Games People Play Part 8

As long as both obeyed the implicit rules, both got what they wanted. The client received his benefits and soon learned what the agency wanted in return: an opportunity to 'reach out' (as part of ITHY) plus 'clinical material' (to present at 'client-centred' staff conferences). The client was glad to comply with these demands, which gave him as much pleasure as it did the agency. Thus they got along well together, and neither felt any desire to terminate such a satisfying relationship. Miss Black, in effect, 'reached in' instead of 'reaching out', and proposed a 'community-centred' staff conference instead of a 'client-centred' one; and this disturbed all the others concerned in spite of the fact that she was thus only complying with the stated intent of the regulations.

Two things should be noted here. First, 'Indigence' as a game rather than a condition due to physical, mental, or economic disability, is played by only a limited percentage of welfare clients. Second, it will only be supported by social workers who are trained to play ITHY. It will not be well-tolerated by other workers.

Allied games are 'Veteran' and 'Clinic'. 'Veteran' displays the same symbiotic relationship, this time between the Veterans Administration, allied organizations, and a certain number of 'professional veterans' who share the legitimate privileges of disabled ex-servicemen. 'Clinic' is played by a certain percentage of those who attend the out-patient departments of large hospitals. Unlike those who play 'Indigent' or 'Veteran', patients who play 'Clinic' do not receive financial remuneration, but get other advantages. They serve a useful social purpose, since they are willing to cooperate in the training of medical personnel and in studies of disease processes. From this they may get a legitimate Adult satisfaction not available to players of 'Indigence' and 'Veteran'.

Ant.i.thesis. Ant.i.thesis, if indicated, consists in withholding the benefits. Here the risk is not primarily from the player himself, as in most other games, but from this game being culturally syntonic and fostered by the complementary ITHY players. The threat comes from professional colleagues and the aroused public, government agencies and protective unions. The complaints which follow an exhibition of anti-'Indigence' may lead to a loud outcry of 'Yes, Yes, How About That?' which may be regarded as a healthy, constructive operation or pastime, even if it occasionally discourages candidness. In fact, the whole American political system of democratic freedoms is based on a licence (not available under many other forms of government) to ask that question. Without such a licence, humanitarian social progress becomes seriously impeded.

4 PEASANT.

Thesis. The prototype peasant is the arthritic Bulgarian villager who sells her only cow to raise money to go to the university clinic in Sofia. There the professor examines her and finds her case so interesting that he presents her in a clinical demonstration to the medical students. He outlines not only the pathology, symptoms and diagnosis, but also the treatment. This procedure fills her with awe. Before she leaves, the professor gives her a prescription and explains the treatment in more detail She is overcome with admiration for his learning and says the Bulgarian equivalent of, 'Gee, you're wonderful, Professor!' However, she never has the prescription filled. First, there is no apothecary in her village; second, even if there were, she would never let such a valuable piece of paper out of her hands. Nor does she have the facilities for carrying out the rest of the treatment, such as diet, hydrotherapy and so on. She lives on, crippled as before, but happy now because she can tell everyone about the wonderful treatment prescribed for her by the great professor in Sofia, to whom she expresses her grat.i.tude every night in her prayers.

Years later, the Professor, in an unhappy frame of mind, happens to pa.s.s through the village on his way to see a wealthy but demanding patient. He remembers the peasant when she rushes out to kiss his hand and remind him of the marvellous regimen he put her on so long ago. He accepts her homage graciously, and is particularly gratified when she tells him how much good the treatment has done. In fact he is so carried away that he fails to notice that she limps as badly as ever.

Socially 'Peasant' is played in an innocent and a dissembled form, both with the motto, 'Gee you're wonderful, Mr Murgatroyd!' (GYWM). In the innocent form, Murgatroyd is wonderful. He is a celebrated poet, painter, philanthropist or scientist, and nave young women frequently travel a long way in the hope of meeting him so that they can sit adoringly at his feet and romanticize his imperfections. A more sophisticated woman who sets out deliberately to have an affair or a marriage with such a man, whom she sincerely admires and appreciates, may be fully aware of his weaknesses. She may even exploit them in order to get what she wants. With these two types of women, the game arises from the romanticizing or exploiting of the imperfections, while the innocence lies in their genuine respect for his accomplishments, which they are able to evaluate correctly.

