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He might have been dumb about Daniela, but he wasn't dumb enough to ask that question out loud.
His mother sighed. "I was okay without your father, you know."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"I fear that you think we would have had it easier if he hadn't left. I know you wanted to be the exact opposite, a good provider for Linda and the boys. I know you blame yourself for not staying home when she asked. But you couldn't have stayed. That's not how the army works."
He closed his eyes trying to block out the words, rubbed the pads of his fingers over his eyelids.
"You're scared."
"I'm not scared." He opened his eyes so he could glare at her. "I'm trying to do the right thing here."
"For whom?" She flashed the you-can't-fool-your-own-mother look. "You still feel guilty about Linda and Connor and Colin. For years, you punished yourself with senseless fights, and the drinking, and those floozies. Don't think I don't know. All that punishment and you still don't think you deserve better." She paused. "I partially agree."
He blinked. "You do?"
"I don't think you deserve Daniela, not if you keep acting the coward. I raised you better than that." She rose, kissed him on the top of his head. "I love you."
And then she left.
Ian went into work, trying not to think about what his mother said, because then he might have to admit that she was right, and he wasn't ready for that.
He filed his reports, ran a search on Marcos Morais, and found out which diamond mine he had provided security for last. Then he packed up the diamond-sugar mix, put in a letter explaining Marcos Morais's theft and connection to Goat Man and Goat Man's description, and sent it via courier with door-to-door delivery to the guy who owned the mine.
The mine owner would have all the resources in Brazil and wouldn't rest while Marcos and his accomplice were still in one piece. Not as satisfying as Ian taking Marcos out, but not as dangerous either.
When he was done, he walked into Karin Kovacs's office. "Any new cases coming in?"
The boss looked up from her computer. She had a sunburn on her nose. Maybe she'd been on a vacation. "I'm deciding on a.s.signments right now."
Ian thought about his empty apartment. "I'd like something far away. Something that'll take a while."
She watched him. "Do you want to talk about what's going on?"
About as much as he wanted to sit in a tub filled with piranhas. "I just want to work."
She considered him for a couple of seconds. "An American businessman disappeared in Russia. Could be mob related. The Russians don't really want us there but agreed as part of some kind of diplomatic exchange. The bureaucracy over there will be enough to make you tear out your hair. They'll do whatever they can to stonewall you. Are you ready for months of diplomatic maneuvering?"
Just the thing he needed to keep his mind off Daniela. "I'll take it."
He turned to leave, but then stopped and stuck his head back in the door again. "What are you a.s.signing Daniela?"
Karin raised an eyebrow. "She came in first thing this morning and quit. You're friends, aren't you? I thought you'd know all about it."
She quit.
Good.
Ian didn't want her anywhere near danger. He wondered what she was going to do next. He wanted to offer his help. As he left Karin, his hand was in his pocket, on his phone, ready to call Daniela.
But by the time he walked out of the CPRU office into the hallway, he realized he shouldn't. He wished he could be the man she needed, but he wasn't. Hanging on to her would be unforgivably selfish. No matter what anybody said, he had to let her go.
Rocket booster, say good-bye to rocket and prepare to plummet.
Part III
Chapter Nineteen.
6 months later Eduardo Rio de Janeiro, Brazil Eduardo sat on the ornate cast-iron bench in front of his brother's grave as rain drizzled from the gray, unforgiving sky. Darker clouds gathered on the horizon, but he should have some time before the storm hit.
He touched the gravestone he'd bought for his brother-the black granite bigger and fancier than he could afford, but he didn't care. If only he could talk to Marcos one last time. If only they could have one last drink together.
But time turned back for no man. Time flowed only forward, like the Amazon, and took whatever it d.a.m.n well pleased.
Eduardo had lost Marcos, a fact he needed to accept, the same way he needed to accept that he'd also lost his father.
Marcos's brutal murder six months ago had shaken Raul Morais so much, the old man had spent a fortune on investigating why his eldest had been killed. He'd found out about the stolen diamonds. And then he'd exploded with rage. He could not forgive Marcos turning criminal. He refused to even attend the funeral.
He hated Eduardo too now. He'd found out that Eduardo and Marcos had plotted together from the beginning. The old man changed his will, disinheriting Eduardo completely. And then he'd divorced wife number three, married a new one, barely twenty, and gotten her pregnant on the wedding night.
Eduardo had only seen the b.i.t.c.h in the papers. Joaquim the butler-bodyguard had Eduardo escorted off the premises when he'd tried to visit. The mansion where the future president of Brazil was going to be raised did not admit criminals.
Eduardo wanted to murder all of them. He'd spent months fantasizing how he would do it, even though he knew that security would never let him anywhere near the family mansion again. He'd been banished.
His fury had no outlet.
Until this morning. The American private investigator Marcos had hired before he'd been killed called while Eduardo was drinking his first cup of coffee. He'd found Ian Slaney, Finch's thieving buddy.
Eduardo patted the black granite, then let it go, pulled the plane ticket to Washington DC from his pocket, and showed it to Marcos's headstone. "I'm going today. I'm going to avenge you, brother."
Leaving Brazil might be the best course of action, in any case. He'd done a good job of hiding so far, always on the move. But he couldn't for a moment forget that he too had a price on his head.
Daniela Daniela pushed her hair behind her ear as she looked in the mirror. She liked her new hairstyle, short, sa.s.sy, easy. With the hours she was putting in at work and school, she didn't have time to care for hair that reached below her waist.
