and her white teeth sank into his flesh.
“Correction, you’re not qualified, you’re excellent.” Shen Ming’s two hands pinched the back of Xiao Yi’s neck. At that moment, the crazy Xiao Yi finally felt her body go limp, and was subdued.
5 minutes later, in the old apartment’s balcony, there was sawdust in the background. Xiao Yi sat on a concrete block with her hands tied. Shen Ming just sat in front of her. He grabbed the shoe on Xiao Yi’s right leg, which was cramping, and took it off. Then, he seriously ma.s.saged it. His hand was more professional than that of police instructors, it was also more gentle.
“I want to start up a bodyguard agency. Later on, there will inevitably be danger. I can’t protect the client while taking into account your safety at the same time. So, I had to test your skills. You were even more excellent than I expected. Be it physical capabilities, marksmanship or close combat skill, they are all something that women lack.” Shen Ming spoke calmly. It was as if he was talking about what he ate for dinner.
“Come, come, come! Untie this rope for me, I’ll let you experience this lady’s tyrannical nutcracker leg[8]! Ah! It hurts! Be more gentle!” while Xiao Yi was yelling, Shen Ming exerted force and pulled her muscle. The young woman could not help but cry out with her face blushing red.
“I’ve already seen enough. Of course, aside from these basic factors, I like how dedicated you are to your mission even more. Even towards the end, you did not give up the will to resist. You are qualified to be my a.s.sistant.” Shen Ming stood up while smiling.
“I’m your observer. Who said that I wanted to be your a.s.sistant?” Xiao Yi said while moving her ankle. The cramp was already gone.
“I am a man that is destined to become a bodyguard. How can you observe me without being my a.s.sistant?” Shen Ming‘s abnormal logic was very hard to refuse.
“Your world is twisted. I can’t be bothered arguing with your logic. It’s not that I want to pour cold water on your plans, but your biggest compet.i.tor is 110[9]. It’s up 24/7, and available on demand. From lost keys to kidnappings, they handle all cases[11]. Jobs like being a bodyguard are just not suitable for China[10].
“Doesn’t matter. In this world there are some things that the police can’t do, but bodyguards can.” Shen Ming untied Xiao Yi’s bindings, and re-a.s.sembled Xiao Yi’s handgun before returning it to her.
Xiao Yi endured the urge to blow off Shen Ming’s head, and placed the handgun inside the holster at the back of her waist.
“Come on, I’ll bring you to see the first job I picked.” Shen Ming acted mysteriously as he dragged Xiao Yi to the edge of the balcony. Opposite them, was a large electric screen[12]. The news being broadcast on it was 《Famous Singer, Dream Jade, receives threatening letters》.
“No way! Recently, Dream Jade has been hot[13]. How do you plan on becoming her bodyguard?” Xiao Yi wrinkled her eyebrows as she said.
“So long as I wish it, she will be my client.” As Shen Ming was shamelessly laughing, he peeped at Xiao Yi who was in her underwear next to him. “Anyway, do you feel cold?”
Hearing Shen Ming say this, Xiao Yi immediately lowered her head and blushed. It turns out that all along, she was in her underwear, and her white rabbits[14] were half exposed. She hugged her chest and said while glaring at Shen Ming, “You b.a.s.t.a.r.d, this is all your fault!”
“It’s getting cold, let’s go home” Shen Ming placed his jacket over Xiao Yi’s shoulders, then put his hands in his pockets and walked towards the balcony’s exit.
“Shen Ming,” looking at the figure of this man’s solid back, Xiao Yi called out.
“What?”
“Next time, if you dare toy with me like this again, I swear I will blow off your head.”
“Wait till the time when you beat me to death, then talk. My ‘th.o.r.n.y rose’,” Shen Ming laughed m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tically.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[1] 帝都- Imperial City/Royal City etc. it refers to the capital of china: beijing The way it’s used is mildly sarcastic
[2] not really shorts, here’s a picture:https://www.google.com.sg/search?q=overalls&espv=2&biw=1455&bih=761&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjjxqyXp6DNAhVMsI8KHX1hATwQ_AUIBigB#tbm=isch&q=overall+shorts
[3]吓破的色胆 Lit: scared so badly their l.u.s.t broke
[4] It says cousin here but I’m a.s.suming it’s referring to her brother
[5] 玩命 lit: play with life
[6] 小姨: it refers to one’s mother’s youngest sister NOT sister in-law
小=small/youngest 姨=阿姨=maternal aunt
[7]来而不往非礼也It is impolite not to return kindness by giving a present or favor. As one receives kindness, he or she must also give back kindness.
[8] 霸王撩阴腿
霸王- despot 撩阴 - kick someone’s b.a.l.l.s 腿- leg
[9] China’s police hotline
[10] 天朝 - heavenly court; an honorary phrase for court in ancient times; Chinese feudal dynasties call themselves as 天朝 to foreign countries. Also used in a mildly sarcastic manner
[11] Now the author is straight up making fun of china
[12] http://cn.made-in-china.com/gongying/bangdechuanmei-femEiqjYgWUO.html
[13] 很火 Lit: very fire. Means popular
[14]小白兔 - slang for b.r.e.a.s.t.s
[15]张力之美
张力=tension
之=的=particle grammatically used as possesive/ ‘s
美=beautiful/pretty etc.