In the dissembled form, Murgatroyd may or may not be wonderful, but he comes up against a woman incapable of appreciating him in the best sense, in any case; perhaps she is a high-cla.s.s prost.i.tute. She plays 'Little Old Me' and uses GYWM as sheer flattery to attain her own ends. Underneath she is either bewildered by him or laughing at him. But she does not care about him; what she wants are the perquisites that go with him.

Clinically 'Peasant' is played in two similar forms, with the motto, 'Gee you're wonderful, Professor!' (GYWP). In the innocent form the patient may stay well as long as she can believe in GYWP, which places an obligation on the therapist to be well-behaved both in public and in private life. In the dissembled form the patient hopes the therapist will go along with her GYWP and think: 'You're uncommonly perceptive.' (YUP). Once she has him in this position, she can make him look foolish and then move on to another therapist; if he cannot be so easily beguiled, he may actually be able to help her.

The simplest way for the patient to win GYWP is not to get better. If she is more malicious, she may take more positive steps to make the therapist look foolish. One woman played GYWP with her psychiatrist without any alleviations of symptoms; she finally left him with many salaams and apologies. She then went to her revered clergyman for help and played GYWP with him. After a few weeks she seduced him into a game of second degree 'Rapo'. She then told her neighbour confidentially over the back fence how disappointed she was that so fine a man as Rev Black could, in a moment of weakness, make a pa.s.s at an innocent and unattractive woman like herself. Knowing his wife, she could forgive him, of course, but nevertheless, etc. This confidence just slipped out inadvertently, and it was only afterwards that she remembered 'to her horror' that the neighbour was an elder in the church. With her psychiatrist she won by not getting better; with her clergyman she won by seducing him, although she was reluctant to admit it. But a second psychiatrist introduced her to a therapy group where she could not manoeuvre as she had before. Then, with no GYWP and YUP to fill in her therapeutic time, she began to examine her behaviour more closely and with the help of the group was able to give up both her games GYWP and 'Rapo'.

Ant.i.thesis. The therapist must first decide whether the game is played innocently and hence should be allowed to continue for the benefit of the patient until her Adult is sufficiently well-established to risk countermeasures. If it is not innocent, the countermeasures may be taken at the first appropriate opportunity after the patient has been sufficiently well prepared so that she will be able to understand what happens. The therapist then steadfastly refuses to give advice, and when the patient begins to protest, he makes it clear that this is not merely 'Poker-Faced Psychiatry' but a well-thought-out policy. In due time his refusal may either enrage the patient or precipitate acute anxiety symptoms. The next step depends on the malignancy of the patient's condition. If she is too upset, her acute reactions should be dealt with by appropriate psychiatric or a.n.a.lytic procedures to re-establish the therapeutic situation. The first goal, in the dissembled form, is to split off the Adult from the hypocritical Child so that the game can be a.n.a.lysed.

In social situations, intimate entanglements with innocent GYWM players should be avoided, as any intelligent actor's agent will impress upon his clients. On the other hand, women who play dissembled GYWM are sometimes interesting and intelligent if they can be de-GYWMed, and may turn out to be quite a delightful addition to the family social circle.

5 PSYCHIATRY.

Thesis. Psychiatry as a procedure must be distinguished from 'Psychiatry' as a game. According to the available evidence, presented in proper clinical form in scientific publications, the following approaches, among others, are of value in treating psychiatric conditions: shock therapy, hypnosis, drugs, psychoa.n.a.lysis, orthopsychiatry and group therapy. There are others which are less commonly used and will not be discussed here. Any of these can be used in the game of 'Psychiatry', which is based on the position 'I am a healer', supported by a diploma: 'It says here I am a healer'. It will be noted that in any case this is a constructive, benevolent position, and that people who play 'Psychiatry' can do a great deal of good, providing they are professionally trained.