She'd grown tired of wearing it in a bun at her nape. She no longer wanted the old-fashioned, matronly bun so she could look older for Ian. The pixie cut made her look the young, hip professional she was.
"You could try going blond," Iris said on speaker. "I think it'd look good on you. Of course, everything looks good on the young and beautiful." Her words had an undertone.
"Having seconds thoughts about emerald?" Daniela asked as she spritzed a tiny bit of perfume on her neck.
"You should have talked me out of it. I look like Kermit."
As much as Daniela loved her, she did secretly think that, with the new gla.s.ses, Iris had a slightly froggish appearance. "I could pop in tomorrow. I'll help you dye it back to black."
"Would you? Thank you." She paused. "Ian called earlier."
Daniela's pulse sped up. "Everything okay?"
"He seems to be in no imminent danger. Other than frustration slowly killing him." Another pause. "He asked about you."
"Any idea when he'll be coming home?"
"Not yet. I'll go and check on his place tomorrow."
"Don't worry about it. I can swing by after we do your hair."
"Are you sure?"
"I wanted to pick up a few things anyway." And Iris's knees were giving her more and more trouble lately. She was beginning to find stairs challenging. Whenever she could, Daniela was more than happy to help.
"You're a sweetheart." Iris smacked a kiss. "Wait. I have to go. Barry is here. Have fun tonight. Find true love."
"You too."
Iris laughed. "Honestly? I'm just looking to get laid. Don't tell Ian. But I'm not going to say no if Barry asks. You never know when it's going to be the last time, at my age."
"Not for a long while. You're a beautiful, vivacious woman."
"d.a.m.n right. And I want to go out with a bang." She giggled like a teenager. "Pun intended."
"I fully support the effort. But let me just say this ahead of time, I'm not going to want any details."
"You and Ian could be twins. It's scary." Iris tried for a disgruntled grumble, then closed with "Have fun. I love you."
"I love you too, Iris."
She truly did. She felt as if she'd found another mother in the older woman. And Crystal was like the sister Daniela had never had.
Daniela had accused Ian of wanting his family back, but maybe she wanted the same thing, because somehow she'd managed to gather a small family around herself. And Bobby...
Maybe Bobby was another puzzle piece that would help her create that wholeness she craved.
She clicked off the phone and turned around slowly, doing one last mirror check. Her teal dress was fun and flirty, a light silk, flaring at the knees. Perfect for her date.
She'd learned to appreciate Bobby for never giving up, for always coming back, for wanting her without wavering. For knowing what he wanted and being brave enough to stick with it. She no longer wanted a man larger than life, the legendary hero, the completely unattainable.
She'd had a pretty good talk with her shrink about that. How she'd always felt guilty about her past, so maybe she thought she didn't deserve true happiness and chose Ian, a man she subconsciously knew she could never have.
If she wanted a better future, she needed to learn to make better choices.
The intercom chimed. She pressed it and said, "I'm on my way down," at the same time as Bobby said, "I'm here."
Purse. Keys. Shoes. And then she was running down the stairs.
Crystal texted her: Want to go out?
Daniela texted her back: Going out with Bobby. Want to come?
Crystal wrote: Too fabulous to be 3rd wheel. Will magnanimously give him privacy to pop the question.
Daniela typed: He's not going to propose!
To which Crystal said: Get back to me on that later.
And she signed off with an icon of a madly waving penguin.
"Hey, beautiful." Bobby took Daniela's hand as soon as she stepped through the apartment building's front door. He twirled her around. Gave a wolf whistle. Then he pulled her in and kissed her.
He had a firm body-from golf and tennis, both of which he was teaching her. He was lighthearted and fun, and he unabashedly, unapologetically wanted her. Which he proved by deepening the kiss, pulling her tighter into his embrace, and then whispering into her ear, "We don't have to go out for dinner. We could order in, hang out on your couch, and watch Netflix."
She knew what that meant. And part of her even wanted it. But every time the opportunity came up, she felt she wasn't ready.
She kissed him back.
I'll have to be ready soon.
They'd been dating for three months. He was a great guy, but he wasn't going to wait forever.
She tugged him toward his blue Prius parked by the curb. "Come on. You promised me the roast duck. Don't think you'll weasel out of it."
He grinned back, his hair in golden spikes, his blue eyes sparkling with happiness. "I wouldn't dream."
As he drove to the restaurant, he reached over and took her hand. "I'll have to go to the Montreal office."
They both worked for the same law firm, Bobby as a junior attorney, Daniela as an a.s.sistant. She'd entered law school after all. She liked the law. Especially human rights law. The cases were international, interesting, required plenty of investigation. She was challenged and got to use her skills.
She'd already a.s.sisted on a case in India that resulted in a dozen child brides being given back to their families so they could finish growing up and going to school. And she'd a.s.sisted on a case of s.e.x trafficking from Mexico to the US, to make sure that the victims' rights were protected.
She was happy. She was becoming a person who helped others.
She could have been happy at CPRU too, but it'd been a job she'd applied for to prove a point to Ian. No more of that. Law school and the new job had given her the new start she'd needed. She felt content. She felt that she was in the right place for this point in her life.
Maybe even with the right man. She smiled at Bobby. "How long will you have to be in Montreal?"
He groaned. "A full month. I'm going to miss you like crazy."
"When are you leaving?"
"Next week. Want to cook me a good-bye dinner?"