Gamer Chapter 35 - Growing Resentment

Also delayed chapter because I sucked at writing his resentment, his hatred. Still do.

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In the dusty courtyard I sat back on the bench as I relaxed, feeling happy as I watched with bright and sparkling eyes the others train while accompanied by my bestest friend and closest buddy Peter! He's my most favorite person in the entire wide world, loyally guarding me from all evil and the big bad guys from the kindness in his heart! He makes me feel so safe in his arms, rea.s.suring gaze watching over me and my blindspots!

..

As if.

I'm really starting to loath him, his eyes are fixated on me as my back p.r.i.c.kles under the onslaught. He's unmoving, unblinking and unwavering as his eyes bore into me, his thoughts seemingly dedicated towards the worship of evil and directed hate. Praising the demons that delivered me to his molester eyes.

All afternoon my resentment has been growing, from a tiny nugget buried beneath the sands to a blazing furnace that melts even steel. Its been growing as he watched me, and if it wasn't for the farce I have to keep up; I would have killed him already.

A thousand times over.

Watching me as I watch them, his focus on my back like twin rods of steel skewered painfully. If I glance towards him, he smirks. Knowing he's getting a reaction. He knows what he's doing, probably beaten up often as a child by the other kids who found themselves molested by his perverted gaze. Would leave him if I could, but he follows me. He follows me everywhere but my room and the toilets.

Even as I sit on the surprisingly sanitary toilet I suspect he has his ear pressed to my door, listening to my bowel motions with utter fascination. Disgusting.

I want to hurt him, to wipe that smirk off his face. Torture him, make him regret antagonising me. But I have a farce to keep up, a role I have to play. He's going to die, but he's not going to win.

After the quest is finished, my rewards gained. Lets see what we can do about your face shall we? We can pound it in and turn it b.l.o.o.d.y, remove every tooth you have! Can you make a sound if you have no tongue? We can see! Why, if I find a chance I'll use it and get rid of you even earlier!

I dare you to follow me out of the palace when we leave.

I tried to distract myself, I really did. I could see the way Kira and the others trained with their instructors, their levels increasing by the hour. Even approached one of the instructors earlier, asked Josh's instructor if he could train me alongside his student Josh in the art of the sword.

He refused, shook his head. His excuses were flimsy, his eyes glancing towards my antagonist. The b.a.s.t.a.r.d smirked when I looked where the instructor kept glancing, meeting his eyes filled with mocking and cruel thin lips curved upwards.

His face may be handsome, thick head of black hair and a well trimmed beard. But the face he showed was disgusting. Like the evil smile of a man denying the starving orphan his food, knowing the orphan would die.

Josh could see the way I was being unfairly treated, and yet when he protested against it directly to the instructor I waved him off before he could finish his sentence.

Hiding my irritated face as I rea.s.sured him, my smile must have been obviously fake as he frowned. "Don't worry about it Josh. Its not that big a deal".

"But-" his brow twisted, not accepting my rea.s.surances.

I waved him off, "I'm not going to make trouble."

But really, its because I don't want to face two sources of dislike. Forcing the instructor to bend to my will, that could do it. Turn those who didn't care about me to actively hate me for demanding attention when told no.

If I told the guard to stop following me around, I know he won't listen to me. I can't force him to leave me alone either, not using force. They'll take that as a invitation to attack me. And that'll ruin the quest for a mere moment of satisfaction.

I mean sure, I could always check if Arod's offer was still available and it did make sense to look into. But not yet. This can't go on more than a few days. I'm not stupid either, I've seen the way the mages I've seen have tensed up and watched from the corners of their eyes, faces seeming to show anger as they quickly move on out of sight.

The mages as a group seem to hate me, and they obviously have a lot of influence. I still eat with the others as it means they can't spit in my food, not when that same food is being served to others.

At lunch earlier they tried to carry in bowls of soup, settling them before us. I didn't even use identify on the bowls before noticing that they were deliberately putting a single bowl in front of me.