It is likely, however, that there will be some gain in therapeutic results if therapeutic ardour is moderated. The ant.i.thesis was best expressed long ago by Ambroise Pare, who said in effect: 'I treat them, but G.o.d cures them.' Every medical student learns about this dictum, along with others such as primum non nocere, and phrases such as vis medicatrix naturae. Nonmedical therapists, however, are not so likely to be exposed to these ancient cautions. The position 'I am a healer because it says here that I am a healer' is likely to be an impairment, and may be replaced to advantage with something like: 'I will apply what therapeutic procedures I have learned in the hope that they will be of some benefit.' This avoids the possibility of games based on: 'Since I am a healer, if you don't get better it's your fault' (e.g., 'I'm Only Trying To Help You'), or 'Since you're a healer, I'll get better for you' (e.g., 'Peasant'). All of this, of course, is known in principle to every conscientious therapist. Certainly every therapist who has ever presented a case at a reputable clinic has been made aware of it. Conversely, a good clinic may be defined as one which makes its therapists aware of these things.

On the other side, the game of 'Psychiatry' is more apt to crop up with patients who have previously been treated by less competent therapists. A few patients, for example, carefully pick weak psychoa.n.a.lysts, moving from one to another, demonstrating that they cannot be cured and meanwhile learning to play a sharper and sharper game of 'Psychiatry'; eventually it becomes difficult for even a first-rate clinician to separate the wheat from the chaff. The duplex transaction on the patient's side is: Adult: 'I am coming to be cured.'

Child: 'You will never cure me, but you will teach me to be a better neurotic (play a better game of "Psychiatry").'

'Mental Health' is played similarly; here the Adult statement is, 'Everything will get better if I apply the principles of mental health which I have read and heard about.' One patient learned to play 'Psychiatry' from one therapist, 'Mental Health' from another, and then as a result of still another effort began to play a pretty good game of 'Transactional a.n.a.lysis'. When this was frankly discussed with her, she agreed to stop playing 'Mental Health', but requested that she be allowed to continue to play 'Psychiatry' because it made her feel comfortable. The transactional psychiatrist agreed. She continued therefore for several months to recite her dreams and her interpretations of them at weekly intervals. Finally, partly out of plain grat.i.tude, perhaps, she decided that it might be interesting to find out what was really the matter with her. She became seriously interested in transactional a.n.a.lysis, with good results.

A variant of 'Psychiatry' is 'Archaeology' (t.i.tle by courtesy of Dr Norman Reider of San Francisco), in which the patient takes the position that if she can only find out who had the b.u.t.ton, so to speak, everything will suddenly be all right. This results in a continual rumination over childhood happenings. Sometimes the therapist may be beguiled into a game of 'Critique', in which the patient describes her feelings in various situations and the therapist tells her what is wrong with them. 'Self-Expression', which is a common game in some therapy groups, is based on the dogma 'Feelings are Good'. A patient who uses vulgar expletives, for example, may be applauded or at least implicitly lauded. A sophisticated group, however, will soon spot this as a game.

Some members of therapy groups become quite adept at picking out games of 'Psychiatry', and will soon let a new patient know if they think he is playing 'Psychiatry' or 'Transactional a.n.a.lysis' instead of using group procedures to obtain legitimate insight. A woman who transferred from a Self-Expression group in one city to a more sophisticated group in another city told a story about an incestuous relationship in her childhood. Instead of the awe which she had come to expect whenever she told this oft-repeated tale, she was greeted with indifference, whereupon she became enraged. She was astonished to discover that the new group was more interested in her transactional anger than in her historical incest, and in irate tones she hurled what apparently in her mind was the ultimate insult: she accused them of not being Freudian. Freud himself, of course, took psychoa.n.a.lysis more seriously, and avoided making a game of it by saying that he himself was not a Freudian.

Recently unmasked is a new variant of 'Psychiatry' called 'Tell Me This', somewhat similar to the party pastime 'Twenty Questions'. White relates a dream or an incident, and the other members, often including the therapist, then attempt to interpret it by asking pertinent questions. As long as White answers the questions, each member continues his inquiries until he finds a question White cannot answer. Then Black sits back with a knowing look which says: 'Aha! If you could answer that one, you would certainly get better, so I have done my part.' (This is a distant relative of 'Why Don't You Yes But'.) Some therapy groups are based almost entirely on this game, and may go on for years with only minimal change or progress. 'Tell Me This' allows much lat.i.tude to White (the patient) who, for example, can play along with it by feeling ineffectual; or he can counter it by answering all the questions offered, in which case the anger and dismay of the other players soon becomes manifest, since he is throwing back at them, 'I've answered all your questions and you haven't cured me, so what does that make you?'

