Future Crimes Part 64

"Detective Sherwood."

"Ian, it's me."

"Carl. How goes the spirit-saving business?"

Usually I'd have had a snappy reply, but not today. Sherwood sensed something in my silence and asked: "Okay, you're in no mood for jokes.

How serious is it?"

"It may just be my imagination running wild with me--" "You don't have an imagination, pal."

"Everyone's complimenting me today, first Parsons, now you. I feel giddy."

"There you are."

"Look, Ian, this might be d.a.m.ned serious. I need you to get your hands on some phone records for me, can you do that?"

"I'll need a couple of good reasons."

I listed three.

Now it was Sherwood's turn to be silent.

"Still there, Ian?"

"Uh .. . yeah, yes, I'm just .. . wow."

"Like I said, it might just be my imagination, but if it isn't--" "--if it isn't, a lot of people are going to be in deep sewage."

"I figured."

"How far back do you want me to check?"

"Start with a week ago, going through today."

"I'll dispatch some plainclothes in an unmarked car to keep an eye on the place."

"Tell them not to apprehend, just follow."

"So now you're my boss?"

"Please, Ian? This one feels bad."

He sighed in resignation.

"That last name was

WA-O-G-ON-ER?".

"Must've been your junior-high spelling bee champ."

"National finalist."

"You're kidding?"

"I'm kidding .. . but then I'm the one with the sense of humor."

"I gotta get new friends."

"No one but us'd have you. Call me back in an hour and I'll let you know."

"Cindy?"

She looked up from the dishes, surprised to see me.

"Yes?"

"I want you to tell me about the place where Brother Tick-Took takes all new apostles."

She stared.

"That's private. Sacred."

I came toward her. There must have been something in my eyes, because she turned slightly pale and backed up a few paces.

"You listen to me, Cindy. That boy who came in here today, Jimmy, you know him, don't you?"

"I don't know, like I said."

I had her backed to the wall.

"Tell me about Lord Relativity, then."

This caught her off-guard, but at the same time seemed to perk her up a bit.

"He is the One and True G.o.d of AH Moments, available to His followers online at all times."

"And what does He say to His followers?"

"Nothing. We simply log on and become One with His Presence."

"You .. . you feet him, then?"

"Yes, his thoughts and the beating of his heart.

Lord Relativity was inspired by Jesus. It was in His Seventh Year that he became aware of His greatness, and in His thirty-third year, he falls into the ashes of cybers.p.a.ce and emerges reborn."

"Reborn. At age seven?"

"Yes. Praise His name and the realization of the New World He promises all."

I grabbed her by the shoulders.