I quickly grabbed Josh's bowl as it was being set however, and ignoring the maid who hovered behind me uncertainly I motioned towards Josh. "Give it to him"

She tripped, spilling a little bit of soup. Rushing out that she had to clean up the bowl, she left the room and returned with a new bowl.

Poisoned? Spat in?

At least it won't happen again.

Something has to break eventually, I can't live with the way things are moving. They are definitely provoking me, irritating me in a attempt to force me to lash out.

I tried to ask about replacing my guard, moving about the palace for anyone in charge. But they ignored me and one s.h.i.tty mage even smirked as he hurried away. They KNOW what they were doing. They KNEW Peter would do this, what he is like.

Something will break, and its not going to be me.

Meditation helped a lot, but the pressure of his eyes is still there. My emotions are muted, but they are still there. It's unsatisfactory, I can feel my emotions fluctuating and growing even as I try to suppress them under his freaking gaze.

Seriously, what's wrong with him? Why does his eyes effect me?

Its invoking these feelings of.. Brutality in me. Like I want to badly hurt him. How weird is that? I'm normally such a gentle person.. Is his smirk special? The way he completely relaxes as he watches me, the mocking gentleness in his eyes as if he was watching a child? Infuriating he is. Something bad will happen to him someday, I can guarantee it.

Sitting quietly watching them train all day, moving indoors as it began to turn dark to move to another room with the others to eat supper. All day I had endured, from morning till night. Not once did he cease to watch me, his eyes never flickering more than a second before settling back onto my back with almost sigh of relief as if its a strain to look away.

I noticed Arod was at the table, he avoided my gaze though and after finishing eating he immediately left the table, abandoning me. He looked uncomfortable to even be in my presence. I doubted it was related to the same thing as the mages, more likely to be from the small disagreement we had..

Why does he even eat here? Fancy food?

How shallow.

Just me, four heroes, four instructors and one dead man walking at the table. The corpse-to-be had long finished eating, quietly watching my mouth as I chewed slowly and irritatedly. I was tempted to chew loudly and give tantalizing glimpses of the half-eaten contents of the meat in my mouth, but I forcibly restrained myself from childish antics.

Everyone began to leave the table, I finished my plate and sat there irritably as I glared at the table in front of me. Kira tried to speak to me, but I was in no mood for it. They took the hint.

I have no real responsibilities I need to fulfil, why is it that I feel so trapped?

Can't I just leave?

Feeling his disgusting eyes focused on my neck, it made me want to cover my skin like a shy girl. He makes my skin p.r.i.c.kle, makes me feel disgusting. Tainted. And slowly, my anger began to mount as I glared at the table. Knowing he was gloating as he stared across the table like a love-starved girl. My anger began to rise, and I seriously began to consider killing him.

I knew I was going to kill him earlier, but now I'm thinking..

Perhaps I don't need to wait.

I smiled a little at the thought.

I really don't need to wait do I, I can escape can't I. His death, it would be good for me wouldn't it. A form of.. Therapy? As for why he died, he fell down some stairs?

No. That excuse won't work, he'll just be a smear on the ground.

Chuckling at the thought, a mad smile slipped on my face. Perhaps I could say he misp.r.o.nouced a spell? Cast 'Self Destruction' instead of 'Torchlight'? That would be reasonable wouldn't it. My smile stretched wider at the thought, eyes no longer filled with resentment but with the glory of the kill to come.

I could feel it rising in me, rage threatening to turn into bloodl.u.s.t. As it began to overtake me, my inventory popped into existence even as my hand began to move towards the club.

Its going to be sooo easy.

Death less than a second away, even Peter realized something was wrong as the smirk abruptly dropped from his face and his face transformed into utter seriousness. Chair rattling as he backed away, climbing to his feet with his face rapidly paling. Breath growing rapid as he watched me, I finally noticed him.

Seeing that, it was what broke the spell.

Killing him? Staying here?

No.

I don't need to.

Letting out a breath, I slowly leaned back against the chair as I ignored him.