'Tell Me This' is also played in schoolrooms, where the pupils know that the 'right' answer to an open-ended question asked by a certain type of teacher is not to be found by processing the factual data, but by guessing or outguessing which of several possible answers will make the teacher happy. A pedantic variant occurs in teaching ancient Greek; the teacher always has the upper hand over the pupil, and can make him look stupid and prove it in print by pointing to some obscure feature of the text. This is also often played in teaching Hebrew.

6 STUPID.

Thesis. In its milder form, the thesis of 'Stupid' is, 'I laugh with you at my own clumsiness and stupidity.' Seriously disturbed people, however, may play it in a sullen way which says, 'I am stupid, that's the way I am, so do me something.' Both forms are played from a depressive position. 'Stupid' must be distinguished from 'Schlemiel', where the position is more aggressive, and the clumsiness is a bid for forgiveness. It must also be distinguished from 'Clown', which is not a game but a pastime which reinforces the position 'I am cute and harmless.' The critical transaction in 'Stupid' is for White to make Black call him stupid or respond as though he were stupid. Hence White acts like a Schlemiel but does not ask for forgiveness; in fact forgiveness makes him uneasy, because it threatens his position. Or he behaves clownishly, but with no implication that he is kidding; he wants his behaviour to be taken seriously, as evidence of real stupidity. There is considerable external gain, since the less White learns, the more effectively he can play. Hence at school he need not study, and at work he need not go out of his way to learn anything that might lead to advancement. He has known from an early age that everyone will be satisfied with him as long as he is stupid, despite any expressions to the contrary. People are surprised when in time of stress, if he decides to come through, it turns out that he is not stupid at all any more than is the 'stupid' younger son in the fairy tale.

Ant.i.thesis. The ant.i.thesis of the milder form is simple. By not playing, by not laughing at the clumsiness or railing at the stupidity, the anti-'Stupid' player will make a friend for life. One of the subtleties is that this game is often played by cyclothymic or manic-depressive personalities. When such people are euphoric, it seems as though they really want their a.s.sociates to join in their laughter at themselves. It is often hard not to, for they give the impression that they will resent an abstainer which in a way they do, since he threatens their position and spoils the game. But when they are depressed, and their resentment against those who laughed with or at them comes into the open, the abstainer knows that he has acted correctly. He may be the only one the patient is willing to have in the room or talk to when he is withdrawn, and all the former 'friends' who enjoyed the game are now treated as enemies.

It is no use telling White that he is not really stupid. He may actually be of quite limited intelligence and well aware of it, which is how the game got started in the first place. There may be special areas, however, in which he is superior: often psychological insight is one. It does no harm to show whatever respect is deserved for such apt.i.tudes, but this is different from clumsy attempts at 'rea.s.surance'. The latter may give him the bitter satisfaction of realizing that other people are even more stupid than he, but this is small consolation. Such 'rea.s.surance' is certainly not the most intelligent therapeutic procedure; usually it is a move in a game of 'I'm Only Trying to Help You'. The ant.i.thesis of 'Stupid' is not to subst.i.tute another game, but simply to refrain from playing 'Stupid'.

The ant.i.thesis of the sullen form is a more complicated problem, because the sullen player is trying to provoke not laughter or derision but helplessness or exasperation, which he is well equipped to handle in accordance with his challenge. 'So do me something.' Thus he wins either way. If Black does nothing, it is because he feels helpless, and if he does something, it is because he is exasperated. Hence these people are p.r.o.ne also to play 'Why Don't You Yes But', from which they can get the same satisfactions in milder form. There is no easy solution in this case, nor is there likely to be one forthcoming until the psychodynamics of this game are more clearly understood.

7 WOODEN LEG.

Thesis. The most dramatic form of 'Wooden Leg' is 'The Plea of Insanity'. This may be translated into transactional terms as follows: 'What do you expect of someone as emotionally disturbed as I am that I would refrain from killing people?' To which the jury is asked to reply: 'Certainly not, we would hardly impose that restriction on you!' The 'Plea of Insanity', played as a legal game, is acceptable to American culture and is different from the almost universally respected principle that an individual may be suffering from a psychosis so profound that no reasonable person would expect him to be responsible for his actions. In j.a.pan drunkenness, and in Russia war-time military service, are accepted as excuses for evading responsibility for all kinds of outrageous behaviour (according to this writer's information).

The thesis of 'Wooden Leg' is, 'What do you expect of a man with a wooden leg?' Put that way, of course, no one would expect anything of a man with a wooden leg except that he should steer his own wheel chair. On the other hand, during World War II there was a man with a wooden leg who used to give demonstrations of jitterbug dancing, and very competent jitterbug dancing, at Army Hospital amputation centres. There are blind men who practice law and hold political offices (one such is currently mayor of the writer's home town), deaf men who practise psychiatry and handless men who can use a typewriter.

As long as someone with a real, exaggerated or even imaginary disability is content with his lot, perhaps no one should interfere. But the moment he presents himself for psychiatric treatment, the question arises if he is using his life to his own best advantage, and if he can rise above his disability. In this country the therapist will be working in opposition to a large ma.s.s of educated public opinion. Even the close relatives of the patient who complained most loudly about the inconveniences caused by his infirmity, may eventually turn on the therapist if the patient makes definitive progress. This is readily understandable to a game a.n.a.lyst, but it makes his task no less difficult. All the people who were playing 'I'm Only Trying to Help You' are threatened by the impending disruption of the game if the patient shows signs of striking out on his own, and sometimes they use almost incredible measures to terminate the treatment.

Both sides are ill.u.s.trated by the case of the stuttering client of Miss Black's, mentioned in the discussion of the game 'Indigence'. This man played a cla.s.sical form of 'Wooden Leg'. He was unable to find employment, which he correctly attributed to the fact that he was a stutterer, since the only career that interested him, he said, was that of salesman. As a free citizen he had a right to seek employment in whatever field he chose, but as a stutterer, his choice raised some question as to the purity of his motives. The reaction of the helpful agency when Miss Black attempted to break up this game was very unfavourable to her.

'Wooden Leg' is especially pernicious in clinical practice, because the patient may find a therapist who plays the same game with the same plea, so that progress is impossible. This is relatively easy to arrange in the case of the 'Ideological Plea', 'What do you expect of a man who lives in a society like ours?' One patient combined this with the 'Psychosomatic Plea', 'What do you expect of a man with psychosomatic symptoms?' He found a succession of therapists who would accept one plea but not the other, so that none of them either made him feel comfortable in his current position by accepting both pleas, or budged him from it by rejecting both. Thus he proved that psychiatry couldn't help people.

Some of the pleas which patients use to excuse symptomatic behaviour are colds, head injuries, situational stress, the stress of modern living, American culture and the economic system. A literate player has no difficulty in finding authorities to support him. 'I drink because I'm Irish.' 'This wouldn't happen if I lived in Russia or Tahiti.' The fact is that patients in mental hospitals in Russia and Tahiti are very similar to those in American state hospitals.1 Special pleas of 'If It Weren't For Them' or 'They Let Me Down' should always be evaluated very carefully in clinical practice and also in social research projects.

Slightly more sophisticated are such pleas as: What do you expect of a man who (a) comes from a broken home; (b) is neurotic; (c) is in a.n.a.lysis or (d) is suffering from a disease known as alcoholism? These are topped by, 'If I stop doing this I won't be able to a.n.a.lyse it, and then I'll never get better.'

The obverse of 'Wooden Leg' is 'Rickshaw', with the thesis, 'If they only had (rickshaws) (duckbill platypuses) (girls who spoke ancient Egyptian) around this town, I never would have got into this mess.'

Ant.i.thesis. Anti-'Wooden Leg' is not difficult if the therapist can distinguish clearly between his own Parent and Adult, and if the therapeutic aim is explicitly understood by both parties.