I can do something else instead.

I can just leave.

You have learned how to focus Aura: Bloodl.u.s.t

Aura: Bloodl.u.s.t is no longer in effect

Huh. When did that activate?

It doesn't matter, I'm going.

I'm not going to fight them, but I am going; leaving this a.s.shole behind.

Scooting back my chair, I ignored his shaking sigh and small beads of forehead sweat, his problem. As I moved out of the room, I heard him move behind me to follow on shaky legs. But I ignored it, he means nothing. Is nothing. Worth nothing. I'm leaving. And he's not coming.

Stalking to the ballroom where n.o.bles and heroes intermingled in the few hours before bed, my mood brightened for the first time in the past few days as I yelled to the four "Guys!" with a increasing smile.

My shout drained out the noise of the room, everyone turned towards me. But I ignored the random people in the room.

"I need to you guys something!" I yelled to the four.

Kira looked at me curiously as she jogged over, a little frown beginning to descend as she looked at my face, waiting for the others to arrive.

As the other three approached Josh looked at me with an appraising look, appearing to know what I was going to say with a small furrow of his eyebrows as Rob and Mark looked at me with interested expressions.

They know what's been going on I'm sure, even if they don't know the reasons why. And it seems like they know what I'm going to say as well.

Scanning over the crowds, I was a little surprised to see one name pop out.

Sard lv.16 Prince

Interesting, but useless. He did appear to have been talking to Rob before I burst in, does Rob know who he is? As the nearby n.o.bles began to gather closer to hear what I had to say I ignored them as I met the eyes of the four, looking seriously into them.

"I'm leaving". Two simple words.

I didn't even give them time to speak before I rushed on. "I'm leaving this place, I'm judged and I'm unwanted. Its obvious. Don't bother arguing, I'm not staying."

Waiting a second for them to process it, I spoke before Kira could open her mouth "I don't want you guys coming along either, you should finish your training."

Kira began to scowl as the others frowned, those nearby who could hear me also began to talk among themselves.

She opened her mouth, but I was faster.

"I'm not going to fight the beastking by myself. But I am leaving. I will meet you again, and I'll fight with you. But I'm leaving today; now"

And then bracing myself, they simultaneously opened their mouths to protest. The eavesdropping crowd beginning to squawk amongst themselves as Peter's gaze intensified.

But I didn't care, I'm leaving.

I ignored their protestations, stubbornly ignoring them as they tried to argue my decision.

But Kira proved equally stubborn as she saw she couldn't change my mind. Of course she can't, she hasn't been this judged about. Her life must have been perfect here!

"Then I'm leaving with you" she folded her arms, glaring at me. Her glare couldn't match up with Peter of course, ah yes. Peter. My true love.. Who else would gaze at me all day with such fervor?

"And me" Josh added, snapping me back to reality and away from my daydream.

I was going to refuse them yet again, make them realize I was going alone but Mark didn't let me. Almost as if he could read my mind..

"We are not letting you leave alone" he smirked with folded arms, standing solidly with the other three as they looked at me confidentially. They do seem rather strong now though don't they. Levels having increased at a phenomenal pace even as I watched them.

Rob Barnes lv.24 Heroic Ice Mage

Mark Nelson lv.17 Heroic Archer

Josh Carter lv.21 Heroic Swordsman

Kira Harris lv.19 Heroic Rogue

Everyone seemed to wait to hear what my answer was, but I wasn't sure how to answer it. I can't argue they are weak, they know they're not.

I'm touched yes, honored I suppose. But I don't need them, I can easily do better by myself. Be faster by myself.

"Fine" I shook my head as if I was giving in, "We'll leave tomorrow morning"

"And give you time to slip away in the night?" Josh scoffed. He shook his head, "You won't get rid of us that easily, if you really want to leave tomorrow then we'll spend the night in your room".

I grimaced, "No. I'm leaving, and I'm leaving now".

With her eyebrows raised, Kira lightly spoke "Looks like we're off then". I mentally groaned, but gave a slight smile in response. I could escape right now, move to the courtyard and before anyone expects it fly into the skies.