On the Parental side, he can be either a 'good' Parent or a 'harsh' one. As a 'good' Parent he can accept the patient's plea, especially if it fits in with his own viewpoints, perhaps with the rationalization that people are not responsible for their actions until they have completed their therapy. As a 'harsh' Parent he can reject the plea and engage in a contest of wills with the patient. Both of these att.i.tudes are already familiar to the 'Wooden Leg' player, and he knows how to extract the maximum satisfactions from each of them.

As an Adult, the therapist declines both of these opportunities. When the patient asks, 'What do you expect of a neurotic?' (or whatever plea he is using at the moment) the reply is, 'I don't expect anything. The question is, what do you expect of yourself ?' The only demand he makes is that the patient give a serious answer to this question, and the only concession he makes is to allow the patient a reasonable length of time to answer it: anywhere from six weeks to six months, depending on the relationship between them and the patient's previous preparation.

REFERENCE.

1. Berne, E., 'The Cultural Problem: Psychopathology in Tahiti', American Journal of Psychiatry, 116: 10761081, 1960.

12 Good Games THE psychiatrist, who is in the best and perhaps the only position to study games adequately, unfortunately deals almost entirely with people whose games have led them into difficulties. This means that the games which are offered for clinical investigation are all in some sense 'bad' ones. And since by definition games are based on ulterior transactions, they must all have some element of exploitation. For these two reasons, practical on the one hand and theoretical on the other, the search for 'good' games becomes a difficult quest. A 'good' game might be described as one whose social contribution outweighs the complexity of its motivations, particularly if the player has come to terms with those motivations without futility or cynicism. That is, a 'good' game would be one which contributes both to the well-being of the other players and to the unfolding of the one who is 'it'. Since even under the best forms of social action and organization a large proportion of time has to be spent in playing games, the search for 'good' ones must be a.s.siduously pursued. Several examples are offered here, but they are admittedly deficient in both number and quality. They include 'Busman's Holiday', 'Cavalier', 'Happy to Help', 'Homely Sage' and 'They'll Be Glad They Knew Me'.

1 BUSMAN'S HOLIDAY

Thesis. Strictly speaking, this is a pastime rather than a game, and evidently a constructive one for all concerned. An American mail carrier who goes to Tokyo to help a j.a.panese postman on his rounds, or an American ear-nose-and-throat specialist who spends his holiday working in a Haitian hospital, will very likely feel just as refreshed and have just as good stories to tell as if he had gone lion hunting in Africa or spent the time driving through transcontinental highway traffic. The Peace Corps has now given official sanction to Busman's Holiday.

'Busman's Holiday' becomes a game, however, if the work is secondary to some ulterior motive and is undertaken merely as a show in order to accomplish something else. Even under those circ.u.mstances, however, it still keeps its constructive quality and is one of the more commendable covers for other activities (which may also be constructive).

2 CAVALIER.

Thesis. This is a game played by men who are not under s.e.xual pressure occasionally by younger men who have a satisfactory marriage or liaison, more often by older men who are gracefully resigned to monogamy or celibacy. Upon encountering a suitable female subject, White takes every opportunity to remark upon her good qualities, never transgressing the limits appropriate to her station in life, the immediate social situation and the requirements of good taste. But within those limits he allows full play to his creativity, enthusiasm and originality. The object is not to seduce but to exhibit his virtuosity in the art of effective compliment. The internal social advantage lies in the pleasure given to the woman by this innocent artistry, and by her responsive appreciation of White's skill. In suitable cases, where both are aware of the nature of the game, it may be stretched with increasing delight on both sides, to the point of extravagance. A man of the world, of course, will know when to stop, and will not continue beyond the point at which he ceases to amuse (out of consideration for her) or where the quality of his offerings begins to deteriorate (out of consideration for his own pride of craftsmanship). 'Cavalier' is played for its external social advantages in the case of poets, who are as much, or more, interested in the appreciation of qualified critics and the public at large as they are in the response of the lady who inspired them.

The Europeans in romance, and the British in poetry, seem always to have been more adept at this game than the Americans. In our country it has fallen largely into the hands of the Fruit Stand school of poetry: your eyes are like avocados, your lips like cuc.u.mbers, etc. 'Cavalier', Fruit Stand Type, can hardly compare in elegance with the productions of Herrick and Lovelace, or even with the cynical but imaginative works of Rochester, Roscommon and Dorset.

Ant.i.thesis. It takes some sophistication for the woman to play her part well, and a great deal of sulkiness or stupidity for her to refuse to play it at all. The proper complement is a variant of 'Gee You're Wonderful Mr Murgatroyd' (GYWM): namely, 'I Admire Your Productions, Mr M'. If the woman is mechanical or unperceptive, she may respond with plain GYWM, but that misses the point: what White is offering for appreciation is not himself, but his poetry. The brutal ant.i.thesis from a sulky woman is to play Second-Degree 'Rapo' ('Buzz Off, Buster'). Third-Degree 'Rapo', which could conceivably occur, would of course be an unspeakably vile response under the circ.u.mstances. If the woman is merely stupid, she will play First-Degree 'Rapo', taking the compliments to feed her vanity and neglecting to appreciate White's creative efforts and abilities. In general, the game is spoiled if the woman treats it as an attempt at seduction rather than as a literary exhibition.

Relatives. 'Cavalier' being a game, it must be distinguished from the operations and procedures carried on during a straight-forward courtship, which are simple transactions without ulterior motive. The female counterpart of 'Cavalier' may be conveniently called 'Blarney', since it is often played by gallant Irish ladies in their sunset years.

PARTIAL a.n.a.lYSIS.

Aim: Mutual admiration.

Roles: Poet, Appreciative subject.

Social Paradigm: Adult-Adult.

Adult (male): 'See how good I can make you feel.'

Adult (female): 'My, but you make me feel good.'

Psychological Paradigm: Child (male): 'See what phrases I can create.'

Child (female): 'My, but you're creative.'

Advantages: (1) Internal Psychological creativity and rea.s.surance of attractiveness. (2) External Psychological avoids rejection for unnecessary s.e.xual advances. (3) Internal Social 'Cavalier'. (4) External Social these may be resigned. (5) Biological mutual stroking. (6) Existential I can live gracefully.

3 HAPPY TO HELP.

Thesis. White is consistently helpful to other people, with some ulterior motive. He may be doing penance for past wickedness, covering up for present wickedness, making friends in order to exploit them later or seeking prestige. But whoever questions his motives must also give him credit for his actions. After all, people can cover up for past wickedness by becoming more wicked, exploit people by fear rather than generosity and seek prestige for evil ways instead of good ones. Some philanthropists are more interested in compet.i.tion than in benevolence: 'I gave more money (works of art, acres of land) than you did.' Again, if their motives are questioned, they must nevertheless be given credit for competing in a constructive way, since there are so many people who compete destructively. Most people (or peoples) who play 'Happy to Help' have both friends and enemies, both perhaps justified in their feelings. Their enemies attack their motives and minimize their actions, while their friends are grateful for their actions and minimize their motives. Therefore so-called 'objective' discussions of this game are practically nonexistent. People who claim to be neutral soon show which side they are neutral on.

This game, as an exploitative manoeuvre, is the basis for a large proportion of 'public relations' in America. But the customers are glad to become involved, and it is perhaps the most pleasant and constructive of the commercial games. In another connection, one of its most reprehensible forms is a three-handed family game in which the mother and father compete for the affection of their offspring. But even here, it should be noted, the choice of 'Happy to Help' removes some of the discredit, since there are so many unpleasant ways of competing available for example, 'Mummy is sicker than daddy,' or 'Why do you love him more than you love me?'

4 HOMELY SAGE.

Thesis. This is properly a script rather than a game, but it has gamelike aspects. A well-educated and sophisticated man learns as much as he can about all sorts of things besides his own business. When he reaches retirement age, he moves from the big city where he held a responsible position to a small town. There it soon becomes known that people can go to him with their problems of whatever kind, from a knock in the engine to a senile relative, and that he will help them himself if he is competent or else refer them to qualified experts. Thus he soon finds his place in his new environment as a 'Homely Sage', making no pretences, but always willing to listen. In its best form it is played by people who have taken the trouble to go to a psychiatrist to examine their motives, and to learn what errors to avoid before setting themselves up in this role.

5 THEY'LL BE GLAD THEY KNEW ME