I have a good excuse as well, pretend my magic has grown stronger than when I was on earth and now instead of a single pebble, I can fly myself.

But..

Would they see it as desertion? Probably not. But would the quest fail? How would my team see my actions?

Not in a good light at least, disappointed at least..

I don't really want to show off my level of strength yet either, a reason being that if they are significantly stronger later whereas I've barely improved. Then it would be pretty embarra.s.sing.

Sighing, I sat on a free chair as I ignored everyone around me. n.o.bles moved about, a few people tried to approach me. I ignored them.

Kira and Josh had walked off to grab stuff for the trip, people following them in a crowd to either help or hinder. Rob and Mark stayed by my side, keeping me company and preventing me from running. You are more of a nuisance than a help guys..

At some point my guard had also slipped away, probably to hiss in the ears of the lizard-lords the many secrets I'm sure to have revealed, the drastic betrayal I have announced to everyone and my secret plans to recruit an army of darkness to fight against the last kingdoms of the human race. All in an elaborate plan to kill just him.

Come to think of it, I wouldn't defend the human race would I.. I mean, I would do it because I'm expected to, being human and all. But I don't actually.. I don't care much for it. For them. For us. For humans.. I wouldn't put myself before the human race, wouldn't protect them if I thought it would be bad for me.

Mildly interesting to realize that, despite being a useless fact. Useless facts are sometimes interesting, even when you know you'll never use that fact.

But still, this is rather turning into a headache, should I have taken Arod's offer?

No. Things can still improve, can give them the slip later. Its dark outside right now, and unless they force themselves to stay awake I can easily give them the slip at some point during the night. Especially if I keep walking during the night and the next day, they can't stay awake two days in a row can they?

If someone cares enough to follow us, I don't think they would mind too much if I slipped away.. Say by flying straight up during the early hours of the morning..

Still not sure how the quest would be effected though.

Waiting in the ballroom, it didn't seem like long until everyone was ready, even the duke had visited the heroes with an unhappy expression, trying to convince them to stay and even asking me after a brief pause to reconsider staying for a few days.

Things will change! he a.s.sured me, Just tell me what you need and I'll help you! he promised. But I've had enough. I'm fed up. If he really cared, he'd get rid of Peter. But at some point of time Peter had returned, watching me again but noticeably less intensely. He doesn't look to be actively looking to irritate me now does he, did he get what he wants?

My brief scowl when the duke spoke those words said volumes, he quickly moved on after that to try convince the others to stay yet again.

It spoke volumes that the four others in the team were unrelenting in their pursuit to follow me, even their instructors trying to convince them didn't make them give a inch.

This entire affair no doubt upset the plans of the kingdom.. All thanks to Peter. Does he feel proud?

But still, my own plans had been ruined thanks to that.

I still plan to do this, but it looks like it might be a little tricky now. Had planned to return after a few days, break into the library again and clean them out. Stupid idea? Nope! What kind of idiot would break into a library twice after stealing the most forbidden books in there!

Me of course..

But they won't be expecting it!

The rest of my plans involved doing the beast races quest, using books in libraries to read more on how mana would work and work on my own spells as well as occasionally visiting the four heroes to ensure they didn't consider me to have abandoned them.

But now?

Gah.

I don't know.

All too soon, we stood outside the palace gates. A city stretched before us, illuminated by lights. I estimated it was somewhere around 8pm, the night had long since set but despite that none of others looked a little tired. No, if anything the others were excited.

We were led by a small escort of guards through the city and things were quiet as we exited the city gates. And all too soon, we stood on the road being handed huge packs stuffed with food, clothes and the like. Ready to begin an adventure.

The air was a little chill, but I could deal with it.

Our escort returning to the city, Kira turned towards me.

"So" she spoke brightly, hair illuminated by the bright moon as she addressed me. "Where are we going?" she asked with a small smile.

..

Huh?

Since when had I become the leader of the party?